I Lost My Winnie 5 Days Ago

[WinniesMomma]

Winnie was diagnosed with either IBD or intestinal lymphoma earlier this year. (The specialty hospital wanted $5000 for the procedure/biopsy to get an answer, and I couldn't do that unfortunately.) The specialist who did the ultrasound explained that if Winnie is put on steroids and does well, along with diet change, we would know it was IBD. But if she "relapsed," it would likely be lyphoma.

Winnie had been doing well on a special food, smaller meals, B12, and prednisolone. She would have an off day here or there, but would be okay after a few hours. On Sunday the 31st she didn't really want to eat..she would eat a little here and there, but not much. It was the same for the next few days. She went in to get fluids, Cerenia, Mirtazapine - all of the things that would normally have her bounce right back once she was home. This time, she didn't. I tried baby food, all types of other food, and even warmed up tuna. When she turned her head away at the tuna, that is when I had a bad feeling. Thursday, the 4th, I brought her in to the vet's office. The only other options left were hospitalization and a feeding tube. I know this would buy us time, but her not eating told me she wasn't feeling well. She wasn't cleaning, she wasn't playing..she was just not herself. So we had to make that decision no one likes to make.

It is hard, because I still go back and forth on if I did the right thing. My partner told me that he thinks it would have been wrong not to let her go, and that I did everything I could for her. But she still was awake, and alert, and she was still there when I looked in her eyes. But I know logically that cats mask their pain, and with how she was acting, she was probably hurting. A friend told me I did the right thing, and "We never know for sure. It's always trying to hit that exact moment just before the quality of life turns from worth it to painful."

I haven't moved her stuff yet. I know I will need to, but I feel weird doing it. I think the hardest thing is kind of forgetting she's gone and then remembering. Like, I won't see her at the door when I come home. Or she won't be waking me up to feed her. Or I have a moment like "Shut the door so she doesn't walk out," and then realize it doesn't matter now.

I have experienced grief, too much too recently honestly. I lost my mom 3 years ago and my dad a year ago. So those are different types of loss/grief for me.
Regarding animals, we lost our family dog in 07, and I also lost our cat Kitty, before that. Those hurt and I was very sad. But Winnie is the first fur baby I've had on my own, so I really felt like a mom in some ways to her. I have had her almost a third of my life. She was 1 when I adopted her, and passed at the age of 13.

I'll share photos. Winnie was a sweetheart. She never intentionally bit or clawed, which I didn't experience very much with cats when I was younger. When I adopted her from an animal hospital who took her in as a stray, she had kittens. They all got adopted, but she was left. My mom actually told me I should get her, and I'm glad she suggested that. Winnie was funny. When it was warm, she would lay on her back and lift her leg in the air. She loved to lay on my lap, and when my partner would have a blanket on his lap, she would jump up on me, and walk over to him, haha. She liked when I would throw cat ball toys to her, but in usual cat fashion after she would go after them, she would wait for me to pick it up and throw it for her again. Throughout the years she would find different ways to wake me up. She used to lightly paw at my face, climb on the nightstand, or scratch at the door (that was open haha). She somehow knew when I had medicine for her, and when I would try to give it to her, she would clamp her little mouth shut, but wouldn't claw me when I persisted. She loved being brushed/petted. When she would occasionally get a little bit of mess in her fur on her rear, she would go into our bathroom so I could wipe it off, haha. She had so many sleeping spots - she had two beds, a cat condo type perch, and then she would also lay on a few of our chairs. I could probably go on and on. She was a big part of my heart and I miss her so much.

 

[WinniesMomma]

Edit - I added some photos in the original post.

 

[kittyluv387]

She was a little doll. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing her with us.

 

[WinniesMomma]

She was a little doll. I'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing her with us.

Thank you for letting me. And thank you, I thought so too.

 

[betsygee]

I had two cats go from IBD. It's a very tough call to make, I know, but ultimately when they're not eating, and you know their quality of life isn't good, it's the most loving thing to do to let them go.

Sweet Winnie. She was a beautiful girl. RIP, little one.

 

[WinniesMomma]

I had two cats go from IBD. It's a very tough call to make, I know, but ultimately when they're not eating, and you know their quality of life isn't good, it's the most loving thing to do to let them go.

Sweet Winnie. She was a beautiful girl. RIP, little one.

Thank you so much. I'm sorry you lost two cats to it as well.

