I am absolutely heartbroken and regretful over my Meela having to be put down

[meelasmom]

They have no idea how she contracted it. The vet said it could have been as simple as a coyote ran through the back yard and pooped.. If Harley came in contact with that poop, she could have contracted Parvo. No one really knows.

 

[Antonio65]

Meelasmom, that is so so sad! And unfair!
Your daughter is grieving her beloved dog and you are reliving your nightmare.
Furthermore it seems that it happened the same thing twice, in the same place with the same doctor.
No wonder that you are feeling this way and no wonder that your daughter is so angry at the vets, knowing that they tend to go wrong that often.
If I were you I'd ask around if anyone else had terrible experiences in that clinic, I wouldn't surprised if you could meet someone else.

As for the opening lines, there's a particular stretch of road about 8 miles from me. Every single time I drive along that stretch of road I feel my heart stopping in my chest, my breath stops as well and my blood freezes.
It's the stretch of road where my phone rang, I pulled over, and it was the clinic where my sweet Lola was hospitalized in July last year for the adrenal surgery. With that call the vet was informing me that Lola wasn't going to make it and that following the surgery she lost consciousness, was in hypothermia and was technically in a coma. She was going to die. If I wanted to see her alive for the last time I had to rush there, 90 miles away. In that very moment I was going to collect my other cat Pallina from another clinic where she had some tests. So, with my heart pounding, I rushed to this regular clinic, collected Pallina, informed my vets that Lola was going to die and I was going there, I went home, dropped Pallina at home and rushed to the other clinic far away, praying I was in time to say goodbye to my Lola. When I got there it was night, the vets opened the hospital for me and warned me that Lola wasn't conscious and she wouldn't feel me. Then they took to the ICU room where Lola was lying cold in her crate, under IR lamps, and allowed me 5 minutes with her. I called her name, she woke up, meowed at me, tried to stand on two legs and gave me a headbutt! I bursted in a cry of joy, the vets were speechless, as they were witnessing a miracle.
This is what I see in my mind, like a movie that lasts a few seconds, every time I drive along that stretch of road.
Sorry for hijacking your thread, but in these days I feel worse than usual

RIP Harley, you were an angel on earth, now you're an angel among the stars

 

[meelasmom]

That is so sad Antonio! I was so happy to read the part about her waking up to see you! That was amazing..she waited for you! Yes, I had to relive a nightmare by the same doctor.

 

[dorymb]

How absolutely horrible for your family. I'm so sorry.

 

[meelasmom]

What are the chances on the same doctor being involved? I have to wonder how many other people have gone what we went through. Lyndsey is not dealing with this loss very well. Thank you Dory.

 

[dorymb]

Maybe it would help for Lyndsey to write down events and her feelings. When she is ready, she could let that vet know her feelings. It is so frustrating because you almost can't comprehend what has happened and are powerless to change things. Lyndsay also had to go through a nightmare experience that didn't have to be. I really feel for her, you, and your family. You have had more than your share of grief.
I am planning on writing to both my vet and the Emergency Center. I feel confident that I know what disease my Cleo had and I am upset that it was never properly diagnosed. I know I have to shoulder part of the blame, but her doctors failed her too. I'm not planning on being mean, but it may help them diagnose others.

 

[Antonio65]

That is so sad Antonio! I was so happy to read the part about her waking up to see you! That was amazing..she waited for you! Yes, I had to relive a nightmare by the same doctor.

Yes Meelasmom, she was waiting for me, she bounced back to full recovery in no time following my visit, she came back home with me and we had 7 weeks of joy before the new nightmare.
I'm heartbroken for your daughter Lindsay and her poor Harley. I think that it's all so terrible because it was unexpected.

 

[meelasmom]

Thank you. I can feel you cats love for you in your words and yours for her. That was really powerful and touching..

Yes dory at aome point maybe. She is more of a not head and is heavily grieving. Losing Meela was not fair at all. Her Lodi g Harley wasn't fair either. Neither one did anything wrong! Parvo was the last thing anyone expected.

I told her it was good Harley got to go home. We all agreed that she knew she was dying. She never cried out or seemed to show she was in pain. She just looked at everyone lovingly and was happy to be surrounded by love the people she loved.

Lyndsey has a long way to go. I told her she going to cry and probably every day for a while. It's been almost 2 months and I still find myself losing over meel as loss. Not just the loss but the fact that it was my decision. A decision I should never been allowed to make right on the spot.

Poor Lindsey never got to make any decisions..she is going through all sorts of guilt of things she should have done differently but mostly she misses her.

