I Feel Dead After Putting My Cat Down

[Leomc123]

Hi put my cat down almost a week ago, this last week i had been at work, getting up in the morning is hard, i look at a few photos of him, and feed my other cat, then i drive to work like a zombie, then at work i am so exhausted. At work i pretend to be happy, i cried infront of my boss on the first day at work, but it feels like everyone was laughing at me, because i cried for my cat. I come home and i sit in the backyard like a zombie feeling guilty that i put my cat down and that he is dead, because of me. I made the choice to put him down.

Emotionally its like i am dead, when i am patting my other cat, i feel sad, the kind of sadness that i am not crying anymore, just like heavy chested and empty. And i guess i feel detached like i fear of getting close to my other cat cause i know soon she will pass away as she is older she is 17 years old. And i feel worse doing that, i dont sit with her as much like i did with my other cat , and she mostly likes to sleep as she is old. And at times i feel like what i am doing with her is wrong, like i am bothering her if i want to pat her or maybe i am giving her the wrong food. I dunno i just feel dead, no emotion anymore, she is a beautiful cat, very gentle, caring and fragile. I feel like there is something wrong with me. Like im empty etc.

Has anyone felt likes this ?

 

[les26]

First off I am so sorry for your loss, you loved your cat(s) so much that is why it is so hard for you right now, it is always so hard to have to "play God" and put them down, you (we) feel like we killed them but we actually helped them out of their misery and spared them more pain. My father in law was sick and just died 2 weeks ago from cancer, and as he was just lying in his hospice bed I thought about how if this was an animal we would be able to put him out of his misery so he wouldn't suffer. We can't do that with humans but we do with animals, but it is such a hard decision to make but if it was his time and he was sick and your vet thought it was right to do it you made the best albeit toughest choice and it will hurt and the grief will play mind games and physical games with you for awhile, that is very normal. I have found taking some Holy Basil helps as it helps you deal with the stress with a clear head and is not a drug but an herb, also L-Tryptophan helps mood and can relax you and both are natural remedies.

I am so sorry that this happened to you, it will ease some with time but right now hurts like hell I know. Pay attention to your other cat as she is grieving too, and with time the sun will come out again.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven"

I hope that your heart heals a bit more each day, God Bless......

 

[di and bob]

Yes, many of us, and I, have felt exactly like you are feeling right now. There were many times, in the early stages of grief, that thoughts of anything that were enjoyable in the past seem like a distant memory and lost forever. You are experiencing depression that comes from grief. It is not something that will go away anytime soon, in fact you learn how to manage it and live with it. The only good that comes from it is that you set new priorities in your life, ones that give your life more meaning, ones that become a part of your emotional well being, that mean something to your soul. But it all takes time, and lots of it.
I still feel a pang in my heart when I think of my little one, 6 years later. I was a wreck. I could hardly function, and in fact didn't want to. Don't ever be embarrassed to show emotion, the fact that you cried in front of your boss shows that you are a loving, caring person who lost someone you loved.That can never be bad. I cried more times than i want to admit at work, I cried more and harder than with any human death because she was an innocent and my soul was joined with her own through the love we shared. Yes, there will be some out there who have never known that kind of love, but if they can't share grief with someone they are associated with, they are not the kind of people I want to associate with anyway. They are to be pitied to have never known that kind of companionship and love.
The bond you built link by link with that precious boy will always be with you, nothing can break it, it is something that will be a part of you for the rest of your life. "Death cannot take that which never dies", and the love you have for each other never will.
You have been through one of the most traumatic events you will ever have to go through, choosing the time to end the life of someone you love. Grief brings all those should haves, could haves, but you have to rely on the experience and the knowledge of the vet who advised you, and know what you did you did out of love and to end unending pain and suffering that was going to get nothing but worse. There does come a time when life becomes an existence, no longer full of joy and a future to look forward to, nothing left but misery and fear. You have to have intent of harm to have guilt. And I know you would never intend to bring harm to that precious boy. What you did you did out of love. Remember that boy as he was, and use those memories to bring yourself comfort. The joy he got out of life, the joy he got out of loving you and sharing the wonderful home you provided for him. He had you and that is all he ever wanted. Think what you would be missing if you had never known him at all. And although the pain is great, what he gave to you soul is so much greater.
Love is spiritual, so eternal. He will always be as near as your thoughts and prayers. He lives on through you now, so send him thoughts of happiness and joy, of thankfulness for sharing your life's journey with him for a little while. He wants for you to go on now and live life, to let him experience the joy of life through you, to let it bloom and grow. Not be hidden in a heart full of darkness and tears.How do I know this? Because it is exactly what i would want for the one i love if I was the first to go, and your boy wants no less because that is what love truly is.
I have found it brings me comfort to comfort others who are feeling so much pain. You might give a small donation of money or food to your local shelter in your boy's name. It makes you feel a little better about yourself to help others in need. And love that sweet girl you have left. She is grieving too in her own way, and she knows you are upset. Talk to her, let her know you are near for her if she needs you. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow and she is old and needs consistency and love in her geriatric years. For her sake and your own, just be together let her know she is loved. She can be a welcome distraction to your own grief if you concentrate. I know I even felt an anger towards my little ones who were left. That they were left and my little girl was gone. But if you let the ones left behind distract you in day to day care, and watch how they find happiness in each and every day they are given, how they take one day at a time and live it to the fullest, it helps to get us back into the world as it should be, not as it is for you right now.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I've stood in your shoes and wouldn't wish it on anyone. You are very early in your grief, and the world seems like it had gone on without you right now. But with the help of those who understand what you are going through, and letting us share the burden of grief that is weighing you down, time will bring on it's healing. Time is the only thing that truly helps to distance you from the pain. Time will help you realize that your sweet boy is still in your life, because he will always be a part of your soul. A love like that will never die, and anything you did out of love and concern can never be wrong. Ask him to help you and he will answer.
RIP precious boy. You will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you until you meet again!

