I need closure

[TheTaraBird]

My cat was actually put down 3 weeks ago, but what he died from was never understood despite me giving him various treatments for 3 months. I miss my friend and I'm still hurting. I've been told I'll make myself crazy thinking about "What ifs" but I feel like there was something I missed.

My cat was a 13 year old neutered Male domestic shorthair (though after he died his genetics came in and I found out he was a Russian Blue, Siamese, Peterbald and Persian mix). He suffered from a case of idiopathic cystitis that came back every 2 weeks or so. It wasn't caused by bacteria or crystals so I was told it must be stress. I tried so many meds to try to lessen the symptoms or make them less frequent and nothing worked. Then he get a case of pancreatitis. I treated that at home since it was fairly mild. But the cystitis never went away. I was constantly told it was stress related and to calm him down. I spent a lot of money on calming chews, a calming collar, feliway plugins and prescription food with calming agents in it. It didn't matter. In fact I tried so many drugs to try to control his cystitis and his anxiety that a blood test showed that his liver was starting to have problems, his glucose was high in his blood and urine which suggested he might be diabetic now too (I regularly got him blood tests since the cystitis). I started researching insulin to start treating possible diabetes as well after that.

A week before I was going to take him in for his fructosimine (spelling?) Test to see if he was truly diabetic, he was howling through the house, straining to defecate bloody diarrhea, straining to urinate and gagging. It was at that point I wondered if his pancreatitis had come back. He'd lost a lot of weight rapidly. I decided that day to put him down, as I was exhausted, my finances were exhausted, and he especially seemed exhausted.

What happened to my cat? Why did nothing I did save him? He had also been on corticosteroids since he was 7 for skin allergies. I was told to stop his prednisolone since he might be diabetic, so I did, but then 5 days after I stopped it the vet told me "by the way don't stop it too fast".

Did that med error cause this? Any insight would help me greatly. I miss my cat. He was a very sweet boy and I just want answers.

 

[Moewnlater]

I'm sorry about your boy. Loss always lingers, but especially without answers. You COULD easily drive yourself mad wondering, but do NOT regret the care and love you gave him. You did your best. Perhaps others did not, but I doubt it was intentional neglect or misguidance. I think most to all vets are animal lovers by nature. The how and why is less important than the what you ultimately gave your beloved hunk of a cat. He's out of pain and had the best life with you possible. It is ok to grieve without answers that never tell us how to feel anyway. Take care.

 

[daftcat75]

The best advice I saw in the Crossing the Bridge forums is, "don't let his death take on more meaning than his life."

Yesterday was 4 weeks since my Krista passed. I too have doubts and guilt about possibly making med or care mistakes in her final year and in her final days. But whether someone says, "you did nothing wrong" or "that could have played a part", neither answer will bring Krista back.

At this point, "closure" would only mean giving yourself permission to blame yourself and take on additional suffering. I don't suggest this. That's not what your boy would have wanted. Denial, anger, bargaining are all stages of grief. It's going to take time to get through the "ifs" and "shoulds". Eventually you'll realize they don't matter. I know we would give anything for more time with our loved ones. But it doesn't work that way. And the sooner we let go of the "ifs" and "shoulds", the quicker we can get to celebrating the love and life we shared with them.

That said, you will continue to struggle with this for quite some time. That's why I find mantras useful: a short piece of wisdom that can be easily recalled to change the temperature of the grief you're feeling. When you find yourself dwelling on his death, remind yourself that his life is what is important. Don't let his death take on more meaning than his life.

 

[FeebysOwner]

I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing that I can really add of benefit to what has already been said. There, sometimes, are no answers. And, there is no way to stop the 'what if' or the 'if only' doubts. As said above, just let yourself go through the grief, but don't forget to insert moments of wonderful memories throughout the days/weeks/months ahead. On the 'other side' of this, that is what you will cherish the most - the times he brought you joy/laughter (and, probably some aggravation from time to time, that you will able to look back on and chuckle). It all just takes time. I lost Tawny in 1992, and Gracie in 2004. It took a long time, but I can look at their pictures, remember their silly quirks and, thankfully, it brings a smile to my face. Feeby at 16+yo is still with me - but I think of what's to come...

If you don't post it here, and choose to use the Crossing the Bridge section of this site WHEN you are ready, we would love to know his name and to see some pictures of him. Doing so is a wonderful way to memorialize him, and pay tribute to him and his life with you, as he so justly deserves. RIP little guy.

 

[daftcat75]

Plus you get some free grief counseling in the Crossing the Bridge section. That was a forum I never wanted to visit while Krista was still with me. But it's been of immeasurable comfort since she passed. No one there will tell you it's taking too long and you should be over it by now. No one there will tell you your grief is too much.

 

[trishc59]

My cat was actually put down 3 weeks ago, but what he died from was never understood despite me giving him various treatments for 3 months. I miss my friend and I'm still hurting. I've been told I'll make myself crazy thinking about "What ifs" but I feel like there was something I missed.

My cat was a 13 year old neutered Male domestic shorthair (though after he died his genetics came in and I found out he was a Russian Blue, Siamese, Peterbald and Persian mix). He suffered from a case of idiopathic cystitis that came back every 2 weeks or so. It wasn't caused by bacteria or crystals so I was told it must be stress. I tried so many meds to try to lessen the symptoms or make them less frequent and nothing worked. Then he get a case of pancreatitis. I treated that at home since it was fairly mild. But the cystitis never went away. I was constantly told it was stress related and to calm him down. I spent a lot of money on calming chews, a calming collar, feliway plugins and prescription food with calming agents in it. It didn't matter. In fact I tried so many drugs to try to control his cystitis and his anxiety that a blood test showed that his liver was starting to have problems, his glucose was high in his blood and urine which suggested he might be diabetic now too (I regularly got him blood tests since the cystitis). I started researching insulin to start treating possible diabetes as well after that.

A week before I was going to take him in for his fructosimine (spelling?) Test to see if he was truly diabetic, he was howling through the house, straining to defecate bloody diarrhea, straining to urinate and gagging. It was at that point I wondered if his pancreatitis had come back. He'd lost a lot of weight rapidly. I decided that day to put him down, as I was exhausted, my finances were exhausted, and he especially seemed exhausted.

What happened to my cat? Why did nothing I did save him? He had also been on corticosteroids since he was 7 for skin allergies. I was told to stop his prednisolone since he might be diabetic, so I did, but then 5 days after I stopped it the vet told me "by the way don't stop it too fast".

Did that med error cause this? Any insight would help me greatly. I miss my cat. He was a very sweet boy and I just want answers.

i am so very sorry for your loss, we lost our boy Sept 6, 2020 it was so very unexpected and while we have his sister here (both 15 years) we still wander around the house like lost souls. Our fur babies give us so much love and joy, i think what haunts us is our own second guessing, our fur babies cannot tell us where it hurts or even when they are older that they are tired and want to go. It is all left to us to decide and that is a heavy burden because we love them so much and we do not want to see them leave us, so i think the grief is harder and longer. Your fur baby will live forever in your heart you will keep him alive in your mind with memories. One day at time till we can remember them with more joy than sorrow.