I Have More Trust Issues Than This Feral..

Buffster7

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Things are progressing slowly, but progressing- Moo and Waffs go up to the gates when Gracie's in the bedroom often, being very curious, and she can be out daily for a good stretch with them with me supervising, but they definitely keep their distance. But that distance is shrinking. All is calm, just wary.

Waffles watching me play with Gracie about 8 feet away. He's laying in a bedroom doorway and looks like something out of a scary movie...
Oh my goodness, those pics are GREAT!! And the approach with the tail up and trill - that's exciting! Anything new happen since then? It looks like your transition is going to be pretty seamless, and I love that for you. :dance:It just seems 'right' after adopting a senior - you deserve a smooth transition. Bless Moofles for allowing the old girl to join the clan. Makes my heart happy!
how's it going with your boys?
I am so sorry I've been absent - clinical has started and all of my attention has been focused there. The boys are doing well for the most part! I still have days where I find clumps of Charlie's fur laying around, but then we have days like today where they are both playful but restrained. Charlie is acting younger today than he's acted in a year or two. He keeps trying to engage Finn in play, but Finn is being smart and staying on the sidelines since Charlie's wild hair is out of character. They have been squabbling a bit at bedtime, but I've just started putting my ear plugs in and going to bed. They are both still alive in the morning, only occasionally with tufts of fur as evidence of a scuffle. I'm convinced that the more I can stay out of their way, the better they do (duh) - and being gone so much is forcing me to do just that. They stay off-camera while I'm gone; I think they have taken up residence in the hearth room, and they've both adopted a chair. I sit on the floor now. :rolleyes: Worth it!

I am so glad that they have each other while I'm at work! I don't know that they'll ever be buds, but for both of them, just having another cat in the same room is better than what they had before. Sometimes they play and sometimes they give each other dirty looks all night. But when a big noise happens or a strange person comes in the house when I'm not there (like the last time my folks came over to feed them), they do sit close together which tells me they must find solace in each other?!

Anyway, I hope that all is going well for each one of you guys! I miss my evening catch-up sessions! Hopefully when I find my footing with my new schedule, I'll be able to pop in more often, but was missing you guys today so had to stop in and say HI!!! :redheartpump::hearthrob:
 

nunnc84

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If you are feeding this little one,you are making him strong enough to breed. Please please get him neutered. It is the kindest thing you can do for him. At that time you can have him checked for FIV and FELV as well as getting vaccines.

He does not sound feral to me, but more stray like. A true feral cat would not be rolling over on your feet or coming to eat so close to you in such a short period of time. Most likely he has had human interactions in the past and developed some feral tendencies due to be left on his own.

You can purchase or try to rent a trap and find a low cost spay/neuter clinic that takes feral cats. Or you can ask your regular vet for help. He really needs to be neutered soon or he will continue to mate and eventually start to fight for territory. The fighting is what leads to the passing of diseases.

Maybe you could consider taking him in and working on socializing him. You have established quite a bit in a short time. Thank you for caring about him.
My state has SNAP for low income or veterans. You pay $25/cat to spay or neuter. No one will do the surgery in this cold unless you agree to keep the cat inside for a couple days afterwards. Wait till spring if that is the case.
 

pearl99

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Oh my goodness, those pics are GREAT!! And the approach with the tail up and trill - that's exciting! Anything new happen since then? It looks like your transition is going to be pretty seamless, and I love that for you. :dance:It just seems 'right' after adopting a senior - you deserve a smooth transition. Bless Moofles for allowing the old girl to join the clan. Makes my heart happy!
Good to hear from you! We miss you!
Charlie and Finn sound great. Siblings who argue but love each other! It sounds to me like they are buds, but I'm not there...and Charlie trying to engage Finn? Sounds good. I feel the same with mine having each other, I'm glad I have more than one.
Hope school goes well.
As for mine, Moofles had been going up to Gracie while she was asleep in her condo cubby in the living room, and getting up on their favorite perches when she was out and about. Then today, not sure what it was- Moo and Waffs were playing in the living room with Gracie in her cubby watching, then she gets under the coffee table, and ran over to them! Scared the daylights out of Waffles and he hissed and ran, she ran after him then stopped.
I'm not sure if she was trying to join them playing or if she was saying "hey you two PIPE DOWN!"
It all happened in an instant. No damage done.
I don't have them all loose at night yet but do all day long.
So we are all good.
 

