I'm Depressed

Katie M

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Right now, I'm lying in bed. I have things to do around the apartment, things I've been putting off for a week. I finally decided to get started, only to immediately change my mind.

I've been prone to depression in the past, but this feels so much worse. This has not been a good year overall, what with personal setback after setback, and the political situation. I'm angry and sad by turns.

I have a job, and I should be grateful for it. I work for wonderful people. But when I'm there, all I can think about is going home and going to bed. Despite all my time in bed, I've lost countless hours of sleep.

I've got physical issues that leave me in constant pain. I'm 30 years old and feel twice my age.

Don't worry, I'm not neglecting my cats. I'm neglecting myself. I'm not eating like I know I should, but I can't seem to find the motivation anymore to make anything that isn't microwaveable. I've lost weight that I can't afford to lose.

I love movies, yet lately I'll decide to watch one, only to instantly change my mind and crawl in bed instead. I hate that I'm losing interest in something that mattered to me.

I'm sorry, but I felt I needed to unload all of this. All I know is that something's very wrong with me.
 

Margret

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:vibes: :grouphug2: :hugs:

Number one: There is no "should" when it comes to feelings. You feel what you feel, and telling yourself that you should be grateful for having a good job when what you actually feel is depressed only adds some undeserved guilt to the whole mess.

Number two: Have you talked with your doctor about this? She or he needs to know. Depression and physical pain feed into each other. A proper treatment for your chronic pain is going to include treating what sounds to me like clinical depression, which is not caused by the pain. The pain is probably making it worse, but it didn't cause it. And unless you have some medical contraindication there are now some excellent drugs available to treat depression, and I'm not talking about something addictive like Valium.

Number three: This is a community. That means that we're there for each other, in good times and bad, and it means that we share those times. Don't apologize for telling us about the bad times. That's one of the things we're here for.

Number four: Until you can get to your doctor, I've always found a purring cat to be helpful.

:heartshape:

Margret
 
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Katie M

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As far as medicine goes, I'm already heavily reliant on OTC pain meds, because I can't get through the day without them. I'm not sure I should be adding more.

Some of my issues aren't even fixable, but the major one requires surgery that I can't afford. Even if I could, I can't afford to take time off for recovery.
 

Margret

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As far as medicine goes, I'm already heavily reliant on OTC pain meds, because I can't get through the day without them. I'm not sure I should be adding more.
I repeat, talk to your doctor about it. Tell him or her exactly which pain meds you're using and find out whether an antidepressant is contraindicated. You may find that adding an antidepressant decreases the amount of pain medication you need.

I understand perfectly about not having the money for needed surgery, and about not having the savings to see you through the time off work that would require. I've gone without things I need because of money problems as well. But if you can't get the surgery then you need good pain management, which is something you should do with medical advice, not just self-medicating with OTC pain pills, especially with chronic pain. Just for starters, some of those OTC pain meds have risks that you may not even know about, and some are more effective than others. And pain and depression feed into each other. You need to involve your doctor!

I'm not trying to be unsympathetic. I've lost both an uncle and a close friend to chronic pain, and a very dear friend to depression. These are both things that can and do kill; but they're devious about it -- they tend to do it by suicide. And if you let the depression get too far out of hand you may well find yourself making that worst decision of all in a moment when you should be making no major decisions, even though you may say to yourself now that you would never do that. You need to start taking care of yourself now so that it doesn't come to that. And, yes, I have suffered from both chronic pain and clinical depression, so I know exactly how hard it can be to decide to tell your doctor about it. But I also know that that's the depression talking. Some diseases tend to foster attitudes that perpetuate the disease, and depression is one of those. Don't let the disease win. It is not your friend.

Margret
 

Draco

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Out of curiousity, did you get your thyroid checked? When I feel depressed like you are, it's usually thyroid related. I'd have a doctor check your levels.

Of course, the cold weather doesn't help the mood either :(

we are here for you to lend ears, shoulders and virtual hugs!
 
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Katie M

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Out of curiousity, did you get your thyroid checked? When I feel depressed like you are, it's usually thyroid related. I'd have a doctor check your levels.

Of course, the cold weather doesn't help the mood either :(

we are here for you to lend ears, shoulders and virtual hugs!
I had a blood test earlier this year, and they couldn't find anything wrong.
 

Elfilou

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Try to start making changes in your diet. I'm very prone to depression as well, have bad anxiety, and notice that I am much worse when I'm eating junk.

I'm pretty lazy when it comes to food. I don't really have a passion for cooking.

Something that works well for me are chilli's. Those you can make in bulk, are healthy and full of veggies, customisable to your own taste and easily stored in the fridge to eat throughout the week.

Oven fries. Cut up whole potatoes with skin into thick wedges, add spices, pop in the oven for 30 minutes and eat with ketchup. Satisfying and good for you, especially if you use sweet potatoes instead of regular. I also do this with brussel sprouts and green beans.

Granola and cereal, nut-milks, yoghurts, granola bars; these are frequently fortified with vitamins.

Fruit. Eat at least one a day.

I also recommend a multi-vitamin as well as a vitamin D supplement, especially if you live somewhere with little sun or have a job/lifestyle where you spend most of your time inside. Lack of vitamin D is linked to depression as well as a whole plethora of other diseases.