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Rest you gentle, Sweet Friend, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

What you are feeling, or not feeling, is so natural. It is actually recognized as a part of the grieving process. I think it is nature's way of protecting us for the first little while after a loss. And of COURSE you fear for your other cat. She's a Grand Old Lady, and her time will come far sooner than you can cope with thinking about just now. This, too, is natural. We grieve, and fear more grief to come. But grief is the price that we pay for love, giving it and having it, and although it is a heavy price, it is never "too much" to pay for what we got in return.

Love never dies, you know, it only changes form and continues on, still Love. Love abides, and your Sweet Girl is with you still, now and always. Love abides.

 

[ans5181]

Simply put, yes, I have felt that way too. Guilty and sad as hell. When I unexpectedly had to put my cat to sleep a few years back, I couldn't even stay at my house for the first few days because it felt so empty without him in it. I blamed myself because I didn't know he was ill until it was too late, but in hindsight there were signs. He covered them well. That haunted me for such a long time and yeah, it sucks. It does get better with time. I also had a senior kitty and felt similarly about him after Timmy had to be put to sleep, I felt like I was waiting for him to die or something. Ironically, on October 1 of 2018 I had to put him to sleep at 17. I don't know if this helps you at all, but I can honestly say it wasn't as hard as Timmy. It hurt, don't get me wrong, Lucy was my first baby as an adult and has been through so much with me, but when the time came at the end and he was old and unwell, it was sad in a different way to let him go. I felt more at peace with it, knowing his life had been full and long. I say all that to say, don't be afraid to love your senior. I know what you're going through, and she will help you get through it. You gave your kitty a wonderful final gift, you did not kill him. He suffers no more. I'm so sorry for your loss, I am sending you peace and comfort.

 

[Maria Bayote]

It is ok to grieve, but do not blame yourself. Imagine your cat now running free and wild and no cares in the world. He is now free from physical pain that he had to endure during his last days. You gave him a good life, a happy life. You loved him, and that is all that matters.

Try not to close your heart for your other cat who is in her senior years. She needs you now more than ever. Let her remaining years or months be just happy ones, as I am sure you also would like to give her that, only that your grief is stopping you for the time being.

Hang in there. Be strong especially for your other cat. Sending my prayers and hugs.

 

[di and bob]

I pray you are finding your memories bring you comfort, not pain. That sweet boy only wants the best for you, just as you would want for him if you were the first to go. He is at peace, and your thoughts and prayers are making it so. He is not gone, he is a part of you and will always be tied to your soul.....

 

[wt1964]

Has anyone felt like this?

Yes. I'm certain that practically everyone here can relate. I am coming up on two years since I had to let my Lucy go. She was nearly 20 and we were fighting thyroid and kidney disease which were taking their toll. I made the decision to let her go before the horrific suffering began. I was reassured that I made the right decision at the right time, but I am still haunted by the fact that I had to end her life. It chokes me up just typing this.