 

[CatLover49]

Winnie was diagnosed with either IBD or intestinal lymphoma earlier this year. (The specialty hospital wanted $5000 for the procedure/biopsy to get an answer, and I couldn't do that unfortunately.) The specialist who did the ultrasound explained that if Winnie is put on steroids and does well, along with diet change, we would know it was IBD. But if she "relapsed," it would likely be lyphoma.

Winnie had been doing well on a special food, smaller meals, B12, and prednisolone. She would have an off day here or there, but would be okay after a few hours. On Sunday the 31st she didn't really want to eat..she would eat a little here and there, but not much. It was the same for the next few days. She went in to get fluids, Cerenia, Mirtazapine - all of the things that would normally have her bounce right back once she was home. This time, she didn't. I tried baby food, all types of other food, and even warmed up tuna. When she turned her head away at the tuna, that is when I had a bad feeling. Thursday, the 4th, I brought her in to the vet's office. The only other options left were hospitalization and a feeding tube. I know this would buy us time, but her not eating told me she wasn't feeling well. She wasn't cleaning, she wasn't playing..she was just not herself. So we had to make that decision no one likes to make.

It is hard, because I still go back and forth on if I did the right thing. My partner told me that he thinks it would have been wrong not to let her go, and that I did everything I could for her. But she still was awake, and alert, and she was still there when I looked in her eyes. But I know logically that cats mask their pain, and with how she was acting, she was probably hurting. A friend told me I did the right thing, and "We never know for sure. It's always trying to hit that exact moment just before the quality of life turns from worth it to painful."

I haven't moved her stuff yet. I know I will need to, but I feel weird doing it. I think the hardest thing is kind of forgetting she's gone and then remembering. Like, I won't see her at the door when I come home. Or she won't be waking me up to feed her. Or I have a moment like "Shut the door so she doesn't walk out," and then realize it doesn't matter now.

I have experienced grief, too much too recently honestly. I lost my mom 3 years ago and my dad a year ago. So those are different types of loss/grief for me.
Regarding animals, we lost our family dog in 07, and I also lost our cat Kitty, before that. Those hurt and I was very sad. But Winnie is the first fur baby I've had on my own, so I really felt like a mom in some ways to her. I have had her almost a third of my life. She was 1 when I adopted her, and passed at the age of 13.

I'll share photos. Winnie was a sweetheart. She never intentionally bit or clawed, which I didn't experience very much with cats when I was younger. When I adopted her from an animal hospital who took her in as a stray, she had kittens. They all got adopted, but she was left. My mom actually told me I should get her, and I'm glad she suggested that. Winnie was funny. When it was warm, she would lay on her back and lift her leg in the air. She loved to lay on my lap, and when my partner would have a blanket on his lap, she would jump up on me, and walk over to him, haha. She liked when I would throw cat ball toys to her, but in usual cat fashion after she would go after them, she would wait for me to pick it up and throw it for her again. Throughout the years she would find different ways to wake me up. She used to lightly paw at my face, climb on the nightstand, or scratch at the door (that was open haha). She somehow knew when I had medicine for her, and when I would try to give it to her, she would clamp her little mouth shut, but wouldn't claw me when I persisted. She loved being brushed/petted. When she would occasionally get a little bit of mess in her fur on her rear, she would go into our bathroom so I could wipe it off, haha. She had so many sleeping spots - she had two beds, a cat condo type perch, and then she would also lay on a few of our chairs. I could probably go on and on. She was a big part of my heart and I miss her so much.

Im so sorry for u n ure kitty

 

[WinniesMomma]

Im so sorry for u n ure kitty

Thank you.

 

[CatLover49]

Thank you.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Winnie, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

No, don't question what you did. Never. You broke your own heart to keep her from the misery of a long, slow decline. And I promise you, if she wasn't eating or drinking, or cleaning or playing, she was telling you in the only way that she had that it was time to say good-bye, just as she was saying good-bye to life itself. But not to love. For love never dies, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides. Always and forever, Love abides.

 

[CatLover49]

Rest you gentle, Winnie, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

No, don't question what you did. Never. You broke your own heart to keep her from the misery of a long, slow decline. And I promise you, if she wasn't eating or drinking, or cleaning or playing, she was telling you in the only way that she had that it was time to say good-bye, just as she was saying good-bye to life itself. But not to love. For love never dies, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides. Always and forever, Love abides.

 

[WinniesMomma]

Rest you gentle, Winnie, dream you deep. You walk in someone's heart forever.