Those were just a few suggestions and of course diet alone will not fix depression. A daily rythm, good sleep, satisfying social interactions and having things in your life that you enjoy are also important. If you lost your enthusiasm for movies, maybe it's time to try reading books, or start a series, play a game or go for a walk.

Ultimately depression will be hard and for me feels like a shadow waiting to strike whenever I let my guard down, but keep trying to keep that shadow in it's place. Talk to someone close to you if you can, and be kind and compassionate to yourself.
 

denice

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I would definitely talk to your doctor. Clinical depression is different from just the blues or feeling a little down. I have dealt with clinical depression in the past and it is something completely different.

You also mentioned politics being part of it. Turn off the news and avoid anything political on the internet. The sun will still rise tomorrow and life goes on. This is an uneasy time in the U.S. to put it mildly but don't let yourself slip into a dark place because of it.
 

neely

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Try to start making changes in your diet.
My thoughts exactly! It's not a cure all method but until you've tried it don't knock it. ;) There are some food groups that can have a negative impact on not only your physical but mental health.

Exercise is an important component if your chronic pain doesn't hinder some form of exercise, even walking or chair yoga which doesn't involve too much physical activity can be helpful with depression.

You mentioned being heavily reliant on OTC meds -- perhaps you are on too many meds. Regarding a doctor maybe it's time to get a second opinion and see a different doctor. These are only suggestions and I hope you will be able to enjoy that light hearted movie tonight. :hugs: Please let us know what old movie you decided to watch.
 
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Katie M

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My thoughts exactly! It's not a cure all method but until you've tried it don't knock it. ;) There are some food groups that can have a negative impact on not only your physical but mental health.

Exercise is an important component if your chronic pain doesn't hinder some form of exercise, even walking or chair yoga which doesn't involve too much physical activity can be helpful with depression.

You mentioned being heavily reliant on OTC meds -- perhaps you are on too many meds. Regarding a doctor maybe it's time to get a second opinion and see a different doctor. These are only suggestions and I hope you will be able to enjoy that light hearted movie tonight. :hugs: Please let us know what old movie you decided to watch.
I do tend to eat a lot of soup and pasta. I love them but they tend to make me feel "heavy" for a while. I figured that was a good thing, but maybe it makes me not want to move around.

I'm currently in physical therapy, and I'm diligent about doing my exercises at home. To tell the truth though, I'm not sure what good it's doing. In the end, it won't fix my problems.

The movie is called Doubting Thomas, from 1935. If it's on Netflix, I recommend it. It's about amateur actors putting on a play, and it's very funny.
 

LTS3

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Depression can be worse in the winter months beause of the lack of sunlight. It's called seasonal affective disorder and people who already have depression may feel even worse. Medication and a full spectrum light therapy box can be helpful but only a doctor would be able to prescribe the right treatment for your needs.

You may find these web sites helpful. Some have resources for local support groups.

Depression | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness
Depression
NIMH » Depression

You really need to see your doctor for this. If medication isn't something you want to do, the doctor may suggest other ways to help you. Routine excercise, practicing mindfulness or mediation, healthy lifestyle changes, getitng involved in an activity that interests you, talking to a supportive friend, etc can help. Therapy sessions may be helpful, too.
:grouphug:
:grouphug:
 

Mamanyt1953

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Concerning your thyroid, make sure that your doctor checked your TSH, T3 AND T4 levels. I am severly hypothyroidic, and it wasn't caught until the full panel was done.

YES...watch a silly move. Or AFV, or whatever might make you smile. Here's something that many people don't know...when you contract your mouth into the smile, the tension of those particular muscles triggers the production of...drat...is it an endorphin? I think so...one of the "feel good" chemicals in the brain. I flat forced myself to grin like a baboon in a banana tree and was able to wean myself off of some heavy medications over time doing it. It won't work that well for everyone, but it will help some, over time. Even if you force that smile, the chemicals are released.

See your doctor, Sweetie. You should not have to deal with that level of depression. HUGS!
 
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Katie M

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I had inadvertently turned my phone's volume down too low yesterday, and when I finally checked it, I saw some missed calls and texts from my mother and stepfather. I've been battling a bad cold for over a week (which certainly hasn't helped my mood) and had been letting Mom know how it was progressing, since she's a nurse and can give me advice. When she didn't hear from me yesterday, she and my stepfather were concerned.

I didn't mean to worry them, of course, but it touched me anyway.
 

Margret

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I remember my birthday one year. My husband and I were in different states. My coworkers had held a birthday party during lunch for another coworker the week before, but missed my birthday, even though it was on the office calendar. And then no one called -- not my husband, not my parents, not my brothers, no one. I felt totally rotten.

And then the next morning when I picked up the phone to call out I discovered that I'd left the ethernet modem on all night, which effectively disabled the phone. It certainly explained why no one had called, though it still didn't explain the office thing.

Margret
 
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Katie M

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I went to a new doctor yesterday, because my old one retired. I told him pretty much everything, and he called in a prescription for Paxil. I started it this morning, and he also recommended a few therapy sessions (I'll have to see if I can swing that).

Here's hoping :crossfingers:
 

Brian007

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Bear in mind OTC pain medicine combined with Paxil may cause you to bruise very easily. It shouldn't be anything to worry about but I just wanted to make you aware. And, like all antidepressants it will take 4 weeks or so before you start to feel better. So, hang on in there. And update your thread as much as you need.
Sending healing over the optic airwaves. :vibes::bouquet:

:hangin:
 
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