I did tell her that no one will be able to give her words that make her feel better. It's something she has to come to terms with on her own. We all, especially me with Meela's loss, know that pain. She was getting mad at everyone for even trying to. I did it and still do that too.

Its just heartbreaking to see her in so my I pain and there is nothing I can do.

 

[meelasmom]

Well all, it's been 2 horrible months without my Meela. I miss her so, so, so much. I go to her grave almost everyday. I wish I could turn back time. I wish things were different. I know I can wish all I want and nothing will change. I am slowly moving on, but some days are so much harder than others. I still can't talk about her without crying. My pain is so real and shown in my voice and in my face.

My daughter was looking around for a cat for me after Meela died. She said she looked up white, odd-eye cats. There was a male and a female kitten both of the same description out where she was living. When she called the person who had them, he mentioned he had two, one boy and one girl. She told him she was interested in the girl. He said, "Oh, I don't know. She deaf and I think she needs me." How could I be upset with this person I didn't know for wanting to be that little girls protector, like I was with Meela. I thought, "good for him".

She didn't get me another because she thought it was too soon and would be too hard on me. And since she couldn't get the girl, she figured she'd let the grieving "dust" settle before offering another cat to me. I am glad she did. I would have gladly, so very gladly taken in that little girl, but is sounded like she had another person who loved her enough to keep her and protect her like I did with Meela.

 

[dustydiamond1]

We are all very proud of you.

 

[meelasmom]

Thank you so much. It's been a rough day. I was glad to see your response.

 

[meelasmom]

Junee 3rd..Meela would have been 1 today. Oh how I wished I could celbrate her first birthday with her. none of this is fair!!!

Happy birthday my sweet beautiful girl. I miss you so much and love you even more. I wish I could change What has happened.
I will never forget, stop missing you, stop thinking about your or stop feeling guilty about what happened. I love you sweet baby girl.

 

[inkysmom]

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think Meela would want you to feel guilty or suffer so much. You did the best you could with the information you had. If it was fip and there's no test or treatment for it and she woukd have suffered more, you were right to not prolong her suffering and very selfless to think of her needs first. I always fight to keep my pets alive and can't let go of them and keep them on pain meds. At least twice I waited too long to euthanize and they did suffer. But I'm always wanting a miracle and always feeling pressured by vets to euthanize in my mind too quickly when I still have doubts that maybe things are still manageable.
My beloved Inky died yesterday. He was deaf like your Meela. He became gradually mainly deaf over time from chronic otitis but having his second ear canal removed completely to get all the cancer they found out made him completely deaf. I could see an immediate change in his personality. He was more nervous and startled easier and became aggressive at first to me and the other pets like he was proving he still could defend himself. He also was painfree for the first time and started playing with a toy mouse for the first time ever. I loved watching that. He adjusted and stopped attacking everyone but the toy mouse and stopped startling and I learned how to not surprise him and our bond deepened and we grew more in tune to each other. He still meowed but I could read his gestures and looks better. There is a special bond with a cat who's lost one of his senses. He compensated so well I started wondering if he could somehow hear a little again without any eardrums, unlikely but maybe through the cochlear nerve.
But it's a special relationship and a tragedy to lose a young cat so quickly. Even worse to lose a young dog from the same vet who I also would be questioning at this point. I don't know anything abut fip, but when my Inky became suddenly anemic last week from either his infection or cancer the hospital gave him a blood transfusion and a plasma infusion the same day as he was about to die then and it was the only way to save him. They gave him another transfusion 3 days later to give him a chance to beat the anemia on his own. When he got worse again, they started talking to me about euthanasia since they'd tried so many treatments and nothing helped for very long and the cancer continued to grow. I don't know if your vet should have tried offering you this treatment for suspected fip or not.

When I brought my dog to this same hospital for acute recurring diarrhea they tested him for everything, parasites, infectious diseases, gi panel, x rays, ultrasound in case he'd eaten something, the works. I insisted they test for leptospirosis since he'd recently been vaccinated and there were recent cases in the area and he drinks from puddles at the dog park all the time. So I'm not liking your vet from what you described either but that's in no way your fault. I've seen many vets that I felt were too quick to not listen or brush off my opinion or observations or pressure me into euthanasia before I felt comfortable. I've also met many amazing vets who listened to and respected my questions and concerns and who were concerned and very thorough and compassionate and willing to think outside the box if needed. I still partially blame the oncologist who treated Inky for taking him off his pain meds that were working well for him for sending him into a downward spiral that hastened his death. I felt like he gave up on him from the first day he started treating him and wish I'd gotten the second opinion from the other oncology place much sooner. We all have regrets but can't let them take over. Your beautiful Meela is in a much better beautiful place at the rainbow bridge patiently waiting to be with you again in the distant future. Maybe she's playing happily with your daughter's dog now and they're forever young, healthy and pain free and wanting you and your daughter not to suffer but be happy again and remember all the good times together.

