Hello. Yesterday I euthanized my 8 yr 8 month cat Autumn. A few days ago she stopped eating and drinking and all she would do was sleep. When Id move her to her food dishes she would just look at it and then walk off and lie down before getting to the cat tree which she normally wouldn't do. (looking back I realized that she was doing that a bit before that too so maybe it began sooner than I thought.) She stopped using the litter box and she would not eat even sardines. She ate a couple treats and then stopped eating entirely. 4 years ago she did a similar thing--she stopped eating and drinking and would only sleep. When that happened I brought her to the vet and after some tests they said they didn't know what was causing it and that cats get like that sometimes. They gave her a fluid injection, told me to syringe feed her and give her some medicine (I forget exactly what--I think appetite stimulants and antibiotics). So when this happened I assumed it was the same, or pancreatitis, maybe even a stuck hairball cuz she had thrown up a few times (the past few years she threw up a lot and had a lot of haiballs so it didn't worry me as that was her usual behavior). So this time I began syringe feeding her every 4 or so hours. I made an emergency appointment and dropped her off in the morning. I was called and told she'd tested positive for Felv, that she was severely anemic, her gums and mucus membranes were white, and various other things and that it was the best decision to euthanize her. They said steroids and/or a blood transfusion might give her more time but that it probably wouldn't. I couldn't believe it. When my sister adopted her I'm assuming she was felv negative or else they would have told her. When she got her she was so skinny and had ringworm and I told myself I wouldn't get attached. Eventually though she chose me and became my cat and when we moved, my sister officially gave her to me. I love her so much. When I got my second cat, his paperwork was iffy--it didn't say whether he was felv negative. I had him isolated in a room anyways for introduction purposes. I remember sitting with Autumn in the dining room, her head was on my hand and I tld her I wouldn't do anything to endanger her and I didn't want our dynamic to change with another cat. He was tested negative. I was very adamant about getting him tested and checking every cat because I knew how bad felv was. My next cat was also felv negative but when he was 9 months old he got very severe fip that was effeting him neurologically and I had to euthanize him. It devastated me--he was my snuggle buddy and he was so young. I was in so much grief that I got a cold and then had a month of physical pain from grief reaction and sever hypochondria where I thought I was diyng, that my mom was dying, that my other cats would die from fip. I agonized whether I could have given him a couple more days, but at the end of the day I wanted to be there with him and I didn't want him to die alone in the middle of the night. About 6 months later I adopted another cat who was also negative for Felv. So I was and am in shock that Autumn had felv. They are indoor only, have never been around other cats, were all vaccinated, all negative. The vet said that sometimes it can be dormant, or maybe she had always had it. She said that it was rare that an 8 year old cat would have it. She said that her bloodwork exam and test showed it was felv and that she was dying from it and euthanasia was the best choice. I was scared for my other cats. I was scared that all of them were infected and they'd die. They all ate of the same bowls (they'd steal each others food), drank out of the same bowls etc. So I brought her home from the vet and everyone said goodbye to her. A family friend said I could try steroids or transfusions, but I said that the vet said they weren't good options. It took her in and they took awhile to come in. So I held her and she snuggled on me. She was always scared of the vet so she tried hiding once (looking back I realized that she'd jumped on to the bench so she wasn't as weak as maybe she should've been to consider euthanasia). I think her breathing was heavy but IDK. She snuggled her head under my wrist like she'd done so many times. And then they made her sleep. The whole time she was falling asleep my mind said "please no, please wake her up." and then then they euthanized her and she was gone. I feel like a wreak. At first I was just overwhelmed that this happened. She was the equivalent of a 45-50 year old woman. I thought I'd have another 8 years with her at least. But today I started looking things up online and some people said that the steroids had gotten their cats through a bad bout and they'd come around. When the vet had mentioned steroids I thought it would maybe only give her a couple days. I read about how people have given them antibiotics and appetite stimulants to get their cats through things (I'm not sure about anemia). I read about infectious anemia, and then wondered whether it was a false positive and that she actually had infectious anemia which is treatable. Or that I should have asked for a secnd opinion or even a third. I've seen this vet several times and like and trust her, but they can make mistakes. I did this when my other cat died from FIP, I wrote my vet wondering if it was the right thing and saying the grief and guilt were killing me. But now I truly believe I made the biggest mistake of my life. I feel like my fear for my other cats clouded my judgment. But now I've read that it's not as contagious as people used to think. I feel like I should've given it another day, did my own research. It was life and death, why didn't I think about it more. I truly don't know how to live with myself. I also have to get my other cats tested. I didn't know Felv could effect them this fast. I don't know what to do. I just want her back and feel like I made a horrible mistake. Just a week ago she would be waiting outside my door for me to feed her or would walk/run to the area Id feed them. She rub against my leg wanting pets and would beg for treats. I feel like it couldn't have made her that sick that fast. I don't know what to do.