I am absolutely heartbroken and regretful over my Meela having to be put down

[Alejandra Rico]

It's creeping up on a year since I went through the huge loss of my Meela. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret everything and miss her. Since Ivy was sent down to me through my prayers to God, life has been better. She has helped me heal some of that huge hole in my heart. I try to not think about the dates that are memorable leading up to Meela's last day. I can't put myself through it. I just can't. I am sending hugs and prayers to all of you and want to let you know that it does get better. I still recommend getting a second opinion before committing to anything, if there is time. I wish I had done so. I often wondered if it would, but having Ivy has really given me something to look forward to.

When Ivy was sick a few month back, I was racked with fear of losing her. It turned out that her system couldn't handle the food I was giving her, so I had to switch. Had I taken her to where I had been taking Meela, they would have ran every test on her only to tell me she had something seriously wrong. I know it would have cost another $1,000 for that too. Not, that she's not worth it, but I am glad I took her somewhere else. She got a pill an a shot and in 2 days was as good as new.

Here is a more recent photo of my beautiful girl. She gets a can a of Fancy Feast for breakfast and dinner because she can't eat too much hard cat food or her stomach gets irritated. I might be spoiling her because she has been putting more weight on and is getting a little chubby. I love her more than I can say in words. She comes and gets me up when my alarm goes off and follows me around just up until I get ready to leave. If she can't find me, she hollars for me. I look forward to seeing her when I get home for work. If she is sleeping, I wake her up with a kiss and whisper that I missed her and love her. Often, she comes a finds me first.

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Ivy looks gorgeous and not chubby at all, she is just perfect. I am glad you two are together, loving each other and sharing your life.

 

[inkysmom]

I've is so beautiful! I'm glad you have her to comfort you. I think she's a gift sent to you from your special little angel in heaven to give you unconditional love and beauty.

 

[zed xyzed]

Ivy is adorable. I am glad that Meela sent you a companion.

 

[Antonio65]

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret everything and miss her. Since Ivy was sent down to me through my prayers to God, life has been better. She has helped me heal some of that huge hole in my heart.

I do understand how you feel, you know that I am.
Maybe it is still to early for both of us to find some peace. Hopefully Ivy will help you to find a quicker path to a better life.
Take care.

 

[Loving Mickey]

I do know how much you still miss your sweet Meela and are still hurting over her loss. Anniversaries are very hard to get through. All the pain comes pouring back again. I still cry over my Mickey and he passed over three years ago. I just know that I will never truly get over his loss. It is the way it is. Just know that Meela loved you and still does.
I am glad you have Ivy to help your heart heal. Yes maybe she was sent to you by Meela. She knew you needed help in healing and thought Ivy could help.
Just love her like you loved Meela.
All we can truly do is love and care for them the best we can. Believe me , that is all they want!
Many hugs to you!

 

[Antonio65]

Loving Mickey your words are such a comfort to many of us, you always find the right terms to ease and smooth others' pain.
I'm truly sorry that you haven't gotten over the loss of your precious Mickey. But it's good to know that someone else can't get over, so that I won't feel lonely and weird.

Who knows, probably at the Rainbow Bridge there's a special spot for those like you, M meelasmom , me and others that can't find the peace after the death of their beloved pets. A special spot where our hearts will burst for joy upon reunion with our friends, and nobody else will hear the sound.

 

[meelasmom]

Just a few more days until that dreadful day I suffered through last year. Today I need all of your prayers for Ivy. I dropped her off this morning to get spayed. I am scared to death. I cried all the way to work afterwards. She had no idea where she was going or what was going to happen. I am scared because it was just a year ago I took Meela in for an emergency hysterectomy to save her life and she ended up dying from it. I have prayed all morning. I just find it hard to believe that I could pray as hard as I did for her to be created for me then for God to take her away. I can't go through another incident like before, it will kill me this time.

The reason I decided to get her fixed was actually for a couple reasons. The first would be to keep her from getting what Meela had - Pyometra. My kids were insisting she looked pregnant, but I don't believe she is. She eats very well and is a bit spoiled since she gets her Temptation treats daily and I share a lot of the food I eat with her, including ice cream. The vet felt her and didn't think she was either. This will also help with her health and keep her healthy, so they tell me.