 

[meelasmom]

Inkysmom, Thank you for reading my story and commenting. I am very sorry that you lost your baby too. Meela being deaf was one of my biggest "she needs me" things I clung to. I understood her and she me. I have never had a deaf cat before, yet she was born this way. She managed and life never bothered her. Her meow was slightly louder than the others, I noticed. She was just so very special to me. I truly feel like I failed her. My biggest fear before she ever got sick, was her getting outside the house. I wish that were the only thing I was still worrying about. At least she would still be here with me.

The vet went from one thing to the next and I honestly believe with all my heart, that they didn't know what was wrong with her. He blamed FIP and said "I think it could be that". That's not a diagnosis..To me that was "I don't know what is wrong, so let's go with the FIP". Then for him to tell me she wasn't going to die right away if she had it...that about killed me because he told me AFTER she was put down. I did NOT have to let her go so soon. The things that they couldn't figure out were the fever that spiked now and again and with that, the infection that was causing the fever. There were many things that they never really looked into. If it were only anemia, yes, it was treatable. He said never brought up the transfusions because of the cost. He said they ran between 500 and 600 dollars per treatment. He said it would have been a temporary fix. But if you really don't know, then how can you hold back any treatment options? I took her there ON MY OWN for dehydration. It wasn't them. I thought I was helping her. I never, ever had any intention of not bringing her home that night. Then there was the Rabies shot they gave her without my permission. There are bad reactions and deaths from the, too. My sisters dog was given one there a couple years ago. He started getting sick a few days later and with the month, they had to put him down. He was only a couple years old. She blames them, too. Then there is the obvious possibility that an error was made during surgery. They would never admit it, if it were true and I could never prove it.

I have a lot of anger for the way things went down with Meela, if you haven't noticed. If you are told that a loved one is not going to make it and is on life support, you would not make that life-ending decision right then and there. You would go home and think about it. You would ask all the questions and look at any options other than the final thing to do.

That is what I should have done with Meela. He never should have let me go through with such a rash decision, especially since he admitted she wasn't in danger of dropping dead. He told me she could have lasted weeks or months. If she REALLY had FIP, which I seriously am not certain she did, then I would have made the best decision for her. I would never have let her suffer. They never sat down with me and discussed her condition one on one. It was in passing from an appointment with encouraging words to me taking her home with more encouraging words.

The big things they tested for were all negative. Her liver and organs were all good and functioning well. I had so much hope. I am finding that I still can't talk about her without tearing up or crying. My heart is broken in a million pieces. I don't feel like this will ever pass completely. She did not have any cancer or feline leukemia. All tests were good. There was no real reason found. It was just too easy to blame FIP. Mostly because they only way that they know for sure is through an autopsy. When he asked me if I wanted one to see if that's what it was, all I could think was, What if it wasn't that all? Then I would have confirmation that she died for NOTHING. I couldn't do it. It's bad enough with how I feel now.

I know with my daughter's dog, Parvo is very deadly and very quick acting. There are not many animals that live through that. Harley was too far gone for any treatment. I think that's the sad truth. But then you have to ask, what if they did that test first thing that morning instead of towards the end of the day..would there have been any chance? Those regrets are so hard to live with. If she knew Harley was not going to make it, she was ready to let her go so she didn't suffer. They may not have been able to save her, but they certainly should have been more responsible, I feel. They should have told her that her chances were slim instead of telling her that Parvo is treatable. Harley dying was not at all what Lyndsey expected to happen.

They also mentioned parasites regarding Meela. Apparently, if a dog drinks out of a cats dish or visa versa, the cat can get a parasite from the dog. See...so many possibilities and they just didn't know. That's the bottom line. I should have gotten a second opinion. I should have asked more questions, but I was under the impression Meela was getting better.

I know Meela wouldn't want me to be so sad and guilt-ridden, but I will never feel differently in the regard that I acted too soon. There was more time! I know the end result could have been the same, but I got scared and acted when I shouldn't have. It was because of me that her life is over. There are no words that will ever make me feel differently..People have tried but it's what I believe and feel and it's the truth.

I would have gone broke to help her live.

I'm sorry I went off about Meela and the vets. I will write again about Inky, who sounds like the sweetest cat ever later. I got myself all upset and can't think straight now. I so appreciate you writing me though!!! I promise I will be in touch.

