I think we are near the end. How do I get through this?

[FeralHearts]

This was wonderful news to read! What a relief you must feel.

Please do keep us updated on how you are both doing.

I'm going to make a suggestion to you to take back to your vet - but you aren't going to like it.... it's another pill... a big one.

Zentonil Plus/ Denamarin / SAMe - pretty much close to the same thing. It helps repair liver damage and protect the liver. It will be worth it to do but it's a big pill. I would seriously consider it though. XO

I wish I did a lot of things differently with her, but it’s too late. It’s not too late for Mini, though. I want to make sure I don’t make the same mistakes with her.

*hugs to you* I'm sorry.

This is the sad thing about life sometimes. They say: "It can only be lived forward and only understood backwards." XOXOXO

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[di and bob]

My cats take liquid supplements in the AM and prednisolone and lasix at night. I get Delectable Lickables in the stew flavors to give their AM meds in. Put med on small saucer and pour a small amount of the lickable treat over it. If she eats it all you can give her more. At night, I tear small pieces of Cat Pill pockets in the salmon flavor and wrap the pill inside. They are a little stuffed up right now so don't want their meds. I press small amounts of bacon into them and tehy gobble them right up. Cats LOVE bacon. Its a very small amount so shouldn't hurt them. It's better going through a little trouble like this taht fighting all night with them to take their meds! I wish you the best!

 

[FeralHearts]

Checking in, how are you and Mini doing?

 

[miniforever]

Hi,

I am so sorry for not responding. Caring for Mini has practically been a full time job and there have been so many ups and downs. At first she seemed to respond well and even started eating her old food again, but despite the promising start, she continued to projectile vomit 3-5 times a week. Some days her appetite was insatiable, but then she would abruptly relapse and stop eating for no clear reason. The relapses can be quite upsetting and stressful for me. It’s not just because of the lack of eating, I just can’t stand seeing her feeling so miserable It seems like every time I start feeling cautiously optimistic, she relapses.

As for meds, I managed to coax her into taking them in baby food, and fortunately even when her appetite is down, she is still enthusiastic enough about baby food to get her meds. My vet also gave me injectable nausea meds which are much easier to administer.

Fortunately she hasn’t stayed unwell for too long at a time, as I always seem to figure out what to do (so far). What I’ve finally come to understand is that the treatment for this disease isn’t going to be straightforward or linear. Some days she is great, but other days she might need her appetite stimulant, anti-nausea meds, fluids, pain relief, or some combination of the above. The biggest challenge has been figuring out what it is she needs day to day. Every day is different, and since she can’t tell me what’s bothering her, it takes a bit of trial and error. I think I’ve gotten better at noticing which signs to look out for, ex. if she’s licking her lips a lot, she’s probably nauseous; if she’s groaning, she is in pain; if she starts trying to eat my food while ignoring hers, her appetite is off.

Two good things I noticed recently are that she looks as though she has gained weight (although I don’t have a scale to confirm it), and her tummy isn’t as noisy anymore. It used to grumble loudly, like a ketchup bottle being squeezed, and it was CONSTANT. I haven’t been hearing those sounds lately. She also hasn’t vomited in a week, but I’m not going to get my hopes up too much about that until she beats her record of 10 days.

She is due for repeat labs in a week so my hope is that her liver values are improved, but I don’t expect them to be normal. Gall bladder infections require 1-3 months of treatment and I’m sure her liver will take some time to fully heal. All in all, while the journey has been bumpy and uneven, I do think the overall trajectory seems good so I just hope the trend continues.

 

[fionasmom]

Thank you for updating us. It is very time consuming, in a good way, but still very intense to care for a sick cat as you are and to have to try to determine from day to day what is going to work or not. It sounds as if there is some success and I hope that bears out in the repeated labs that you will have. Please keep us posted.

 

[FeralHearts]

Please don't be sorry. Looking after Mini and yourself is a massive priority and can take a lot out of you. We all totally understand.

I'm so glad to read that, although it's been a challenge, things are heading in a positive direction. That's wonderful news. Day by day - step by step. You're doing an incredible job. I hope you know that.

*fingers and toes* are crossed for you for positive labs and continued improvement - no matter how slow - may it continue on the positive scale.

 

[miniforever]

Well of course nothing good could last. Right after posting that, Mini’s stomach started churning again and she was groaning in pain and vomited tonight

I’m trying not to get upset about it but it’s hard. It has been 3 weeks since we started treatment and it’s still a rollercoaster. Every time I dare to feel the faintest bit of hope, I get a smack in the face.

