I'll never forget Squeaky

rootb33r

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I got Squeaky 14 years ago when a pregnant cat showed up at my parents' doorstep... one of the kittens was smaller than the others and the mother kept trying to abandon her. I called in to my temp job to tell them I couldn't make it that day and lost my job over it, but I wanted to stay home and make sure the kittens were alright. I've never regretted it.

We found out over the next few months that Squeaky had mild cerebellar hypoplasia (wobbly kitty syndrome) . She would high-step with her back legs and had the intention tremor in her head when she looked at things or ate food. She learned to walk a lot more slowly than the other kittens but was always very bright-eyed and interested and got right back up when she rolled over. And she could fully take care of herself though I would never rent a place with stairs because my huge fear was her falling if she lost her balance.

She's been my constant and best friend through multiple moves across the country for grad school and for work. I've had her my entire adult life. She would sleep curled up in my armpit, or under the tent my knees make with the blanket, or wrapped around my head on the pillow (and usually shoving my head mostly off the pillow.) I would just wrap my arm around her and hug her against my cheek and fall asleep. She loved to sleep and eat, we would watch Netflix together for hours.

She followed me everywhere - I never shut a door because she'd get upset. She'd follow me to the bathroom and often decide to do her business at the same time, which was a combination of cute and a bit gross.

She has such an engaging and unique personality. Ive had other cats before but she really stuck out as special and quirky and funny. She's the closest I've ever felt to any cat I've ever had and was always entertaining and sociable and just pushy enough to get what she wanted but in a cute way (5am 'feed me' face pats of increasing pressure were not uncommon).

I feel like I've lost my best and longest friend of 15 years and I'm just crushed. She was diagnosed with large-cell lymphoma and the absolute best case scenario was another 6-9 months of quality life with chemo. So we tried - we went to the local veterinary board licensed oncologist, a full oncology center, we followed the first chemo protocol and it seemed to work. She got better for 2 weeks despite the large tumor in her stomach and smaller ones in her lymphnodes and liver. She perked around and acted normal and happy, and I have never felt greater joy or hope that maybe I would get a few more great months with her.

But it was not to be... she took a turn for the worst again just two weeks later. Very nauseated, refusing to eat anything but a few licks of gravy at best. When I saw her tripping and sliding trying to get into the litterbox because she couldn't life her back feet high enough I figured maybe it was time. Then the next morning her breathing sounded louder, the vet had mentioned pleural effusion around her heart and lungs, and I would never want her to suffocate. I called the vet and we scheduled euthanasia for earlier this afternoon.

I just got home a few hours ago. I live alone and she was my only cat. The apartment is so quiet, but sometimes if something shifts I perk up thinking I hear her in the other room before immediately realizing that's impossible. And because of how crappy I feel my first reflex would be to find and hug her... so I keep thinking to do that, but no, she's not there.

Im sleeping on the floor next to her heated bed she loved because it smells like her. I just miss her so much and we fought the cancer as hard as we could for months but sometimes there is nothing you can do...

I would have given almost anything for another 3-4 years with her. I miss you Squeaky, and hope you always knew how loved and important you were.
 

Mia6

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I am so very, very sorry about the passing of your Squeaky. Of course she knows how loved she was!!
She is now at the Lovely Bridge, met by so many of our babies. Lola, Antonio65 Antonio65 's daughter is in charge
there and will show her the ropes. My Vincie girl will show her how to chase men, little flirt she is. Chicken,
Artie, Mickey, Jeff, Chai, Paldina, Romeo, as well and so many more are there. I know these words are
probably no comfort to you now but please know I am thinking of you as we all are.

Love,

Mia xxxx💖:rbheart: :hugs:
 

will2002

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Squeaky was so very fortunate to have a human such as you to love and care for her! I am sure she returned the love a thousand times a thousand times.

Such a loss takes time to recover from, as best one can. Remember this...Squeaky lives on as long as you remember her she is always as close as a thought or a prayer!
 

di and bob

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I know how horrible this all is, it takes a long time to heal a broken heart. I know it's hard, but try to concentrate on the 15 years of good times. I have found it does absolutely no good to dwell on the end, it only brings heartache. She was in your life for a reason, to show you what love is all about. She did well.....
Sweet Squeaky is at peace because she was loved. She will forever be as close as your thoughts and prayers. The bond you formed over all those years is a part of your soul now, that is something that will never leave you. You both fought a battle, you did what you could. The most important thing for her is that you were there for her, you were her everything.
Though she now follows a new path after sharing your own in this world, she will always be near. Her path will always parallel your own. As someone once said, do not cry for losing her, smile because she was there...... Sure it will be lonely, sometimes it helps to concentrate on doing something that takes your mind off of your grief and makes you feel good about yourself. Donate a small amount to your local shelter, or donate your time to help socialize little ones there. several times a year I pay for the adoption of a cat there the longest to help them find a place easier. I do it in my little one's name. I know she would approve and Squeaky would too because she knows what having the company of a cat means to you. She taught you that.
I know how much this hurts, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care, my friend, come here anytime you need to reminisce, she lives on through you now and would love to know that her love is being shared......RIP dear Squeaky. You will always be missed, you will forever have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

les26

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I am so sorry that you lost your little friend, you did the best that you could for her but unfortunately it was just time for her to be called home, but she is fine now, just fine, and you will see her again one day and it will be wonderful. No one could've done more for her...

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am sorry for your loss, I hope your heart heals a bit more each day, Lord Bless you......:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Squeaky, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

This is what I know to the depths of my very being, that love does not die, it only changes form and continues on now translated and purified into Love. And Love abides, always and forever. Love abides. That part of her is with you still, and may well be the little shadow you see. Although we miss their physical presence desperately, that Love abides.
 

solomonar

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Imagine life would be the other way around: cats living up to 90 years and humans only 15 years.
In such an imaginary case, a cat could witness his human friend End, and afterwards either live alone or bind to another human.
What a human would wish for his/her surviving cat?
To carry on with joy, because Love is a gift that lasts forever.

===

Cat understand Life in much more depth than we do.
Love makes humans strong, to enjoy Life in sweet and in sorrow. We may choose to follow the path a would follow: enjoy our memories, smile to sweet memories, bow our heads to the greatness of never-ending Love.
You are an warrior, You fought for Squeaky, offered him love and care to the very last eternal moment. You were a great camarade for Squeaky, so you are strong and a great Soul. Squeaky is proud of you and helps you to carry on.

My heart goes with You.
 

Krienze

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Thank you guys, it really helps. I'm still such a wreck. I keep expecting her to saunter by and then realize it will never happen again...
Oh man. That is the worst feeling ever =( I'm so sorry.

My heart goes out to you! It sounds like Squeaky had a great life because of you.
 
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rootb33r

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I still miss her... saw a black shadow out of the corner of my eye where she would usually sit. She was black and my floors are very dark so I was always just barely missing tripping over her. It's still a reflex but such a painful one.
 
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rootb33r

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I had a dream where she walked up to my bed and I realized it was all just a mistake and she was really ok. Just a terrible mix up at the vet but she was alive and healthy.

It was a little painful to wake up but the dream itself was such a relief... my other memories are still tied up with her loss but the dream was just pure joy because she was okay, or so I believed. It actually made me a feel a little better even though it wasn't real. Just the relief and happiness at seeing her again.
 
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