No, don't question what you did. Never. You broke your own heart to keep her from the misery of a long, slow decline. And I promise you, if she wasn't eating or drinking, or cleaning or playing, she was telling you in the only way that she had that it was time to say good-bye, just as she was saying good-bye to life itself. But not to love. For love never dies, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. And Love abides. Always and forever, Love abides.

Thank you so much. I appreciate your kind words.

 

[les26]

I am so sorry that you lost your little friend, and another tuxedo which always makes me even sadder, and also all of the other losses in your life recently, they really take their toll...but they all are fine now, not hurting anymore they are just fine and you will see them all again one day and it will be wonderful.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

 

[1 bruce 1]

Winnie was diagnosed with either IBD or intestinal lymphoma earlier this year. (The specialty hospital wanted $5000 for the procedure/biopsy to get an answer, and I couldn't do that unfortunately.) The specialist who did the ultrasound explained that if Winnie is put on steroids and does well, along with diet change, we would know it was IBD. But if she "relapsed," it would likely be lyphoma.

Winnie had been doing well on a special food, smaller meals, B12, and prednisolone. She would have an off day here or there, but would be okay after a few hours. On Sunday the 31st she didn't really want to eat..she would eat a little here and there, but not much. It was the same for the next few days. She went in to get fluids, Cerenia, Mirtazapine - all of the things that would normally have her bounce right back once she was home. This time, she didn't. I tried baby food, all types of other food, and even warmed up tuna. When she turned her head away at the tuna, that is when I had a bad feeling. Thursday, the 4th, I brought her in to the vet's office. The only other options left were hospitalization and a feeding tube. I know this would buy us time, but her not eating told me she wasn't feeling well. She wasn't cleaning, she wasn't playing..she was just not herself. So we had to make that decision no one likes to make.

It is hard, because I still go back and forth on if I did the right thing. My partner told me that he thinks it would have been wrong not to let her go, and that I did everything I could for her. But she still was awake, and alert, and she was still there when I looked in her eyes. But I know logically that cats mask their pain, and with how she was acting, she was probably hurting. A friend told me I did the right thing, and "We never know for sure. It's always trying to hit that exact moment just before the quality of life turns from worth it to painful."

I haven't moved her stuff yet. I know I will need to, but I feel weird doing it. I think the hardest thing is kind of forgetting she's gone and then remembering. Like, I won't see her at the door when I come home. Or she won't be waking me up to feed her. Or I have a moment like "Shut the door so she doesn't walk out," and then realize it doesn't matter now.

I have experienced grief, too much too recently honestly. I lost my mom 3 years ago and my dad a year ago. So those are different types of loss/grief for me.
Regarding animals, we lost our family dog in 07, and I also lost our cat Kitty, before that. Those hurt and I was very sad. But Winnie is the first fur baby I've had on my own, so I really felt like a mom in some ways to her. I have had her almost a third of my life. She was 1 when I adopted her, and passed at the age of 13.

I'll share photos. Winnie was a sweetheart. She never intentionally bit or clawed, which I didn't experience very much with cats when I was younger. When I adopted her from an animal hospital who took her in as a stray, she had kittens. They all got adopted, but she was left. My mom actually told me I should get her, and I'm glad she suggested that. Winnie was funny. When it was warm, she would lay on her back and lift her leg in the air. She loved to lay on my lap, and when my partner would have a blanket on his lap, she would jump up on me, and walk over to him, haha. She liked when I would throw cat ball toys to her, but in usual cat fashion after she would go after them, she would wait for me to pick it up and throw it for her again. Throughout the years she would find different ways to wake me up. She used to lightly paw at my face, climb on the nightstand, or scratch at the door (that was open haha). She somehow knew when I had medicine for her, and when I would try to give it to her, she would clamp her little mouth shut, but wouldn't claw me when I persisted. She loved being brushed/petted. When she would occasionally get a little bit of mess in her fur on her rear, she would go into our bathroom so I could wipe it off, haha. She had so many sleeping spots - she had two beds, a cat condo type perch, and then she would also lay on a few of our chairs. I could probably go on and on. She was a big part of my heart and I miss her so much.

