I Need Some Guidance

[MoeFridaPearl]

Hi!
My husband and I have been working on introducing a new cat (stray, that found us) into our 2 cat household. We have been working on this for almost 3 months now. We have been going really slow on the introductions. Trying to follow all the recommended steps. We have had lots of progress. And some set backs. New kitty loves being a house cat, it’s like it’s all she ever wanted. But I’m starting to feel concerned these 3 cats my never get along. We are currently in the phase where they eat every meal around each other. Also we have been successful with most play sessions as long as we cut it short once things get tense. But my patience is wearing thin. I’m really tired of having our house divided. Resident cats seem a little confused as to why we still keep new kitty separate. Some days I think to myself ok, this week will be the week. And then it passes and we are still in the same position. Here is an example of what’s still stressing us out. Last night we fed cats dinner (they eat in the hallway outside kitties base camp) after one resident cat was done eating she walked up to new kitty who was still eating. They both seemed relaxed. Then resident kitty walked behind new kitty into the bathroom that is attached to new kitties basecamp. Before we knew it new kitty ran after her, screaming and swiping. This has happened before so I wasn’t too worried. I don’t think they hurt each other but it sounds like a back alley brawl. What really stresses me out it is when the other resident cat gets involved, he yowls and screams and it’s scary! suddenly the whole situation feels out of control. Luckily we were able to keep male resident cat out of the little bathroom and then grabbed a towel to pick up new kitty and put her in basecamp. I was so shaken up I cried later about it. What should we do? Honestly if I had someone who was able to take new kitty I think I would. I miss my two cat household. But I don’t know anyone who wants her and I refuse to stress her out by taking her to a rescue. Please give me advice.

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi!
I'm so sorry this is stressing you out so badly!

A couple of thoughts - can you feed them elsewhere? I think it's too close to new kitty's basecamp, and could be sparking territorial angst on new kitty's part.

Is she usually the one who first expresses herself with screams and swipes?
If so, can you obtain some calming treats for her? There are a lot of products on the market, with a variety of ingredients such as casein, tryptophan, valerian, chamomile, and some people have had good results with CBD oil although you'd want to double check with your vet just in case.

Can you also obtain a calming diffuser? Feliway is one although be aware that amazon has third party fake product issues, and thunderease and sentry and probably others have diffusers as well.

In addition you might consider trying music. It's known to help relax cats, and you could try classical harp music, the app Relax My Cat, kusc.org or MusicForCats . com.

One other thing, that works for both cats and people, is chamomile tea from the bags (not loose leaf). Give her up to three cooled tablespoons a couple times a day, and have a cuppa for yourself as well because cats are little feline sponges for our emotions.

Hang in there - let us know how things go

 

[MoeFridaPearl]

Thanks so much for the tips. Usually it’s either resident male or new female kitty that start the screaming the few times it’s gotten to that point. That’s the worst part for me. Instant adrenaline. I think you are right about changing where we are feeding. I think we will try downstairs tonight. I have a feliway defuser. I have calming treats but they haven’t been a huge hit with anyone. Today I picked up some cbd. We had talked with the vet a month ago about that being an option. I also think I need a cup of tea! Lol thanks. I’ll keep you posted.

 

[1 bruce 1]

How old is new kitty? Is she a kitten, young cat, adult?
If she's spent her life as a stray, being defensive at meal times and around food that she has is probably what kept her alive/fended off anything that tried to swipe her food from her.
How did your other resident cat (not the one that joined in with yowling, but the one she ran after swiping) react?
Another option might be continuing the feeding regimen you have going on, but keeping new kitty either behind a gate or in a wire dog crate where she can see, hear, and interact without doing harm.
In retrospect, 3 months seems like a long time for us (humans) but for a cat that probably isn't still 100% sure about this "house with other cats" thing, it's not.
Have they ever done damage to one another, such as bites or scratches that draw blood or need to be treated by the vet?

 

[MoeFridaPearl]

This is a long response, sorry.
New Kitty (pearl) vet estimated her to be around 2 years old.
We did feeding on either side of pet gates for the first 2 months (very slowly with limited sight at first) there hasn’t been any aggression at meal time. It’s once resident cat (Frida, almost 2 years old) was finished eating and tried to walk behind Pearl where things got tense. I usually guide pearl back into basecamp once the first cat stops focusing on their food. But as time goes on I’m trying to get them to spend a few more moments together before just separating them again. This is why we have been feeding right outside basecamp. This is also why I am nervous to move mealtimes downstairs.
Frida (resident cat) swiped back in defense and maybe screamed and hissed as well I couldn’t tell. But then things settled for a second and she was looking for the exit. Of course just as she was going to head for the door, Moe our resident (12 year old boy) came running at the door yowling and hissing so I shut the door (Barely in time.) my husband grabbed a towel and put pearl in basecamp and then I let Frida out. I kinda sat with the two resident cats and my husband went in with pearl. I’m pretty positive no one got hurt. Not even sure if they actually touched each other it just sounds like a major brawl. After a few moments I picked up a toy and played with Frida in the stairs while I cried and questioned this whole situation.
They have never done damage to one another. One other time about one month in, a similar issue happened. This one had to do with territory and it was because of me making some dumb choices. Long story short I was scratched pretty badly by pearl and moe.
Thanks for the advice. Let me know if you think this is ever going to work or if I should just try to find pearl a home with no other cats. that makes me sad just typing it.

