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Is It Mean To Force My Dying Cat To Stay In My Bedroom With Me?

Discussion in 'Cat Behavior' started by myfamily, Feb 4, 2019.

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  1. myfamily

    myfamily Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

    Feb 12, 2017
    He is very old and is dying. He stopped eating and I am keeping him going by force feeding him, and giving him fluids. He wants to go out into the garage and be left alone. But I don't want him to die alone. I want to be with him. I have in my bedroom with me right now. I have given him a couple of private places he can go inside my room. But he is scratching at the door to get out, and wants to go into the garage by himself. I'm sorry I can't do it. I know he wants to be alone, but I can't let him die alone.

  2. kittyluv387

    kittyluv387 TCS Member Top Cat

    Sep 10, 2015
    I do think he should be able to go the way he wants. Also, this isn't something I'd normally say, but is euthanasia something you can afford? If he really is dying it would be great if you could give him a last gift...I know it's hard but I wouldn't want my babies to suffer either.
    Furballsmom and Kflowers purraised this.

  3. myfamily

    myfamily Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

    Feb 12, 2017
    I was at the vet this morning and decided I couldn't do it. She gave me some predesnolne. I am hoping he will feel a little better so we can have another day together.

  4. kittyluv387

    kittyluv387 TCS Member Top Cat

    Sep 10, 2015
    I know it's really painful so you're focused on your own feelings, but wouldn't you want your cat to go comfortably? If you can't handle euthanasia then I think you should let him go the way he wants. If he wants to have privacy, then I would give him that.
    Furballsmom purraised this.

  5. sivyaleah

    sivyaleah TCS Member Veteran

    Dec 16, 2011
    New Jersey
    Having literally just gone through this over the weekend, my feeling is please let him do as he pleases. It is in the nature of a cat to hide when dying. We too, tried to get our Casper to sleep with us the night before we released him from life. He has slept with us every single night, for the entire 8-1/2 years we've had him. However, that last night, he just could not. He stayed in the bed for barely 10 minutes, and wandered off downstairs.

    I could have gone after him, but didn't. Clearly, he was expressing a need that was beyond mine. So, I let him go. Literally, we let him go.

    Letting them go is what we all need to work on, understand and do. Letting them go when they clearly are expressing their desire to leave is the compassionate, strong and healthy thing for us to do. Preventing another living thing from completing it's life cycle, in the manner in which it is trying to complete it, is making it more difficult and stressful for that being.

    I understand wanting one last day. But one last day frequently becomes wanting 2 last days. And as the old saying goes, better to let them go a day to early, than a day too late. Suffering is no way to live. I hope you reconsider and at minimum, allow your cat to do what he wants, and not constrain him to the room with you. Nor, force feed him. Leave him be at this time.

    My thoughts are with you at this difficult moment :hugs:
    Furballsmom, m3rma1d, mrsgreenjeens and 3 others purraised this.

  6. Furballsmom

    Furballsmom Cat Fan especially Black Cats Staff Member Forum Helper

    Jan 9, 2018
    Colorado USA
    Can you set up a cot, or sleeping bag in the garage, or wherever your cat goes?
    PushPurrCatPaws and Kflowers purraised this.

  7. FelisCatus

    FelisCatus RIP </3 Alpha Cat

    Dec 27, 2018
    I had just put one of my cats to sleep a few days ago.

    Before I state my opinion let me ask, is it possible for you to temporarily move into the garage? That way you both get what you want. Even if that means moving your car/whatever out for a few days and setting up a tent and a heater (also cracking the door open every once in a while for carbon monoxide to escape).

  8. Antonio65

    Antonio65 TCS Member Top Cat

    Feb 27, 2017
    Orbassano - Italy
    This is what I was going to write!
    Furballsmom and KarenKat purraised this.

  9. Maria Bayote

    Maria Bayote Mama of 4 Cats, 3 Dogs , 2 Budgies & 2 Humans Top Cat

    Jan 15, 2018
    Please allow your cat to do as he pleases especially in his last days on earth. He is clearly not comfortable, and forcing him where you wish him to be could be giving him a much harder time.

    You can be with him where he wants to be. Sit with him. Talk with him, or even you can place a cot or something so you can also sleep with him if possible.

    This is a tough time for you both. But at least, give this one last gift to your cat - to be granted as he pleased.

    My prayers.
    sivyaleah and Furballsmom purraised this.

