I love my cat, but i dont like her anymore.

[terestrife]

This feelings make me feel guilty. But there are moments that I cannot stand my cat, moments that i wish i could just dump her on someone else to deal with.

I know that sounds awful, and anyone here that has seen me through the years knows that i love my cats. I even home make food for them. I take time to pet them, and brush their teeth everyday. Even if i get home late from work.

Kitty is an incredibly spoiled and needy cat. My mom (god rest her soul) she used to sleep with her door open, Kitty would wake her in the middle of the night begging for food. So she would get food whenever she felt like it. Now that my mom is gone, im stuck dealing with her on my own.

Im so tired of her waking me up at 4 am on a Saturday. I tried for months not reacting to the yowling and door scratching, but then she switched to my nieces door, and started waking up her son. I used to sleep with a sound machine, which worked. But again, my niece complains of the cat at her door. i had to hear complaints of her door having scratches.

i tried tiring her out at night, but shes overweight and doesnt really like playing much. i tried leaving her food overnight. She manages to eat the frozen ice puck of food early in the night, or she ignores it to come and beg at my door. I've gotten to the point that i cant even hear her meowing without getting a headache.

I've had issues in the two houses i have lived in because family members cant stand cats. i cant find anywhere inexpensive to live because i have cats.

I came home sick the other day, it wasnt her food time. It was 1:00 PM. I had to go downstairs and give her treats in desperation just so she would allow me to sleep off the fever.

Im sorry, i know these feelings will probably get me a lot of angry responses, but i dont know what to do with these thoughts. I promised myself i would never rehome my cat, but if i cant find a way to coexist with her, i worry one day i will give in and rehome her. I already struggle with severe mood swings due to hormone issues that I have. Im currently taking megestrol to deal with some abnormal cells found in my uterus.

I am begging you all, how do i deal with her? I need peace in my life.

The cat I am having issues with is Kitty. Elsa is a really well behaved independent cat.

Note: she gets a yearly blood test, theres nothing wrong with her. She has always behaved this way.

Note 2: i dont feel this way all of the time. These feelings crop up when shes woken me up. The rest of the time i get along fine with her.

 

[di and bob]

It sounds like you are still giving in to her, reenforcing her begging and extending her whining time longer and longer. She is conditioned, and so are you, to go longer and longer, but she is still being rewarded at the end of things. The secret is to NEVER give in to to anything you are trying to break her of. You reward good behavior, not bad. It also sounds like you are experiencing a stressful enough time without adding more. You have health problems, living with relatives (which is stressful at the best of times) and it sounds like your life in general is out of control. No wonder you feel the way you do. You have to get your life back into control, working at one thing at a time.
Cats, as you know, are creatures of habit and wanting things to never change. She learned this habit of getting up and fed from your mother and now it is up to you to break her. Cats can't ignore a closed door, it drives them crazy when one denies them access. Leaving your door open would eventually entice her to sleep all night on your bed, but first you can't give in to her trying to wake you up. This might take weeks to months, but eventually it would work IF you don't give in to her. Tell her NO, and ignore her. Have your noise machine on. Take Benadryl to help you sleep during this time. Reward her when she eventually lets you sleep with treats and food in the morning. I advise getting on the internet and researching cat training sites such as "My cat from hell" and getting tips, you are not the only one experiencing this. I had 4 cats that had a tendency to play at night and wake us up, I took two of them to another part of the house designated as their sleeping quarters. I gave them some treats every night when I led them there with the bag of treats and eventually they went willingly, they even came to get me to take them there at a certain time each night!
I knwo it's hard, but you can't be a victim anymore. Start with the easiest thing, like trying to get a better job to get more pay to get your own place. It CAN be done. It sounded like you had found a solutionb until your niece started complaining. This is a behavorial thing, so you must be teh smarter one here. Research ways others have found to break something like this and stick with it.
I commend you for keeping her, despite her irritating ways. she DOES love you, but she is an animal and you shouldn't let her manipulate you. Yoyu will be blessed for reaching out fro help, I truly pray you will find an answer.....

