How would you handle your strong convictions?

momofmany

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If you love this girl enough that you want to help her, then all you can be is a mentor to her. She's not going to listen to your advice (no offense to anyone here, but does anyone at that age listen to advice? I know I didn't at that age), but you can be a shoulder to cry on and take on a "tough love" role for her.

If you're not that close to her and the situation is just nagging you, why not walk away? What will happen will happen.
 

dave_ph

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Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

The child will grow up in a "welfare" mind with all of us paying the price.
How far along is the pregnancy? Hasn't anyone talked to her about doing the responsible thing and terminating the pregnancy?
 

carolina

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Originally Posted by Dave_PH

How far along is the pregnancy? Hasn't anyone talked to her about doing the responsible thing and terminating the pregnancy?
Responsible for who? Responsible would be to wear a condom, and not to get an abortion after the fact, IMHO...
I am totally pro-choice, but if ANYBODY EVER tells me to get an abortion, I will kick that persons butt straight to he*ll.
Nobody, NOBODY should ever, EVER tell someone else to make that decision. EVER.
That is her decision to make, and hers only, especially when dealing with abortion.
 
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goldenkitty45

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Baby is due early October. I'm against abortion unless it would kill the mother. I was adopted as a baby. I thank my birth mother for making that choice to give me a better life knowing that I would be in a stable family.

I would never suggest she terminate the pregnancy, but since she cannot take care of herself, how is she gonna take care of another life? She would be better off to give the child up for adoption and get her life on track. Learn from her mistakes and take it one step at a time - herself first, before she involves another human being.
 

dave_ph

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October is too late for that choice. I've know women who've had the procedure in HS and continued on to college and a traditional upper middle class life. For them it was the right choice. Not everyone is bound by your religious beliefs.

There are a lot of people without kids who are probably better positioned to raise a child at this point.
 

adriana

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If it's really that difficult to be around her and her situation, then I think that dislocating yourself from her might be the easiest thing for both of you.

If that's not an option for you, then I'd say all you can do is be there for her and offer her support. You have a right to your opinion, just like everyone else does. However, I think voicing your opinions to her would only make her resent you and she'd see you in a negative way. I know if I was her age or even now, I wouldn't want to be around people telling me what to do or how they were against my choices. It's her life. As hard as it is, sometimes we just have to let people make their own mistakes and learn from them. Maybe Carolina is right, maybe a baby will make a positive change in her life. Sure, it's not the most ideal situation in which a baby would be born into and I'm sure the mother would agree, but it's too late to change that now. As for marriage, I'm sure a supportive, commited father would have been a much better way to go, but once again, it's too late for that. I'd rather her raise the child on her own, then marry someone she doesn't love simply because she's pregnant. That's not a reason for marriage, IMHO.

Just because she's having a baby now doesn't mean her life is ruined. I really don't understand why so many people view it as that. I have a cousin who had a baby at age 17. The father is a drug user and isn't really a part of his sons life. However, my cousin is now in her thirties, successful, married and has two other children. Her life turned out fine, maybe not how she would have planned it out, but it wasn't "ruined." Life doesn't always come along as we plan it and everyone's plans are different. All we can do is live our own lives the way we see fit and feel confident in the choices we have made along the way.
 

crittermom

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what bothers you most about this---she is young and having a baby? Or that she is not getting married?
To be honest, it really is none of your business.What she does with her life,is her choice.Granted, you may think they are wrong choices--that is you....and not her.
Many girls that have kids at a young age,go on to become college students and etc.
And you do NOT have to get married just because you are pg. A baby should NOT mean a ring has to go on your finger.
I was 4 1/2 months pg with my third child,when I got married to his Daddy.
(was married at 19 and had 2 kids,and divorced within 4 years)
If it were my child that got pg at a young age.....I would be devistated, but NOT force my opinions on her.And since this is not your child,there really is little you can do_Other than maybe offer some support.Maybe get her a book about child care.
And NO you do not have to be happy about it.You don't have to say congrats.Just simply change the subject.
 

dave_ph

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Originally Posted by Adriana

I have a cousin who had a baby at age 17. The father is a drug user and isn't really a part of his sons life. However, my cousin is now in her thirties, successful, married and has two other children. Her life turned out fine, maybe not how she would have planned it out, but it wasn't "ruined." Life doesn't always come along as we plan it and everyone's plans are different.
I have a co-worker who I was amazed to find has a granddaughter. His daughter had a child when she was 16. She straighten up and turned her life around, with help from very supportive parents, and now she's a regional manager for a major retailer.
 

tara g

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Originally Posted by Kailie

It is because of my own strong convictions that I really have cut ties with a LOT of people and prefer to surround myself with only those I really love and enjoy. I am so tired of stupidity, immaturity and ignorance that I prefer to live a more solitary life than to try to get through to people who just don't have a clue.
Sounds like me as well.
 

Winchester

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I had my son when I was 16 years of age. I was a junior in high school at the time. Back then, you got married. I was 16 and DH was 19, soon to be 20. We did get married, I finished my junior year, had our son, and finished high school through a correspondence course.

It was difficult for us....here I was, so young, and having a baby. Really like a baby raising a baby. And it was hard. There were times we simply didn't know how to do it all. Both my parents and DH's parents were wonderful and helped out in so many ways....we owe a lot to them.

Our son is now 39 with a family of his own; we have two darling grandchildren. DH and I are still married, but it was difficult at first. Those first few years were so hard for both of us and, in fact, we did separate twice before we finally got our act together. Eventually I was able to go to college and get my degree. And I have a good job, even with all the hassles that sometimes come with it.

Would I do it again? I don't know. If we would have waited, would we still have had our son? The son we have now? I can't imagine giving him up for anything!

Maybe we were just lucky.
 

3catsn1dog

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I get that you feel what is happening is wrong. Many people feel that way and their beliefs are theirs alone.

If you want to walk away from what ever relationship you have with this girl than that is your choice. But if you cant walk away I dont think you should be cooing over baby clothes and help plan her nursery HOWEVER you can offer support and guidance along the way. She may need someone to turn to when things get tough to give her advice. But dont condem her before the baby is born, noone knows how she is going to react or handle it after she has the baby. For all you know she is going to be an amazing mother and turn her life around.

While she may start out using assistance (welfare) she may also turn around and get a job and take care of the baby herself...She may do things right..Its possible...

On the other hand while Im trying to look at the positive I cant help but know first hand what the negative is in this kind of situation. I had my daughters at 18 and 19 and honestly while I dont regret them living I regret having them at such a young age. I should have given them up for adoption instead I continued to ruin my life and theirs and in turn hating myself for a long long time. Things could have gone alot differently if I would have had someone to lean on in those hard times, instead I had noone to go to for advice because my mom was too busy running out and living her post divorce free for all life. It sucked but if you can stand by her and be that rock that she will need at some point that could be the difference between her being a good mom and a bad one.

We are all entitled to our feelings and beliefs but that doesnt mean we cant bite our tongues and be there even if we dont agree. This is just how I feel about the situation and I guess what Im hoping is that you can still hold onto your beliefs but if she chooses to keep the baby and not put it up for adoption you can also be there to help guide her and make a difference in how things could potentially turn out.
 
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