I am faced with a dilemma today... advice please?

[alyssam]

So I am faced with a dilemma today... Glen's brother and sister-in-law have been wanting to re-home their one year old dog for a few weeks now. However, neither of them have put forth any effort to do so. I personally drew up some flyers for them to post around town and personally made posts on two different websites as well as Facebook. The flyers are STILL sitting on the counter and to my knowledge, there have been no replies on Facebook.

Yesterday I overheard the sister-in-law telling her daughters that "Bear is going to a new home tomorrow so you need to tell him bye-bye.".  When I asked her if she really did find him a new home she shook her head no at me. 

They have mentioned taking him to a shelter multiple times but I think that is ridiculous, as does Glen. We have offered to take him a few times too but they don't want him around their kids (4 & 2), because he "bit them". Yet, they leave the dog unsupervised in a closed room with a 2 year old. If you ask me, that's more irresponsible parenting than anything.

I am just incredibly frustrated. This dog is such a sweetheart and no one even knows exactly why he nipped at the 2 year old. They don't spend time with him and he is still intact. We have offered to pay to get him neutered, we have offered to take him and keep him away from the girls... but to no avail, they just won't listen. 

So it comes down to this. I firmly do not believe in bringing a dog to a shelter, I think it is absolutely ridiculous. Glen is working today unfortunately but he told me to talk to his brother about it once again.

I just don't know how to come across.
Should I be stern and show how upset I am about it?
Or, should I be calm and try not to start a fight about it?

In the end I know it isn't up to me or Glen. He is their dog and will do what they want with him... I just don't want to see this poor guy go to a shelter because his owners don't want to put the effort towards finding him a new home.

People like this just shouldn't have pets 

.


Maybe I can find out what shelter they plan on taking him to and we can just go adopt him ourselves. 

Sorry for the long post. Any advice is appreciated!

 

[quiet]

There are a couple of different ways you can approach this.

The honest way would be to let him know that if the dog goes to the shelter after having bit a child for any reason he will be euthanized. Nobody wants to deal with a biter ( and that is how he will be labeled) when there are millions of sweet non biting dogs getting euthanized every day. No kill shelters are not really no kill because if the veterinarian deems the pet to be unadoptable either due to illness or temperament the animal will be euthanized. So, don't ever kid yourself that no kill shelters are wonderful places for pets to live out their lives in green meadows because it isn't so.

I doubt this approach will work though. It sounds like they are being dense about the whole thing  and leaving any dog with a 2 year old is reckless.

I am sure he is a nice dog. I have been known to bite a few children myself. They can be really annoying.

The other way is to tell them that you have a person who will adopt and wants him but they don't want to meet the original owner due to them having an owner take their last dog back because they knew where the dog was or some crazy story like that and that you will give the dog to the person and when they find out you have the dog say it didn't work out and he is your dog now. That is the liar approach.

It is late and I don't have any really good ideas but maybe one of these might help. What kind of dog? How bad was the kid bit? Why do people leave babies and small children alone with a dog. Why don't they want you to have the dog? Do you have kids or cats?

 

[alyssam]

The child didn't even have a mark (that I saw) but screamed, cried and claimed he bit her. The only reason they don't want us to take the dog is because we live together currently. They're saving up to get their own house. But I can easily keep their children away from him... I already do that with my two dogs!

Yes, we have cats and dogs, no children. But this dog has grown up with my dogs, and all of the cats (live on a farm). In fact, one of my dogs is this dogs litter mate and they are inseparable. Which is another reason why this makes me so upset... my poor guy will be lost without his brother.

IMG_0272.JPG

• alyssam
• Aug 8, 2014

The brown and white one is my Gus. The black and white one is Bear and the dog in question.

 

[alyssam]

The biggest problem I have with this whole thing is I really hate confronting people. I get really nervous... But I'm afraid if I say nothing at all they'll just take him away and he won't stand a chance. 

 

[alyssam]

Well I asked him how he felt about Glen and I keeping Bear. His answer was this:  "I don't know why you guys have such a problem with this, he bit my child. Not hard, but he still bit her. I'm not going to keep a dog around that bites." Then proceeded to get angry tell me that it was a stupid question and didn't understand why I would want to keep a biting dog around. I told him we wouldn't let him near the kids, same way we do with out other two dogs and his answer was still, bluntly no. Not a budge, not even a slight consideration.  So, I just told him that all we wanted to do was ask, and politely walked away. 

I guess there's nothing else I can do. 

 

[swampwitch]

Kidnap the dog. 

