I think I won't never get over his loss

Seunie9

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It's alr 5 months , alot of things changed even me , I am not the same person after this trauma
My cat seunie was just 1 year old , we wanted to get him neutered as we have many cats and we can't have more so we decided to neuter them and we neutered two and seunie was the third
The vet I was dealing with was the only one I knew near my home and I thought he is good , I didn't really thought abt asking many ppl abt him or get reviews or smth , I just deal w him and I wish I never did
He left my baby in anaesthesia for about one hour , he immediately woke up after the surgery and felt from the table they operate on then he got respiratory problems one day after and when we asked other vets they said he has to go to the same vet that did the surgery cz he knows what kind of anaesthesia he used and can fix this , and on our way to the vet again he died , I wasn't there w him cz I just stayed at home crying , I couldn't move or even go anywhere
I know it's all my fault , I thought it's routine surgery , I didn't know he has no mercy , he didn't even care abt him , I feel I killed him and what is worse that my parents didn't bury him this gave nightmares , I am depressed , all my life changed , I didn't want to let him down like this
Here where I live ppl and most vets don't care abt animals , it's just a business and now I am struggling to make my other cats happy , I don't want to lose them too but after seunie's death all of them got sick , his mom had pyometra and now his dad has cystitis , I am always afraid and feel guilty , I really want them to stay
 

Jcatbird

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Please do not think of this as your fault. It’s not!! This is a surgery that is usually routine. This was not the usual care a vet would give! We do the best that we can for our kitties. I am so very sorry that this vet did not take good care of your kitty but you were not in the room and could not be there to know the vet was not doing his job. We are humans and do not have vision to know everything. You are a great person. You are leading others in your country to teach love of these cats. This is very special. I Know that Seunie knew you loved him and would not want you to suffer. Cats are very smart and they give us a part of their hearts and we give them a part of ours. I believe that when they leave us, this is why our hearts hurt so much. The two parts are growing together so that there is always a part of us together from then on. We do not lose them completely. They leave that part with us as their greatest gift to us. He does not have to be buried to become part of the earth. His energy is never destroyed. Even science says that energy is not destroyed it only changes. It goes on. I know the loss and I have lost kitties and lost my only child as well as others. We are changed by that loss. It takes time to heal. Give yourself that time. Being nervous about the others is very natural after going through such a trauma. It takes time for you to heal and you grieve out of love. You are loving all the kitties and giving them the best life you can. They know that. Many humans are not as loved as your cats. If it was my time to go, I would wish for someone as loving as you are to be the one who cared about me and that you would continue to share the love that you have. You honor Seunie by continuing to live and love. Now a part of my heart is with you too. We share the love of kitties and the knowledge of loss. You are not alone as you go through this. Many of us here understand much of what you describe. I am so very sorry about all you experienced. It was not your fault!! Please keep writing us as you feel like doing that. We will be here for you. I am deeply grateful to you for loving kitties. You set a great example for others and maybe those who see your love shine through will learn to love cats and others will be saved because of you. Perhaps Seunie will be the one to inspire others through your story about him. He would have been without any love if you had not been his human and Love is the greatest thing we can give. :grouphug2:
 

di and bob

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None of this is your fault at all, I wish I could tell you why things like this happen. some cats have a reaction to anesthesia and there is absolutely no way to tell in advance. Nothing will bring your Seunie back, and you have every right to feel sad, and mad and out of your mind with grief. All you wanted was to make his life easier, you had no intention at all of any of this happening. Sometimes bad things happen and this is one of them. Please don't blame yourself, Seunie would never want that, all he wants is for you to go forward into life, holding his memory dear and to keep sending love his way. He lives on through you now. this is because what you have is a strong bond of love. Love means that you would want your loved one to go on with life and live it as you would want him to do if you were the first to go.
This sadness will be with you a long time. It is something you never get over, you learn to live with it. Your little boy will always be near, as near as your thoughts and prayers, because what you shared was spiritual, which means it is eternal. Try to celebrate having him in your life. He was there for a reason. To give you love and to teach you what it means. He did his job well.....
My thoughts and prayers are with you all, my heart aches for what you are going through because I know it all too well. Try to keep busy and do something that will make you feel better about yourself. Give a small donation to your local shelter or give another cat the cuddles and attention they so desperately need. Take care of yourself, you are capable of loving and need to share that love with other little ones. Death is a part of life and none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. The world goes on, the sun will rise tomorrow. And though it stands still for you right now, keep busy with those remaining little ones and let their love help you through this. One day at a time......RIP dear Seunie. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you until you meet again!
 
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Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Seunie, dream you deep, Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Darlin, you did NOTHING wrong. Any living being can have a reaction to any anesthesia at any time, and there is no way to know if it will happen until it does. You did not kill Seunie. You acted in his best interests as best you could. No one can do more. This is deepest Truth I know...love does not die, it only changes form, and continues on. From his new home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, Seunie knows how you loved him, and he sends his love, now translated and purified into Love, back to walk with you down through all your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides. When your grief is not so raw, be still and quiet, and you will feel him there.
 
