Introductions With Two Scaredy Cats

[rosegold]

Same issue today but much worse. Chai has been howling in the bathroom for hours. It’s past midnight here. I had to shut her in there because I was worried (still am) about getting a noise complaint... the apartment walls are thin here and Korean landlords are not known for being kind about cats, even though they’re technically allowed. I could deal with the meowing if it was just me, but I am very stressed at the possibility that the landlord or building security might get involved.

Tonight it’s a much louder, longer, meow than in the videos I posted. I know Chilli meows like this when she’s going to the vet or when she’s behind a closed door—very upset and unhappy sounding.

It’s like Chai wants out, but won’t come out when I open the door. So she just sits there and WAILS at me. Well, actually, she did come out a little—when she first started meowing today it was because she had come out of the bathroom and was curled up in the second overturned box I set up nearby in the hallway. I praised her and told her she did a great job, and she slow blinked at me and quieted down for a good 15 minutes. I figured she was just saying, “hey! I came out of the bathroom!” Then she saw Chilli across the room and the meowing began again. It just got more and more loud and wailing and upset until I gently “scared” her back into the bathroom. I tried offering treats, catnip, petting... but today she was inconsolable, she barely accepted treats and just wailed at me and Chilli nonstop.

Chilli is still fine and nonchalant. She’s being a really good girl. She will stare occasionally or swivel an ear at the meowing, but if I offer playtime or food or petting she is more than happy to do that instead. I think she’s definitely ready for the next step... and Chai clearly is... but I don’t know what that next step is.

I have no idea what to do in this situation. I really don’t know what she wants and I hate that she is just howling away in there. Please help.

 

[rubysmama]

Sorry. I've no idea what to suggest either.

Have you read the articles on stress?
Is Your Cat Stressed Out?
You, Your Cat And Stress
Potential Stressors In Cats - The Ultimate Checklist
Six Surefire Strategies To Reduce Stress In Cats

 

[Hellenww]

It’s like Chai wants out, but won’t come out when I open the door.

She's been living in the bathroom a while now she might not understand that she is allowed out. This might make things worse but I'd bring her to whatever room I'm in. Have a place she can hide in that room. I'd also leave the bathroom door open all the time.

 

[rosegold]

Morning update... hopefully a good one... they are coexisting in the living room together!


I decided to make Chai a new safe spot in the living room. I had to put her in her carrier and transport her out of the bathroom to take her there, which she wasn't happy about at first, but I think it was best for her. I think she was getting really lonely in there, and needed a figurative "kick in the pants" to make her come out and socialize.

The two cats are now chilling together peacefully in the living room, Chai in her new hidey box with two entrances to peek out of. They both seem REALLY relaxed, although Chai is still making small meows occasionally at Chilli and me (I think she wants Chilli to come even closer and hang out with her!). Occasionally glancing at each other, both slow blinking at each other and at me. Very relaxed tails and ears. If the other moves or makes a sound, they will glance over, but very quickly readjust to being calm.

Chilli in particular is being awesome, she has such a great calm energy that I think is helping (and will continue to help) Chai a lot.

Chilli was grooming and is napping now. Chai is lying down and slow blinking at me. I honestly can't see any reason to not leave them alone together here in the living room, I'm not that experienced with cat introductions but I see zero red flags here.

 

[rubysmama]

Sounds good. Looking forward to your next update.

 

[Hellenww]

I'm so glad she wants to be with the rest of the family. Yeah for every baby step she takes!

 

[rosegold]

Currently Chai is following Chilli around absolutely IN LOVE. She is rolling over, rubbing on every surface, kneading on the floor, purring, and trying to headbutt Chilli. (She has NEVER rolled around like this, purred, or rubbed on anything EVER - she is super confident like a different cat!)

Chilli has given one hiss and a couple bats and seems generally done with the shenanigans, but is being pretty patient and still seems interested in sniffing her occasionally.

It’s kind of funny, I think Chai having only one front leg is giving Chilli some mixed signals. When she walks forward she naturally lurches a bit and Chilli seems to interpret it as the beginning of a swipe. And then of course Chai is trying to headbutt, and kind of loses her balance at times. And the nonstop meowing must be confusing to Chilli as well!

I’m not sure if I should leave them alone since Chai is fairly relentless about following her - though she did back off after the hiss and just rolled around from afar. Chilli is quite calm now as well. But it’s hard to know. It would kill me to catch her and shove her back in the bathroom when she is so happy out here.

 

[Hellenww]

Oh my goodness! That is beyond wonderful! Chai is listening when Chilli says back off and even goes into a submissive position (rolling and showing belly) as if to say "You're the boss and I'm happy with that"

They both speak Cat so Chilli probably knows what Chai is meowing. It sounds like they are working it out and there is no aggression from either side.

In my house I'd let them be. Just follow your gut.