 

[inkysmom]

You're certainly entitled to feel angry at the vets. I have a lot of anger at Inkys oncologist and still feel that he both made Inky suffer unnecessarily and sped along his death. I also feel that I didn't do enough research into the steroids my last dog was put on which ultimately killed him and have much anger toward the last vet who pressured me into making him have surgery that I knew he was too weak to survive. That dog was literally my little soul mate and I have so many regrets and guilt about his last days of suffering. With my other pets vets have usually pressured me into euthanasia so I might be guilty of hanging on too long and maybe making them suffer because I can't let go. But everyone always writes and tells me it's better to end their suffering a bit too early than a little too late. Just try not to be so hard on yourself. Meela wanted you happy with love and joy and would be so sad if she can see you from Heaven or the rainbow bridge and feel your pain. If it was fip I understand it's progressive and there's no treatment and it's always fatal? So you saved her from an agonizing end.
I had to leave Inky in the hospital for most of the past two weeks because the few days he was home he wouldn't eat and mainly hid under a chair because he felt so sick. He needed the extra care and monitoring the hospital could give him and he was rare in that he knew and loved the hospital staff from being there for all his surgeries and was so social. He was one of very few cats who wasn't stressed by being in the hospital and happy with the extra pets and attention.
I have another cat who is very attached to me and petrified of strangers and literally follows me everywhere and cries if I close the bathroom door to shower. At the vet he shakes in fear his heart races and he cowers against me and hides and dives into his carrier. If anyone comes over he hides unless he knows them. I would never leave him in the hospital electively but only for as little as possible for a true emergency. He gets way too stressed without me. Many cats get worse in that setting. Inky was a rare soul in so many ways. Meela sounds like she was sick enough that she either might have needed daily trips which is also stressful to a sick weak cat, or needed to stay in a better hospital. Hearing your stories I would never leave any of my pets at that vet alone. But staying in the best hospital might have traumatized her. There's so many factors in these decisions. I never left my beloved last dog in the hospital for more than a night and tried to not even do that. He hated cages and feared the vet and was quite aggressive and had to be sedated and muzzled for any medical work. But anywhere else he was the friendliest most loving dog. He was given up by two homes before me and was afraid I'd abandon him too. Even after 11 years together. He'd flip out if his collar was taken off until it was back on. You have no idea how many supervisors I had to nag and advocate with to have his collar back on before he woke up from an mri or any procedure. Or how much I worried or cried leaving him for just a few hours for any test. I never would have left him for a week in the hospital. It's all about each pet and what they need. Inky ate, drank, purred, wanted belly rubs and was as happy and relaxed there as he was at home. And when so critically sick at the end was better cared for 24/7 than I could do leaving him home alone for 12 hour work days. The staff loved him one tech always was giving him and me healing rocks with his name, techs and nurses were always telling me cute little stories about how long they'd known him or cute things he'd done and the vets had a baseline from six months or more to go on. But his was an unusual story, and not my usual choice for bonded attached pets who want to be with their families.

 

[meelasmom]

Hi Inkysmom.

I think my head is on more straight today.

I am so very sorry about you losing Inky. It's such a painful situation to deal with. Each time Meela was at the hospital, I held her green blanket, stroked it and cried. My biggest fear was that she would die there and that would be the phone call I would receive. Each time it was always such a pleasant surprise when the vet called with impressive updates. Mostly because she continued to prove them wrong. I truly believe my love for her kept her going. I think it would have kept her going.

My husband asked me what it was about this that has been the hardest death to deal with. First, she was so young and so smart and so innocent to everything. Her being deaf wasn't really a handicap for either of us. We dealt with what we were given. But there was a very strong connection between her and I. Undeniable love. As I have mentioned, I have had plenty of cats die over the years. I cried for each one. But Meela was different. Mostly, because it was MY decision to stop where we were. I panicked and shouldn't have done it. If it needed to be done later, I was prepared, but that day was rushed and I was out of my head with fear. It was so last minute and I should have been stopped and asked if I was sure. No one did that. Then the conversation two days later answered a few questions, only proving I was wrong in doing what I did. One more day...that could have made a difference in how things were handled and how she was treated.

I have so much anger at the vets for how they handled things. I will never know if she would have died from anything she had. I only have "what if's" and theories.

Also, my youngest is 16 and he doesn't need me like the kids used to when they were little. My cats, especially Meela, needed me. It felt good to be needed and loved unconditionally with no attitude, demands or being unappreciated. My cats give all that to me. It was a point in my life where I was taking care of someone else who needed me. I failed her.

He still can't understand why I still cry and grieve. I told him that none of this ever should have happened. I told him I have to find a way to live with what I did when I feel so wrong and guilty about it. He says I have to get over it and he says i did her a favor by ending her suffering. I don't agree. I never will. No one in this world will ever change how I feel.

