I Has An Expresshun!

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1CatOverTheLine

1CatOverTheLine

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Mer.kitten said:
Ok now im intrigued-what do you mean "on the outside"? Are they difficult, naughty, ect?
Click to expand...
Mer.kitten Mer.kitten - Their intelligence is outstripped only by their evilness. They can open any cabinet door, and once opened, will push anything which appears breakable off the shelf, allowing gravity to do what Isaac Newton proclaimed that it would. Mine turns on the water, jumps at light switches, turning them off and on, plays with the remote controls, burns my toast (once - now the toaster over is unplugged after I use it) and indulges in countless other Snowshoe Passtimes.

Are you unaware of how Snowshoes came to be? I don't mean Ms. Hinds-Dougherty's breeding program, but the true story - according to the "lost" verses of Genesis found in the Dead Sea Scrolls describing how Snowshoes came about - and especially how they got their blue eyes - and it puts to rest the tale told in Revelation 12:7.

Near the end of the Sixth Day, God had nearly finished creating the animals, and was preparing to create Man. He left the cats for last, since they were to be closest to Mankind's Heart, and suddenly He felt tired. He called His eight Archangels together - Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, Uriel, Saraqael, Raguel, Remiel and Lucifer - and said, "Boys, I'm just bushed from makin' all these freakin' cats. I need one more, but I have to save my strength for creating Humans. Who's game?"

When the first seven declined, Lucifer spoke up and said, "I'll make the last cat." He rummaged around in a box of odd parts that God had left over and came up with a body intended for the first Siamese. It was too chubby for a Siamese, really, but it was the only body left. Lucifer sewed four white feet on which had been left over from the creation of the Arctic Hare, and patched the face and chest with little bits of white fur from the scrap bin, in a sort of crazy quilt pattern. He found teeth and claws which God had discarded when He made the Leopard, and a voice which God had intended when he created the Dæmons of Hell, but which He'd deemed too scary, and all he needed were the eyes to complete his cat.

When he opened the eye drawer, there was just a single pair remaining - eyes which God had originally made for the Siberian Husky, but which were so blue that they seemed artificial, and hence, had been discarded. Though they were a little too large, Lucifer shrugged and fitted them under the eyelids of the cat's particoloured face. The cat then opened its new eyes and came to Life, and Lucifer rushed off to show God The Last Cat.

"What in the Sam Hill is that thing?" God asked, from His place on the golden throne where He had just sat down to begin a nice chicken dinner. "It looks like it just escaped from a clown convention!" Lucifer set the cat down at God's feet and said, "It's the Snowshoe Cat. To make up for its appearance, I've given it the intelligence of Man, the cunning of the fox, and the reflexes of the cobra."

God patted his lap and said, "here kitty." The Snowshoe leapt into His lap, let loose a blood-curdling sound, reached up, scratched God across the nose, grasped a piece of chicken in its mouth, and leapt down, tearing God's robe in the process as it bounded off with His dinner. And that... that is why Lucifer was cast down into Hell - and how the Snowshoe got its blue eyes.


Amended to add The Snowshoe Song (to the tune of Beautiful Dreamer, of course):

Beautiful Snowshoe, you are so sweet,
You're Siamese but you have four white feet;
You've got the Nose Dots, Skunky Stripe too,
Beautiful Snowshoe, I'll always Love you.

Snowshoes are lovely, Snowshoes are smart,
Snowshoes make rainbows when they poop and fart,
Little black ears and fuzzy black tail,
I'd never shove you in the garbage pail.

Snowshoes are just like other Siamese,
That means their owners can't do as they please,
At night when I want to lay down my head,
One rotten Snowshoe takes up the whole bed.

If you Love Snowshoes, listen to me,
You'd benefit from some psychiatry;
When they commit you, I will assume,
There'll be no Snowshoes in your rubber room.
.
 
R

raysmyheart

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1CatOverTheLine said:
Mer.kitten Mer.kitten - Their intelligence is outstripped only by their evilness. They can open any cabinet door, and once opened, will push anything which appears breakable off the shelf, allowing gravity to do what Isaac Newton proclaimed that it would. Mine turns on the water, jumps at light switches, turning them off and on, plays with the remote controls, burns my toast (once - now the toaster over is unplugged after I use it) and indulges in countless other Snowshoe Passtimes.

Are you unaware of how Snowshoes came to be? I don't mean Ms. Hinds-Dougherty's breeding program, but the true story - according to the "lost" verses of Genesis found in the Dead Sea Scrolls describing how Snowshoes came about - and especially how they got their blue eyes - and it puts to rest the tale told in Revelation 12:7.

Near the end of the Sixth Day, God had nearly finished creating the animals, and was preparing to create Man. He left the cats for last, since they were to be closest to Mankind's Heart, and suddenly He felt tired. He called His eight Archangels together - Michael, Raphael, Gabriel, Uriel, Saraqael, Raguel, Remiel and Lucifer - and said, "Boys, I'm just bushed from makin' all these freakin' cats. I need one more, but I have to save my strength for creating Humans. Who's game?"

When the first seven declined, Lucifer spoke up and said, "I'll make the last cat." He rummaged around in a box of odd parts that God had left over and came up with a body intended for the first Siamese. It was too chubby for a Siamese, really, but it was the only body left. Lucifer sewed four white feet on which had been left over from the creation of the Arctic Hare, and patched the face and chest with little bits of white fur from the scrap bin, in a sort of crazy quilt pattern. He found teeth and claws which God had discarded when He made the Leopard, and a voice which God had intended when he created the Dæmons of Hell, but which He'd deemed too scary, and all he needed were the eyes to complete his cat.

When he opened the eye drawer, there was just a single pair remaining - eyes which God had originally made for the Siberian Husky, but which were so blue that they seemed artificial, and hence, had been discarded. Though they were a little too large, Lucifer shrugged and fitted them under the eyelids of the cat's particoloured face. The cat then opened its new eyes and came to Life, and Lucifer rushed off to show God The Last Cat.

"What in the Sam Hill is that thing?" God asked, from His place on the golden throne where He had just sat down to begin a nice chicken dinner. "It looks like it just escaped from a clown convention!" Lucifer set the cat down at God's feet and said, "It's the Snowshoe Cat. To make up for its appearance, I've given it the intelligence of Man, the cunning of the fox, and the reflexes of the cobra."

God patted his lap and said, "here kitty." The Snowshoe leapt into His lap, let loose a blood-curdling sound, reached up, scratched God across the nose, grasped a piece of chicken in its mouth, and leapt down, tearing God's robe in the process as it bounded off with His dinner. And that... that is why Lucifer was cast down into Hell - and how the Snowshoe got its blue eyes.


Amended to add The Snowshoe Song (to the tune of Beautiful Dreamer, of course):

Beautiful Snowshoe, you are so sweet,
You're Siamese but you have four white feet;
You've got the Nose Dots, Skunky Stripe too,
Beautiful Snowshoe, I'll always Love you.

Snowshoes are lovely, Snowshoes are smart,
Snowshoes make rainbows when they poop and fart,
Little black ears and fuzzy black tail,
I'd never shove you in the garbage pail.

Snowshoes are just like other Siamese,
That means their owners can't do as they please,
At night when I want to lay down my head,
One rotten Snowshoe takes up the whole bed.

If you Love Snowshoes, listen to me,
You'd benefit from some psychiatry;
When they commit you, I will assume,
There'll be no Snowshoes in your rubber room.
.
Click to expand...
1CatOverTheLine 1CatOverTheLine , I have never had such an honest, good laugh! This is brilliant and absolutely delightful for sure!. Thank you!
 
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