Introducing Cats (4 months in)

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avni

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more loud anger from the older cat today but the little one backs off so maybe a good sign? Planning on leaving them together all day (even when im not home) but separating at night so they can get some peace.
 
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avni

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Update: not much change on Nimbus' part. still a grumpy girl when it comes to Norbert. Norbert has started to roll around on the ground besides her (i've read that means he's comfortable?) but he still likes to chase Nimbus from time to time and bother her. I guess time will tell. they're together but sometimes i give Nimbus alone time to relax/decompress
 

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Girls are always grumpy around others, that is their nature. My little female still screams and has fur flying when my boys get too close, they are 7 years old and her babies! What you are describing is all perfectly normal. Screaming, swatting, hissing and growling are all normal. Even pinning the kitten to the ground. Females are the limit setters and teach manners and the kitten will need it to grow up not being a complete brat. As long as no one is hiding and not coming around the other at all, all is normal.
 
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The girl tends to spend lots of time under the bed, but she does come out and sit on the couch or walk around from time to time. I'm just worried about her change in frequency of bowel movements. but she's not straining (i dont think), so it may be stress-related and hopefully pass
 

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Its unfortunate, as many 3 year olds will befriend a kitten, especially one that seems to have learned to some extent not to bother the big cat when she is grumpy. But sometimes that is how it goes, a long slow road to tolerating the kitten.
 
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avni

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Its unfortunate, as many 3 year olds will befriend a kitten, especially one that seems to have learned to some extent not to bother the big cat when she is grumpy. But sometimes that is how it goes, a long slow road to tolerating the kitten.
thanks! I'm sure it'll all be fine and that they'll reach the point of tolerance at least. i just get super paranoid about my pets. i've been obsessive about her bathroom habits but she's acting fine otherwise so im probably just overreacting
 

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If there is a high level of stress, there will be plenty of signs. You likely won't be able to pet your older cat if the kitten is in the same room, even chilling all the way across the room. Even in a room with you and the door closed, your cat will jumpy. I had to be very careful about letting my older cat lay on my chest, which he liked, because he would jump off with nails at the slightest noise. Sometimes there could be issues with eating or using the box if the kitten is around and seems active.

While "constant guard duty" level of stress is pretty normal at first, the hope is it fades with a month or two and you get to a point where things are fine if the younger cat isn't actively being a PITA
 
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avni

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If there is a high level of stress, there will be plenty of signs. You likely won't be able to pet your older cat if the kitten is in the same room, even chilling all the way across the room. Even in a room with you and the door closed, your cat will jumpy. I had to be very careful about letting my older cat lay on my chest, which he liked, because he would jump off with nails at the slightest noise. Sometimes there could be issues with eating or using the box if the kitten is around and seems active.

While "constant guard duty" level of stress is pretty normal at first, the hope is it fades with a month or two and you get to a point where things are fine if the younger cat isn't actively being a PITA
got it! it's only been a week of 24/7 interaction so this may be normal, is what im getting? She's also getting a nail trim on Thursday so that's good haha! She's been otherwise totally fine and playful with me! i give her alone time for an hour or two a day if i can so she can relax, eat, and use the litter box if needed
 

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got it! it's only been a week of 24/7 interaction so this may be normal, is what im getting? She's also getting a nail trim on Thursday so that's good haha! She's been otherwise totally fine and playful with me! i give her alone time for an hour or two a day if i can so she can relax, eat, and use the litter box if needed
Well, if its only a week, there should be some hope of actual friendship left, so thats good. But yeah, things could easily take a month or two to move to garden variety distaste (which has less stress)
 
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avni

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Well, if its only a week, there should be some hope of actual friendship left, so thats good. But yeah, things could easily take a month or two to move to garden variety distaste (which has less stress)
Yeah. I've definitely heard of cases where it's taken 11 months for a friendship to develop. As long as they aren't hurting each other, are eating and drinking fine, then im gonna try to relax a bit and let it play out.
 
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Still growling/hissing/swatting by the older cat. The 9mo old also keeps jumping on her and biting her (playful body language though) so I guess I can't blame her. She spends a good amount of time under the bed or on the shoe rack but eats/plays/drinks/and used the bathroom as normal. Maybe she just needs more time?
 

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Nine month old kittens are little monsters who have nothing but play and pestering on their mind. Another six months he should start to settle down and hopefully their relationship will improve.
 
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Nine month old kittens are little monsters who have nothing but play and pestering on their mind. Another six months he should start to settle down and hopefully their relationship will improve.
Thanks!! It's been so discouraging but they've been able to be free around each other with not bad fights for over a month so I didn't want to impede any progress by separating them! The older one hiding I guess is just her way of avoiding unwanted attention from the other
 

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I've re-read the thread. You do seem to be stuck on what I call the long slow road to toleration. Its an unfortunate thing, but not an uncommon one. When we first started talking, I still had hope, since your "older" cat is only three. At this point, ununfortunately, I think you have to assume they will never be friends. That said, while the long slow road to toleration may not actualy get the older cat all the way to full toleration, there usually is decent progress over the months, and its realistic to hope that the older cat will end up fully comfortable except when the younger cat is actively being a PITA. It just might take quite a while to get there.