Try not to worry about what you perceive your co-workers think. I had a couple of moments where I lost it at my job, and thankfully those around me were compassionate to me. But otherwise, screw what other people think. It's your grief, not theirs.

I know it's hard, especially knowing you will likely soon have to face it again with your other cat. I wish I could offer you more comfort. As one of the previous members remarked "Try not to close your heart for your other cat who is in her senior years. She needs you now more than ever". I had three cats that all lived to their mid-late teens, and I lost them all within four years of each other. It's hard not to worry over what is inevitable, but you must try for the sake of the kitty you still have.

I wish you luck and love through your time of heartbreak and heartache. Be strong for your remaining feline, and when you get emotional, excuse yourself from them so as not to rob them of their energy as you grieve. This is the downside to having pets, that we will one day have to let them go.

We are here with you.

 

[Furballsmom]

There are some philosophical thoughts as to why, but losing a cat is, for some people and as mentioned, even more difficult than losing a loved person. Man or woman, makes no difference, it just is.

You were incredibly courageous in bringing your baby peace.

Allow yourself to watch your Grand Old Lady sleep. Maybe in a bit of time you will be more comfortable, and will feel safer petting her.

RIP sweetheart, you are in a place of everlasting sunshine and love.

 

[Leomc123]

I just hate playing god. Now with my cat who is still alive, i am getting to spend small amounts of time with her as she really loves to sleep. I just watch her from a short distance so i dont disturb her, i dont want to stress her out so much as she is old. I feed her and give her lots of kisses and pats when i can, but it is very short lived with her as she is very independent and likes to do her own thing.

 

[Furballsmom]

 

[FelisCatus]

You are not alone, I feel dead inside and hate myself too for what we are going through currently:

Rant: I Have Failed And Will Probably Never Recover

 

[di and bob]

She feels your love, and for her that is enough. For her to reach seventeen is a milestone, and shows what a wonderful home she has.
Time is the only thing that helps with the depression, try not to dwell on things you can't change. Make time for yourself, concentrate on finding things that bring you pleasure. Love that old lady for as long as you have left......

 

[Jwa]

Hi put my cat down almost a week ago, this last week i had been at work, getting up in the morning is hard, i look at a few photos of him, and feed my other cat, then i drive to work like a zombie, then at work i am so exhausted. At work i pretend to be happy, i cried infront of my boss on the first day at work, but it feels like everyone was laughing at me, because i cried for my cat. I come home and i sit in the backyard like a zombie feeling guilty that i put my cat down and that he is dead, because of me. I made the choice to put him down.

Emotionally its like i am dead, when i am patting my other cat, i feel sad, the kind of sadness that i am not crying anymore, just like heavy chested and empty. And i guess i feel detached like i fear of getting close to my other cat cause i know soon she will pass away as she is older she is 17 years old. And i feel worse doing that, i dont sit with her as much like i did with my other cat , and she mostly likes to sleep as she is old. And at times i feel like what i am doing with her is wrong, like i am bothering her if i want to pat her or maybe i am giving her the wrong food. I dunno i just feel dead, no emotion anymore, she is a beautiful cat, very gentle, caring and fragile. I feel like there is something wrong with me. Like im empty etc.

Has anyone felt likes this ?

Yes! I’m so sorry. I just lost my Speedy nov 21st snd felt the same way..so almost 3 weeks later I started looking for a kitten as I wanted a pet again. I found a great one , Spencer..
However, the first few days I was freaking out as I didn’t want to bond with him at home and contemplated returning him to the shelter. I felt like a horrible person but I kept him and fell in love...I remember crying over my cat who died while shopping for the new one..it didn’t feel right but it worked out,

You will feel better in time. Just give your ither kitty as much love as you can. Hugs

 

[Leomc123]

its been almost a month now since leo was put down and still i feel sad and depressed all the time, and for some reason i still have a heavy chest feeling like i cant breathe at times, like devastation feeling. Its like the pain when i felt when putting leo down, but it comes and goes but it is strong like i am going to break out and cry but i know im not going to cry, and i have to take deep breaths to make the heavy chested feeling go away. There are also times where i am having a good day with enjoying my time and spending time with my other cat, but i get this panicky and anxious feeling like fear of something is wrong if im in my room watching tv, my heart beats fast and i am not thinking of anything bad in particular. It happens at work and at home. I know i do suffer from panic attacks, but this heavy chested feeling like i am suffocating and cant breath is worrying me Is anyone feeling like this or have felt something like this after a death? This all started when leo was put down and my panic attacks was managed for 10 years until now.

