How To Find A Kitten With A Shy But Clingy Personality

[cheeseburger]

My advice is to speak to a rescue and describe what you are looking for. The cats available through rescues are generally adults who have lived with people for a few months, and their foster parents can represent their personality really accurately. Whereas at a shelter or with a kitten you are just rolling the dice because you really don't know what you're going to get.

 

[smosmosmo]

TBH, you don't really want a shy cat - you want a cat that is closely attached to you.

As someone with a cat that hates most people and all other cats, I can't emphasize this enough. My cat is very attached to me and wants me around 24/7, even if I'm just sitting in the same room with her. She gets upset when I leave her for any amount of time, whether it's 5 minutes or 5 hours, and there's no real way to mitigate this. She gets hyper a lot too because she doesn't have a buddy to play with, but I've seen her around other cats and she completely loathes them. I feel guilty every time I step out of the house because I know my cat's literally sitting in one spot waiting for me...and stewing.

I think most cats, regardless of personality, choose a favorite person. My boyfriend's snowshoe was an extreme extrovert, more dog than cat, and friendly to everyone. When I'd come over to visit him she'd sleep with me because she loved attention. Still, it was so obvious who her favorite was - he was definitely her person. Practically she was much easier to deal with than my clingy cat because she could entertain herself with other cats and other people and didn't get neurotic when she wasn't with people.

At the end of the day, you're committing to this cat for the next 15-20 years. You're going to go through some significant life changes and moves during that time. If you're lucky enough to choose your cat you want one that will be adaptable and resilient, as that will be easier on both you and the cat.

 

[daftcat75]

Just FYI, American Shorthair isn't the same as domestic shorthair. Domestic shorthair is simply what we call a shorthaired cat that isn't any particular breed (most cats aren't any particular breed). American Shorthair is a pedigreed breed that was created more than 100 years ago by combining British Shorthairs with domestic shorthairs; at this time, it's quite different from the domestic shorthair, as it's been selectively bred for many, many generations towards a show standard.

Good to know. I'm sure I've read in more than a few places that DSH was renamed ASH because "domestic" is relative. But my DSH (regardless of coloring) has never looked like the pictures of ASH. This would be why.

 

[pearl99]

I never even heard of fostering to adopt, and i would love to do that but how long would you be required to keep the cat for?

I think it would be up to the shelter and how they do things, you could contact one and see if it would be a fit for you. Then apply to be a volunteer.

 

[She's a witch]

I recently had a cat that ran away

Before adopting another cat, can you make sure there’s no chance he’ll run away like your previous cat? There are ways to protect the windows if that’s how he escaped.

 

[duncanmac]

TBH, you don't really want a shy cat - you want a cat that is closely attached to you. One of the best things for me is coming home and having the cats greet me at the door.

Butter Butt You asked what traits to look for in a kitten and I totally missed that: You want an active kitten who won't shy away from you, who plays actively and who lets you pet him. You want a curious kitten who will investigate while you're around and not hide from you. You want a kitten you can pick up without it being too squirmy (you can train them to tolerate being picked up, but typically not to really like it if its not in their nature).

When you find a candidate for the perfect kitten, spend a lot of time with him to make sure you are compatible.

Once you find the perfect kitty, you want to spend A LOT of time with it. Before school, after school when you get home, before dinner, and before bedtime. This will build the kitten's confidence and get him to associate you with fun (and food - make sure to give him lots of treats)

 

[danteshuman]

This was why I mentioned fostering, it will allow you to really get to know the kitten’s personality. A lot of it comes down to training & environment. Volunteering at a shelter is a great idea! All three kittens were from a feral mom, so though pure Breed can be great ... I wouldn’t write off all mixed breed cats.

After spending a week or two with my 3 little minions I knew their basic personalities. By the time they were 8-10 weeks old I knew their problem areas they needed to work on. (Nick (black) was fantastic but needed to build his confidence up, Jackie (white) was a hyper terror that needed an outlet for his energy, Cami (grey poof ball) was still kinda standoffish and needed help learning to be on laps..... I think because of her long fur she over heats.) Plus by the time they were 4 months old they were used to wearing harnesses inside and were starting outside walks. By the time they were 12 weeks old I had taught all three up (or a high 10) to up their adoption chances. They all learned to tolerate the little kids but that had more to do with training the kids. My 7 month old twerp Jackie is learning to not be afraid of strangers by getting treats when I say hello to people during his walks. Included are cute pics of minions, amazing they are all from the same litter with all their different fur colors. *Cami is, kinda....., well she lacks self preservation skills and just rolls/falls off things.... there is no training for that. But my little niece loves that she can man handle her and carry/hold her belly up.

Cats are like people. Each cat has their own personality. Then how they are raised shapes how they turn out.

 

[Butter Butt]

Before adopting another cat, can you make sure there’s no chance he’ll run away like your previous cat? There are ways to protect the windows if that’s how he escaped.