 

[ArtNJ]

Honestly, I'd feel the same without a finished basement where I put my cats for the night. I get up at 3 or 4 am every night from my sleep apnea and I feel its too much to ask for a cat to just understand that I'm not going to pay any attention to them and just let me go back to sleep. Ignoring them sounds great and all, and it usually is, but sometimes its just too dang hard. In your case it makes perfect sense to me that ignoring the cat doesnt work.

Do you have any sort of room that would do the trick for a cat's night room?

 

[Azazel]

I posted this in another thread but I’ve somehow miraculously trained all 3 of my cats to leave me alone until my alarm goes off. I make homemade raw too and I think the trick is to (1) get in a good play session before bed - I know some cats are more playful than others but I’m a strong believer that if you’re just persistent to find the right game/toy you can bring out the hunter in any cat, (2) get a good meal right before bed, (3) do not pay any attention to them whatsoever if they try to wake you through the night. This includes even lifting your head to see what they’re doing. Cats take that as a response, (4) set an alarm and make a big deal of the fact that you’re getting up as soon as it goes off. Start talking to them and paying attention to them, call them over and get up. Mine learned quickly that the alarm was the cue to wait for. It worked on all 3 of them!

As soon as it goes off I have 3 cats in/on my face and at that point I love it cause they help me get up and I can actually enjoy waking up to their little fur butts.

 

[nwc]

Accept that your current life circumstances are not conducive to caring for a needy animal, and rehome. The cat will continue bother the other people you live with while you are trying to train him, or they will give into him and make the training futile.

I don't mean for this to sound harsh. By all means, try and look for better work and living situation. But if you can't, don't feel that it's your fault.

 

[FeebysOwner]

I don't think anyone who responded suggested that you keep Kitty in your room at night - to quell the other house members who aren't as appreciative of cats as you are. 1.) this will keep them off your back, and 2.) you will have to suffer for a while through ignoring her, but with discipline, consistency, and the fact you will have complete control over the situation, you can break her of this habit. I hope you don't rehome her, and tbh, I don't really think you want to.

See if there are any tips in these articles that might help you 'train' Kitty to stop disturbing you.
How To Stop My Cat From Waking Me Up At Night (step-by-step Plan)
How To Set Healthy Boundaries For Your Cat

 

[terestrife]

It sounds like you are still giving in to her, reenforcing her begging and extending her whining time longer and longer. She is conditioned, and so are you, to go longer and longer, but she is still being rewarded at the end of things. The secret is to NEVER give in to to anything you are trying to break her of. You reward good behavior, not bad. It also sounds like you are experiencing a stressful enough time without adding more. You have health problems, living with relatives (which is stressful at the best of times) and it sounds like your life in general is out of control. No wonder you feel the way you do. You have to get your life back into control, working at one thing at a time.

I commend you for keeping her, despite her irritating ways. she DOES love you, but she is an animal and you shouldn't let her manipulate you. Yoyu will be blessed for reaching out fro help, I truly pray you will find an answer.....

i'll try looking around online. its tough not to give into to her. she meows for hours, and i do have to eventually leave my room to do things. lol
so i worry she sees the opening of the door as the reward for her meowing. ive been able to rest this weekend so i am feeling better. ive been home resting, so shes been spending all day meowing, and ive been ignoring her. she doesnt really care though. i use the sound machine as much as i can, but its frustrating, she runs to my nieces room too.

Honestly, I'd feel the same without a finished basement where I put my cats for the night. I get up at 3 or 4 am every night from my sleep apnea and I feel its too much to ask for a cat to just understand that I'm not going to pay any attention to them and just let me go back to sleep. Ignoring them sounds great and all, and it usually is, but sometimes its just too dang hard. In your case it makes perfect sense to me that ignoring the cat doesnt work.

Do you have any sort of room that would do the trick for a cat's night room?

no this isnt my house. its my sisters house. i have my bed room, and my niece gets to use the two other rooms. she uses the excuse that she has a baby to have more space in the house.

plus if i locked the cat in a bedroom, she would go crazier than normal. she hates being locked up in bedrooms.

