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- Sep 3, 2024
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My first baby, whom I worked hard to get to trust me, my baby Leia, passed on Monday. Or Tuesday, I've lost track of time and I'm not sure anymore. I'm a little disoriented. I had to make the decision to put her to sleep, which was traumatic for me in itself. She had FIV and FELV, which I had no idea as she was never sick. She was 7 years old and I suspect she had this when I rescued her.
She was getting better and then suddenly took a turn for the worst after 7 days at the vet. She was eating better, her fever was gone, but then suddenly she had a high fever and then her temperature dropped to 34 Celsius and she wouldn't stay warm, they tried blankets and hot water bottles. She also stopped eating and had neurological symptoms - even if it was FIP, her platelet count was at 0 so there was no way she could've fought it. I loved her so very much. I don't know why I can't cry, I feel empty, like my brain is trying to erase what happened and even her existence. I often find myself staring at nothing.
I feel so much guilt and regret. But I can't cry. I feel like an assassin and a monster. This was all very sudden. I don't know what to feel
She was getting better and then suddenly took a turn for the worst after 7 days at the vet. She was eating better, her fever was gone, but then suddenly she had a high fever and then her temperature dropped to 34 Celsius and she wouldn't stay warm, they tried blankets and hot water bottles. She also stopped eating and had neurological symptoms - even if it was FIP, her platelet count was at 0 so there was no way she could've fought it. I loved her so very much. I don't know why I can't cry, I feel empty, like my brain is trying to erase what happened and even her existence. I often find myself staring at nothing.
I feel so much guilt and regret. But I can't cry. I feel like an assassin and a monster. This was all very sudden. I don't know what to feel