 

[rosegold]

We’ve had a few minor spats which just consist of Chai getting too close and annoying, Chilli giving her a few smacks and occasionally a hiss, and Chai immediately rolling over and showing her tummy. There was a little of Chai’s fur last time but usually no fur. Neither cat flees or chases and afterwards both seem pretty calm again. Chai keeps her distance afterwards as well and seems to respect the boundaries she’s been told. This is normal and fine, right??? No cause to separate?

 

[rubysmama]

I've no experience with cat introductions, but I've read that things are ok as long as there is no fur flying or blood. So not sure about the bit of Chai’s fur.

 

[rosegold]

I just came back home after 5 hours to a very interesting sight... Chilli was downstairs meowing at me when I walked in the door and seemed very cheerful and like she needed to tell me something. I started looking around for Chai and didn’t see her, meanwhile Chilli ran upstairs to the loft and when I got up there they were both up there! Chai was lying on my bed and Chilli was grooming herself nearby. I am really surprised Chilli let Chai up here—I assumed the stairs would be a territory boundary we might have trouble with. I think it’s a stretch to imagine they slept together, but sleeping and hanging out nearby is great!

Chilli seems excited that I’m home and her usual playful self, and I just witnessed her go up and give Chai a very friendly looking nose touch and then walk away. Chai shrunk back a little as though she was expecting a swat and then immediately started purring. At this point all Chilli has to do is give a warning look or a short rush forward, or at most a few bats on the head, and Chai is putty in her paws. Rolling around and showing her belly and purring and kneading like crazy. From what I’ve seen Chilli is backing off at appropriate times too—she isn’t interested in stalking or continuously going after Chai, just warns her when she’s too close or annoying.

I think this seems like it’s going well! Am I overlooking anything?

 

[rubysmama]

Sounds like it's going REALLY well.
I'm so happy for you. And Chili and Chai.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Oh, you have SO got this!

This is normal and fine, right??? No cause to separate?

Absolutely normal, and an expected part of "setting the ground rules." Nope, no need to separate at all here!

I think we have success. There may be an occasional swat here and there from now on, but...think of it like this...Sometimes you have a disagreement with even your closest friends. And you work it out pretty quickly. Cats are no different.

 

[dustydiamond1]

I just came back home after 5 hours to a very interesting sight... Chilli was downstairs meowing at me when I walked in the door and seemed very cheerful and like she needed to tell me something. I started looking around for Chai and didn’t see her, meanwhile Chilli ran upstairs to the loft and when I got up there they were both up there! Chai was lying on my bed and Chilli was grooming herself nearby. I am really surprised Chilli let Chai up here—I assumed the stairs would be a territory boundary we might have trouble with. I think it’s a stretch to imagine they slept together, but sleeping and hanging out nearby is great!

Chilli seems excited that I’m home and her usual playful self, and I just witnessed her go up and give Chai a very friendly looking nose touch and then walk away. Chai shrunk back a little as though she was expecting a swat and then immediately started purring. At this point all Chilli has to do is give a warning look or a short rush forward, or at most a few bats on the head, and Chai is putty in her paws. Rolling around and showing her belly and purring and kneading like crazy. From what I’ve seen Chilli is backing off at appropriate times too—she isn’t interested in stalking or continuously going after Chai, just warns her when she’s too close or annoying.

I think this seems like it’s going well! Am I overlooking anything?

Photos! We need Photos!

 

[rosegold]

Oh, you have SO got this!



Absolutely normal, and an expected part of "setting the ground rules." Nope, no need to separate at all here!

I think we have success. There may be an occasional swat here and there from now on, but...think of it like this...Sometimes you have a disagreement with even your closest friends. And you work it out pretty quickly. Cats are no different.

Hooray! I’m so relieved. There’s still been a few swats a day, and I feel a little sad for Chai and her unrequited love, but maybe further on down the line Chilli will become more friendly and cuddly with her. Right now Chilli seems very comfortable in her position as Queen Kitty and Chai seems very comfortable as Adoring Peasant Waif.

Photos! We need Photos!

Here’s some photos, including an impressive moment where they shared their kibble snack with heads touching!

 

[rosegold]

P.S., Thank you everyone so much for your advice and support! You have no idea how wonderful it’s been to have such a helpful and knowledgeable community guiding me through these cat introductions!

 

[walli]

wow! great story, they are going to be fine, I have a hard introduction I'm going thru, a scaredy Feral and an aggressive stray, Takes time.
Your cats are doing really well!

 

[rosegold]

Good luck with your cats W walli !

Today Chilli licked Chai briefly on the head. I think Chai ascended into heaven.

 

[rubysmama]

 

[Hellenww]

I'm so glad they are friends now! I bet Chai will figure out to wait for Chilli to fall asleep and then snuggles in next to her. Sqeeker (my skittish boy) 10yr/9lb will still climb on top of Yoshi, 12yr/14lb and stay there until he falls off. Yoshi doesn't even wake up. Enjoy your family.