I don't feel anything after putting my first cat down - is something wrong with me?

[Cat McCannon]

I still haven't cried, and the emotions remain the same - I just want to lay in bed all day. I'm so sorry about your grandpa and your sweet Grendl. The guilt crushes me. The what ifs. What if she made it. What if I killed her unnecessarily. If it isn't too insensitive, which mistakes are you referring to? Feel free to not talk about them if it hurts you.

Thank you for your reply 🤍

Grendl and I were closely bonded for years. When it was time to put him down, I was a complete wreck and knew nothing but my own pain. I handed Grendl to the vet and fled like a coward. It didn’t occur to me I should have stayed with him until the end. I didn’t know that was even allowed. Grendl was my best friend and I abandoned him to die alone.

That will never happen again

 

[leiasmom22]

Grendl and I were closely bonded for years. When it was time to put him down, I was a complete wreck and knew nothing but my own pain. I handed Grendl to the vet and fled like a coward. It didn’t occur to me I should have stayed with him until the end. I didn’t know that was even allowed. Grendl was my best friend and I abandoned him to die alone.

That will never happen again

I wouldn't say you abandoned him. I had no idea euthanasia and how traumatic it was, I was asked if I wanted to stay with her. It's one of those moments that if you can, bring a close family member or friend so you can get support during and after, I didn't even get a hug or any sort of comfort from my parents. I still call for Leia, I still expect her to show up. I dare not pass by her grave because it makes it all too real.

I would do euthanasia again and again, and I would stay again and again, for them. But it's so, so heart breaking. Some gos peacefully, Leia gasped for air and the way she looked at me, I wanted to tell them to stop to please save her. I still feel like I murdered her.

You didn't even know you could stay... It's not your fault, it never was. I hope you find solace in that. 🤍

 

[Kflowers]

If you can bring someone else, let them drive. If you can't, give yourself a good bit of time afterward before you try to drive. The vet will understand. they should let you stay in a room to compose yourself. If they don't, just wait in your car. Don't try to just drive immediately.

 

[leiasmom22]

If you can bring someone else, let them drive. If you can't, give yourself a good bit of time afterward before you try to drive. The vet will understand. they should let you stay in a room to compose yourself. If they don't, just wait in your car. Don't try to just drive immediately.

My baby is gone now... I stayed in the room alone for an hour with her. Unfortunately I was forced to continue with my life as normal

 

[Cat McCannon]

I wouldn't say you abandoned him. I had no idea euthanasia and how traumatic it was, I was asked if I wanted to stay with her. It's one of those moments that if you can, bring a close family member or friend so you can get support during and after, I didn't even get a hug or any sort of comfort from my parents. I still call for Leia, I still expect her to show up. I dare not pass by her grave because it makes it all too real.

I would do euthanasia again and again, and I would stay again and again, for them. But it's so, so heart breaking. Some gos peacefully, Leia gasped for air and the way she looked at me, I wanted to tell them to stop to please save her. I still feel like I murdered her.

You didn't even know you could stay... It's not your fault, it never was. I hope you find solace in that. 🤍

Thank you.

Although I didn't know I could go with Grendl, I abandoned him. It still bothers me, but I've had time to work through that and decided that will never happen again. I'm at peace with putting him to sleep because I knew it had to be done. I cried because I missed him and still do. I've long ago accepted that if I didn't want to be hurt by loss, I could never love anyone or any creature. I accept that. To love fully, I will embrace the pain.

I am in a good place and have joy in my life

 

[Furballsmom]

These two things may be of help;

Grieving

Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement – Free pet loss & grief support