I have two cats, Remi since he was a kitty and RiRi whom we adopted. She is between 3-5 is what we were told. We’ve had her for a little over 6 months. My relationship with Remi is easy, we’ve always had trust, he is never scared of me and I’ve never seen him hiss or do so much as swat at me. With RiRi, she was scared from the get go. It took about 2 months for her to get comfortable and even then she is still not at the place that Remi is and she may never be. Recently RiRi and I had another set back. Both of the times that she has scratched and bit me had been after brushing her. The first time I learned just not to interact with her after brushing her and I also brush her a lot less in general. However this time I did not have a choice of just leaving her alone because I mistakenly tried to brush her on our patio like I do with Remi and she bolted for the bushes. I tried to pick her up and she bit and scratched me. She turned into a different cat. She was very scared, eyes wide and hissing. My boyfriend was eventually able to get her back inside. I realize it was a big mistake to brush her outside, as she does not like being brushed in the first place. I also feel that since having RiRi I always try to push her out of her comfort zone which cats definitely don’t respond well too. I think deep down I do it because I wish for her to be more carefree. It makes me sad because I know it is unfair of me to wish to change her and that cats have different personalities. I think that whatever fear she has may be ingrained from her prior experiences. I am trying to figure out the best way to get her trust back. This episode with her just happened today and the one happened about two months ago. RiRi is very hot and cold. Watching her behavior over that past few months she is very cuddling when she wants to be. She always dictates when we interact and if she doesn’t want to interact she will just walk away from me. Sometimes I get a little bit saddened by the fact that I can’t just go up to her but what really gets to me is how watchful she is. I often feel her eyes on me when I am cooking, doing laundry, anything. I often watch TV in my bed and any movement I make just to change my position requires RiRi to wake up and become super alert. Often she jumps off the bed and out of the room, meanwhile Remi just stays asleep. I guess I feel like I always have to be super cautious with my movements but then this also annoys me because I don’t want to feel that I have to be walking on eggshells all the time. Eye contact is also an interesting thing with her. With Remi, I just look at him from across the room or just walk towards him, looking at him and pet him. But with RiRi if I look her in the eyes from across the room or something it’s almost like something goes off in her head like ‘oh no she see’s me’ and she often acts nervous. Whereas if I just walk past her and intentionally make sure not to look at her, she is fine. Just a lot of little things that tend to frustrate me. I think if I’m honest with myself I have a hard time forgiving her after the biting and scratching because I am just trying to do what’s best for her but of course she does not understand that. I feel it’s hard not to hold a grudge but I also know it’s not healthy but it’s so fresh it’s hard to battle my feelings. At the end of the day I love her and want her to feel comfortable. I know this will take lots of time but any advice is appreciated.
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I will let her come to me from now on and ignore her unless she requests my attention. I believe I have been trying to push progress too fast and I just have to accept her pace. That being said, I don't think my introductory process with the brush was good. I knew she would probably be scared of it so I just picked her up and started brushing her to try to get it done quickly instead I should have let her get familiar with it, she probably would have walked away but at least I wouldn't have put strain on our relationship. My other cat Remi is very food/treat motivated and RiRi, not so much. I may try different treats and do as you suggested, just put it in her bowl. I'm sure the progress will be slow but I'll keep you updated if anything changes. Thanks again!
), being picked up is often a prelude to being eaten. Instead of forcing a brushing routine on her, I would keep a basket with a brush, a nylon stocking, and treats somewhere you sit down and unwind. If she enjoys petting, petting her with your hand in a nylon stocking is nearly as effective as brushing. I would use the stocking first when she comes around to you to get her used to this grooming routine. You can pick the brush out of the basket and put it down in front of her. Let her see it and sniff it and know that the brush itself isn’t going to hurt her. You may also need to start with a toothbrush as previously suggested to get her used to brushing. Some cats never like brushing though. My Krista didn’t care for it. That’s how I learned about using a nylon stocking instead. If she lets you groom her with stocking (or eventually brush), give her a treat after a few strokes. Make it an enjoyable experience for her. She’ll come for the treats but stay for the grooming. Just make sure you treat her after the grooming. Don’t treat her without some effort on her part or you’ll just teach her that she can come to you for treats whenever she wants treats. That will be a horrible lesson to teach her. You will create a treat monster. 