I don't really know any tips to speed the process up, unfortunately. Some closed door petting for the older cat now and then is nice, and might help them feel a bit better.
 
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avni

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I've re-read the thread. You do seem to be stuck on what I call the long slow road to toleration. Its an unfortunate thing, but not an uncommon one. When we first started talking, I still had hope, since your "older" cat is only three. At this point, ununfortunately, I think you have to assume they will never be friends. That said, while the long slow road to toleration may not actualy get the older cat all the way to full toleration, there usually is decent progress over the months, and its realistic to hope that the older cat will end up fully comfortable except when the younger cat is actively being a PITA. It just might take quite a while to get there.

I don't really know any tips to speed the process up, unfortunately. Some closed door petting for the older cat now and then is nice, and might help them feel a bit better.
Thanks! I'm really hoping she just needs time. The younger one is a real PITA. They can be around each other without major fights, so hopefully in a few months we reach toleration :/
 

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I wouldn't read too much into her reactions to him, it is normal for a female. She will one day stand up to him and show him who's boss. 5 months seems like a long time but really isn't in a cat's world. She WILL eventually accept him into the family and he is keeping her busy right now and entertained, everything sound truly good so far, you will see her observe him from closer points as time goes by, as long as there is no blood drawn, everything sounds like it is on the right track!
 

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the shyest of my adults likes to slip under blankets with me and I make this our " alone time " - she feels secure not being seen by the other cats - and I would encourage you to find time for both of your cats alone. Kitten teenagers can be real pests and not all cats will become friends and living with someone for life you don't like isn't easy ... you will have to decide if this situation is sustainable long term for you and the cats ... I am a foster home and I have foster failed many, many times ... but I do let my animals decide who they want to live with ... we fostered the cutest little puppy a few years ago but my dogs would not relax around him ... it was a no go ... I fostered a kitten who was wild and needy and fior the first time ever ... BOTH of my usually quite cat friendly adults would not stop hissing ... I found the little cutie a new home where he is happy and well loved ... What I am saying is ... sometimes things don't work out and that is ok ... you can certainly make it work giving both cats enough resources and space but it might be stressful... or you can decide it doesn't work and contact a rescue that will let you foster until you find a wonderful place that works better than yours... this is maybe the hardest part about pets ... we try to make them happy and ( at least to me) admitting that my home isn't the right place for an animal I dearly love and have fought for ... is very hard !
 
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the shyest of my adults likes to slip under blankets with me and I make this our " alone time " - she feels secure not being seen by the other cats - and I would encourage you to find time for both of your cats alone. Kitten teenagers can be real pests and not all cats will become friends and living with someone for life you don't like isn't easy ... you will have to decide if this situation is sustainable long term for you and the cats ... I am a foster home and I have foster failed many, many times ... but I do let my animals decide who they want to live with ... we fostered the cutest little puppy a few years ago but my dogs would not relax around him ... it was a no go ... I fostered a kitten who was wild and needy and fior the first time ever ... BOTH of my usually quite cat friendly adults would not stop hissing ... I found the little cutie a new home where he is happy and well loved ... What I am saying is ... sometimes things don't work out and that is ok ... you can certainly make it work giving both cats enough resources and space but it might be stressful... or you can decide it doesn't work and contact a rescue that will let you foster until you find a wonderful place that works better than yours... this is maybe the hardest part about pets ... we try to make them happy and ( at least to me) admitting that my home isn't the right place for an animal I dearly love and have fought for ... is very hard !
I totally understand that! I just don't want to give up too soon! I've seen progress (though not super big) over the months I've had him so I'm holding onto that right now
 
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avni

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I wouldn't read too much into her reactions to him, it is normal for a female. She will one day stand up to him and show him who's boss. 5 months seems like a long time but really isn't in a cat's world. She WILL eventually accept him into the family and he is keeping her busy right now and entertained, everything sound truly good so far, you will see her observe him from closer points as time goes by, as long as there is no blood drawn, everything sounds like it is on the right track!
Thanks!! Honestly, I need the reassurance. It's been a long road but I'm hoping she comes around
 
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avni

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I wouldn't read too much into her reactions to him, it is normal for a female. She will one day stand up to him and show him who's boss. 5 months seems like a long time but really isn't in a cat's world. She WILL eventually accept him into the family and he is keeping her busy right now and entertained, everything sound truly good so far, you will see her observe him from closer points as time goes by, as long as there is no blood drawn, everything sounds like it is on the right track!
Should I intervene when the younger one is bothering the 3yo? Or just let it play out?
 
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