The second is because of a situation I found myself in. I had to decrease my cats, mostly males, due to the financial stress of them getting fixed and their newfound ability to start marking all their territories. I put their welfare first for once instead of me being selfish thinking I was the only one in the world who could love them they way they deserved to be loved.

I took Bandit, Max, Shadow and Tink to the SPCA in January. It broke my heart letting Bandit and Tink go, especially. I know in my heart it was the right thing to do. The boys were also starting to fight with each other on a daily basis. I kept in touch with the manager there and she told me that all were adopted except for Tink in the first 2 weeks they were there. They have to stay in quarantine for a few days after arriving, so they were basically adopted immediately, which made me feel good.

Tink was still there, but she thought there were 4 people interested and was confident that he would be adopted soon. We though he would be the first to be adopted.

Last week I checked on-line to see if any of mine are ever returned. There was a picture of Tink - 2 months later. I cried. My heart broke because he was still there all this time and I never knew. So the next day I went to see her and told her that I wanted to adopt the long-haired white male. After looking at his paperwork, she said she didn't know if I knew, but that he was one that I brought in. I told her I knew and that Ivy was lonely and since he was still there I wanted to get him back.

I was surprised because I really thought she would talk me out of it. I didn't tell her the complete truth about the cats in my home. I told her I only had Ivy, which was his sister. She told me that before I can take him home, I have to get her fixed and that she would have to have confirmation from the vet.

In all of these thoughts, I realized I was also selfish keeping Buddy since he humps everything and has to be kenneled at night or else I might wake up to him being happy on the pillow I am sleeping on. I want him to have a great life and at this point I just can't give him that. I believe he is fixed, but it's selfish for me to keep him when he deserves so much better than I can offer. I feel horrible saying that.

Then there is Meek, my daughter's cat - Ivy, Tink and Meela's dad. I have taken care of him for several years now. He is not fixed and my daughter has become allergic to him. She has since moved her newborn and herself back home due to so me hardships she was dealing with. He is so sweet but pees on everything and will escape the house whenever he gets the chance. He comes home after taking a beating from another cat. My biggest fear is that he won't come home one day or he will get some disease from another cat that kills him. This last time he had a half inch cut over his eye that is just starting to heal.

My daughter and I talked about it and I think I have talked her into giving him a better life through being adopted through the SPCA. Her goal was to take him with her when she got her own place. We talked about getting him fixed, but because he has peed in so many places, I believe he will continue to do so even if he is fixed. We may not smell it, but I am sure he will and the peeing will never stop. He, too, has to be kenneled because of this. It's so sad because he should be able to roam free like he did when he was younger. He also hates Buddy and they fight like crazy and vilently when they are near each other.

It's really the big picture I am looking at..and that is what's best for them, not me.

When all is said and done, I will have Abby, Tink and Ivy and that will be it. Abby will be getting spayed this spring, also. There won't be any more unseen pregnancies and babies. Although, I can't say I didn't enjoy that happening.

I hope I don't come off as selfish or as I am trading in. Tink is already fixed and is just 8 months old...he's just a kitten. He doesn't understand why he left or why he is where he is.

Please tell me I am doing the right thing. I feel selfish and wrong in so many ways, but strongly feel it is truly best for these boys to be given another chance at a better life with possibly someone who doesn't even have a cat. I love all of them and I know I would have so many more if the conditions were right. I am a huge cat lover, but I have to be fair to all of them. Am I wrong?

Again, I won't know anything about Ivy for a few hours, so please pray that she makes it through this with no complications.

 

[Antonio65]

Hi M meelasmom ,
How is Ivy? Is he home yet from the surgery? Hopefully everything is fine for her. You can take a deep breath

As for the other question, I think I'm unable to advice you. Sure yours is an uncomfortable position. When you get attached to a cat, you do everything for them and take care of them, then it's very hard to part.
I've never been in a situation like yours, but I've been fostering a couple of times, I tried not to fall in love with them because I knew they wouldn't ever be mine, but when I found them a new home, even if it was a perfect home, my heart ached, and I, too, thought that "I was the only one in the world who could love them the way they deserved to be loved".
Probably I'm selfish too... or narcissistic

 

[meelasmom]

She is doing better, I guess. It was an exhausting day yesterday with all my fears and tears. When I picked her up she was sort of glaring at me. When i got her in the car, she didn't meow at all, but I put my fingers through the crate and she kept rubbing her head on them very lovingly. The vet told me there should not be any complications, but that she should remain in the kennel overnight so she can let the anesthesia wear off and be kept confined so she doesn't hurt the surgery area. I did take her out for a while and just walking showed she wasn't right just yet. She was wobbly. She stayed on my bed on the electric blanket stretched out. I laid with her for a couple hours, just petting her and letting her know I was there.