I am very sorry.
I've heard it said that IBD can eventually turn into intestinal lymphoma, or something else like it.
We have a cat that "has IBD", to the best of our knowledge. The vet didn't push any kind of biopsy because when he started having problems, he was about 6 years old and in good health otherwise. Several years later, they don't need to confirm anything because he's a textbook case, so we treat him like a text book case. For now, he's fine, like Winnie was fine for so long. But one day I know he won't be fine anymore, just like Winnie, and at that point we need to weigh our options, their happiness, their age and their personality and what we feel they're willing to go through.
There isn't a caring soul in the world who has ever loved any animal that doesn't experience that "what if" thing after we let them go. If you had done the feeding tube first, then let her go, I can almost promise you that you'd be telling us that you feel guilty for putting her through the feeding tube. When we're grieving, nothing we did is perfect. But when some time passes, you'll see that you did a very fine job caring for her.
I love how she used to scratch at the door, standing wide open, to wake you up Probably makes you tear up a bit now but in time, you'll think of that and laugh hard, because the pain numbs but the love doesn't. It'll be OK.

 

[WinniesMomma]

I am so sorry that you lost your little friend, and another tuxedo which always makes me even sadder, and also all of the other losses in your life recently, they really take their toll...but they all are fine now, not hurting anymore they are just fine and you will see them all again one day and it will be wonderful.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

Thank you so much. Yeah, my partner said something like that..that she and my parents in a better place now than we are.

I am very sorry.
I've heard it said that IBD can eventually turn into intestinal lymphoma, or something else like it.
We have a cat that "has IBD", to the best of our knowledge. The vet didn't push any kind of biopsy because when he started having problems, he was about 6 years old and in good health otherwise. Several years later, they don't need to confirm anything because he's a textbook case, so we treat him like a text book case. For now, he's fine, like Winnie was fine for so long. But one day I know he won't be fine anymore, just like Winnie, and at that point we need to weigh our options, their happiness, their age and their personality and what we feel they're willing to go through.
There isn't a caring soul in the world who has ever loved any animal that doesn't experience that "what if" thing after we let them go. If you had done the feeding tube first, then let her go, I can almost promise you that you'd be telling us that you feel guilty for putting her through the feeding tube. When we're grieving, nothing we did is perfect. But when some time passes, you'll see that you did a very fine job caring for her.
I love how she used to scratch at the door, standing wide open, to wake you up Probably makes you tear up a bit now but in time, you'll think of that and laugh hard, because the pain numbs but the love doesn't. It'll be OK.

Thank you. I hope your kitty is fine for a good long while.
Haha yes, she was a character!

 

[littlecaitling]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that intense pain, guilt, and indecision all too well. I finally had to help my sweet Dusty pass on yesterday, perhaps I'll make a post about him when I'm up to it.

I may have already said this, but please don't second guess your decision. I think our recent experiences with ibd/lymphoma seem similar, but I did get a feeding tube for Dusty. Was it worth it? I'm not sure. I'd say it bought him another 2 weeks, but idk how great those two weeks were for him. Like Bruce said, I'm struggling with guilt over it now. Ultimately he was declining, and try as I might there was nothing I could do about it this time.

It's so hard making that call, it can feel like you're deciding when is the right time to rip your heart out of your chest. But watching them decline rips your heart out too. You are suffering now, but you spared Winnie the inevitable suffering that was ahead for her. She wanted so badly to stay with you, but she truly needed to be Winnie, and you granted her that dignity. You did everything you could for her, and right up to that final moment you always put her first. It seems Winnie was as lucky to find you as you were to find her.

 

[The_littlest_cat]

Your Winnie was a beautiful girl! Losing a special little friend is always hard, but you'll always have wonderful memories of her. I've seen people hold onto cats that were clearly very sick and suffering, you made a difficult choice for Winnie that shows you put her feelings first. It shows pure unselfish love.

 

[1 bruce 1]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that intense pain, guilt, and indecision all too well. I finally had to help my sweet Dusty pass on yesterday, perhaps I'll make a post about him when I'm up to it.

I may have already said this, but please don't second guess your decision. I think our recent experiences with ibd/lymphoma seem similar, but I did get a feeding tube for Dusty. Was it worth it? I'm not sure. I'd say it bought him another 2 weeks, but idk how great those two weeks were for him. Like Bruce said, I'm struggling with guilt over it now. Ultimately he was declining, and try as I might there was nothing I could do about it this time.

It's so hard making that call, it can feel like you're deciding when is the right time to rip your heart out of your chest. But watching them decline rips your heart out too. You are suffering now, but you spared Winnie the inevitable suffering that was ahead for her. She wanted so badly to stay with you, but she truly needed to be Winnie, and you granted her that dignity. You did everything you could for her, and right up to that final moment you always put her first. It seems Winnie was as lucky to find you as you were to find her.

