I lost my cat 4 days ago

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catconcern

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Miss my boy a lot. Over 6 Months and it I'm thinking what the hell happened
 

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Yeah - me too.   I miss my old girl a lot.   Over 6 months and she crosses my mind every day - no kidding.  Yesterday I even found pieces of the pine litter she would kick out in the corner of the room.   Last week went thru a box of old photos from when I still had a film camera and found a bunch of her pix - some when she was chubby from eating that Meow Mix garbage food.
 

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Yes, I know how you both feel. It is just over six months for my Mickey. I, like both of you, think of my precious kitty constantly. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him and miss him. It really doesn't get easier. The pain over losing them is constantly there.
 

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21 weeks ago today... it's almost like I hate each week that makes it further away from her being with me... makes me feel like I will not remember her eventually! Still is shocking that she's gone though.
 
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catconcern

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I basically live in denial what happened at the end and am pretending that it didn't happen. I never forget my boy and love him and think about him each day and cry almost every day but it's like I have to block out our companionship and pretend it didn't happen otherwise when I think of what he went through at the end it kills me. I can't believe it and I go crazy. Makes me think I've been punished and played a cruel joke on.
 
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catconcern

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Thanks for people in here being for me for comfort and my condolences for your losses. It's very hard. So much pain. We love then dearly and always will.
 
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I'm heart broken. I still can't believe this has happened. I miss my boy.
 

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I know exactly how you feel. My cat, Chef, died of cancer this past Monday. I was there when he was put to sleep, but honestly I have so many regrets. I go back and forth thinking that I should not have been there because the memory of him sick and dying haunts me. I think of the slightest things to pile on guilt on myself because he is gone. Even things like taking away his food when he would eat from our other cat's dish (he was on a special diet due to urinary tract problems)...thinking I should have given him what he wanted in his last days. The thing is, I didn't know that he had cancer and was about to die until the very last minute. I think no matter what the feelings of guilt creep in even though it's not validated. It just shows how much we loved these kitties. That we were so distraught ourselves, we had no idea how to handle the last days. You loved your kitty and you did everything you could for him. I went into my situation thinking there was a way out. We all do that thinking there is a chance. Your little guy was in pain and most likely had/wanted to go, as hard as that is to say. He knows you loved and still love him and did the best thing for him you could. I believe he wants you to be happy and feel better as well. 
 

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HI @catconcern  ,

Day 4 without my Kitty and trust me, I feel just as you do. I don't sob as much but my insides hurt and are full of panic. You are not alone at all, I am suffering immensely and I feel awful all over, inside and out. I go to the mall to walk around, I run errands (I dont have any) to get out of the empty house, I stay in, no matter what I do I feel awful. Just the same as you, my Kitty was my life. My thoughts in the day, my errands to get her more food or check on her as she was always hungry or using the litter box (I wanted to make sure I cleaned it quick after each time she went, and that was like 6 times a day - her hyperthyroidism made her pee a lot, and so that is why she was so dehydrated, nothing stuck in her little body anymore. 

The hardest part by far, for you as I can read and I am so sorry, are those last moments. Someone did say no matter how it ended I am sure we all find ways to analyze and think what if and how come I didnt do this, and I WISH I did_____________. Do you know how much I WISH I said I love you one more time, or held her one more time or stayed with her as she lay dead on the table. After only a minute I said, ok I need to go home I need out of here, and the nice nurse lady came in and scooped her up on the towel so cute and took her. To think the last moments my Kitty had were in a cage and in a vet hospital that she has never seen before. 

As much as you wish you were there, trust me your pain would be just as heavy because for me personally, that memory of her last seconds (it all happened SO FAST) like she was laying on the table, gave me two blinks and then blinked no more, those last seconds all I can think is how Kitty thinks shes just going for some check up or whatever crazy reason me her mom brought her in for, but what happens is not that, is not just a nice sleep its the stopping of her heart! The nice sleep turns into no more heart beat, a needle that essentially kills her. I can't breathe or cope with how she was on a table face to face with me and, God, I cant even explain. 