Eventually I had to put her in a kennel for the night. This morning she was up when I got up at 6:30. I fed her and pet her and let her come out and walk around for a bit. I followed her, trying to keep her from jumping up on stuff. Before I left I put her back in the kennel, so I didn't have to worry about her hurting herself. It breaks my heart that she is in there, but without me being able to monitor what she is doing, it is a short term thing for a long term healthy baby.

I can't wait to get home to her. Part of me feels like it's Meela all over again, but it's not and it doesn't have to be. They did a laser treatment over the incision that is supposed to help her heal faster and alleviate the pain. Until she is healed, I don't feel like she is out of the woods, not in my mind anyway.

As for the other two cats, I have put so much thought into what I need to do. It won't be easy letting them go, but the way we are living right now is not the quality of life they deserve. I have been in contact with the lady who runs the SPCA and she has been so good about her advice. She told me it's the most unselfish thing to do when you can't give them the life they truly deserve. It's a hard decision, but it's the best one for them individually.

I told her if I could have 100 cats - legally, I am sure I would do so. Thanks for asking about her. She has become such a huge part of my life. I did manage to find out that her breed is considered to be the Turkish Angora. Of course, she is not pure bred, but she does have a breed now.

My problem with having so many cats here and there is that after a litter, I bond with one, sometimes two and then I feel like they have to be my cat. I find it hard letting go. I take care of them very well and love them with all that I have, but when it comes down to fairness, I have found that i am the one being unfair. At least, that's what I have come up with.

 

[inkysmom]

If you use the oxy cleaners the pet stores sell and neuter the male cats who pee, they can stop peeing permanently even if they're adults. I took in three adult male ferals, all were all age, three and almost five. One peed everywhere and none were neutered. I had them all fixed and none ever peed again. You also have to spay the other female. When she goes into heat every three weeks that'll make them spray.

Also my mom didn't spay her female cat until she was at least seven or eight years old. By then the poor cat had an awful infection in her uterus from not being spayed for do long and had to stay overnight and needed pain meds and antibiotics for weeks. Of course my mom couldn't handle medicating her and I had to do it. Since my mom never bothered to train her I got bitten and scratched twice a day for two weeks. I had to wear protective clothing and a face mask. Then my mom died of cancer and years later I had to go through the heartbreaking of watching the poor cat slowly die of mammary cancer that spread to her lungs and vonstconst check her breathing. No treatment so all I could do was have a vet cone to the house to give her comfort and hospice meds and then eventually euthanize her at home. She wasn't quite sixteen and otherwise had been in perfect health so could have lived to twenty if she'd been spayed early. Vets said if female cats go through less than three heat cycles they're much less likely to get mammary cancer.
Males and females are much happier, don't pee or fight or wander if they're neutered at six months. There's way too many homeless cats starving on the streets or sitting in shelters for years or being euthanized because no one wants them.
Males stop peeing once neutered and if you use the oxy cleaners that really remove the smell. They also stop roaming looking for females and fighting. Or all of mine did anyway. Females don't get painful infections and cancers.

 

[meelasmom]

Thank you Inkysmom. I know I have to get Abby fixed. That will be later this spring.

So a quick update on Ivy. I wrote on Friday with how she was Thursday and Friday morning, but Saturday was a different story. I had to keep her in the kennel overnight Friday and I think that was part of the problem we encountered.

Friday night she ate a little, but not a lot. She was kenneled and was not happy at all about it. Saturday I had plans that would take me away for a few hours. I let Ivy out when I got up Saturday morning and she seemed ok. I spend a couple hours with her and noticed that she kept smelling her food and drink but wouldn't do either. She seemed like she was depressed.

When I left, she was all I thought about. I worried that she was starting a downward spiral that I didn't want to happen...not eating or drinking and getting weak. I couldn't wait to get home and brought her some more cat food, just in case.