The fact that nothing actually showed on her bile culture has really been bothering me. After doing some research I’m not too convinced of the explanation that was given as to why bacteria was seen under the microscope but nothing appeared on culture. The antibiotic doesn’t seem to be working and doesn’t even seem like a common drug for gall bladder infections. I made an appointment for a second opinion with an internist at a local university clinic but I’m very frustrated and disappointed that after everything we’ve been through, I’m still left with this nagging uncertainty. I basically have to put her through *yet another* round of poking and prodding. I finally did get insurance to cover some of the costs, but it doesn’t even amount to half of what I paid, and now on top of that my deductible just renewed. It feels like it’s never going to end.

 

[iPappy]

I'm sorry. Sometimes, it's one step forward and two steps back, or, it feels like it is. When is her appointment with the university clinic? If they specialize in things like this, they might pick up on something that got missed. How is she feeling this morning?

 

[FeralHearts]

Yes, how are you guys doing this morning?

I'm so sorry. It is hard not to be upset - and it's okay that you are. I think that's very normal. I can't count the number of times I went outside over one of mine - let out blood curdling screams in the middle of a forest, went to the basement away from the cats, or outside in the yard and broke into thousand pieces - just cried and cried. Just to get it all out. Then went back inside and carried on.

It can absolutely take a toll and you end up feeling really beat down by it all. I always referenced it as feeling like being in a waking nightmare. It is an awful roller coaster and it takes your emotions right along with it.

You are doing everything you can though. One step and one day at a time.

I so get how hard it is to watch them go through the poking and prodding. Heartbreaking - but I do think on many levels that they know that we are trying to help them. That it's out of love.

I'm so glad the insurance has stepped up and is covering something. That helps I'm sure.

*hugs big*

 

[miniforever]

Yes, how are you guys doing this morning?

I'm so sorry. It is hard not to be upset - and it's okay that you are. I think that's very normal. I can't count the number of times I went outside over one of mine - let out blood curdling screams in the middle of a forest, went to the basement away from the cats, or outside in the yard and broke into thousand pieces - just cried and cried. Just to get it all out. Then went back inside and carried on.

It can absolutely take a toll and you end up feeling really beat down by it all. I always referenced it as feeling like being in a waking nightmare. It is an awful roller coaster and it takes your emotions right along with it.

You are doing everything you can though. One step and one day at a time.

I so get how hard it is to watch them go through the poking and prodding. Heartbreaking - but I do think on many levels that they know that we are trying to help them. That it's out of love.

I'm so glad the insurance has stepped up and is covering something. That helps I'm sure.

*hugs big*

yes, that’s exactly what it’s like. It does feel like a nightmare. I’m mostly concerned that at the end of all this I’m just going to be given yet even more pills and supplements and liquids to give her when I can hardly manage what I’ve been given now. I just tried to give her the Ondansetron injection a second time (through her IV line this time), and she jumped away immediately. I guess it stings pretty badly. The disease is bad enough, but my inability to treat it appropriately is the worst part. I just don’t have enough hands to keep her wrapped in her kitty burrito, open her mouth while inserting the pill plunger/syringe, and hold her mouth shut so she doesn’t just spit it out. Sometimes I wonder if she’s not getting better because of something I am failing to do correctly. Maybe I shouldn’t be hiding her meds in her food. Maybe she’d suffer less if I could just give her the Cerenia, Onadestron, and pain medication every day. I am doing the best I can but I feel like it’s still not enough, and I don’t have anyone to help me.

 

[FeralHearts]

yes, that’s exactly what it’s like. It does feel like a nightmare. I’m mostly concerned that at the end of all this I’m just going to be given yet even more pills and supplements and liquids to give her when I can hardly manage what I’ve been given now.

One of my friend had a saying "Don't borrow trouble." which is easier said than done. Trouble can come but it's not here so don't look for it. I have another one... "That's tomorrow's problem." Right now focus on here and now. Again, easier said than done. Sure, that could happen - it's a possibility - and IF it does - you will be able to handle it. Believe me - you will. Even if right now it doesn't feel like it ..... but for now it's a "Tomorrow problem." Maybe or maybe not. XOXO

.I just tried to give her the Ondansetron injection a second time (through her IV line this time), and she jumped away immediately. I guess it stings pretty badly.

It does and it's a hard thing to know but the more important thing is... it's only for a moment and the help it will give her outweighs that discomfort and our emotional pain. I understand how hard it is to see, or do, when something we are doing to them, causes them pain or discomfort, it hurts us as much as it hurts them - but if it's doing good for her.. hold onto that with everything in you. Know that after that brief "ouch" passes for her. It helps her for longer than the pain it might have caused.