It is the WORST memory, he face, her eyes everything is embedded in my mind and it kills. Yes, I would have been no other place in the world than there with her, I was her mom and spent 20 years loving her more than anyone or anything, but please know catconcern that the pain and horrible feeling is severe being there or not being there, the regret and blame is there, and I hate it.

I agree with you, it is like we are living but we are dead. I truly feel the "I want to die" emotions and the emptiness is so prominent, the guilt. The truth and reasoning that we had to do what we did, we helped out angels, I helped Kitty as she was 2 pounds, her age was killing her, aging thats what it was...we didnt know everything but at the end of the day she was frail. But did she eat, yes liquid food, did she use the bathroom ok - yes every time, could she walk, yes but she would sometimes loose balance and it was hard on her breathing, did she rest well - she barely moved all day and her breathing was so loud and "cloudy/clogged". Was it her time, sure, did she act like it in the office before we put her down, no. She was alive and spunky and pink nosed as ever and, well if not that day, then some day soon I know.

Please know we suffer with you, it kills, its truly like her death sucked the life out of me completely and on top of it I feel guilt and agony for "what I did". Putting your true love down, face to face, the true love who trusts you the most and loves you the most, and they have no idea you are doing that to them, that that is their last moment. I cannot feel more lifeless and I share your pain.
 

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I feel your pain MnM - it's always tough. And while you are distressed about your kitty dying in a vet's surgery, just remember you did the right thing for her. 
 
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catconcern

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I know exactly how you feel. My cat, Chef, died of cancer this past Monday. I was there when he was put to sleep, but honestly I have so many regrets. I go back and forth thinking that I should not have been there because the memory of him sick and dying haunts me. I think of the slightest things to pile on guilt on myself because he is gone. Even things like taking away his food when he would eat from our other cat's dish (he was on a special diet due to urinary tract problems)...thinking I should have given him what he wanted in his last days. The thing is, I didn't know that he had cancer and was about to die until the very last minute. I think no matter what the feelings of guilt creep in even though it's not validated. It just shows how much we loved these kitties. That we were so distraught ourselves, we had no idea how to handle the last days. You loved your kitty and you did everything you could for him. I went into my situation thinking there was a way out. We all do that thinking there is a chance. Your little guy was in pain and most likely had/wanted to go, as hard as that is to say. He knows you loved and still love him and did the best thing for him you could. I believe he wants you to be happy and feel better as well. 
Thanks. I know he'd want me to be happy and feel good. I don't believe I did everything for him though. I could have went though with the operation. I could have went back to see him too while he was waiting for what was supposed to be an operation. Those two things hurt and haunt me. I believe he wasn't ready to go yet, and I ended his life.
 
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catconcern

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Also it was a good thing you were there for your cats last moments. Trust me you would have regretted it of you weren't. I'm sorry it haunts you. But, you did it got yourself but more importantly your cat because you loved your cat dearly and wanted to be there for both of you, especially your cat, until the very end and comfort it in it's final moments. That's how much you loved your cat.

And you kept it away from certain foods because you wanted to do what you thought was best for it, to help it get better.

Typing that made me realise a couple of things about my situation. I didn't go back and see my cat, because I didn't want my fear going into him going into his operation. I wanted to go into the op the best he could be. I didn't know it was going to be the last time id see him for sure. Though I knew it could be. I didn't go through with the operation because I thought it would be too much for my poor boy to handle. I didn't want him to be in pain.

That being said, It didn't seem as though he was on his last legs. His poor body had split open though. But he jumped on and off the window sill despite this and was grooming himself. Again, I thought the operation would do him more harm than good, hence why I did what I did. I still regret it though. My boy let out a scared murmur when I said what could be and what was as it turned out goodbye. I think I should have tried with the op. At least be sure, give him that chance.
 