She followed me everywhere, so I sat put her in my lap for a couple hours. I carried her where ever I went. I then tried the cat food again and with me petting and encouraging her, she decided to eat and drink. I was so proud of her. Later that night I fed her again, and again with encouragement, she ate and drank more. She is not a big drinker out of any bowls. I have to turn the bathroom faucet on for her to drink. It's strange, but as long as it works I'll keep doing it. I have caught her drinking out of the bowls, but she prefers the sink for some reason.

I decided that she was probably ok to not go in the kennel Saturday night. She slept at the foot of my bed and was there when I woke up Sunday morning. She ate again and her attitude and mood seemed so much better. She actually seems more like herself than she has in days. She had some ham left from dinner yesterday and more food and water. At bedtime, she was there again right next to me.

Proudly, I feel like she is truly on the mend and will be ok. I know the vet said the first couple days are the hardest, but I also think me taking her and leaving her did something to her. She did not understand why they did what they did to her. She needs me. She loves me. Now that she knows I am there for her, I think she will be ok.

 

[inkysmom]

Did you give up Buddy too? After he came back to you after being missing for years? I wouldn't be able to do that. But I've never been able to give up any animal. I just kept too many cats when I had too many until they eventually died of old age and never took in new ones. I'm not saying that's the right thing to do either, it got me in a lot of financial debt.
I've never had kittens either, I always spay or neuter them as soon as I get them or when they're old enough if they're kittens. I'm just a sucker if I find strays. I had four cats for years which I was ok with having. Then my mom died and I'd promised her that I'd take care of her two cats too so I suddenly wound up with six cats. Just under a year later I found a starving three month kitten next to a busy road right after Christmas and I felt like my mom had sent him to me. There's not really much difference between having six cats vs seven cats, it's all too much and people still think you're a crazy cat lady if they know. So I had seven cats and my large dog for five years. Then five cats died and my last dog all within two years. Three cats died a month apart the spring and summer of 2015. So I was quickly down to four again. Then my dog February 2016. Then I got a new dog. Then my cat who looks like your Buddy October of 2016. Then Inky June 2017. Two cats left and the new dog.
I wouldn't have seven cats again it was too expensive and too much work cleaning the kitty litters all the time. But I was so attached to all of them I couldn't give them up.
I have a friend who's always taking in new cats then giving them away. Then she complains that they pee everywhere and fight. There's constant change and they don't get to get used to each other and are probably worried about being abandoned too.
I'm not saying that's what you're doing.
I'm glad Ivy is feeling better. They do stop peeing when they're fixed and if you use those enzyme cleaners so they can't smell it anymore.

 

[Antonio65]

When I start reading your last post I was concerned that something was wrong!
Thanks God there was a happy ending!

 

[meelasmom]

For those of you who have read my story, I wanted to share an update with you. But first, I want all the others to know that the pain will always be in your heart over losing you precious pets. They are more than pets, they are your family, you "kids". I lost my Meela in April of 2017 and the pain does lessen. That is true. But to be honest, there will be days when you just break down. For me, it's coming up on 2 years in April and even though I have "moved on", I still have my moments of regret and just heartache. There are moments that I know Meela comes back to me. It is always on my bed. I feel her jump up and go to where she used to sleep. Those moments are most always after I cry over her loss or sometimes I just get sad. But I do feel her. I miss her more than I can say. You will get through it, it just may not be that easy, but you will! I am a living example.

So here is my update. After discussion of how I had to downsize my cats due to fighting here is what happened. My cat that had reappeared after 5 years was adopted by a family member. He and Meeka just could not get a long. He is a loving home with loving people and and only cat. He is very happy.

I had Ivy fixed in order to adopt her brother (Tinker) back. It was very hard letting him go and trying not to get attached when he was little, knowing I couldn't keep him. I had taken him to the SPCA in tears. I checked on him often and the lady who runs it told me there were several people interested in him and that he would be adopted soon. After a few weeks, I went back to the site to see what cats were up for adoption, and there was Tinker. No one adopted him. I went back to the SPCA and told her I wanted to adopt the white male. She then looked up the paperwork only to tell me that she must inform me that he was one i had brought in. I told her I knew and that I wanted him back. In the process, I had to get Ivy fixed in order for her to let him come home with me, which I did. Ivy has more than rebounded from being fixed. I went a couple weeks that he was there and visited him to see if he remembered me. I'm not sure he did, but I did bring him home. Ivy hated him. She fought every chance she got. He didn't understand why. After a couple weeks, I found them curled up together. They are best friends again. I still have Mama Abby, who is not fixed, but everyone else is. I will post pictures of my "twins" in a bit.