I posted this in another thread but I’ve somehow miraculously trained all 3 of my cats to leave me alone until my alarm goes off. I make homemade raw too and I think the trick is to (1) get in a good play session before bed - I know some cats are more playful than others but I’m a strong believer that if you’re just persistent to find the right game/toy you can bring out the hunter in any cat, (2) get a good meal right before bed, (3) do not pay any attention to them whatsoever if they try to wake you through the night. This includes even lifting your head to see what they’re doing. Cats take that as a response, (4) set an alarm and make a big deal of the fact that you’re getting up as soon as it goes off. Start talking to them and paying attention to them, call them over and get up. Mine learned quickly that the alarm was the cue to wait for. It worked on all 3 of them!

As soon as it goes off I have 3 cats in/on my face and at that point I love it cause they help me get up and I can actually enjoy waking up to their little fur butts.

does this work even if you wake up at different times during the weekend? my cat has an internal clock and knows she gets food early m-f. i used to feed them later in the afternoon, but she wont leave me alone when i get home. ive started getting home earlier in the afternoons. i used to get home at 6:30 PM i now get home at 5:00 pm. She gets hysterical if i dont feed her as soon as i get home.

thanks for the advice though.

Accept that your current life circumstances are not conducive to caring for a needy animal, and rehome. The cat will continue bother the other people you live with while you are trying to train him, or they will give into him and make the training futile.

I don't mean for this to sound harsh. By all means, try and look for better work and living situation. But if you can't, don't feel that it's your fault.

as much as i complain, i wouldnt feel right rehoming her. shes been with me since she was 3 months old. i want to learn to live with her better, not to just abandon her.

I don't think anyone who responded suggested that you keep Kitty in your room at night - to quell the other house members who aren't as appreciative of cats as you are. 1.) this will keep them off your back, and 2.) you will have to suffer for a while through ignoring her, but with discipline, consistency, and the fact you will have complete control over the situation, you can break her of this habit. I hope you don't rehome her, and tbh, I don't really think you want to.

See if there are any tips in these articles that might help you 'train' Kitty to stop disturbing you.
How To Stop My Cat From Waking Me Up At Night (step-by-step Plan)
How To Set Healthy Boundaries For Your Cat

Thanks for the links. Eventually i might have to sleep in the same room as the cats, if i move into a small apartment. But i would like to avoid that as long as i can. I have allergies, and dont want to have to take medication every day. so long as i keep them out of my room i dont need medication. I have had to bring them into my room for various reasons over the years, and it always triggers my allergies. Plus, its hard to sleep when they are in the room, they spend all night jumping on and off the bed.



-


thanks everyone, it made me feel better to receive so many positive responses. i'll keep looking up ways to help my cat calm down a bit. my niece is thinking of using the upstairs as a play area for her child. so we might be putting something on the stairs to keep the cats downstairs. so i might have some peace and quiet for awhile until i find my own place.

 

[zed xyzed]

can you get an automatic feeder that is set to open or provide food during the night?

 

[Furballsmom]

Hi, oh, zed xyzed literally just beat me to the post reply button LOL, I was thinking about the same thing I mean, you said you put food out and she'd eat it it up, but a couple timed feeders might help distract her.

 

[Azazel]

i'll try looking around online. its tough not to give into to her. she meows for hours, and i do have to eventually leave my room to do things. lol
so i worry she sees the opening of the door as the reward for her meowing. ive been able to rest this weekend so i am feeling better. ive been home resting, so shes been spending all day meowing, and ive been ignoring her. she doesnt really care though. i use the sound machine as much as i can, but its frustrating, she runs to my nieces room too.



no this isnt my house. its my sisters house. i have my bed room, and my niece gets to use the two other rooms. she uses the excuse that she has a baby to have more space in the house.

plus if i locked the cat in a bedroom, she would go crazier than normal. she hates being locked up in bedrooms.



does this work even if you wake up at different times during the weekend? my cat has an internal clock and knows she gets food early m-f. i used to feed them later in the afternoon, but she wont leave me alone when i get home. ive started getting home earlier in the afternoons. i used to get home at 6:30 PM i now get home at 5:00 pm. She gets hysterical if i dont feed her as soon as i get home.

thanks for the advice though.


as much as i complain, i wouldnt feel right rehoming her. shes been with me since she was 3 months old. i want to learn to live with her better, not to just abandon her.