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catconcern

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HI @catconcern
 ,

Day 4 without my Kitty and trust me, I feel just as you do. I don't sob as much but my insides hurt and are full of panic. You are not alone at all, I am suffering immensely and I feel awful all over, inside and out. I go to the mall to walk around, I run errands (I dont have any) to get out of the empty house, I stay in, no matter what I do I feel awful. Just the same as you, my Kitty was my life. My thoughts in the day, my errands to get her more food or check on her as she was always hungry or using the litter box (I wanted to make sure I cleaned it quick after each time she went, and that was like 6 times a day - her hyperthyroidism made her pee a lot, and so that is why she was so dehydrated, nothing stuck in her little body anymore. 
The hardest part by far, for you as I can read and I am so sorry, are those last moments. Someone did say no matter how it ended I am sure we all find ways to analyze and think what if and how come I didnt do this, and I WISH I did_____________. Do you know how much I WISH I said I love you one more time, or held her one more time or stayed with her as she lay dead on the table. After only a minute I said, ok I need to go home I need out of here, and the nice nurse lady came in and scooped her up on the towel so cute and took her. To think the last moments my Kitty had were in a cage and in a vet hospital that she has never seen before. 
As much as you wish you were there, trust me your pain would be just as heavy because for me personally, that memory of her last seconds (it all happened SO FAST) like she was laying on the table, gave me two blinks and then blinked no more, those last seconds all I can think is how Kitty thinks shes just going for some check up or whatever crazy reason me her mom brought her in for, but what happens is not that, is not just a nice sleep its the stopping of her heart! The nice sleep turns into no more heart beat, a needle that essentially kills her. I can't breathe or cope with how she was on a table face to face with me and, God, I cant even explain. 
It is the WORST memory, he face, her eyes everything is embedded in my mind and it kills. Yes, I would have been no other place in the world than there with her, I was her mom and spent 20 years loving her more than anyone or anything, but please know catconcern that the pain and horrible feeling is severe being there or not being there, the regret and blame is there, and I hate it.
I agree with you, it is like we are living but we are dead. I truly feel the "I want to die" emotions and the emptiness is so prominent, the guilt. The truth and reasoning that we had to do what we did, we helped out angels, I helped Kitty as she was 2 pounds, her age was killing her, aging thats what it was...we didnt know everything but at the end of the day she was frail. But did she eat, yes liquid food, did she use the bathroom ok - yes every time, could she walk, yes but she would sometimes loose balance and it was hard on her breathing, did she rest well - she barely moved all day and her breathing was so loud and "cloudy/clogged". Was it her time, sure, did she act like it in the office before we put her down, no. She was alive and spunky and pink nosed as ever and, well if not that day, then some day soon I know.
Please know we suffer with you, it kills, its truly like her death sucked the life out of me completely and on top of it I feel guilt and agony for "what I did". Putting your true love down, face to face, the true love who trusts you the most and loves you the most, and they have no idea you are doing that to them, that that is their last moment. I cannot feel more lifeless and I share your pain.
Hi, I'm sorry of your loss and your terrible pain. Our situations are very much the same. Yes, for me the last moments are very hard. I know how you feel. And you know how I feel. I just don't feel it was my boys time. His weight was still good, it all happened so fast. That damn cortisone was what killed him. The second shot. The day he was put to sleep, he was purring for 30 minutes. he wanted to go outside in the morning. With the split wound that happened later, he was grooming it. Jumped on and off the window sill. Murmured at the vet in fear, tried to scratch them. If I thought it was his time I could be at ease with the situation. Hence why I'm not and believe I made the wrong decision.

Id rather you not know how I feel and go through what I'm going through because i don't want you to suffer. Suffer a pain and hell like this. You are now and I'm very sorry, I am here for you not that it means much

You did nothing wrong though. Nothing to feel guilty about just the opposite. Feel quite proud for doing everything right. At the start I was like you. Id go out and do things to keep my mind busy and not be at home. Our cats are apart of us, they are our children. You will be able to function properly again. I wish I could have acted the way you did, you did everything right. Please know that. It's very interesting though that you mention when the time came to put your cat to sleep, your cat didn't seem like it needed to. Makes me think hey several cats do that at the end.

I don't like the fact I sent my cat on his way to death. Putting him into the cage, talking him there scared . The cortisone making him this way. I feel like i sent him to another life, ending his, against his will.

Thanks for replying in my thread and comforting me and I'm sorry you find yourself in hell. You will get out of it. I'm not in hell anymore myself, but still have pain and regrets.

We are so lucky we've lived with angels sent from god. They will never leave us.
 