BTW I think I missed something - when was an IV line placed?

The disease is bad enough, but my inability to treat it appropriately is the worst part. I just don’t have enough hands to keep her wrapped in her kitty burrito, open her mouth while inserting the pill plunger/syringe, and hold her mouth shut so she doesn’t just spit it out. Sometimes I wonder if she’s not getting better because of something I am failing to do correctly. Maybe I shouldn’t be hiding her meds in her food. Maybe she’d suffer less if I could just give her the Cerenia, Onadestron, and pain medication every day. I am doing the best I can but I feel like it’s still not enough, and I don’t have anyone to help me.

That's understable too. We aren't doctors and we are learning as we go, not only how to treat it, but trying to learn the language of "them" what it means when they do "this" or "that".... and just when we think we got this... another new unexpected turn, or nightmare, happens and we're like 'What is this new evil Voodoo happening!" and if that weren't enough, the fear, the self doubt, the uncertainty - and the deep love are there too. It's a lot.

I've been through a fair bit in my life, but taking care of a really ill cat, or a pallive one, I have to say was the hardest thing I ever had to do physically, emotionally, mentally and believe me - that's saying something. There is an added stress to taking care of a helpless life that makes us harder on ourselves and any perceived shortcomings we have just glare out at us from every direction.

You are doing the best you can. It's a lot to do. You are doing perfectly fine.

A few short months ago I was looking after one of my furbies, palliative care. There were pills and liquids and a GI feeding tube and more meds.The goal was pain management and quality of life.

The last bit of it was more pills etc. Some required with food, others without. Constant small feedings and I worked outside the home. Like you, I am by myself. At one point I was coming home from work, feeding and medicating her. Then shoving whatever I could in my own mouth, going to sleep for a few hours, waking up to give her meds, going back to bed, waking up feeding and meds, back to bed for a couple of hours, up - more meds, back to sleep for an hour, wake up feed and meds and off to work.

If someone had told me I was going to have to do that I would have said it was impossible and I couldn't. This with two other not in perfect health kitties needing care and meds. What I'm saying here is you'd be surprised how quickly you can go from "this is impossible" to "possible" if push comes to shove and I have a feeling, like me, you'd do it for as long as needed.

Remember one day at a time, one step at a time - and sometimes - one moment at a time.

You are doing far, far better than you think you are in her care.

When is her next vet visit?

 

[iPappy]

A few short months ago I was looking after one of my furbies, palliative care. There were pills and liquids and a GI feeding tube and more meds.The goal was pain management and quality of life.

The last bit of it was more pills etc. Some required with food, others without. Constant small feedings and I worked outside the home. Like you, I am by myself. At one point I was coming home from work, feeding and medicating her. Then shoving whatever I could in my own mouth, going to sleep for a few hours, waking up to give her meds, going back to bed, waking up feeding and meds, back to bed for a couple of hours, up - more meds, back to sleep for an hour, wake up feed and meds and off to work.

If someone had told me I was going to have to do that I would have said it was impossible and I couldn't. This with two other not in perfect health kitties needing care and meds. What I'm saying here is you'd be surprised how quickly you can go from "this is impossible" to "possible" if push comes to shove and I have a feeling, like me, you'd do it for as long as needed.

Remember one day at a time, one step at a time - and sometimes - one moment at a time.

You are doing far, far better than you think you are in her care.

When is her next vet visit?

This part really hits home because I felt the same way when caring for mine when they were having so much trouble with various ailments. There were many days the stress and that feeling of "borrowed trouble" as you mentioned almost overwhelmed me completely. I did not feel that I had any other choice in the matter, even if it was terminal, because the quality of life was still there. It was my own anxieties about the "what if's" and scary diagnostics. The lack of sleep started making me feel like I was becoming paranoid because I'd fixate on one tiny thing and blow it out of proportion.
It might sound crazy, but, talk to her. If you have to do something like pill her, be very gentle and keep your body relaxed. Check the tension in your shoulders and jawline and do your best to keep them un-tense. Talk soothingly and quietly, and tell her what you're doing. Tell her why you're doing it, and tell her you know it's not the most fun thing in the world, but it's not the worst thing that could be happening, and she's such a good girl for trying even just a little bit. Keep your expression relaxed and soft.
I had to pill Sarah a few times. She was not happy with this. She was also 16 1/2, and I was not keen on fighting with her. Do the "slow blink". I did this to Sarah, and she blinked back and I could feel her relax in my arms.