  10. Leomc123

    Leomc123 TCS Member Alpha Cat

    Oct 1, 2018
    :( i would move into the garage with him and sit there or sleep there with him if your buddy wants to be there. But that is just me, i would do the same if he wants to not be in the room. I found it hard to put my cat down on the day i decided i let him go i had to get my dad do it, because i knew i would go to the vet and then bring him back home again if i went myself, i had a massive panic attack and jumped in the car to go to the vet to say good bye to be with him or even in my thoughts at the time would be to stop the vet at the last minute, but soon as i was at the street near the vet i took a left turn and ran to the shop cause i felt i would be too late. Its hard, and very difficult and we all do things that we feel is right at the time through all the emotions. Just as long that he isn't suffering and is comfortable is the main thing, a day earlier may seem wrong, but is better than being too late. I was the same i was keeping looking after him thinking something would change, and he did get better for a month then deteriorated quickly and became incontinent and couldn't walk at all and scraping his legs on the floor, he could of been alive for another 6 months maybe even a few years, but i knew he was suffering even he didn't show it. I chose the day that he was happy. Its hard. God bless you sir. You will have the answers.
    di and bob, Furballsmom and Antonio65 purraised this.

  11. di and bob

    di and bob TCS Member Top Cat

    Dec 12, 2012
    Nebraska, USA
    My heart goes out to you, it is a difficult decision you are asked to make. Since it is your precious little one asking the favor, I would do all in my power to grant it. Dying is a personal thing we will all have to face one day. Although it is nice to be surrounded by those we love when the time comes, it is their decision, and only their's to make. I would respect any decision that is made. Perhaps let him go and see what he wants. You could make him a nice place to lie in.
    If it distresses him to have you witness his death, I would leave him be and respect his last wishes. If he seems to want your company, stay with him as much as you can. That way you respect HIS wishes, not your own, and the grieving process will be the better for it. It has enough should haves, could haves, as it is without adding to it. Dying is not an easy thing to witness, I hold memories of my own sweet babies passing that I wish I did not possess. If he wants privacy, grant him his last request.....
    sivyaleah and Furballsmom purraised this.

  12. Mamanyt1953

    Mamanyt1953 Rules my home with an iron paw Staff Member Forum Helper

    Oct 16, 2015
    Havelock, North Carolina
    I would also suggest that you allow him to go into the garage, if that is what he wants. Dying is possibly the most personal and private thing any living being ever does, and wants and wishes should be respected. Go with him if you must, I understand that need so well, but let him do this in the way that brings him the most peace. YOU will have time to make your own peace later. My heart with yours.

  13. islander

    islander TCS Member Adult Cat

    Feb 1, 2019
    OP; I never thought i would tell this but PLEASE let your cat die where he wants to. PLEASE. When my dog was so ill, my sweet cat hid near my bed. I thought she was scared and winkled her out and she gave me such a look and went outside. When I had buried my dog, I went looking for her and calling and a small cry from the shed. She was there on the hay and started coming to me. I did nto realise she was dying and picked her up to bring her in... she cried out and died in distress. PLEASE let your cat choose. I had no idea and I regret that end bitterly and it goes round in my mind, I should have just sat there on the hay in the dim light and stroked her. Sorry. so upset. She was the "cat of my heart"
    Mamanyt1953, downton ali, ItsMaryann and 2 others purraised this.

  14. solomonar

    solomonar TCS Member Alpha Cat

    Jan 13, 2017
    Well, we humans do not like to die alone. Most of us, at least.

    We learn that passing is sad. We learnt it. We also learnt that we shall be better if the friends and family are with us in those last moments.

    That is not always the case.


    Once I went to a good friend of mine, she was in the hospital waiting to end. I asked doctors to get in, to stay with her, because she was alone. Doctors told me that she want to be alone. I gave them the flowers to fetch them to her bed and I left. She decided and I sent her a sign.
    Mamanyt1953 and Furballsmom purraised this.

  15. FelisCatus

    FelisCatus RIP </3 Alpha Cat

    Dec 27, 2018
    Mamanyt1953 and Furballsmom purraised this.

  16. myfamily

    myfamily Thread Starter TCS Member Young Cat

    Feb 12, 2017
    yes this is the one who passed away Saturday. It turns out I wasn't forcing him to stay in my bedroom. It's where he wanted to be. I gave him every opportunity to go elsewhere. Please don't respond any more to my threads on this cat. I am hurting too much to think or talk about it.

  17. FelisCatus

    FelisCatus RIP </3 Alpha Cat

    Dec 27, 2018
    Yeah, that's why I asked because new posts were still being added here and I connected the two.

    Mods, please lock this thread.
    Mamanyt1953 and Furballsmom purraised this.

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