Thanks for the links. Eventually i might have to sleep in the same room as the cats, if i move into a small apartment. But i would like to avoid that as long as i can. I have allergies, and dont want to have to take medication every day. so long as i keep them out of my room i dont need medication. I have had to bring them into my room for various reasons over the years, and it always triggers my allergies. Plus, its hard to sleep when they are in the room, they spend all night jumping on and off the bed.



-


thanks everyone, it made me feel better to receive so many positive responses. i'll keep looking up ways to help my cat calm down a bit. my niece is thinking of using the upstairs as a play area for her child. so we might be putting something on the stairs to keep the cats downstairs. so i might have some peace and quiet for awhile until i find my own place.

I do get up at the same time every day. Sometimes if I’m really tired I feed them and go back to sleep. But yeah, in general you have to get up at the same time. That’s the downside. I prefer it though cause it keeps me on a schedule and I’m more productive during the day.

 

[susanm9006]

If you are going to live in close quarters with your cats then you need to figure out what to with your allergies. Shots would be the best alternative.

 

[JamesCalifornia]

I don't think anyone who responded suggested that you keep Kitty in your room at night -

~ Ha ... I actually have done this myself. I even ended up putting a litter box in my room! Now I am used to having a few cats with me. They enjoy sleeping on the dresser, desk, atop the chest of drawers ...

Im so tired of her waking me up at 4 am on a Saturday.

Sorry you are having this trouble. Have you considered giving kitty Melatonin with L-Theanine before bed ?

 

[nwc]

Sorry you are having this trouble. Have you considered giving kitty Melatonin with L-Theanine before bed ?

Haha, I thought I was the only one who doses his cat with L-Theanine before bed.

 

[JamesCalifornia]

Haha, I thought I was the only one who doses his cat with L-Theanine before bed.

~ `

 

[foxxycat]

My new cat is overweight and this toy is absolutely her favorite. I wish the stick was longer but I can sit in a chair and flick this all around and she loves it.

https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/go-cat-teaser-cat-catcher-wand-cat-toy

 

[Ppsneepie]

Op I feel this. I went away to college, and passed my first cat, along to my sister. Now I don’t really understand what she did to the thing, but since getting her (the cat) back, I’ve had to completely retrain her. She hangs out in creepy places (I.e the back of my closet); she demands food at all times, and she seems to piss all over my sisters room.

She has had a very rough year, though. We were homeless for a bit, so she went to a vets office, and then a really dear friend of mine took care of her. I believe she’s still adjusting to our new apartment

 

[Etarre]

Maybe try ear plugs or those headphones that are specifically made for sleeping? They might work well
enough to enable you to let the cat in your room and stay asleep despite all of her meowing.

 

[ailish]

I get up at different times on the weekend than I do on weekdays (later). I feed Ailish at the same time on weekends as on weekdays and then go back to bed. I figure she can't be expected to understand being fed 3 hours later two days a week, so that's a battle I don't fight. I trained Ailish not to pester for food by simply not reacting AT ALL to her when she is pestering. Even if it's time to eat, I never, ever, ever get up when she tells me to. I'm sure I will pay for this when she tries to tell me the house is on fire and I burn to death.

At the beginning of the training you might have to get up the second she leaves you alone, because she won't do it for long. But you want to reward her for NOT pestering, so even if it's for five seconds, that's when you get up. Eventually she will let you alone for longer and longer.