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We miss you too but know that what you are doing is important. Visiting can come later and we’lol have a catsire reunion! Fun! I know that Charlie and Finn really are buds. The fact that they turn to each other if disturbed says that they are clansmen. They are each other’s protectors. Fluif and bother may occur but they have “guy love! “ lol If Charlie is like some here, the cool weather makes them frisky. Something new to Finn. Lol A year from now there will be few new surprises. Hi! :redheartpump:
 

Buffster7

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Oops, duplicate post -tried to delete, but it didn't work. ;)
 

Buffster7

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Ohhhhh sweet Wanda Heart!! She's a beauty, and has such a sweet-looking face! I was missing you guys so just popped in briefly to say hi...my eyelids are so heavy but I'm so glad that I did. That precious face made my day. Thank you for thinking of me and thank you for the pic! I hope that your chowder has recovered from their illness? And I wonder how Gracie has settled in with Mooshoo now, if they're fully integrated? Looking forward to catching up here in a couple weeks - will have a week off between clinical rotations, it'll be nice to "catch up" with you guys over coffee and a long slow morning. I hope all are doing very well! :kiss:
 

Jcatbird

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I kind of thought you might find a second to pop in. I was hoping you would see that and smile. Lol If you go back to see what my guys have been doing, there should be some laughs. Hope so. Here’s one that might get you started later when you have a break. Banjo saw me outside with her fella , Froggie and was a little worried that I stole a kiss in an attempt to turn him into a prince. She checked my face for frog evidence. None there, of course! I leave frog kissing to her!
862AFE01-4381-486F-816C-4E903D5F0BCC.jpeg


You’ll all be in our thoughts! :redheartpump:
 

pearl99

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Ohhhhh sweet Wanda Heart!! She's a beauty, and has such a sweet-looking face! I was missing you guys so just popped in briefly to say hi...my eyelids are so heavy but I'm so glad that I did. That precious face made my day. Thank you for thinking of me and thank you for the pic! I hope that your chowder has recovered from their illness? And I wonder how Gracie has settled in with Mooshoo now, if they're fully integrated? Looking forward to catching up here in a couple weeks - will have a week off between clinical rotations, it'll be nice to "catch up" with you guys over coffee and a long slow morning. I hope all are doing very well! :kiss:
Hello Buffster7 Buffster7 ! Good to hear from you. Can't wait for Adventures of Charlie and Finn update. And how you are doing.
We are not quite all integrated, Moo/Waffs still give Gracie deference and bow down to her. Queen of the house. In a respectful way. No aggression at all. She is sure active at night! So on the nights Gracie is sleeping with me I leave the whole house open so Moofles can see her play and zoom and get more accustomed, she sleeps most of the day. Likes to pat my face in the night too.
This morning I woke up to Gracie on the bed and Moo under the bed. Putting kitty mats under there for a soft sleeping spot. Progress!

Here is a picture of Gracie enjoying a sunbeam:

GracieSunbeam.jpg
 

Buffster7

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Here’s one that might get you started later when you have a break. Banjo saw me outside with her fella , Froggie and was a little worried that I stole a kiss in an attempt to turn him into a prince. She checked my face for frog evidence. None there, of course! I leave frog kissing to her!
Oh my word! BANJO!! That look - melted me into a puddle over here. :loveeyes::hugs: I would give that face anything it wanted, no questions asked. So sweet! I hope that the saga of Banjo and froggy continues - I will pop in next week to do some good catching up around here! Two days left in this clinical, then I'll have a week to breathe before the next one begins! I have MISSED the adventures of your chowder!
We are not quite all integrated, Moo/Waffs still give Gracie deference and bow down to her. Queen of the house. In a respectful way. No aggression at all. She is sure active at night!
But that sounds so integrated to me! And so peaceful! I love that Moofles is/are so respectful of Gracie - that is precious. They must have sweet dispositions. Thank you for the pictures, guys - they seriously brightened my day.

I'm popping in quickly because I have a question about what to do with Finn.
I have been leaving them out all day, and I have not been able to give them as much attention since I'm gone so much, obviously. I haven't really been interfering much - but I still find clumps of Charlie's fur around the house.

Finn stalks Charlie, and has bullied him into submission, I think. Charlie used to love lounging on the chaise and looking out the window. Now when I'm home, Charlie furtively looks both ways before approaching me, always on the lookout for Finn. He's jumpy. Tonight he was so happy when I was home, he started to play a little. Finn entered the room, and he immediately got still and tried to make himself invisible, it felt. Now he hides under my workout equipment all the time, because he can't get pounced by Finn there. And Finn bites. Remember how he used to bite me when he first moved in? I often see him sneaking up on Charlie and biting him on the back. Charlie just darts away, doesn't fight back.

This morning at around 3:30 I was starting to wake up (I get up at 4 am), and moved my leg, and Finn pounced it and bit it the way he bites Charlie. It hurts! I yelled "Ouch!" and I kid you not, I picked Finn up and bit him back. I did. Right on the back. Not hard, of course, but enough to get my message across. He just slumped in my arms like he does when he knows he's in trouble.

My neighbor called me tonight and said she was worried about Charlie - that she used to see him in the windows all the time. Then Finn came along, and she would see Finn and Charlie. She said these days she never ever sees Charlie. I know it's because he's hiding all day. I see Finn prowling the house on the camera when I'm gone, but I never see Charlie anywhere.