 

[1 bruce 1]

This is a long response, sorry.
New Kitty (pearl) vet estimated her to be around 2 years old.
We did feeding on either side of pet gates for the first 2 months (very slowly with limited sight at first) there hasn’t been any aggression at meal time. It’s once resident cat (Frida, almost 2 years old) was finished eating and tried to walk behind Pearl where things got tense. I usually guide pearl back into basecamp once the first cat stops focusing on their food. But as time goes on I’m trying to get them to spend a few more moments together before just separating them again. This is why we have been feeding right outside basecamp. This is also why I am nervous to move mealtimes downstairs.
Frida (resident cat) swiped back in defense and maybe screamed and hissed as well I couldn’t tell. But then things settled for a second and she was looking for the exit. Of course just as she was going to head for the door, Moe our resident (12 year old boy) came running at the door yowling and hissing so I shut the door (Barely in time.) my husband grabbed a towel and put pearl in basecamp and then I let Frida out. I kinda sat with the two resident cats and my husband went in with pearl. I’m pretty positive no one got hurt. Not even sure if they actually touched each other it just sounds like a major brawl. After a few moments I picked up a toy and played with Frida in the stairs while I cried and questioned this whole situation.
They have never done damage to one another. One other time about one month in, a similar issue happened. This one had to do with territory and it was because of me making some dumb choices. Long story short I was scratched pretty badly by pearl and moe.
Thanks for the advice. Let me know if you think this is ever going to work or if I should just try to find pearl a home with no other cats. that makes me sad just typing it.

OK, the never doing damage is a good thing.
It's upsetting, and I would want to stop it, but this is loud cat speak that is foreign to human ears. It's defensiveness on the new cats part (2 years old is not a baby, but not exactly a seasoned, wise veteran) and your cats sounded like they handled it very well.
We have two colonies here where we live that are separate except for a male that fits well with every one. A few of the cats have rarely, if ever met.
When Baby Girl was a young nut case and decided she wanted to take on 5 other adult cats, she ran into the room and became a hissing factory. There was hissing, swatting, screaming and growling (mostly from her...). I opened the door, and she hustled back in and then spent another two weeks hanging around the door and puffing up because how dare those other cats live/steal oxygen?
I have a brother/sister (litter mate) combo here that have been together since birth. Occasionally, they get into it with a lot of dramatic screaming, slapping and hissing, and sometimes fur flies and one rushes off while the other parades with a mouth full of litter mate hair. No harm has ever been done.
I would certainly supervise all their interactions, but it's you I worry more about (please don't take offense or be upset, just read on. If you hate my answer, then you can call me a jackass )
You're stressed out. You want this to work and in your eyes it's not, and might never. This is a cat/cat/cat introduction, which is more difficult than a cat/kitten introduction (when the kitten will, 99% of the time, automatically defer to the adult.) This little cat is street smart and has learned that defense works. Your adult cats know you well, and when you're stressed out and worried, they are too. If you see a potential problem and freeze up, they WILL see this and react because to them, the freezing up = new cat might be a problem to the house hold. They know you, and can see this.
New cat might see you freezing up and think "new person's freezing up. Maybe the other cats are causing problems" and will react.
This isn't a "blame yourself" post. This is a post from a guy who has done a lot of introductions wrong and has noticed that our own reactions and anticipations can make or break a fight.
The same goes for dogs. You got your dog on a leash at the vet. Another dog comes in, and drags the owner to your dog. They sniff, tails are high, tense, your dog sends you a 1/2 second glance you may not even notice, and if you're tense, staring, or promptly jerk the leash as tight as you can, they might attack the other dog. If you're relaxed (or, as relaxed as possible) and keep the leash loose, odds are your dog won't react unless they're reactive in the first place.

I think the same is for cats. If we're tense, they're tense. If we see them potentially crossing paths and hold our breath, tense up, lean forward, and stare at them, odds are the tension will travel. If they're tense, a movement they aren't expecting will cause a reaction, so if the other cat crosses behind they may react with hissing/claws.