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catconcern

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And you're right. Whether you're they're or not, it will STIL be hard. I think it would have been too much for me to witness that needle. I had to leave the room because I didn't want to see my boy passed away. He was asleep from the anesthetic while I kissed him goodbye.

What also haunts me, it was a Friday night about a week and a half before he was put to sleep. I had the phone in my hand about to message the vet to cancel the appointment for his cortisone shot. I thought as he laid on the bed with me, this could be his last night before his life is changed. Him unsuspecting as to what was going on. I thought the cortisone would lead to bad things. Mum said leave the appointment and I thought ok at worst just let the vet drain his lumps. I still didn't want to get it the next day but my mum and vet said get it. I do have to say the first shot seemed to improve him. After the second shot a week later, he went downhill a day or two later. He was suffering for a few days. The day he died, as mentioned he was purring. The cortisone led to his death. We got the second shot because the first seemed to work. Also hurts knowing we made him sick with the shots that led to us putting him to sleep.

So many regrets.
 

lynn bean

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You are torturing yourself and you need to stop or else you'll ruin the rest of your life. It's easy to second guess the vets/your mother and everyone else but take a deep breath and step back ... what if the problem with the large wound was a sign that your kitty was already far gone, rather than the first sign that you took it to be? From reading your posts, it seems that your kitty was a very sick baby and everyone tried to help; I don't read that you had a healthy kitty that was subjected to bad treatment.

It's always hard to wear the guilt (I"ve had my own - I ran over a kitten of mine when I was driving home, cos I was tired and not concentrating properly). Love and respect the memories but don't torture yourself.

And to everyone who has shared their experiences with having a loved one put to sleep, I'll share mine - a very positive story I think. Our vet has one of their surgery rooms kitted out as a lounge room, with a small sofa and a couple of chairs. It's used for visiting sick animals and for euthanasia. When I had to put my beloved Minnie to sleep, I was ushered into the room with her, given a towel to cover my lap and I held her. The vet gave her the injection and I held her as she passed. It was very sad but not bad. The vet gave me tissues and let me just sit there. I was a mess of course but I knew I'd done the right thing - I loved my girl from when she was 6 weeks old, right to the end at 18 and a half. She looked at me and went to sleep. I grieved for her but it was time. I go to a great vet and love everything they do from beginning to end.
 
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catconcern

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You are torturing yourself and you need to stop or else you'll ruin the rest of your life. It's easy to second guess the vets/your mother and everyone else but take a deep breath and step back ... what if the problem with the large wound was a sign that your kitty was already far gone, rather than the first sign that you took it to be? From reading your posts, it seems that your kitty was a very sick baby and everyone tried to help; I don't read that you had a healthy kitty that was subjected to bad treatment.


It's always hard to wear the guilt (I"ve had my own - I ran over a kitten of mine when I was driving home, cos I was tired and not concentrating properly). Love and respect the memories but don't torture yourself.


And to everyone who has shared their experiences with having a loved one put to sleep, I'll share mine - a very positive story I think. Our vet has one of their surgery rooms kitted out as a lounge room, with a small sofa and a couple of chairs. It's used for visiting sick animals and for euthanasia. When I had to put my beloved Minnie to sleep, I was ushered into the room with her, given a towel to cover my lap and I held her. The vet gave her the injection and I held her as she passed. It was very sad but not bad. The vet gave me tissues and let me just sit there. I was a mess of course but I knew I'd done the right thing - I loved my girl from when she was 6 weeks old, right to the end at 18 and a half. She looked at me and went to sleep. I grieved for her but it was time. I go to a great vet and love everything they do from beginning to end.
Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

I don't blame the vet or my mum. I blame myself. The thing is before the cortisone shots, he was fine. He had a big lump in his throat but according to one vet it wAsnt that bad as it didn't affect his breathing. That's why we got the shots, to treat the lump. He was absolutely 100 percent fine before he shots, but did have lumps.
 
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catconcern

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I watched a movie today. The latest fast and the furious one. The ending reminded me of me and my boy. I don't think many here will see the movie, but I still won't reveal it anyway. It's very, very sad and I've been upset ever since.

I miss him obviously. I wish I went back to see my boy. I love my best friend.

Happy Easter to you little boy.
 
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