Hello. I'm desperately hoping someone here has some advice for me. Back in January of this year I adopted two cats, who were claimed to be a bonded pair, previously in another home with one other cat and a dog. One is Lola, a tortoiseshell, who when I adopted her was about 2, and the other was Ridley, an orange 1.5 year old, who was found outside by his previous owner. When their previous owners moved, they only took one cat and the dog, and left Lola and Ridley behind, and their neighbor brought them to the shelter. When I first brought them in, there were no real problems. Ridley was extremely timid at all times, but Lola was very friendly with people. Over time Lola was spending more and more time under the couch, and I had just thought she liked it down there. But eventually I started seeing signs that worried me as Ridley gained more confidence. There was one or two cat fights, and occasionally Ridley would spook Lola away from the litter boxes. Ridley is an extremely high energy cat, and very playful, and Lola is extremely laid back, and a bit nervous, so I thought it might just be Ridley being overly eager to play with Lola.
All that changed when I went away for a weekend, having a friend feed and check on the cats while I was gone, and when I came back, discover Lola had peed both on and under the couch. I assume because she was frightened and Ridley wouldn't let her go to the litterbox, keeping her trapped under the couch. Now, for the past several months, I have had them separated by two stacked baby gates into two halves of my apartment, and I rotate them every few days. I work from home, so I try to spend a good amount of time with both of them, but obviously this isn't an ideal situation. I've also been feeding them their wet food dinner on either side of the gate, and even occasionally without the gate, as long as I keep a close eye on them. I've got three feliway diffusers, up from the one I originally had, two in one room, one in the other. Ridley has never growled at Lola, but she's definitely growled at him when he gets near sometimes. Sometimes I even think I'm making progress, when Lola gets somewhat close to the gate when Ridley is on the other side, and occasionally I've even seen them get right up close to each other, though Ridley will half the time slowly stick a paw through the gate at Lola. But a couple times now, if Ridley sneaks through the gate when I open it and I can't catch him, he immediately makes a beeline for Lola most of the time, which results in a frantic chase, a very loud meowing, fur flying fight, and frequently knocked over furniture. I am devastated every time this happens, as it feels like either no progress has been made, or any progress has just been set back by months.
The whole situation is stressing me out greatly, individually they're both wonderful cats and I love them very much and they're very fond of me, but I just don't know what to do. Am I doing everything I can be doing right now? Is this a lost cause? If it really is just a matter of time, how do I know when Ridley is "ready" to be exposed to Lola again? I'm terrified of letting them interact this point, I don't want to keep scaring Lola and doubt that would be productive, but I don't know when or how to try to let them intermingle. Is there any sort of training or deterrent or product or anything I can do to deter Ridley from chasing and attacking Lola? As I'm writing this, I'm still distressed from a fight that occurred a few minutes ago when Ridley snuck through when I was going through the gate. Lola only hid for a few minutes after the fight, but it was extremely loud and they knocked over a chair, and I could hear my downstairs neighbor banging around about the noise. I'm just... so upset and stressed about it. I've been reading as many threads and articles here as I can find (including the introducing cats and fixing a failed introduction articles) but I just don't know what to do.
All that changed when I went away for a weekend, having a friend feed and check on the cats while I was gone, and when I came back, discover Lola had peed both on and under the couch. I assume because she was frightened and Ridley wouldn't let her go to the litterbox, keeping her trapped under the couch. Now, for the past several months, I have had them separated by two stacked baby gates into two halves of my apartment, and I rotate them every few days. I work from home, so I try to spend a good amount of time with both of them, but obviously this isn't an ideal situation. I've also been feeding them their wet food dinner on either side of the gate, and even occasionally without the gate, as long as I keep a close eye on them. I've got three feliway diffusers, up from the one I originally had, two in one room, one in the other. Ridley has never growled at Lola, but she's definitely growled at him when he gets near sometimes. Sometimes I even think I'm making progress, when Lola gets somewhat close to the gate when Ridley is on the other side, and occasionally I've even seen them get right up close to each other, though Ridley will half the time slowly stick a paw through the gate at Lola. But a couple times now, if Ridley sneaks through the gate when I open it and I can't catch him, he immediately makes a beeline for Lola most of the time, which results in a frantic chase, a very loud meowing, fur flying fight, and frequently knocked over furniture. I am devastated every time this happens, as it feels like either no progress has been made, or any progress has just been set back by months.
The whole situation is stressing me out greatly, individually they're both wonderful cats and I love them very much and they're very fond of me, but I just don't know what to do. Am I doing everything I can be doing right now? Is this a lost cause? If it really is just a matter of time, how do I know when Ridley is "ready" to be exposed to Lola again? I'm terrified of letting them interact this point, I don't want to keep scaring Lola and doubt that would be productive, but I don't know when or how to try to let them intermingle. Is there any sort of training or deterrent or product or anything I can do to deter Ridley from chasing and attacking Lola? As I'm writing this, I'm still distressed from a fight that occurred a few minutes ago when Ridley snuck through when I was going through the gate. Lola only hid for a few minutes after the fight, but it was extremely loud and they knocked over a chair, and I could hear my downstairs neighbor banging around about the noise. I'm just... so upset and stressed about it. I've been reading as many threads and articles here as I can find (including the introducing cats and fixing a failed introduction articles) but I just don't know what to do.