How to treat a great adoptive family that nonetheless messed up . . .

Tik cat's mum

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How about something like this I'm sorry don't know what I'm doing with link's. Lol. These look sturdy and if shade is needed just cover part with a bit of tarp.
Screenshot_20210603_082656_com.android.chrome.jpg
 
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purrfect mom

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thank you, fiona's mom. great site and i'm glad you showed it to me!
 

momof3b1g

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thanks, talien and tik. i guess i keep coming back to word "preventable." The cat was gorgeous as well. It just makes me ill. Accidents can happen, though I think they routinely let the cat out t though they're probably not going to admit it. What did they think was going to happen? No excuse for a cat being in the street who is owned by an extremely financially secure, intelligent family.


The more I think about it I'm actually getting even angrier, as I know how careful we are w/ours. And to just assume the cat is going to stay in the yard is the height of idiocy.


I do know that the cat had a great life. I just don't believe in the philosophy of life, "Oh well, it'll work out; despite all my knowledge to the contrary I'm trusting in the sky and the moon to protect our kitty."


I'm trying to think of ways to channel the feelings into something that will help other cats/owners - perhaps buying catios for low-income people? Anyone like this idea? Anyone know of a nonprofit that could help take this on? I believe that cats should experience the outdoors - but safely. Catios seem to be on the expensive side.
Catios rely aren't expensive. Nice ones under $600 on Amazon
 

momof3b1g

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Thanks, Fiona's mom. your reply hadn't loaded until now. They are sad about the cat. They love both cats. they got the "pick of the litter" - the 2 showiest, biggest, prettiest cats that everyone wanted. (although the others are just as purrfect). The point is, I don't think they've learned the lesson, as in her email she was talking about now (a little late) getting this wireless thing for the remaining cat. I am too mad to talk to her on phone. In email I said that given the dead cat, I woudl not trust wireless technology bc a coyote/dog coudl still get to cat. I said that leashes/catios were an option but that they should be out there when cat in catio. I really don't know whether i can go back to same church w/them. I think you're right in that even though we really don't have room for another cat I could offer to adopt back if they insist on jeapardizing it.
They really shouldn't have gotten cats if they had no plans to keep them in the house 24/7
 

di and bob

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Until it happens to you, it is easy to judge people. Yes, there was no excuse for letting the cats out, and it does need to be said to keep the remaining cat in, but as someone who had several cats that would NOT stay in the house no matter what we did, even after being inside for a year, I understand what they may have gone through. I would state that the ONLY way to keep a cat safe is to keep them inside, and that tragedy DOES strike more than once, but as for making yourself angry and making their lives miserable, that is not the way to go. Anger is good, it lets out emotions, but to be angry with people who thought they were doing what was making their cat happy is misguided because the only cats that you have control over are the cats in your household. I have adopted cats out that came to a tragic end too, I know the frustration and anger and incredible sadness this invokes. But I have also had cats die under my care and know the incredible sorrow this brings and the huge hole it leaves in your life. Now is the time to make sure the remaining cat does not meet the same fate. I hope the tragedy changes their mind on keeping this sweet one safe indoors.
 
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purrfect mom

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Thanks Di/Bob and Momof3 -
Yes, this has brought up a whole raft of philosophies/emotions -
Here's the deal: yes, like triaging, the thing is to keep remaining cat safe. Yet reason I'm so angry i s that they still don't seem to have learned their lesson, bc they're talking about wireless technology. It's common sense that you don't rely on this kind of thing when you've never used it, don't know anyone who has, and the stakes are so high if there's just one little glitch. Yet common sense seems to have evaporated, which I find totally befuddling bc as I've said one of the reasons I thought they'd be perfect adoptive parents is that they have one very very old cat. How do you raise a cat that old without being careful?
I've vented w/others. Only because I do not wish remaining cat dead I have tried to steer them towards catios and away from this wireless stuff. I have not been overtly angry as I know they are a wonderful family but they could hear it in my voice at beginning. Esp. after learning via email. They don't think it appropriate that I am trying to give practical help like trying to steer them towards catios. But I am only trying to keep the remaining cat alive as basic sense seems to have flown out the window and they would be doubly stricken w/a 2nd loss.
And the whole problem is that reading behind the lines I don'ts think this was a sheer accident - an accident meaning cats are always kept inside and then in a once-in-a-million glitch the cat is lurking unnoticed and decides to streak past out door. They said cat had a favorite tree. My reaction -- if it were an accident -- would be to immediately at least try and look for the cat. Open a can of tuna. Tempt it back. Call its name. Even if it didn't work.They didn't say that any of that happened.
 