I know, this isn't easy. I'm NOT picking on you because I see how badly you want this to work and how hard you're trying. And that deserves a LOT of credit. You're a really, really amazing cat person/owner for wanting to help not only "new" stray cat (that wants to be a house cat!), but your residents so everyone is happy. Please don't take this post as being snippy, just something that might help someone who I think has the right stuff to make it all work!
But just do your best to relax. It won't happen overnight, and I know it's easier said than done. I'm the worlds biggest worrier there is!
Signed, a fellow worrier!

 

[MoeFridaPearl]

Your response is spot on. I usually start this off by telling my friends I am the problem, and I know it! I think I’m nervous because I have never introduced a 3rd cat. Always just had two and that was really easy. Before this I had Sophie (passed away last September, I had her since she was a kitten and she lived to 14) and Moe now 12. Last oct we got Frida, I was way more confident that everything would be fine as she was a very well socialized adolescent/kitten. Her introduction was pretty easy all though It took about 6 months before the two of them had all the kinks worked out.
I think this introduction with pearl has been harder since we weren’t even planning to get a third cat. She just kind of showed up at our community garden on the 4th of July. Hungry and being sweet. We fed her and she curled up in my husbands lap. Long story short we got her to the vet. (Vet agreed she had been stray for quite a while but at one point must have been around people.) Quickly got her fixed and on the mend. She has transition into the house cat life like a dream.
I know I need to calm down and be patient. I have also talked with a really close friend about her coming and helping my husband with introductions.

This is just what I needed to hear! Thanks so much. I’ll keep you posted

 

[KarenKat]

Hang in there, I am at the tail end of introducing a 2-yr stray into a 2-cat household and I say I wouldn't wish a long cat introduction on my worst enemy. This is the first time I've introduced a cat, and I probably rushed a few steps. We began last Thanksgiving (November), and our major issue was 7ry resident Gohan being very territorial and constantly chasing new kitty Olive to her safe room anytime she poked her head up. It took 7 months for them to be in the same room without tension, and it was so amazing! It was like we forgot how a stress-free environment could be after all those long months. Probably month 3-4 was the hardest, I definitely shed many tears and was mildly depressed from all of the stress. But if it's just defensiveness and territoriality and not attempted murder and real cat fights, it's definitely doable! Like 1 bruce 1 said, stay calm and try and relax. You've watch the tiffs enough that you probably know they won't hurt each other most likely. Also, try and do some cat-free things each week like a massage or a movie that gives you a break. You are earning it!!

The only advice I have, because it sounds like you are doing all the right things, is to try and territory swap. We couldn't really do this ourselves because we would have had to use carriers and once Gohan hears that zipper jingle, he hides for hours. I think it would have really helped our territoriality/chasing issue. Basically, new kitty's safe room has become her Alamo that she must defend. If you start swapping around the territories without having them meet, then her stuff smells like the resident cats, and the rest of the house smells like her. So it doesn't seem to her that she has to defend one area if the whole place smells like everyone. Jackson Galaxy has a few stories about this, one I read in his biography Cat Daddy where a cat was attacking any stranger that would come in the house. He said that with the new baby's things upstairs along with food, litter, toys and cat trees, anything worth defending was in one place and the cat became highly territorial. The issue was solved when they mingled everything throughout the house so the cat felt his territory grow bigger and there was not one room to defend. I know how difficult cat wrangling can be, but maybe switching it up may help.

 

[MoeFridaPearl]

Thanks for the pep talk and advice! We do site swapping every day. I don’t want anyone to think the own and part of the house. But new kitties sleeps with us every night as this is her basecamp. I also have read Jackson galaxys newest book which helped a lot at first it was like our guide to all this.
Thanks again! I know in my heart we will get there

 

[KarenKat]

M MoeFridaPearl , you are definitely in a better place than I was! Hopefully they start to get along soon!

 

[MoeFridaPearl]

Update and question:
Last night, this morning and tonight we have been able to have all 3 cats hang out with minimal hisses growls and swipes. At bed time we put new kitty into basecamp. Now I want to know when do you just open up the house again. When do you let go of basecamp. Last night new kitties started meowing in the middle of the night like she wanted out of basecamp. Which made for not a great nights sleep, since basecamp is our bedroom. I’m kinda anxious this will continue to happen now that she is more comfortable with resident cats. But I’m scared to have a middle of the night brawl. Advice please

 

[MoeFridaPearl]

Update! After 3 months 10 day (but who’s counting) my 3 cats are hanging out! Sharing the whole house and loving having the whole house opened up! They have been hanging out since Sunday evening. Only closing the door to basecamp at bed time and when they are home alone. Soon I think we will leave them together all the time. The biggest lesson I have learned over this 1/4 of a year project is... this is a marathon not a race. Also that my cats feed off my energy way more that I ever knew... I wish I would have know that 15 years ago when I got my first kitten. Anyway, I just needed to brag and I knew a few fellow cat lovers would understand. Thanks for all the advice and support.