With your animals, you did do the best you could and you held on as long as you could have. I watched for Meela's pain and I didn't see any. I know they all hide it well, but her biggest happiness was me holding her or her being in my lap. I miss her so very much.

I am not going to go over the rails, but I honestly felt like I could during that first week without her. I have never felt so much pain as I did then. It still hurts and I still cry over her. But I do believe I am slowly moving forward. I mean, I really have no choice.

Meela's mom and dad got together a while back and if I am correct, she will have her babies the end of this month. I want another little girl. I would love one that looks like Meela, but just a girl is my only requirement right now.

I have to down-size the male cats. Sadly, they don't get along and are either fighting or peeing around the house. It's not fair to us or them to live like that. I don't want to go to a shelter with them because there are no guarantees that they don't end up being put down after so much time. And to save them, I would have to pay to adopt them back.

My kids are trying to find good homes for them. I have to get Bandit fixed, but I am scared to death about him getting a surgery. Will he end up like Meela? I can keep two cats. It was originally Abby and Meela and my daughter is moving back and will be taking Meeka. Now that Meela is gone, I have chosen Bandit and Abby. I am also scared to get Abby fixed also. Something so simple could end up killing them. I am pretty sure I won't be going back to that hospital after losing animals through them.

You sound like a wonderful pet owner who truly cares about their pets feelings. Pets do have feelings. I am so very sorry you went through losing your animals because I know that pain and it's unbearable. Thank you so much for talking with me. I really appreciate it.

 

[inkysmom]

I think we help each other on here. You've helped me too and thank you. I definitely think you should fix your pets, it removes so much stress from them and does prolong their lives. I was so petrified to neuter my little male Ruby cat after my mom died. I'm convinced she sent him to me as her last Christmas gift from heaven and he's such a small cat and so devoted to me that I was petrified to put him through surgery. But he was fine.
My mom was always afraid of anesthesia and surgery but she was always fine through her surgeries yet died from cancer. Inky had so many surgeries and never any problems yet again it was the cancer that killed him. My mom didn't spay her beautiful black cat Emerald for many years because she was afraid of anesthesia and surgery and let poor Emmy suffer through so many heat cycles. When I finally convinced her to spay her she had a painful uterine infection and had to stay overnight and I was the one who had to medicate her for weeks with antibiotics and painkillers. Years after my mom died she never knew that poor Emmy suffered and died at almost 16 from metastasized mammary cancer that went to her lungs and made breathing so tough for her. Completely preventable if you spay a cat before she goes through 3 heat cycles. Emmy was beautiful sweet gorgeous and in perfect health if not for that awful cancer. I had a hospice vet come give her comfort meds for two weeks and hand fed her treats and tuna fish until the day she didn't want to eat and it was too tough to breathe. Then I had the vet come over and euthanize her on my bed with me hugging and kissing her and her favorite brother cuddling against her. It was the most peaceful way I've ever seen a pet die.
I just want to share my experience with you before you feel you have to rehome your males, if they're all unneutered. In 2005 I took in 3 unneutered male strays and had them all neutered. Inky, his buddy Fawn and Tigey. After my mom died in 2010 I wound up with her 2 cats, my own 4 and my little stray kitten Ruby plus my large dog. So I had 5 males and 2 females almost all adults introduced all at once. Inky, Tigey and Fawn were all neutered as adult Toms who were used to living wild and free for years, spraying, breeding and completely outdoors. I was so grief-stricken when my mom died I didn't introduce anyone gradually I just opened the carriers and let everyone in the large apartment together. Tigey until he was neutered sprayed horribly. No spraying no real fighting, no injuries. First few weeks lots of hissing and growling over food and dominance. Poor Emmy was tImid and in a new place and hid for weeks. Ruby the kitten was an obnoxious bully at 3 pounds and 3 months of age and managed to terrorize my 80 pound dog into hiding in his crate and took on the much larger male cats. My 16 pound older female cat who was the queen of the house and sent any cat flying with one solid cuff took no nonsense from him either.
But all these males became very bonded and would cuddle and play and sleep all wrapped up together with me and eat together. They never sprayed or peed anywhere. I've had only males since July 2015 when Emmy died, 4 males and even though Tigey never really liked Inky that much, they got along just never really cuddled. Tigey died of cancer in October 2016 and Fawn also died of cancer June 2015. Skye and Tigey would scuffle but never hurt each other. Skye and Inky tolerated each other until recently when I think Skye realized how sick Inky was, then he started licking and sniffing him and cuddling with him. The three started sleeping in one big heap all the time. So this long-winded story just is meant to say that once the hormones are gone that they'd get along much better than you'd expect. I neutered 3 adult outdoor toms who were at least 2-5 years old and they all became content to become indoor only pets who got along fine with each other and my other males and females and never sprayed again. Just sharing my experience in case it helps at all. I always hear that you can't tame an adult feral, and you can never make an outdoor cat happy to be an indoor only cat and once they spray they never stop. But I have several firsthand examples that prove this isn't always true. Maybe it depends on the cat or on how well you treat them or if they have other pets for company, I don't know but I haven't had to deal with those problems. I just keep losing them to cancer.