 

[FelisCatus]

I know this is an old post and I just came across it now due to the update, but that was a hard read ... I feel like I let my cat down as well who is currently fighting a losing battle with mammary cancer. I keep asking myself “what if I just had her spayed earlier in life, would that have made a difference?”.

 

[meelasmom]

I forgot about Meeka! He was my daughters cat and I was debating letting him go to the shelter because of his unruly life of fighting, running around town and his male need to pee on stuff. I got the courage up and took him. When we walked in, this miserable lady who takes the cats to the back, grabbed him from me as I was saying goodbye. He was scared and clawed me, peed and pooped everywhere. All the time he was looking into my eyes as if he was trying to figure out what was happening. I signed the papers for my daughter and left. I hadn't gotten down the road when I just broke down. I had to pull over because I was crying so hard that I started gagging and throwing up. I made a mistake! It was at the end of the day and they were closing when I left. So I called the next day that they were open and told the lady that changed my mind and all but begged her to let me have him back. Because he dug me and drew blood, he was in quarantine for 10 days. She felt for me and told me I will do this, but he had to get fixed and you will have to pay to adopt him back. I agreed. I checked on him every couple days by phone. She said he looked sad and mad at the same time. I finally went back to the shelter that next weekend in hopes of at least seeing him. She wouldn't let me, but I was able to put down a deposit for the adoption. I hadn't gotten a mile away from shelter when she called me. She said as long as I kept him inside and monitored him at home the next couple days that I could come back (that same day) and take him back home with me.

I spun my car around and went back. My carrier had been in my car, so I took in, in tears I might add. She brought him out and I was telling him he was coming home. He was scared and hid in the back of the carrier. We got a little ways down the road and I had my fingers in the carrier letting him know I was there. It was then that he smelled them, looked me and just meowed. He knew me! He rubbed on my fingers and was purring like crazy. It was the BEST feeling in the world at that moment.

He got home and he knew where he was. The first time he was allowed to go outside a couple weeks later, he charged out..got to the bottom of the porch steps and just sat there. He didn't know what to do. He hardly ever goes out, but when he does, he comes right back in just a few minutes. It's like he is patrolling. His weight has more than doubled and he no longer pees on stuff or fights with any other animals. I know it was the right decision to get him back, just as I know the same for getting Tink back. Ivy & Tink (brother & sister - my twins).

I'm sorry to write so much. I also am staying in the thread I started wtih my updates instead of starting a new one. Pictures are next!

 

[meelasmom]

I know this is an old post and I just came across it now due to the update, but that was a hard read ... I feel like I let my cat down as well who is currently fighting a losing battle with mammary cancer. I keep asking myself “what if I just had her spayed earlier in life, would that have made a difference?”.

It was along post with many pages because when I went through it, this place was all I had for comfort.
I am afraid you may never know the answer to that question. I am so full of regrets over what I did and was talked into. I wish I had gotten a second opinion. Then I wonder if I had gotten Meela fixed earlier, would she still have gotten sick?

It is heartbreaking to go through any of this. I'll be honest, i don't come around as much as i used to because I truly can feel everyone's pain in their stories. I can't read any of this without crying. All I can say is that there is a group of people here to help you. As long as you are with your cat until the end and you show your love and you see his or her love back to you, that is what you have to hold on to. The worst thing I feel that we deal with is trying to figure out how to help our babies. If your cat is suffering and there is nothing you can do, then you have to decide what your next step is. Cats hide their pain pretty well. For me, I swore I would never put her down. Then the vet talked me into it. It wasn't cut & dry with her dying. She had time and I feel like the vet let me make a decision without all the facts. I can't tell you what to do, but you have be able to do and live with it. You don't want her to suffer, but then again putting an animal down is a very hard decision to make. I am here for you.

 

[meelasmom]

Here are the twins, who I feel were a gift from God. I prayed for a little white girl (like Meela) and I got Ivy and Tink.

 

[FelisCatus]

Here are the twins, who I feel were a gift from God. I prayed for a little white girl (like Meela) and I got Ivy and Tink.

Woah they are beyond beautiful!

 

[Antonio65]

He rubbed on my fingers and was purring like crazy. It was the BEST feeling in the world at that moment.

This made me cry!