I adopted a cat and i feel guilty, why?

Alldara

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Hi Nicole,
Im so glad to hear that he's recovery is so far going smoothly and that also you have reached out to a counselor for your struggles.

I actually had some post-adoption regret with Cal. I felt awful because I didn't immediately attach to him. I just decided, "Okay, I need to actively bond with you." Then I took steps to do that. And now we are BFFS. If it doesn't work this way, it's okay too. Either way, I hope that hearing that others needed to consciously bond with their pets might help you.

You could certainly play some calmer games with him like dragging a toy along the floor of a small area (I would recommend carpeted or on your bed carefully so he doesn't slip and trigger your anxiety just from experience though he's very likely to be okay either way!). Teaching him calm tricks like "sit". Watching some CatTv on your phone together (Animal Planet or Discovery Channel are big hits). We had three cups and would put a small toy under one and mix them up and have Magnus see if he followed it! A food ball is great in a small area too, since it's his lower abdomen that needs rest. Churu or Catit Creamy tubes are excellent bonding treats and great for hydration.

Vets tell us to keep them calm, but they KNOW there are going to be mishaps and the occasional leaps. Rather than blocking off, it's okay if you make "steps" to your bed using sturdy items (previously I used a pillow on the floor to a cushion to a stool to my bed), or borrow some pet steps from people on your local Buy Nothing group.

Magnus had a paw surgery (biopsy before we got his allergy diagnosis!), and was supposed to be calm for a few weeks. It's so stressful! Of course it triggers your anxiety. It's really important to add some positive bonding in. Especially for those of us with mental health struggles. Over the 10 to 14 days, he should be able to slowly increase in activity. And if he begins to get too hyper, you have the crate to help. (Actually playing a calm game with a blanket over the crate and using a toy to brush along the blanket so that he's inside and just "feeting" at the blanket wall would be great too!)

PS. We can tell how much you care. You're doing great! Keep taking care of you both.
 
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nicolew1438

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You might ask the vet if his neutering was out of the ordinary in some fashion, which if so, could explain the 14 days' recovery time.
When she had gone over everything with me she said the surgery went perfect and nothing out of ordinary happened. I don't know if it's that specific vets just ordinance for that type surgery or what.
 

FeebysOwner

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When she had gone over everything with me she said the surgery went perfect and nothing out of ordinary happened. I don't know if it's that specific vets just ordinance for that type surgery or what.
Good to know everything went well with the neutering! Yep, it sounds like that is just this vet's way of doing things. I think you are good for the 10 day recovery plan - maybe even less knowing that there wasn't anything unusual about his surgery. You can just keep an eye on him and see if he starts to get really 'antsy' before then. He is in a new home, so it isn't unusual for him to be a bit 'timid' off and on as he adapts and recovers!
 

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Hope Obsidian is doing well! I had a very similar experience adopting my two kittens a few months ago. I'd lost my dear Loki almost a year before that; I was missing kitty company, and had a closing window of telework to be able to help the new pets adjust. I went through a huge amount unexpected anxiety after bringing them home, something I'd never encountered when I adopted Loki at the same age. I had to get them both their kitten shots and spayed, crated them both during their 14 day recovery. I felt awful about their surgery, awful about crating them, and one had a tough recovery so the anxiety just continued through all of that. I felt like I should give them back to the rescue agency - that idea was an escape hatch for me and surely someone else could take better care of them than I was in all of my stress.

But like a lot of things, it got better over time. I bonded to the little ones instantly, and they to me, but it took time for me to trust in all of the signs that I was seeing that they were healthy, they were happy, everything was going to be OK. The temporary unpleasantness of the vet visits and surgery is evidence that you're taking the best care of Obsidian, and setting him up for the best future health. Once mine recovered from the spays, they went right back to normal and never treated me differently for the ordeal.

While I still struggle with being a bit too obsessive and worried over their day-to-day habits, I'm working through it. I hope you'll find the same to be true for you, and Obsidian will help reassure you as he flourishes after recovery. Best wishes!
 
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nicolew1438

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Hey all, sorry for the late update, I've been busy with work but Obsidian is doing very good. I had to take him to the vet today to get shots and he peed and pooped in his crate (insert big sigh especially as I am a big germaphobe). My mistake in getting a soft crate made the clean-up harder, so I'm getting a hard crate I'll make comfortable for him and he was a baby during bathing, acting all immobilized when I dried him off. So far he just really sleeps all day with a very specific crinkle ball and will play with one of my old shoe laces, he's very low maintenance (like his mom lol, I joked with my sister he is me in cat form). Everything is going well and I just hope the car anxiety will pass, I currently have to drive my mom's car and it's super hot down here in the south. Pee is not a good smell in a hot car.

Here he is, post bath licking his wounds.
 

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iPappy

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I sometimes think my pets would have been happier with someone who had more time, more experience, more knowledge, etc, etc, etc. But none of them would be because they're attached to me, they love their home, and they love one another. Being separated from all that would be terrible for them (and me.) Remember that animals don't think like we do. They don't sit around and think, "I get fed twice a day, but Ginger down the street gets fed three times. Sucks to be me," or "I wish I lived in a house like Busters. It's so big and fancy and they have a part time maid. I just have a crappy 2 bedroom ranch." I think you're doing a fantastic job with him. You've taken some serious steps to ensure he's been safe after his surgery and I think you're very lucky to have found one another. Owning pets can be stressful at times but don't forget to enjoy them!
 

WebDragon

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My first (family) cat Marmalade would vomit during car rides, without fail. I feel awful about it in hindsight but when she had to go to the vet, there was no choice! She lived a happy long life and was loved by the whole family, and the little bumps in the road like the car rides were just that - little. N nicolew1438 your heart is absolutely in the right place; every cat is different in their preferences and you're learning what he likes the only way you can. Obsidian is a lucky fella to have you!
 
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