 

[micknsnicks2mom]

i used to be a very unassertive person, for many years. after reaching my 40's, i've learned to just say what i mean/feel and be blunt as needed.

to me, your BIL's response makes me think there may be another reason why they want their dog taken to the shelter. could it be financially motivated? or could they know they'll have trouble finding an apartment or such having a dog? and that the BIL "got angry (and)  tell me that it was a stupid question" -- that sounds like a defensive position he's taking. people generally don't get defensive towards other people unless they know what you're saying is true. it also sounds like BIL knows you (as you say) "hate confronting people", and his response makes me think he's banking on that fact.

i always try to be pleasant, diplomatic about things, because i feel that the most effective approach is generally to "catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar". but when someone isn't listening to reason, logical well thought out suggestions, then i feel it's time to take a firmer/hard line with them. bottom line if it were me, if it were my house i'd "lay down the law" for what goes on in it. as simple as that, as far as i would be concerned. i simply would not allow bear to be brought to the shelter knowing you'd be glad to adopt him, and still allow BIL/SIL to live in my home. to me, people that do those kind of things are people i would not want in my home or to be in close contact with.

i agree with your thought of adopting bear if he's brought to the shelter. it's your home, and you can have as many "pets" as you'd like (and are financially able to care for). it really doesn't matter what your BIL/SIL think after they've released bear to the shelter, because he's no longer their dog.

 

[alyssam]

They have another dog, it has absolutely nothing to do with financial problems.

It is their own ignorance of leaving a dog and a young child unsupervised together and it turning into this. Now they see the only option as getting rid of him.

I don't know what more I can do or say to try to convince them... it seems they have it set deep in their thick skulls that this is the only way. Even knowing that taking a biting dog to a no-kill shelter doesn't necessarily mean he won't be euthanized. 

Glen just called on his lunch break to talk to his brother about the situation. Supposedly he "has someone coming to pick him up" (the dog).  Neither of us believe him. 

We tried. 

 

[denice]

I am so sorry, unfortunately nothing can be done about ignorant people.  If he's going to a high kill shelter with the notation that he 'bit' someone he won't even go up for adoption.  If a dog that size actually did bite a 2 year old there would be marks, probably injuries more serious than marks.  A 1 year old dog still acts like a puppy, it was probably boisterous play which scared the child.  So sad.  A two year old should not be left with any animal unsupervised.  That isn't saying anything bad about the child it's just the nature of a 2 year old child.

 

[alyssam]

I appreciate everyone's replies. 

I really hoped our combined words would get through to them. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like there is anything more we can do for Bear. 

  Glen suggested we just stay out of it now, it's our of our hands. I guess, at least we don't feel awful for not trying, however still upsetting... 

 

[alyssam]

The amount of sadness, pain and anger  I feel right now is unreal. They called city Animal Control to come get him. Couldn't drive him to the shelter themselves.... unbelievable. The look on his face when he got put into the back of the truck was heartbreaking.

Excuse me while I hug my dogs and cry like a baby. 

 

 

[catsallaround]

If you own the house I would go down and try to reclaim him but if he is marked as a biter they may have put him down soon as they got there.  If they are staying with you I would kick them out ASAP the legal way.  Fact you were there will limit options as you can not claim they surrendered your dog and you did not know(assuming it is not microchipped in their name)

I WOULD microchip all your pets without telling them at this point just in case...

 

[alyssam]

It is Glen's parent's house. His father has end-stage cancer and we all live here together at the moment. So, unfortunately it isn't my place to kick them out. 

I didn't hear BIL mention to the Animal Control Officer that he had bit anyone, so I suppose that's a plus...

They are not microchipped but I plan on getting it done. It is cheap and a responsible thing to do to protect pets. Along with that, Gus will be getting neutered sometime in the next month (depends on finances) so I will have him chipped during the process. 

I will be talking more with Glen about the whole thing when he gets home from work. Whether we will be going to pick him up, if we even can, and seriously hope that he hasn't been euthanized. Since he was picked up by Animal Control it is hard to say where he will end up. Some of the officers run kennels out of their houses to help re-home animals, and there are a ton of shelters in a 100 mile radius... he could end up at any of them.

 

[catsallaround]

Not sure what stores are local but many pet stores offer low cost clinics or can refer you.  I can not imagine leaving a 2 YO alone. I have baby on way and do not even want to leave it alone with a CAT.  I would really worry about having the dog back in the house as that may really start issues with her and your pets.  Sorry to hear about his father being so sick.

 

[alyssam]

 
Not sure what stores are local but many pet stores offer low cost clinics or can refer you.  I can not imagine leaving a 2 YO alone. I have baby on way and do not even want to leave it alone with a CAT.  I would really worry about having the dog back in the house as that may really start issues with her and your pets.  Sorry to hear about his father being so sick.

I agree. Like I said in my first post, irresponsible parenting is what caused this whole thing.

That's what I'm worried about honestly. If we bring him back from the shelter, I don't want it to cause problems while we're all dealing with his father. Stress, arguing and family tension while someone is dying of cancer is not something anyone needs... 

I really don't know what to do. They wouldn't even let us attempt to find him a new home. They just... wanted him gone. 

 

[quiet]

The thing is and I know this from experience, everything you do or don't do will stay with you for the rest of your life. What ever you decide to do or not do, make sure it is a decision you can live with. There have been many times that I did not do the "right" thing during my employment at animal hospitals. Those are the times I remember and relive over and over and always will. I know you feel limited what you can do. I know what I would do in your shoes, but I do not think things through and get myself into trouble all the time. So, I don't know what to tell you. I do feel for you. I know this is hard. I guess it comes down to figuring out what is the most important in your life and being true to that. I do feel your Brother in law is being irrational and cruel to the poor un knowing dog. I feel very bad for the dog.