That said, I have had no luck with keeping cats in or out of a room. I try to deal with the fact that unless I can deal with an unholy racket they will be where they want to be by teaching them to be polite while there. YMMV

 

[terestrife]

my niece decided to use the upstairs area for her child to play. so she put something small to block the cats. for now its keeping them downstairs, but who knows how long it will work.

can you get an automatic feeder that is set to open or provide food during the night?

i bought one a few days ago from amazon, had to return it as it looked used. will be buying a new one soon.

Hi, oh, zed xyzed literally just beat me to the post reply button LOL, I was thinking about the same thing I mean, you said you put food out and she'd eat it it up, but a couple timed feeders might help distract her.

i'll be trying that soon.

I do get up at the same time every day. Sometimes if I’m really tired I feed them and go back to sleep. But yeah, in general you have to get up at the same time. That’s the downside. I prefer it though cause it keeps me on a schedule and I’m more productive during the day.

i tend to sometimes nap on the weekends so my schedule gets messed up. lol

If you are going to live in close quarters with your cats then you need to figure out what to with your allergies. Shots would be the best alternative.

i'll look into that. im missing work so much due to my health issues that its hard to take even more time off, you know? but if i do move into a small place i will look into it.

~ Ha ... I actually have done this myself. I even ended up putting a litter box in my room! Now I am used to having a few cats with me. They enjoy sleeping on the dresser, desk, atop the chest of drawers ...


Sorry you are having this trouble. Have you considered giving kitty Melatonin with L-Theanine before bed ?

never heard of that. i'll look into it, thank you! =)

My new cat is overweight and this toy is absolutely her favorite. I wish the stick was longer but I can sit in a chair and flick this all around and she loves it.

https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petcostore/product/go-cat-teaser-cat-catcher-wand-cat-toy

thank you! i will check it out. looks really cute.

Op I feel this. I went away to college, and passed my first cat, along to my sister. Now I don’t really understand what she did to the thing, but since getting her (the cat) back, I’ve had to completely retrain her. She hangs out in creepy places (I.e the back of my closet); she demands food at all times, and she seems to piss all over my sisters room.

She has had a very rough year, though. We were homeless for a bit, so she went to a vets office, and then a really dear friend of mine took care of her. I believe she’s still adjusting to our new apartment

im so sorry for the hard time you went through. i pray things are better for you and your kitty.

Maybe try ear plugs or those headphones that are specifically made for sleeping? They might work well
enough to enable you to let the cat in your room and stay asleep despite all of her meowing.

it might work. but shes a 15 pounder, she loves to walk all over me. lol

I get up at different times on the weekend than I do on weekdays (later). I feed Ailish at the same time on weekends as on weekdays and then go back to bed. I figure she can't be expected to understand being fed 3 hours later two days a week, so that's a battle I don't fight. I trained Ailish not to pester for food by simply not reacting AT ALL to her when she is pestering. Even if it's time to eat, I never, ever, ever get up when she tells me to. I'm sure I will pay for this when she tries to tell me the house is on fire and I burn to death.

At the beginning of the training you might have to get up the second she leaves you alone, because she won't do it for long. But you want to reward her for NOT pestering, so even if it's for five seconds, that's when you get up. Eventually she will let you alone for longer and longer.

That said, I have had no luck with keeping cats in or out of a room. I try to deal with the fact that unless I can deal with an unholy racket they will be where they want to be by teaching them to be polite while there. YMMV

thank you for the response. ive been forcing myself to just get up and feed her at the same time on the weekends. its hard though. we have stairs, so groggily going downstairs is a battle. lol

 

[ailish]

It is hard to wake up early when you don't have to get up and go downstairs to feed the cat. I get those Nutro single serving trays and put one in the bathroom along with a spoon and a clean dish. Then, at 5:30a on a weekend, all I have to do is go in the bathroom, open the tray, put it in the dish, add hot water (I always add water to wet food), give it a mix with the spoon and...instant kiddie breakfast. The most painless way I can find to keep the schedule intact. Kitty eats and goes on her way, I go back to sleep for another 2-3 hours.