I'm down to Ruby and Skye and the new dog now who are all males and all pretty bonded, well the cats anyway. Ruby hates the dog and Skye gets along with him. The dog and Inky were best friends and the dog told me Inky had cancer, and when it came back by obsessively licking his ears. This dog is not a licker at all so this was highly unusual behavior for him, and he was right.

I hope you continue to heal from your devastating loss, and I still don't think you did anything terrible or unforgivable. We are our own worst critics and enemies. I'm sure your beautiful Meela isn't angry at you and wants you to be happy. I've had a lot of pets die in the padt two years, and several in years before. And I've always felt pressured too soon to euthanize so I'm not surprised your vet encouraged you to do so as well. And I've felt that i had to pull teeth to get complex medical answers as to what could happen if i didnt euthanize or what about other factors that could be affecting quality of life that were treatable and more specific information. Doctors and vets don't like to be questioned it seems. I've found only one or two vets who seemed really willing to spend time explaining all the information which is a shame when it comes to a life or death decision. But the same thing happened when my mom died. I went to the ER and she was in respiratory arrest and was basically brain dead and there was a whole team of 7 doctors pressuring me to take her off life support right then. Was it too expensive? I wasn't allowed to think about it for a day. It seemed almost convenient when there was an interruption and they suddenly said they couldn't revive her anymore. She had clearly told me she didn't want to be kept alive artificially on machines many times, and also for months had told me her pain from cancer was too much and she didn't want to live anymore and her doctors had been saying there was nothing more they could do and she had days or weeks left so I didn't choose to fight this ER team.
Finding a little kitten helped me so much with my grief over my mom. Getting another dog helped me when my old dog died last year. He's not at all a replacement as they're completely different I purposely chose a completely different mix of breeds and color. I still think of and miss my old dog every day, you can't replace a true soul mate as he was, I love the new dog differently but still strongly. He's helped heal me too and I've discovered a part of dog ownership I never could with my old dog. Every one in your life is meant to be there to help you or teach you something for a purpose. Humans or pets.

 

[meelasmom]

Inkysmom: Sorry it's been a while since I have posted much on here. I just reread your last post.

I feel sometimes I have to step away from this board in order to help me move on. But then it's the opposite, I have to be here to help me move on. I still miss my Meela so much. I still do cry, but not as much as before. I am still so sad and still feel broken over losing her and the ordeal we went through. Nothing was her fault. She didn't deserve to be put down, especially that day. I didn't give her the chance she was asking for. I will always feel so much guilt over this all happening. I made that horrible and very wrong decision and I have to find a way to live with what I did because she's never coming back.

My Abby is due to have her litter of kittens around the first week of July. I am excited. Abby is the Mother Theresa of all mom cats. She is the absolute best mom. Since Meeka is the dad, I have my fingers crossed for another white odd-eyed little girl. I know she will never be Meela.

You certainly have had quite a few pets. I had a lot growing up on the farm, but there were not very many that were allowed to be complete house cats. I was like the cat whisperer. I could find cats that had kittens and where the kittens were. They needed some form of human contact or they were wild and sometimes really aggressive. I used to dig through the bales in the haymow to find them. My dad used to get so mad to see these "tunnels". He kind of laughs about it now.

I took care of all of them when I could. Most of them lived in the barn. A few managed to get on the porch, which was closed in. If they were really lucky, they were allowed to come in the house.

I think that's what made me such a cat person. Then when I moved off the farm, my male cat Abby (Abacrombie - long form) was killed accidentally. My grandfather lowered the bucket to a tractor, not knowing Abby was sleeping where he was about to lay it. I was really sad and was walking around the backside of the barn by myself when I heard a kitten yelling. I followed the sound and found two kittens. One black and white alive and another (can't remember the color) dead. I took the kitten which appeared to be close to 4 weeks old back to my boyfriend's house (my now husband). The kitten was a girl and really looked A LOT like my Abby today. This one my husband said looked like Zoro because of how the black was over her eyes, like a mask. Turns out that Abby (my male) was the dad and this was his daughter. The mom never came back so I'm not sure what happened to her or which cat she was.