Now, think of it the other way again as I suggested Winnie's mom did.
If you didn't do that feeding tube, how would you feel? Would you wonder?
Fact is, no matter what we do, or don't do, it never feels good enough when we grieve. I euthanized a dog I loved very much over a very bad illness. I have wondered what might have happened if we opted to do that surgery. Then once we had a cat that needed emergency surgery for a very bad illness, so we did it, and he died 48 hours later. We just never, ever know. It might help, it might not. Making that call is what I've hated about being an adult my entire life, it was easier being a kid and having Mom or Dad make those calls.

 

[WinniesMomma]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that intense pain, guilt, and indecision all too well. I finally had to help my sweet Dusty pass on yesterday, perhaps I'll make a post about him when I'm up to it.

I may have already said this, but please don't second guess your decision. I think our recent experiences with ibd/lymphoma seem similar, but I did get a feeding tube for Dusty. Was it worth it? I'm not sure. I'd say it bought him another 2 weeks, but idk how great those two weeks were for him. Like Bruce said, I'm struggling with guilt over it now. Ultimately he was declining, and try as I might there was nothing I could do about it this time.

It's so hard making that call, it can feel like you're deciding when is the right time to rip your heart out of your chest. But watching them decline rips your heart out too. You are suffering now, but you spared Winnie the inevitable suffering that was ahead for her. She wanted so badly to stay with you, but she truly needed to be Winnie, and you granted her that dignity. You did everything you could for her, and right up to that final moment you always put her first. It seems Winnie was as lucky to find you as you were to find her.

I'm so sorry about your Dusty, and that you went through a similar battle. Please don't feel guilty, you did what you felt was best for him. Thank you so much for your kind words.

Your Winnie was a beautiful girl! Losing a special little friend is always hard, but you'll always have wonderful memories of her. I've seen people hold onto cats that were clearly very sick and suffering, you made a difficult choice for Winnie that shows you put her feelings first. It shows pure unselfish love.

Thank you so much for saying that. I appreciate it.

 

[di and bob]

Your beautiful tribute to that sweet little girl lets your love for her shine through. You will always have those precious memories of her, those and your love for each other is something that can never be taken from you. "Death cannot take that which never dies", and you know your love is forever.
It takes great strength, born from your love to make that decision you did. Any decision born from love is the right one. Winnie was destined for a future full of fear, pain and suffering. You could not let that happen, and you didn't. The guilt and sadness you feel now arises from grief. We are so full of anxiety and fear when we make the decision it isn't until later that all these questions come up. To dwell on them brings nothing but heartache and anguish. Instead, think of her in happier times, you know in your heart that is exactly how she would want to be remembered. She wants nothing but the best for you, just as you would want for her if you were the first to go. Because that is what love is.....
She will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. Because she is a part of you. She lives on through you now, forever held in your heart, and although her physical body has departed, the 'essence' that made her who she was will always be surrounding you, offering comfort when younare sad, and sharing your joys. She follows a new path now, but that journey will forever parallel your own, continuing the love you two shared for eternity.
My heart cries for your pain. I know how much this hurts, and how long it will. Surround yourself with those who understand and who can share your pain. a burden shared is a burden halved. My thoughts and prayers are with you both, take care.....RIP dear Winnie. You will never be frogotten, you will forever be held in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

 

[WinniesMomma]

Your beautiful tribute to that sweet little girl lets your love for her shine through. You will always have those precious memories of her, those and your love for each other is something that can never be taken from you. "Death cannot take that which never dies", and you know your love is forever.
It takes great strength, born from your love to make that decision you did. Any decision born from love is the right one. Winnie was destined for a future full of fear, pain and suffering. You could not let that happen, and you didn't. The guilt and sadness you feel now arises from grief. We are so full of anxiety and fear when we make the decision it isn't until later that all these questions come up. To dwell on them brings nothing but heartache and anguish. Instead, think of her in happier times, you know in your heart that is exactly how she would want to be remembered. She wants nothing but the best for you, just as you would want for her if you were the first to go. Because that is what love is.....
She will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. Because she is a part of you. She lives on through you now, forever held in your heart, and although her physical body has departed, the 'essence' that made her who she was will always be surrounding you, offering comfort when younare sad, and sharing your joys. She follows a new path now, but that journey will forever parallel your own, continuing the love you two shared for eternity.
My heart cries for your pain. I know how much this hurts, and how long it will. Surround yourself with those who understand and who can share your pain. a burden shared is a burden halved. My thoughts and prayers are with you both, take care.....RIP dear Winnie. You will never be frogotten, you will forever be held in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

This was beautiful. Thank you so much. I do like to think that in a way she is still here with us.