What do I do? First Question: Do I lock Finn in my room when I'm gone? But I don't want him thinking that's "his" territory and getting mean with Charlie when Charlie goes in there. Which leads me to the
Second question: how much would it 'hurt' Finn if I kept him out of my bedroom at night and just slept in there with Charlie? I don't want him to feel outcast, I'm just not sure what to do. My heart hurts for Charlie because this is exactly what I never wanted to happen when I took Finn in. It's been a long road with these two, they aren't friends, and I'm worried about Charlie.

Sorry for the epistle. I'm trying to decide what would make Charlie more miserable. Being alone again? Or being tormented by Finn? I welcome ideas, suggestion, or opinions. Thank you guys!!
 

Furballsmom

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But I don't want him thinking that's "his" territory and getting mean with Charlie when Charlie goes in there.
He apparently already is.

Second question: how much would it 'hurt' Finn if I kept him out of my bedroom at night and just slept in there with Charlie? I don't want him to feel outcast,
Even now, after all this my perception is that you care more about Finn than Charlie, which is what I got in the early stages of this. Finn will be just fine, but that doesn't handle the overriding issue.

My heart hurts for Charlie because this is exactly what I never wanted to happen when I took Finn in. It's been a long road with these two
Tonight he was so happy when I was home, he started to play a little.
My personal, very very strong opinion is that Charlie will only be comfortable and content again without Finn. He's telling you this, your neighbor is telling you, and so am I.
 

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Even now, after all this my perception is that you care more about Finn than Charlie, which is what I got in the early stages of this. Finn will be just fine, but that doesn't handle the overriding issue.
That surprises me! From the beginning I've said that Charlie is my heart, and he is. I've felt a little sorry for Finn at times because I am so bonded with Charlie, it has to be hard being the third addition to a "bonded duo". So I've done my best to do everything possible to try to make this a real integration. One of the reasons I decided to go ahead and adopt Finn was because Charlie had been showing signs of 'depression' and listlessness as an only cat, and I thought that having another live body here when I started clinicals might be company for Charlie. And initially, he seemed to show interest and perked up a lot with Finn's presence. But it has truly been one step forward and two, sometimes three steps back. So I'm posting for input. But the perception that I care more about Finn than Charlie isn't correct. Charlie has my heart, and if there is truly no hope of he and Finn coexisting peacefully, then I may have to take a look at what options there are. I am hoping that some adjustments can be made - so I'm asking about sleeping arrangements, separating them during the day, or whether that would just cause more resentment. I've not one to re-home a pet just because of a situation that's not ideal. If it comes to that, I would have to find someone who I know would take care of Finn like I do, and that would be very difficult to find. It's a real conundrum.
My personal, very very strong opinion is that Charlie will only be comfortable and content again without Finn. He's telling you this, your neighbor is telling you, and so am I.
I hear you. What would you do in my situation - would you re-home? I'm not there yet, I will want to be sure that I have done absolutely everything possible and that this inability to get along isn't due to something I have done or am doing. If there are adjustments I can try first, I'd want to try those. I'm open to suggestions. If your opinion is that this is a losing battle, then I need to hear that, too. I appreciate all input, always!
 

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I’m going to get back to you as soon as I can. Sick right now but giving Finn some space without Charlie would be good. Charlie Ned’s to feel free to run around too.
 

Buffster7

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I closed Finn out of the bedroom while Charlie and I got ready for bed. The sound of Finn's wailing kind of broke my heart. Wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. Weakened and let him back in, and went to brush my teeth. Turned around just in time to see him jump Charlie and he must have bit, because Charlie screamed. It was like he took it out on Charlie that he'd been shut out of the room? I lost my temper and yelled at Finn (that's not going to help), closed him out of the room for the night. Now Charlie and I are in my room, and I'm checking the camera to see Finn staring at the bedroom door.
finn.jpg.PNG

Charlie is with me, acting mopey. I'm just saddened. 😓
charlie.jpg

Finn is a good cat, very affectionate, he just needs lots of stimulation, and he and Charlie don't seem to gel. I see Finn pacing the house on my cameral all day - after being indoors for 9 months, he's adapting but still very restless. And I don't know what's happened, but he seems to be like a bored cat, and Charlie is his mouse, and it's becoming a real problem. :(
 

pearl99

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For now, if it was me I would separate them when you are gone, for Charlie's sake. He needs time without Finn to relax. I don't know how to get Finn to stop what he's doing.
Sad to hear Finn is doing this to poor Charlie. Charlie's saying "I can't take this." Unfortunately it's something some cats can do.

Yeah it's fairly peaceful here. They don't sit on the couch at the same time, but they are getting more comfortable daily. I am lucky! Gracie is walking around more in the mornings. So they are getting more used to her.
 
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