I feel like a fake cat lover.

Bree024

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I just wanted to come on here and vent a little bit about an experience I had today. I’ve had my cat Toby for over a year now, and he’s probably been the most fulfilling experience of my life to date. He’s a total sweetheart and my best friend. I decided recently that I’d like to adopt a friend for him.

The past few weeks searching for a cat have been draining to say the least. Because of the holiday season, I usually can’t get to my local adoption centres quickly enough to see the new cats before they fly out the door. At first I was pleased to hear they were finding their homes so fast, but then I learned that a lot of these holiday adoptions are impulsive. I heard that in January the adoption centres tend to fill up with surrendered cats. This was really hard for me to process.

I’ve also been looking for cats on Kijiji who need to be rehomed, but it’s almost impossible to sift through all the breeders selling cats for $3000. This was also a hurtful and draining experience.

Today I visited a cat cafe. Overall, it didn’t seem like an optimal environment for the cats and a lot of them seemed overwhelmed and overstimulated. I reached out to pet one, and she clawed at me and made a warning hiss. I felt put off by this behaviour, and then I immediately felt guilty because this is a common cat behaviour and it’s not her fault if she feels the need to defend herself.

I’ve been in tears ever since the visit. I feel bad for not being more sympathetic to the overwhelmed cats and their defensive behaviours. I feel like I’m not a true cat lover if I can’t appreciate them for all of their various temperaments. I think I might just be drained from the search for a new fur baby. I’m going to step back, and wait until January when there are surrendered cats who need their forever home.

I apologize for the long post and I’m sorry if this isn’t the purpose of this forum. I just needed to vent a little bit.
 

gilmargl

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Just a short reply for now as I haven't got much time! Don't be so hard on yourself! Adopting a new cat is not something you should do on the spur of the moment. It should not be done in a hurry.
At least, here in Germany, there are shelters which will not let just anyone take a cat away without checking out where the cat is going. The shelter where I volunteer by fostering cats, allows the possible new owner to visit the cat at least twice, before the papers are signed and the cat is brought to your home. It is not often that we have refused to leave a cat at the address given, but it has happened.
Try to find a reliable shelter where they are keen to find the best homes for their cats and do not just give them away for a fee to anybody. If you feel that the cats are not happy at the shelter you visit, please don't feel obliged to take one of the cats! I know it's not easy to leave the poor animals there. Better to complain to the authorities and pray that they do something about it but please support a more humane organisation.
One day I'll write about my experiences trying to adopt a cat (not just any cat - I've got too many of those who nobody wants) - but I need a success story first. Don't cry - we cannot save the world however much we'd like to!
 

fionasmom

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Last week I was bit by a stray cat I feed and ended up in the ER. Like you, I take full responsibility for not realizing that while she trusts me to a point I pushed that point too far. I did not for one minute feel like a fake cat lover.

Cat cafes are odd places and if they are not managed well, the cats will be stressed unfortunately. You only reached out to pet one without doing anything else that was threatening and the cat reacted. It is a very normal reaction for you to have withdrawn your hand and not wanted to reengage the cat.

Given that cat cafes are meant to encourage adoption...or at least the ones I have been to....I have to lay this down to management of the place.
 

gilmargl

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I'm back again with a bit more time to spare.
I just wanted to come on here and vent a little bit about an experience I had today. I’ve had my cat Toby for over a year now, and he’s probably been the most fulfilling experience of my life to date. He’s a total sweetheart and my best friend. I decided recently that I’d like to adopt a friend for him.

The past few weeks searching for a cat have been draining to say the least. Because of the holiday season, I usually can’t get to my local adoption centres quickly enough to see the new cats before they fly out the door. At first I was pleased to hear they were finding their homes so fast, but then I learned that a lot of these holiday adoptions are impulsive. I heard that in January the adoption centres tend to fill up with surrendered cats. This was really hard for me to process.

I’ve also been looking for cats on Kijiji who need to be rehomed, but it’s almost impossible to sift through all the breeders selling cats for $3000. This was also a hurtful and draining experience.

Today I visited a cat cafe. Overall, it didn’t seem like an optimal environment for the cats and a lot of them seemed overwhelmed and overstimulated. I reached out to pet one, and she clawed at me and made a warning hiss. I felt put off by this behaviour, and then I immediately felt guilty because this is a common cat behaviour and it’s not her fault if she feels the need to defend herself.

I’ve been in tears ever since the visit. I feel bad for not being more sympathetic to the overwhelmed cats and their defensive behaviours. I feel like I’m not a true cat lover if I can’t appreciate them for all of their various temperaments. I think I might just be drained from the search for a new fur baby. I’m going to step back, and wait until January when there are surrendered cats who need their forever home.

I apologize for the long post and I’m sorry if this isn’t the purpose of this forum. I just needed to vent a little bit.
You can’t call yourself a fake cat-lover – you love your cat, so you are a cat-lover! You can’t love every cat even people who have chosen to work with children and babies can often feel way out of their depth and have to give up working with some problem children. Example - sorry, it's a rather sad tale:

A neighbor and her husband foster children who are waiting to be adopted. Three years ago they started to foster 3 young siblings who had been sexually abused since birth. It soon became apparent that, although one wanted to keep the three children together, their needs were too great and their injuries, mental and physical, so severe that each child required supervision from an adult 24 hours a day. The eldest child, a girl, had to go to another foster home. The boy, now 6 years old and the baby girl, now 3, are still with their foster parents.