 

[di and bob]

It is depression added to the panic attacks. It is grief. I had to purposely focus on good things in my life to get over them. It took me years because I refused to focus on my life and instead stayed focused on my pain.Find a goal in life that would make you happy and strive for it. We all have to look forward to our futures, not be buried in the past. Live day by day and pursue things, anything, that bring joy into your life. You have your whole life to grieve, but don't make it your life...... you are needed by that sweet girl you have left just being near is enough so she knows you care. Find a purpose in life, the world goes on and you two are alive to find the joy that is offered to the living, what makes life WORTH living. Leo is at peace, he is safe, and will be with you always, because he was loved and always will be. Just keep getting through each day, one day your heart WILL heal, it takes time, one day at a time.......

 

[les26]

When we put Simon our tuxedo down May 2014 I held him as the vet injected him and felt his body go limp and I kept asking the vet "is he gone, are you SURE he's gone?", perhaps thinking they made a mistake and he wasn't dead, and that was the stress and the grief playing head games with me. That night we came home, and it was unusually warm for May and we didn't have the air conditioner in, and I slept for a few hours and woke up in a panic, thought I was suffocating and even went outside at 2 in the morning and it didn't help, I somehow managed to calm down and slept a bit, but for several days later I could not stand it in the dark, like a little kid I felt this great panic come upon me when the lights went out, and also couldn't stand to be in the shower, when that door closed I felt like I was losing my mind, felt intense stress and panic and my pastor at that time said "it's because you feel everything closing in on you". That lasted a little bit then faded, but it was awful.

November 2015 I came home and found Sebastian who had been sick with his front left leg tangled in the mini blinds, he was dying and probably was trying to climb them or climb the window or whatever and he died in my arms soon after I freed him. I rushed him to the vet thinking maybe he was just in shock but he was gone, the kidney issue and/or whatever he had did him in, the vet said it wasn't from being caught in the window but that was absolutely horrible too. I was numb about it for a few days and weeks, but about a month later it hit me like a freight train and I had panic and feelings that there was something wrong with my heart or lungs or whatever, we also had a lot of construction work going on at work and there were smells and dust and all things I can't stand and I guess that I was just so overloaded with stress and it finally hit me. I talked to my current pastor and also a psychologist and they both said how much we love our pets and also that it takes about 1.5 years until we start to feel like we are dealing with the loss, so you have a long way to go my friend so it is normal but I know how horrible life can be when you feel like you do. Eventually, you come to terms with it, things break down a bit and aren't as harsh, you never forget but you do slowly heal. I have found that Holy Basil helps you deal with the stress, L-Tryptophan is a natural relaxer and mood improver, exercise, even taking walks helps, drinking a lot of water, eating fruits and vegetables and not junk food and sugar helps, sleep and rest, breathing exercises, I breath in from my stomach first not lungs first but the stomach then the lungs for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds the blow out through the mouth for 5 seconds about 6-10 times in a row helps. It is very stressful and we feel like we also will die, that is how much we hurt when we lose them I know, and it never gets any easier....

And my little guy in the picture is Sylvester, a long haired tuxedo who looks like we combined Simon and Sebastian together, so he is a constant reminder of those two boys to me and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of that. I picked him up and held him and petted him the other night and told him once again "we found each other, in the darkness....we helped each other" as he was in pretty bad shape when I rescued him and so was I, but he truly helped and still helps me deal with the stress of losing them both even though it was years ago, you never forget it just gets a bit weaker with time, and when his time is up I don't know how I will cope, but I hopefully learned some things like I just told you and hopefully that will be years yet, he is only about 7 but we never know when our time is coming.

I hope that you feel better my friend, stay on here with all these wonderful compassionate people and think about trying some things that I listed, they do help as does time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless.....

 

[Furballsmom]

Hello
I'm glad you're able to spend a little time with your Grand Old Lady, bless your heart!

I don't know, but along with the excellent thoughts and suggestions above, in case you haven't seen this perhaps it will help a bit;
Grieving

 

[Kflowers]

You might find it helps when the heaviness comes to your chest to make a hot water bottle and lie down with it on your chest. This should help relax the muscles and at least lessen that pain. You can use a heating pad if you have one with an automatic off as you may fall asleep.