She was so very much like my Abby of today. Such a GREAT mom. She helped raise my 16.6 year old Buddy. When he came to me as a newborn kitten, she took him and his sister in. There was another baby, but it didn't make it through the night. She also had just had her own litter of 5 kittens, so it was pretty amazing that she adopted them, too.

She was 10 years old when she started losing her hearing. She was in the driveway when I pulled in. I beeped the horn, waited and then slowly pulled ahead. For whatever reason, hearing being the blame, she didn't move and I ran over her. I was devastated. She was a perfect cat. I should have gotten out and moved her, but she always moved.

So then I kept Buddy and a girl from Zoro's litter named Sassy. She was my daughter's cat. The rest of the kittens all found homes. I had a few more cats in between with Buddy, but he was my main boy. He was so smart and just loved me as much as I loved him. He was around 11 when we moved to our new home with our 4 kids. Sassy had died died about 4 years before when she ran out in front of a car coming down the road. The driver stopped and felt really bad and said that she was on a dead run like she was chasing something. That ironically was the same night of my grandfather's calling hours.

A couple years later my other daughter got a grey tortoise-like colored cat named Smokey. She also moved with us. Smokey had a problem with carrying kittens full-term or if she were lucky enough to do it, there was always something wrong with the kitten(s) and they all died shortly after birth. She died a year after my Buddy did. We believe it was a type of cancer that took her life.

When we moved, we only had the two cats. About 6 months after we moved in, this bob-tail black female cat kept showing up on our porch and it was really cold outside. So she started her life being hid in the basement, until my husband could warm up to her. She was the sweetest thing. She was also very fertile. Buddy was fixed, but the other cats in the neighborhood must not have been.

She was the mom of Tony, who I wrote about earlier. She had a few litter of kittens and we ended up finding her a good home. She had even more litters there. We kept Tony, had Buddy and Smokey, and then my other daughter brought home - actually hid the kitten for a few weeks - a tortoise-shell colored cat named Natalie. Natalie and Tony created my Noni and Neeni. Natalie ended up going to live with my niece after my daughter moved out because she couldn't take her and my niece absolutely loved her. She went and was very spoiled. So then we had Buddy, Smokey, Tony (for a short amount of time) Noni and then Neeni. Buddy died first, then Smokey and then Neenie. When I lost Neeni, that's when my daughter brought me Abby (current mama). Noni had a kitten a few months before Neeni died. She had 2 and one died that night. The one that survived was named Storm. It looked like a dark gray storm sky.

Storm hated Abby. They fought for 2 days until Storm finally gave up and decided she liked Abby after all. Abby didn't understand why Storm was mean to her, but she was persistent. They ended up doing everything together - sleeping, eating, playing.

Storm had a couple kitten later on. One cream color and one gray, both boys. I named the cream color one "Lil Bud" after my Buddy I lost and the other we named Jax. Jax went home with my daughters best friend - where he was spoiled rotten. One day my husband stood in the doorway talking with the door wide open. I hate it when my cats get outside. Certain ones I worry about more than others. Lil Bud had never been outside before. After he got out that day, he never came back. I have no idea what ever happened to him. I can only hope he found a good home to move to.

A few weeks after that, my daughter, once again, snuck another cat into the house for a few weeks before we even knew it was there. He was a beautiful fluffy white, odd-eyed cat named Meeka. Abby took care of him with her motherly nature. So now we had Abby, Noni, Storm and Meeka.

Noni and Abby had a few more kittens around the same time. My husband got frustrated and told me that most of them had to go to new homes. He called the local SPCA and made arrangements. My mistake was letting Noni go. But after tears for leaving her, I got a phone call from the shelter telling me that an older couple had always wanted a bob-tail cat and they adopted her. She would be their only cat and they would spoil her rotten.

So now I am down to Abby, Storm and Meeka. Storm hated being in the house and would only come home to eat. If we brought her in, she would find a way to get out. I remember seeing her across the road at my niece's house (different niece). Then I didn't see her anymore. I called to her quite often, but she never came home. About 4 months later she showed up on our doorstep fatter than ever. The next day my niece and I talked about her and I found out that she had been keeping her inside, taking care of her. Storm had some sort of infection and needed surgery so she became an inside cat. My niece felt horrible for "stealing" her. I asked her if she loved her, wanted her and would give her a good home and she told me yes. I told her then she belongs with you.