A few weeks ago, this neighbor came to my door, with her 2 dogs and the young boy. (Not relevant to this story, but her cat had gone missing and she knew that I was involved with the local shelter – by late afternoon on the same day, the cat had returned home – very hungry but none the worse for her 3 days’ absence:happycat: ).

My grandson was up on a ladder painting the house. The 6-year-old ran to the ladder. I thought he wanted to climb up too, as all young boys do. But, no! He wanted to knock the ladder over so that someone got hurt. My neighbor has to hide not only knives and scissors, but pencils and anything that the 2 children can use to hurt themselves or others. They have already learnt to live with pain and self-destruction and no amount of love, kind words or simple home life can change that. The boy has seen so many child psychiatrists who all passed him on to another colleague until one actually admitted that he would rather treat a child from a war area, who had traveled thousands of miles before reaching Germany than try to help such a poor “monster”, who will no doubt finish up in a psychiatric prison. We just hope that he'll be able to spend the rest of his childhood being protected from himself and prevented from harming others.

My point is: even the most dedicated child helpers, or cat lovers, have their limits. Most children are nice, friendly and, even if they use bad language, they learn to speak well when it matters. Most cats do not like to be badly treated and react aggressively when they are frightened or insecure. When a cat bites your hand, scratches you and hisses at you, unless you are willing to put up with even more bad behavior, it’s better to keep your distance and, perhaps, look at a different cat. But that doesn’t mean that you’re a fake cat-lover! The psychiatrists who couldn't help this young boy, still love children and spend their lives trying to help them.
 

MonaLyssa33

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My sister really does not like children but she adores her daughters and is a very good mom. I'm the same way, I'm not a fan of children either but I would definitely love my own and I adore my nieces. You love your cat, therefore you are a cat lover. It doesn't matter if you love all cats or some cats.
 

CatladyJan

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I just wanted to come on here and vent a little bit about an experience I had today. I’ve had my cat Toby for over a year now, and he’s probably been the most fulfilling experience of my life to date. He’s a total sweetheart and my best friend. I decided recently that I’d like to adopt a friend for him.

The past few weeks searching for a cat have been draining to say the least. Because of the holiday season, I usually can’t get to my local adoption centres quickly enough to see the new cats before they fly out the door. At first I was pleased to hear they were finding their homes so fast, but then I learned that a lot of these holiday adoptions are impulsive. I heard that in January the adoption centres tend to fill up with surrendered cats. This was really hard for me to process.

I’ve also been looking for cats on Kijiji who need to be rehomed, but it’s almost impossible to sift through all the breeders selling cats for $3000. This was also a hurtful and draining experience.

Today I visited a cat cafe. Overall, it didn’t seem like an optimal environment for the cats and a lot of them seemed overwhelmed and overstimulated. I reached out to pet one, and she clawed at me and made a warning hiss. I felt put off by this behaviour, and then I immediately felt guilty because this is a common cat behaviour and it’s not her fault if she feels the need to defend herself.

I’ve been in tears ever since the visit. I feel bad for not being more sympathetic to the overwhelmed cats and their defensive behaviours. I feel like I’m not a true cat lover if I can’t appreciate them for all of their various temperaments. I think I might just be drained from the search for a new fur baby. I’m going to step back, and wait until January when there are surrendered cats who need their forever home.

I apologize for the long post and I’m sorry if this isn’t the purpose of this forum. I just needed to vent a little bit.
Compassion burnout - it happens.
 

cassiopea

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It's normal where one feels overwhelmed or upset by the hardships around us, especially pertaining to the wellbeing of animals and witnessing or hearing about heavily unpleasant stuff. You had a triple whammy all condensed in a short period of time: Shelter, Online and a Cat Cafe not offering great things. Burn out happens, it doesn't mean you are any less of a cat lover, just like with many aspects of life.

It's a wonderful thing to be empathetic and wanting to do good, but remember - when it gets too much, just look at your own cat. Yes the world can be a tricky place but that kitty that lives with you right now at least won the lottery and has a happy life. He is healthy, he is happy, he is safe, he knows he is loved and well fed, he knows he loves you. In an overwhelming world at least in your very own little home there is genuine contentment and a happy ending.
 

Whenallhellbreakslose

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Please don't be so down on yourself. Cats are like people and they each have their own personality/temperment. Just like their are people who as the old saying goes "are not your cup of tea", the same is with cats. I adopted a cat who could really get under my skin some days. I pet him and for no reason he freak out and bite me.:nono: He also would knock the garbage over to get to dinner leftovers. In addition to that he would excessively dig and leave "cement clumps" at the bottom of the litterbox. I use to joke that I needed a jack hammer to break that stuff up.😉 This cat was far from my favorite, but I learned to accept him best I could, but still tried to improve his bad habits.

When you look for a cat companion, be very straightforward about the traits you are looking for. Look for the cat who will best fit into your family. Maybe ask to foster before adoption, so you see if this cat is the one. You don't want to adopt a cat who is too much for you and your other cat to handle. You are not a fake cat lover for wanting this. It is wise and practical to be careful when adopting.

Well, I wish you much luck. Don't rush into this. Best of luck.🙂
 
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