Talien

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Until it happens to you, it is easy to judge people. Yes, there was no excuse for letting the cats out, and it does need to be said to keep the remaining cat in, but as someone who had several cats that would NOT stay in the house no matter what we did, even after being inside for a year, I understand what they may have gone through. I would state that the ONLY way to keep a cat safe is to keep them inside, and that tragedy DOES strike more than once, but as for making yourself angry and making their lives miserable, that is not the way to go. Anger is good, it lets out emotions, but to be angry with people who thought they were doing what was making their cat happy is misguided because the only cats that you have control over are the cats in your household. I have adopted cats out that came to a tragic end too, I know the frustration and anger and incredible sadness this invokes. But I have also had cats die under my care and know the incredible sorrow this brings and the huge hole it leaves in your life. Now is the time to make sure the remaining cat does not meet the same fate. I hope the tragedy changes their mind on keeping this sweet one safe indoors.
There's a difference between a tragic accident if an animal escapes or is accidentally let outside by someone unfamiliar with them and someone openly lying about keeping their new Cat(s) indoors.This is really no different than someone lying to a shelter about how their newly adopted animal will be treated, and lying to someone you know personally about how you will be taking care of an animal you got from them. At least the shelter has recourse for repossessing other animals that came from them because there's a contract involved.

I've met people like that who apparently can't be swayed by logic or reason and continue in the same behavior after a tragedy so the only thing left is to poke at their emotions to steer them in the right direction. Making them fully aware that yes, it was indeed THEIR FAULT, that they are the sole reason their animal is dead, that it was absolutely avoidable if they had only followed through on what they had promised when they took the Cat home, is the only approach that works.
 
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purrfect mom

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Yes, Talien, I agree. From what I can gather this was not an "accident' in the tragic sense. this was an accident waiting to happen in that they somehow decided that because they loved the cat it was going to stop being a cat. Because of the circumstances I can't directly say "this is your fault" but they certainly didn't accord the cat(s) the care they would their kids. I asked a friend yesterday, what if they had paid $100,000 for the cat? I'm sure they would not have just let it out. And to me, of course, the cat was priceless.
 
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purrfect mom

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Until it happens to you, it is easy to judge people. . . Now is the time to make sure the remaining cat does not meet the same fate. I hope the tragedy changes their mind on keeping this sweet one safe indoors.
Thanks, Di&bob. the only problem is that in my "trying to make sure the remaining cat does not meet the same fate" by suggesting catios, leashes, and by researching electronic control devices and finding that they are not really that great (meaning the cat is going to get out) I have now been accused of not being appropriate bc of not giving them time to grieve. Well, unfortunately, there's no moratorium on cars driving on streets while they grieve, which means if the 2nd cat is either allowed out or they use untested electronic device, the 2nd cat (1-yr old very inquisitive exploratory male) could get hit as well. I give up. I still don't know the circumstances of the cat getting out. I know the cats were let out once before. I also know cat who died had a "favorite tree." do inside cats have favorite trees? So, I'm sorry they don't like suggestions about ways to keep remaining cat safe during their period of grieving, but if that's what it takes to nudge them in the direction of safety, I'm going to do it.
Ya know, I'm not holding myself up as any paragon of anything, but, even if it were a complete real "accident" (the cat shot outside from nowhere even though I had looked around beforehand or similar) and it had been they raising the kitten for 10 weeks, I would have called them, admitted the accident, and said how very sorry i was, over and over again. and told them how exactly I was going to give it 150% to make sure same thing didn't happen to 2nd cat.
And while I would be irritated getting suggestions about how to keep the 2nd cat safe, I would know that it’s the price of letting a perfect gorgeous cat get run over
 

momof3b1g

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After losing a stray cat to a car hitting them. I would not do that again. I would never leave my own cats outside. If one was killed because of my actions. I would do everything not to let any cat out again. How they haven't learned is beyond me.
Reminds me of my old apartment years ago. The neighbors cat always wanted in my place. Yet the neighbor said he always wanted out
 
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purrfect mom

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Thank you, mom of 3. Yes, the problem is that people like to sugarcoat things. Their cat doesn't come home bc it's allowed to roam outside at will, and they like to think it decided to take the first Greyhound bus and moved out of state.
And I am distinguishing between "pure accident"(as Talian discussed and "accident waiting to happen." And I myself have been guilty of a pure accident or else there wouldn't have been kitties. We rescued cat in December - older relatives visited, got very ill. No time for spay apptmt. I opened the door (just a little) when it snowed to take pic. She scooted out (came up on cat feet). Then, despite my can of open tuna, etc., soon she was up and over the back fence. I went to Humane Society adn the person in front of me had a cat carrier with a squished pet they'd found on the street. Then I had to endure 2.5 days of agony and listen -- when I posted a "missing" sign -- to the firemen tell me how she probably got eaten by a coyote I went home immediately after and saw that something had eaten the food i'd put out. Then 10 mins later I saw her little head outside the back door. And she hasn't been out on her own since. So that is why I would understand a pure accident, but not the kind of totally foreseeable accident when a cat is allowed out to roam. You simply can't tell a cat to "stay." and expect it not to climb the fence and be gone.
 
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