I need some help determining if my cat is bullying the other. I have a video if you’d like to see.

[Tatum]

First of all, please ignore the state of the floor this was filmed in! It’s definitely in need of a good cleaning.
Anyway, I’ve got two cats and they’re both somewhere between two and three years old. I used to live with a roommate. At that time, these two got along greatly! They played and snuggled and cleaned one another. Then, I moved back home last May. My family has three dogs and a cat. I don’t know if that has anything to do with my predicament, but I feel the more backstory you have the better.

My two cats don’t cuddle anymore. They don’t clean each other or play with each other either. That makes me sad, first of all, but I’m also concerned that the grey one is intimidating or bullying my orange cat. He’s very energetic, way more than she is. He sometimes chases her and she’ll run a few feet, then turn around and hiss at him. There are times where she will want to come into my room, but will sit outside in the hall because she can see him already in my room. And he seems to sit in eyesight facing as if he’s blocking the roomI don’t like that. I love them both and want them to feel free to come and go as they choose.

I don’t know what to do. I filmed a video this morning of them interacting. My orange cat will sometimes hiss and have her ears back, and there have been times where they roll around a lot playing/fighting but I haven’t been able to catch that on camera yet. Keep in mind that they don’t always act hostile to each other. They’re often in the same room together, sometimes even relatively close. I just can’t tell what the relationship is like anymore.

Thank you all

- YouTube

 

[Kieka]

Your video is private.

Sometimes cats are more roommates then friends, especially as they get older and outgrow kittenhood. It doesn't mean either is unhappy with the situation. They might stake claim to different areas and they might wrestle from time to time but so long as you aren't getting fur flying or blood in their wrestling it's generally within the realm of acceptable.

My cats are okay with each other, they don't groom each other but they do sleep in the same room, eat and will play together. Sometimes the play can seem more serious because one is a whiner and the other an easy hisser (hissing at the slightest thing). But I usually don't have to step in and they don't get to a point where they actively avoid each other. They each have a claimed space and the others respect that space most of the time, but invading the space is tolerated to a degree too. It's a balance, and as long as the balance is okay it workable for the group as a whole.

 

[Kris107]

Kieka beat me to it! All things I was going to say. My parents cat were adopted together, same age, maybe even same litter, and they started out cuddly and now they are just roommates. At night they sleep in totally different rooms. One thing I thought about from your story is when your girl wants to come into your room but won't because boy is there already. Perhaps you can keep some treats in your nightstand and lure her in and reward them both when they sit on the bed? Just a thought, but she may still not really enjoy his presence.

 

[Tatum]

Your video is private.

Sometimes cats are more roommates then friends, especially as they get older and outgrow kittenhood. It doesn't mean either is unhappy with the situation. They might stake claim to different areas and they might wrestle from time to time but so long as you aren't getting fur flying or blood in their wrestling it's generally within the realm of acceptable.

My cats are okay with each other, they don't groom each other but they do sleep in the same room, eat and will play together. Sometimes the play can seem more serious because one is a whiner and the other an easy hisser (hissing at the slightest thing). But I usually don't have to step in and they don't get to a point where they actively avoid each other. They each have a claimed space and the others respect that space most of the time, but invading the space is tolerated to a degree too. It's a balance, and as long as the balance is okay it workable for the group as a whole.

Well, that’s embarrassing! I re-uploaded the video, so it should work now. I suppose this situation could be normal. At the very least, I want them both to be happy, even if they aren’t best friends anymore. As long as neither one is afraid or scared of the other, I can be content. Thank you very much for your response

 

[Tatum]

Kieka beat me to it! All things I was going to say. My parents cat were adopted together, same age, maybe even same litter, and they started out cuddly and now they are just roommates. At night they sleep in totally different rooms. One thing I thought about from your story is when your girl wants to come into your room but won't because boy is there already. Perhaps you can keep some treats in your nightstand and lure her in and reward them both when they sit on the bed? Just a thought, but she may still not really enjoy his presence.

Thank you for your reply! I do have plenty of treats and she loves them, so I may have to entice her to come in. She loves to sleep on my bed between my feet (and it’s difficult to move around with her there sometimes lol). He also sleeps in my room but on the rug by the bed. As long as they’re both happy, I can learn to be too.

 

[Kris107]

I watched the video and nothing in it seems too crazy. Is your orange (your girl?) cat always the submissive one? She didn't get up and run away in that video - she continued to lay there. Sometimes I will be The Law with mine if one is getting too wild and relentlessly chasing the other one. When one is really trying to evade and the other cat doesn't let up, I step in. Or, if it's sounding a little too snarly or I hear one of them make their "ouch" sound, I'll step in. You also have to watch to see who instigated it. I had a cat who, I watched walk over to her sister, smack him on the face, then lay down on the ground, tummy up, and hiss and cry like she was the victim. I had no sympathy for her.

 

[Tatum]

I watched the video and nothing in it seems too crazy. Is your orange (your girl?) cat always the submissive one? She didn't get up and run away in that video - she continued to lay there. Sometimes I will be The Law with mine if one is getting too wild and relentlessly chasing the other one. When one is really trying to evade and the other cat doesn't let up, I step in. Or, if it's sounding a little too snarly or I hear one of them make their "ouch" sound, I'll step in. You also have to watch to see who instigated it. I had a cat who, I watched walk over to her sister, smack him on the face, then lay down on the ground, tummy up, and hiss and cry like she was the victim. I had no sympathy for her.

Yes, she is the submissive one with him. My parents have a cat that my orange one can be the aggressor and antagonizer towards, but that doesn’t happen all the time, thankfully.
Tilly, my orange one, will oftentimes avoid walking near Lincoln, the grey one, because he’ll dart after her. That’s when she’ll run a few feet before turning around and hissing. In this video, I heard a hiss first and then walked into the room to see this interaction. I thankfully had my phone so I could get others’ opinions.

 

[Kieka]

Watched the video, totally 100% normal play.

When the boys play together it looks exactly like that. Main difference being Fury will whine anytime Link gets the upper hand in the slightest. I only step into stop if it goes too far or Link doesn't back off. But Link is pretty good at reading the signals. Hissing or whining only becomes a signal of a problem if the other cats ignores it.

 

[susanm9006]

I thought it look just like rather subdued play. No howling, the yellow one had a number of opportunities to get up and run but didn’t and there wasn’t any continuous wrestling and slapping, screaming or fur being pulled out that you would see in an actual fight.