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Seunie9

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Please do not think of this as your fault. It’s not!! This is a surgery that is usually routine. This was not the usual care a vet would give! We do the best that we can for our kitties. I am so very sorry that this vet did not take good care of your kitty but you were not in the room and could not be there to know the vet was not doing his job. We are humans and do not have vision to know everything. You are a great person. You are leading others in your country to teach love of these cats. This is very special. I Know that Seunie knew you loved him and would not want you to suffer. Cats are very smart and they give us a part of their hearts and we give them a part of ours. I believe that when they leave us, this is why our hearts hurt so much. The two parts are growing together so that there is always a part of us together from then on. We do not lose them completely. They leave that part with us as their greatest gift to us. He does not have to be buried to become part of the earth. His energy is never destroyed. Even science says that energy is not destroyed it only changes. It goes on. I know the loss and I have lost kitties and lost my only child as well as others. We are changed by that loss. It takes time to heal. Give yourself that time. Being nervous about the others is very natural after going through such a trauma. It takes time for you to heal and you grieve out of love. You are loving all the kitties and giving them the best life you can. They know that. Many humans are not as loved as your cats. If it was my time to go, I would wish for someone as loving as you are to be the one who cared about me and that you would continue to share the love that you have. You honor Seunie by continuing to live and love. Now a part of my heart is with you too. We share the love of kitties and the knowledge of loss. You are not alone as you go through this. Many of us here understand much of what you describe. I am so very sorry about all you experienced. It was not your fault!! Please keep writing us as you feel like doing that. We will be here for you. I am deeply grateful to you for loving kitties. You set a great example for others and maybe those who see your love shine through will learn to love cats and others will be saved because of you. Perhaps Seunie will be the one to inspire others through your story about him. He would have been without any love if you had not been his human and Love is the greatest thing we can give. :grouphug2:
Thank u so much for ur kindness , this means alot to me cz everybody got tired of me and my stories , I wish I could bring him back , I would do anything to have my baby back but I think it's just the end , may he rest in peace and one day I can get rid of this guilt
 
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Seunie9

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Rest you gentle, Seunie, dream you deep, Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

Darlin, you did NOTHING wrong. Any living being can have a reaction to any anesthesia at any time, and there is no way to know if it will happen until it does. You did not kill Seunie. You acted in his best interests as best you could. No one can do more. This is deepest Truth I know...love does not die, it only changes form, and continues on. From his new home in That Place Where All Things Are Known, Seunie knows how you loved him, and he sends his love, now translated and purified into Love, back to walk with you down through all your days. Because Love abides. Always, forever, Love abides. When your grief is not so raw, be still and quiet, and you will feel him there.
I really hope he knows how much I love him , I didn't ever want this to happen , I think I wanted to save more kittens cz I don't want my female cats to mate and lose many kittens cz this happened to my cat many times her kittens died , but at the end of the day I lost him
 

Jcatbird

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I recently lost the cat that was the companion to the child I lost. The hurt can stay awhile. I think most of us think about the “what if.” Over time we come to understand that we don’t have control over life. It does not make the loss less, it just makes it so we can go on. I think everyone here has a story and we all care. You can tell us anything you want to tell. :hugs: Were there cute or funny things Seuni did? The kitty I just lost would come to me to ask for treats. She always stuck her tongue out at me. When I think of that, in spite of missing her so much, she still makes me smile. I try to hold onto things like that. It helps a little.
 
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Seunie9

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I recently lost the cat that was the companion to the child I lost. The hurt can stay awhile. I think most of us think about the “what if.” Over time we come to understand that we don’t have control over life. It does not make the loss less, it just makes it so we can go on. I think everyone here has a story and we all care. You can tell us anything you want to tell. :hugs: Were there cute or funny things Seuni did? The kitty I just lost would come to me to ask for treats. She always stuck her tongue out at me. When I think of that, in spite of missing her so much, she still makes me smile. I try to hold onto things like that. It helps a little.
Yes the "what if " kept me awake for months and had nightmares countless times , if I cared more , if I asked abt him but it's just life
I am so sorry for ur loss , she must had a great happy life with both of you growing together , the things I remember abt seunie is how lovely and how close he was to is , out of all our cats he loved to sleep w us always and bites our feet and hands till we hide them under the blanket , he was always a silent baby but he meow when he is so hungry which makes me laugh to hear his meow finally , he was our little sunshine
 

Jcatbird

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Thank you! I think that trying to remember all the things that made Smokey so special helps me. She was so attached to my daughter and she was so kind to me when I lost my daughter. She was a funny girl too. Seunie chased your toes and hands? Lol He is still your sunshine. His light is still there. I can see that in you. That bond remains for us. I think they make us better humans. He talked to you with meows. Food please! :) Now, meow!
 
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