I Need To Talk About Jaspurr

[furrypurry]

It is day 12 of my life without him. I am doing better than I expected to, but there are times, like right now, when I just almost can’t stand being in this world without him.

My nightly routine is so sad and quiet without him bringing me a toy ball and howling about it loudly. He was so proud of himself when he brought me those toys. Then he would wait on the rug by the bed for me to give him his bedtime treats and to get some pats and he would ALWAYS purr. God how I miss that purr.

Jaspurr came from a bad situation as a kitten. He had spent the first three months of his life in a cage and had not been socialized at all. He was so afraid of everything I almost pulled my hair out trying to keep him from hiding out under the sofa. He would literally stay under there for the entire day, only coming out to eat or poop. He never did fully recover and was always anxious and timid. But he loved me. I was his person, and even though he didn’t ever quite know how to let his guard down completely, he gave as much of himself to me as he could. He wouldn’t always want me to pick him up, but when I did he would just melt into my arms and tuck that soft head under my chin. That wonderful strong, loud purr was instant when I got near him. I felt honored being the only one in the world he would allow to love on him and the only one he loved. That is where a lot of my sadness comes from now that he is gone. I know if Jaspurr had been treated better as a kitten before I met him he would have had a better life. I feel like he had to struggle every day to fight the anxiety he always had just about life in general. No matter what I did, he just couldn’t let go and be a happy, uninhibited boy. Those rare moments when he seemed to relax are my favorite memories of him. I would be so thrilled to see him asleep on his back or watch him run across the room to see a bird out the window. He was just getting to the point where he was mellowing out a little (at 11 years old) when the damn cancer struck and took him. He had a bad start at life. I was hoping for a better ending for him. I tried my best to make the years in between the best they could be.

I know we all think our kitties are special. Jaspurr was. And he made me feel special. I will miss him forever.

 

[catlover73]

I can tell how special your relationship with Jaspurr was. It is always the special times we used to share with them that seem to bring tears sometimes. Jaspurr will always be a part of you through the memories you shared. I remember years ago when my Claude passed away. He was a shower kitty. It took me time not to break down in tears every time I took a shower. I can now look at a picture my hubby took of our water baby without falling apart most of the time. There are still times when I have had a bad day that it still hits me hard. You will never forget but in time the memories of the rituals you shared with Jaspurr will be happy times instead of always tears. I can not tell you when this will happen because it is different for each person. Hugs to you during this difficult time.

 

[di and bob]

Sharing your pain with others is a way to release a little of that pain. Especially with those who have walked that same road. Your pain will always be with you, how you handle it is up to you. I found that coming to this site and trying to comfort others in their time of grief helps tremendously. It gives a person something to focus on besides your own grief and gives you a push to continue on your own journey. People are lost at a time like this. They need to talk, they need someone to agree that they are in pain, and most of all they need someone to tell them what they are feeling is normal and it WILL get better. Not gone, but coped with. All you can do is talk about what helped you live with the pain, but it is up to every individual to find their own way to cope with grief. I was dwelling on my loss so much that daily life was almost impossible. I lost the joy in EVERYTHING. My favorite pastimes, music, food... everything. I had to purposely concentrate on something else to get me away from my pain. It would always be there, lurking in the background, tears were never far away. Having more cats helped, they drug me back to their world, they insisted on being fed, of having attention, they showed me that life goes on. Allowing your heart to open up again doesn't happen immediately. You fight against possibly having more pain, and you will in your lifetime. At some point you will realize that every living thing dies at some point. That this is the life we have and living in sorrow is not the way to really live.
Your little one was saved by you, and watching how he loved you in return should drive you to love life and open your heart once more. His life with you and his love for you should be infinitely more important than his death. Don't let the sorrow and the tears make that death more important. He would never want that for someone he loves so much. Just as you would want for him to go on. Your love for him will never die. It is spiritual, not physical,"Death cannot take that which never dies."........
It took me years to enjoy life again, some things will never be enjoyed again. Life goes on, it is for the living. We need to send our little ones thoughts of joy, of comfort, not tears and darkness. Their 'essence', that which made them who they were, will always be a part of our very being, of our souls. They are safe, they are at peace. They are as near as our thoughts and prayers.....
PS when you are ready, and sometimes that will will never come, consider bringing a new little one into your home. More often than not, that time chooses us, we say we won't ever let ourselves be hurt again,and there that connection with a little soul is. You have a big heart, no one would ever replace your sweet boy's love because that is secure and protected. Like a mother's love for several children, each one is unique and precious. You CAN learn to love again. Your little one would be honored, it shows you can't be with out that purr, that joy at watching a cat's antics, of knowing their special personality, all things he taught your heart. At the beginning it brings welcome distraction from our grief,and although it can never be the same, it brings joy and love back into our lives eventually. Just as our little ones want for us, because that is what love is.

 

[les26]

Reading your story it is easy to understand why it hurts you so much, you had a very special relationship with him and he opened up to you and that made you feel so happy and he was happy, but some cats are a little more reserved at times, but he had everything that he wanted and needed, you saw to that. It is a shame that he couldn't have stayed with you longer but his spirit will always be with you.

I don't know if I suggested it or not but I usually try to remember but in times of great stress and heartache the herb Holy Basil helped me out as it just lets you deal with the stress better, it is still there but you can handle it better and it is an herb not a drug and had no side effects and I am pretty sensitive to adverse reactions so maybe it would be of help to you?

I know all too well the heartache you have now, I wish I could take some of it away for you....take care.

 

[sweetblackpaws]

Just because he was an anxious kitty does not mean he didn't know how loved he was. Think about anxious people - they still know they are loved. I think Jaspurr was far happier than you may realize. You saved him and loved him. I believe - as with humans - part of their energy stays with us. But I think it is important that you understand that he knows how loved he was. I promise you this.

 

[solomonar]

Love comes in many shapes, we all know this.

If every single Human on Earth would care a cat, there would be no war and no crimes.

Look life through Jaspurr's eyes: first days -were much difficult and awful, not at all resembling to the Color and Splendor World of the Home-Cloud. Fears, aggression - a dark world.

Then a Big Creature Who has no claws (that is you :-)) comes in, cuddles Jaspurr, feeds him, care him, love him. The World is now full of tasty smells, is warm and nice. And Jaspurr sleep and dreams as any happy cat should do. His job is to love you. And this is not easy, am I right? How many of us can do it?

But at a moment in time, there is a Call. The Home-Cloud Call. The Body is in pain, but Soul is happy. Are you happy when you finish your job with wonderful results? That is the same with every Creature's Soul: when returning, the Soul is happy, like a baker who take the bread out of the oven and sell it. The baker is tired, sweating, but happy.

Enjoy the gift of nice memories, keep loving Jaspurr. I dont mind his body is not on Earth anymore. Your relation is priceless and I cant imagine a better end than this.

My tears for your furry friend and a word of compassion to you, the one who keeps a part of Jaspurr in Soul and heart.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Jaspurr lived, breathed and had his being in your love. What joy he knew came from you. And he is not gone, not entirely. When you can, for a moment, still the weeping of your heart, you may well hear him there, or find a sign of his presence. This just recently happened with another member, who thought her beloved cat would not ever make his presence known. Hugs to you. My heart with yours.