I didn't want to mention this but he was an outdoor cat, i don't plan on letting my cat out anymore unless i want to cry and eat my feelings away again

 

[Butter Butt]

Butter Butt You asked what traits to look for in a kitten and I totally missed that: You want an active kitten who won't shy away from you, who plays actively and who lets you pet him. You want a curious kitten who will investigate while you're around and not hide from you. You want a kitten you can pick up without it being too squirmy (you can train them to tolerate being picked up, but typically not to really like it if its not in their nature).

When you find a candidate for the perfect kitten, spend a lot of time with him to make sure you are compatible.

Once you find the perfect kitty, you want to spend A LOT of time with it. Before school, after school when you get home, before dinner, and before bedtime. This will build the kitten's confidence and get him to associate you with fun (and food - make sure to give him lots of treats)

That's exactly what i want, and trust me i will spend a lot of time with my next cat i loved giving my cat attention and treats.

 

[Butter Butt]

This was why I mentioned fostering, it will allow you to really get to know the kitten’s personality. A lot of it comes down to training & environment. Volunteering at a shelter is a great idea! All three kittens were from a feral mom, so though pure Breed can be great ... I wouldn’t write off all mixed breed cats.

After spending a week or two with my 3 little minions I knew their basic personalities. By the time they were 8-10 weeks old I knew their problem areas they needed to work on. (Nick (black) was fantastic but needed to build his confidence up, Jackie (white) was a hyper terror that needed an outlet for his energy, Cami (grey poof ball) was still kinda standoffish and needed help learning to be on laps..... I think because of her long fur she over heats.) Plus by the time they were 4 months old they were used to wearing harnesses inside and were starting outside walks. By the time they were 12 weeks old I had taught all three up (or a high 10) to up their adoption chances. They all learned to tolerate the little kids but that had more to do with training the kids. My 7 month old twerp Jackie is learning to not be afraid of strangers by getting treats when I say hello to people during his walks. Included are cute pics of minions, amazing they are all from the same litter with all their different fur colors. *Cami is, kinda....., well she lacks self preservation skills and just rolls/falls off things.... there is no training for that. But my little niece loves that she can man handle her and carry/hold her belly up.

Cats are like people. Each cat has their own personality. Then how they are raised shapes how they turn out.

As someone with a cat that hates most people and all other cats, I can't emphasize this enough. My cat is very attached to me and wants me around 24/7, even if I'm just sitting in the same room with her. She gets upset when I leave her for any amount of time, whether it's 5 minutes or 5 hours, and there's no real way to mitigate this. She gets hyper a lot too because she doesn't have a buddy to play with, but I've seen her around other cats and she completely loathes them. I feel guilty every time I step out of the house because I know my cat's literally sitting in one spot waiting for me...and stewing.

I think most cats, regardless of personality, choose a favorite person. My boyfriend's snowshoe was an extreme extrovert, more dog than cat, and friendly to everyone. When I'd come over to visit him she'd sleep with me because she loved attention. Still, it was so obvious who her favorite was - he was definitely her person. Practically she was much easier to deal with than my clingy cat because she could entertain herself with other cats and other people and didn't get neurotic when she wasn't with people.

At the end of the day, you're committing to this cat for the next 15-20 years. You're going to go through some significant life changes and moves during that time. If you're lucky enough to choose your cat you want one that will be adaptable and resilient, as that will be easier on both you and the cat.

That's a good point, however i never knew a cat could get that clingy do you think if you couldn't take care of him anymore and someone else took your place she would be the same way with that person?

 

[Butter Butt]

My advice is to speak to a rescue and describe what you are looking for. The cats available through rescues are generally adults who have lived with people for a few months, and their foster parents can represent their personality really accurately. Whereas at a shelter or with a kitten you are just rolling the dice because you really don't know what you're going to get.

I was looking at adult cats actually, and reading the descriptions the owners wrote on them, and i have found one that really caught my eye today "She's extremely loving and cuddly. She's house-broken. She's a little shy at first but she will warm up to you and follow you everywhere. She is sweet and has her own little personality. She will always be by your side and cuddle you. It's almost as if she knows when you need her comfort the most" however i don't know how adult cats are when introduced to a new home and with a new person will they act the same? Do i have to be concerned about the cat not liking me?

 

[danteshuman]

I think meeting the cat at their home/home turf is always a good first step. Then when you bring your adult cat home, confine them to one room for a week or two. Expect the cat to hide for a week or two weeks for senior cats. Then for the cat to slowly build up a relationship with you.

If you adopt an adult cat from a foster home, ask them if you can take or buy some scent markers ... like the used litter from their litter box in a trash bag, a bedding blanket/ towel and a cardboard scratcher plus a small amount of whatever food they feed the cat. Having those things makes adoptions go better and help the cat acclimate much quicker. If you suddenly had to move from your home you would settle a lot quicker into your new place if you could take a suitcase. Also a feliway defuser never hurt.

 

[smosmosmo]

That's a good point, however i never knew a cat could get that clingy do you think if you couldn't take care of him anymore and someone else took your place she would be the same way with that person?

The great thing about my cat is that the worst she does is sulk and ignore me - I just hate upsetting her. She's the way that she is because she was a bottle baby that was bonded to her old owner, who basically gave her away after a few months of owning her. I can't really hold it against her.