So now I am back down to Abby and Meeka. Well, boy and girl so you can imagine what happens after that. A few more litters of kittens. Each time, homes were very easily found because these kittens were just gorgeous. It was little 4 that created Meela. All were adopted but her. There were only the 3 in that litter. I realized she was deaf just after her brothers left. That was when I decided she was not going anywhere.

Abby's litter before her was where Bandit and (white) Buddy came from. I know I could have gotten Buddy adopted, but my son decided Buddy was his. That was up until last fall when he got a girlfriend and decided Buddy could be mine. I am currently trying to find Buddy a good home. Bandit is staying, as well as Abby and probably Meeka.

So that's my cat history until now. In a couple weeks, I can add to the story when Abby has her babies.

Sorry this was so long..it just helps me to get these stories out there. As you can see, I really don't mention dogs. I am strictly a cat person. I don't hate dogs..we do have 2 of them, but they are not mine. These animals have all taught me something from each of them. I showed everyone as much love that I could for them and the reward was them loving me back. It really is a good feeling to have them meow at you and look to your for their love and attention.

 

[inkysmom]

Wow I think you've had more cats than me! I've had 11 total and am down to 2 now. Except for my mom's cat Emerald, nickname Emmy, every one of them we or I spayed or neutered as soon as possible when they were 5 or 6 months old. The 3 feral cats who I took in as adults I neutered as soon as possible after taking them in. My mom caught Emmy as a feral kitten and she was her cat and she refused to spay her for years and talked about letting her have kittend but never did.
I never wanted to risk unnecessary preventable reproductive cancers or have to deal with spraying and wandering or cats in heat and all the noise. And I've never let a cat outside since my first cat was hit and killed by a car when I was 8 and he was only 3.
They always seem happy. If they go to the door or try to sneak out I will yell at them and chase them away and make it unpleasant and scary for them. If one has rarely snuck out I send the dog out to chase and herd it back in. They hate that so it usually stops all curiosity. Better a few seconds of unpleasantness than getting killed in the busy city streets just outside.

I think your beautiful Meela will send you the right kitten to love and help heal you. Just like I believe she knows you did the best you could to take the best care of her that you could and she loves you very much and always will and isn't angry at you.

I had to stay away from here for a while too and focus on applying for jobs and my dog has been so depressed without his best buddy Inky that he won't play at the dog park so I've been a bit worried about him. Even the other cats are starting to play and act better again but the dog just sits at my feet and seems sad. I hope he's not sick.

Just when I thought I was doing well it's been just over 2.5 weeks since Inky died, I had a dream with Inky and my mom's cat who I had and cared for for 6 years after my mom died Tigey. He died last October and I never saw him in a dream. Unlike you I regret waiting one day too long to put him to sleep. He had cancer everywhere and stopped eating. The day before I visited him in the hospital and he was so loving and purring and affectionate so I wanted to wait til that Monday just two days to consult with the oncologist to see if there was anything he could do. Early that Sunday morning they called and said Tigey couldn't wait and was uncomfortable and crying and restless and probably dying and it was too cruel to keep him alive. I sped there to be there and he was so unhappy there was no peaceful goodbye or hugs he was thrashing and meowing constantly and they said he would bite me but he didn't. I should have done it the day before when he was so loving and peaceful instead of letting him get to that point. With Inky too I was going to euthanize him that last day but got there too late he'd already gone into cardiac arrest and I'm not sure if he knew I was there at the end. Be glad you didn't put your sweet Meela through that.
But in my dream Inky and Tigey were just there together looking shiny and healthy and beautiful. I don't remember more I wish I did but maybe they were still figuring out this dream visit thing. It was so nice to see them looking so gorgeous though. Soon after that I got a very thoughtful sympathy card for Inky from the pet insurance company with personalized signatures from most of the whole team. That was so nice and I hadn't gotten that for my other pets, but I'd spent so many hours on the phone with then fighting about coverage and appealing everything and he'd been such an expensive kitty the whole team knew about him and all his health issues. That and the dream had me crying again. And my pets keep moving his special mouse around still but less often.

You'll get signs that your girl is still with you in your heart forever. Just be open to them. I still don't think you did anything wrong and anyone in your situation would have done what the vet said to do. Knowing more now and after your daughter's dog experience I wouldn't go back to that vet.

 

[natalie_ca]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I made the same decision for my Spencer two days ago. I miss him like crazy. But he was sick and I know I did the right thing for him.

There is always some guilt associated with choosing to end a Pet's life to ease their suffering.

After reading all that your baby went through, I honestly think you did the right thing for her.

You gave her a home and a warm place to lay her head and lots of love during the short time that she was with you.

You had the courage, kindness and enough love to let her go when the quality of her life was diminishing.