 

[FeralHearts]

This part really hits home because I felt the same way when caring for mine when they were having so much trouble with various ailments. There were many days the stress and that feeling of "borrowed trouble" as you mentioned almost overwhelmed me completely. I did not feel that I had any other choice in the matter, even if it was terminal, because the quality of life was still there. It was my own anxieties about the "what if's" and scary diagnostics. The lack of sleep started making me feel like I was becoming paranoid because I'd fixate on one tiny thing and blow it out of proportion.

*hugs* *hugs* *Hugs* That all around exhaustion on all levels emotional, physical, mental, spiritual... absolutely.. beyond hard. It's... difficult... doesn't even describe it. It's hard to stay in the "now" and not think about the what if's and while it does prep us a bit - it also divides and takes away from the energy we need at hand. I can't say I didn't fall into that trap several times myself during her caretaking. I certainly did. It's a challenge to pull yourself from it. Like a yo-yo. but we have to try to remember the whole.. one day ...one step. Not easy for sure.

I know with BH we made some mistakes that no doubt cost her a few weeks, maybe even a couple of months, but the other side of me knows her Doc and I did the best we could for her.

It might sound crazy, but, talk to her. If you have to do something like pill her, be very gentle and keep your body relaxed. Check the tension in your shoulders and jawline and do your best to keep them un-tense. Talk soothingly and quietly, and tell her what you're doing. Tell her why you're doing it, and tell her you know it's not the most fun thing in the world, but it's not the worst thing that could be happening, and she's such a good girl for trying even just a little bit. Keep your expression relaxed and soft.
I had to pill Sarah a few times. She was not happy with this. She was also 16 1/2, and I was not keen on fighting with her. Do the "slow blink". I did this to Sarah, and she blinked back and I could feel her relax in my arms.

Absolutely! Yes, yes ,yes M miniforever above is why I would go outside and let it all out away from the kitties. I would come back in centered. More than once I threw something outside to get rid of the anger of how unfair it all was.

I would sit with BH and pet her and talk to her softly while I was doing things.They have an exceptional way of sensing how we feel. It tenses them up too. So the above its 110% worth a try. It will no doubt help her too. Calm mama. Calm kitty. I know that helped with my BH.

I'll give another example too: Last week I had to go over to a friends home to give her cat a needle. The vet had to have him on 200 mg of gaba to keep him calm. Because the two of us were calm and pet him, snuggled and spoke to him gently and loved on him before the shot - he could have cared less we did it. Everyone was shocked.. but he had no idea we did anything dastardly to him. Then we gave him treats!

It's certainly worth the try. I really think the above suggestion might help a lot.

 

[iPappy]

*hugs* *hugs* *Hugs* That all around exhaustion on all levels emotional, physical, mental, spiritual... absolutely.. beyond hard. It's... difficult... doesn't even describe it. It's hard to stay in the "now" and not think about the what if's and while it does prep us a bit - it also divides and takes away from the energy we need at hand. I can't say I didn't fall into that trap several times myself during her caretaking. I certainly did. It's a challenge to pull yourself from it. Like a yo-yo. but we have to try to remember the whole.. one day ...one step. Not easy for sure.

I know with BH we made some mistakes that no doubt cost her a few weeks, maybe even a couple of months, but the other side of me knows her Doc and I did the best we could for her.




Absolutely! Yes, yes ,yes M miniforever above is why I would go outside and let it all out away from the kitties. I would come back in centered. More than once I threw something outside to get rid of the anger of how unfair it all was.

I would sit with BH and pet her and talk to her softly while I was doing things.They have an exceptional way of sensing how we feel. It tenses them up too. So the above its 110% worth a try. It will no doubt help her too. Calm mama. Calm kitty. I now that helped with my BH.

I'll give another example too: Last week I had to go over to a friends home to give her cat a needle. The vet had to have him on 200 mg of gaba to keep him calm. Because the two of us were calm and pet him, snuggled and spoke to him gently and loved on him before the shot - he could have cared less we did it. Everyone was shocked.. but he had no idea we did anything dastardly to him. Then we gave him treats!

It's certainly worth the try. I really think the above suggestion might help a lot.

Oh, I was in that yo-yo myself many times. One minute I was despondent because I was sure it was the end, and the next minute I was full of determination that it wasn't going to be so. I did a great job of exhausting myself, and even though I knew I was exhausting myself, emotions were high because we are only human. And we react this way because we love them so deeply that we would do anything to make them be completely healthy again.