As for your question, I do think she would be okay with another owner if they understood her and they were a right match. Most cats are quite adaptable. I got really lucky with because she just walked into my house one day and what do you know, she's basically me in a cat body. We're oddly well matched so I know how to respond to her.

Cats somehow seem to sense who will love them and be able to care for them, then gravitate to them. So I wouldn't worry too much about the details, just find a cat that you connect deeply with. The first time I got to pet my cat she chomped down on my hands while rubbing her face on my sandals - that's when I knew she was the cat for me, lol.

 

[duncanmac]

I was looking at adult cats actually, and reading the descriptions the owners wrote on them, and i have found one that really caught my eye today "She's extremely loving and cuddly. She's house-broken. She's a little shy at first but she will warm up to you and follow you everywhere. She is sweet and has her own little personality. She will always be by your side and cuddle you. It's almost as if she knows when you need her comfort the most" however i don't know how adult cats are when introduced to a new home and with a new person will they act the same? Do i have to be concerned about the cat not liking me?

If this cat intrigues you, arrange to spend some time with it so that you can see how your personalities mesh. Some cats will love every human they meet and try to get all the attention they can from everyone. Others take time to warm up. If you get him, just remember that cats hate change and older cats take time to adjust. It might take him a month to warm back up to you as he expands and secures his new territory.

 

[Diana Faye]

Keep in mind, a cat or kitten in a strange setting (like a pet store, or the shelter) may not show their true colors. Personalities develop over time (particularly true with kittens, but also true for adults), and individual adjustment periods vary, not too unlike as humans.

I'm definitely a believer in "the cat chooses you." You can't force it to love you, but if you feel something in your gut, go with it. It may not be the kind of cat that you expect, so keep an open mind and listen to your heart (or better yet, the cat's).

Fostering is a good idea, as you'll get to "try them on for size" and you'd be helping out other kitties while you wait for "your" cat to find you. If you've already found one that interests you, you should def got to meet them.

You'll want to give a new cat time to adjust, regardless of age. Try to meet it on it's level vs your expectations. A very friendly, open cat who seems to love everyone doesn't mean that it won't love you (especially if you're the one who brings the food). A very shy cat may not give you the attention you want, but you can offer it understanding and respect of space. You can't predict how anyone one personality "type" will react to you, but generally in time most animals can grow to appreciate you when you give it what it needs.

 

[Butter Butt]

Thanks to everyone who replied to this thread i adopted a kitten, a long haired calico female, when i saw her at the shelter she was huddled up in the corner and really scared and looked really sad. Her litter mates had all been adopted she was the last one. And i had to get her, i didn't want to stress her out by trying to play with her so i didn't ask to take her out of the kennel. So i don't know how she acts yet but she looks very sweet in all her photos, but she could be aggressive/claw a lot, If she is I'll be back on the forums asking questions.

 

[duncanmac]

Congratulations on your new friend. How old is she? Kitten Pix?

Make sure to give her lots of time to adjust to her new home and new people. Set up a safe room and take a lot of time just sitting in there playing on your phone/tablet and talking to yourself. Give her some food and some treats and she should adjust relatively quickly.

Don't be surprised or upset if she gets really withdrawn for a few days. This was my former feral's first night with us:

first night.jpg

• duncanmac
• Mar 19, 2017
• 1

You are going to have to build your friendship at the speed the cat wants to go. That could be much slower than you really want. It took a few months for Barry to fully relax, but he did. For the first few weeks I spent HOURS sitting in a bathroom after work half ignoring him and half trying to temp him with treats. It was definitely all worth it

Napping with Barry 1

• duncanmac
• Nov 2, 2017

The Boy in the Window

• duncanmac
• Nov 2, 2017

 

[Etarre]

Congrats on your new kitty! I really think you have to go with your gut when picking out a pet, and if this kitten spoke to you, then I think there's a good reason for that. Please share pics when you have a chance, and let us know how you're doing...

 

[IronHippo]

Thanks to everyone who replied to this thread i adopted a kitten, a long haired calico female, when i saw her at the shelter she was huddled up in the corner and really scared and looked really sad. Her litter mates had all been adopted she was the last one. And i had to get her, i didn't want to stress her out by trying to play with her so i didn't ask to take her out of the kennel. So i don't know how she acts yet but she looks very sweet in all her photos, but she could be aggressive/claw a lot, If she is I'll be back on the forums asking questions.

Congratulations!! Please share pictures once she's settled in, she sounds adorable!

 

[pearl99]

Thanks to everyone who replied to this thread i adopted a kitten, a long haired calico female, when i saw her at the shelter she was huddled up in the corner and really scared and looked really sad. Her litter mates had all been adopted she was the last one. And i had to get her, i didn't want to stress her out by trying to play with her so i didn't ask to take her out of the kennel. So i don't know how she acts yet but she looks very sweet in all her photos, but she could be aggressive/claw a lot, If she is I'll be back on the forums asking questions.

Congrats on new kitty! Waffles was like that when I found him and it just seemed the right thing to do. Please update when you can!