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How to discipline children

Discussion in 'The Cat Lounge' started by nena10, May 3, 2002.

  1. nena10

    nena10 Thread Starter TCS Member Top Cat

    1,459
    1
    Apr 5, 2001
    Salt Lake City
    How do any of you discipline your children? I use the time out method. I only resort to spanking when my children do something really bad! I rarely have to spank though.
    Do you believe spanking as a form of discipline or child abuse. I am wondering with the way kids are raised today that some form of discipline needs to be used to raise kids. I was spanked in my childhood. I believe that those children whose parents discipline them the right way end up being good and respectful.
     

  2. angelzoo

    angelzoo TCS Member Top Cat

    1,537
    1
    Apr 17, 2002
    Maryland, USA
    I don't think a little slap on the bum, or a slap on the hand is anything wrong.

    But like my father, he has sessions where he'd take us to spank us for a couple minutes with a belt, thats too excessive, and only makes your kids hate you.

    My daughter is 2... she hit her terrible 2 months and months ago, she's a bratty little child that drives me insane [​IMG] I think when she was visiting her grandmother for a while she spoiled her (I am a very strict mother). So now baby things she can get away with anything and will be rewarded for it. *sigh*

    Time out doesn't work, slap on the bumb doesn't work. Obviously talking to her doesn't work.

    Frankly I think ppl who don't even want to use the word "no" with there kids are nuts.
     

  3. dtolle

    dtolle TCS Member Veteran

    4,101
    3
    Aug 1, 2001
    MA
    I use positive discipline. I first address the situation and tell them to behave correctly or there will be a consequence. Then if it persists, they get a time out for aobut 5 min. ( My son is 5 and my daughter is 2 1/2) In general this almost always works.

    I don't believe in spanking. I think it teaches kids that hitting someone is ok, and that it solves problems. Now, I have smacked their hands when they were younger if they were touching something they shouldn't. But never hard, just a light tap to get their attention. I would not classify it as a 'spank', to me a spank is hitting hard enough to hurt or leave a sting.

    I know a lot of parents who do spank, and it works for them. I am just not one of them. Many of my friends spank, and their kids behave fine. But my kids are very well behaved, and we have never hit them. And we never will.
     

  4. angelzoo

    angelzoo TCS Member Top Cat

    1,537
    1
    Apr 17, 2002
    Maryland, USA
    I couldn't picture down right spanking her.

    When I have slapped her before it was things like "oh hey whats this cord in the wall do *pull*"

    Time outs don't work. Nothing works with this child!! *Litterally goes insane*

    I have no guidance what so ever, ppl just say "use consistancy" this child has no pity!
     

  5. dtolle

    dtolle TCS Member Veteran

    4,101
    3
    Aug 1, 2001
    MA
    Well, consistency is essential. Also, don't ever give in. Ever.

    If the answer is no, then its no. No matter how many times you have to say it.

    Kids thrive on routine, and rules. They need to know their limits, and that mommy and daddy enforce these. Its important to always follow the same routine. In other words, if child is not allowed to empty the kitchen cabinets today, then they should not be allowed next week either.

    I am not trying to sound like a know it all. But I have 2 of my own, and I run my own home daycare and deal with discipline issues daily. Also, spanking is not allowed for a daycare environment, so obviously I have to use other alternatives. And I've been quite successful in having well behaved kids! I believe in positive reinforcement....always tell them when they are doing something good, and then when they are misbehaving they won't like your change in tone. Its tried and true.
     

  6. spooky

    spooky TCS Member Top Cat

    1,537
    1
    Dec 19, 2001
    Suburbs of Chicago
    I don't think that spanking is ever ok. There are plenty of other ways to discipline a child besides spanking them. As a kid growing up my dad used to spank my siblings and I with a belt all the time. I hate him now for doing that to us. [​IMG] He would line all 5 of us up in a row on the couch and just go down the line and spank each of us one after the other, even if it was only one person's fault. Positive reinforcement is the best way to go in my opinion. [​IMG] And always be consistent, or else they think that they can do something and its ok. When I have kids, I will never spank them.
     

  7. dtolle

    dtolle TCS Member Veteran

    4,101
    3
    Aug 1, 2001
    MA
    Thanks SusieQ, I appreciate the compliment. I try to be the best mom I can be. I have a wonderful mom who has taught me everything I know. And I inturn am trying to do right by my own children.

    I believe children are the most innocent and special of all living things. Its our duty as adults to give them the best possible start in life, and to teach them the best way possible.
    Spanking is a cop out, a way to show your child " who is boss" by putting fear in them. No way will I EVER do that.
    My children are so well behaved, I get compliments everywhere I go. And I have never laid a hand on them, nor has my husband. They know the rules and they follow them. And if they don't they know a time out is imminint or perhaps the loss of something like TV for the night, or a favorite toy. There are sooooo many more ways to be an effective disciplinarian, that spanking should not even be on the list.

    Hope I didn't offend anyone here who does spank. I understand its a personal choice, and each parents must do what works for them.
     

  8. angelzoo

    angelzoo TCS Member Top Cat

    1,537
    1
    Apr 17, 2002
    Maryland, USA
    Consistancy is the key, if you say your going to do something MEAN IT, don't just say it.

    Things like "i'll give you a time out, if you do it again."

    My daughter loves saying no.. NO NO NO.*touch touch touch* "no no no!" Its like if I say no while I'm touching something I shouldn't that makes it ok. And she likes to blame everything on the cats :tounge2:
     

  9. dtolle

    dtolle TCS Member Veteran

    4,101
    3
    Aug 1, 2001
    MA
    HA! My kids blame the cats too, especially if something spills!!!!!! Its always, "Sunshine knocked it over w/ her tail" or something like that!!!!!

    Kids, I love them!:tounge2:
     

  10. debby

    debby TCS Member Veteran

    11,056
    2
    Nov 5, 2000
    Iowa
    This is great! I am really getting some good advice for being a mommy here!!! [​IMG] (soon to be mommy that is) Daniela, you are such a GREAT mom!!! I wish my mom had been like you!! [​IMG]
     

  11. lorie d.

    lorie d. TCS Member Top Cat

    7,102
    96
    Sep 2, 2001
    Upper Midwest (SE MN)
    Daniela
    Could I get your opinion on this please?

    I have a friend who used the time out method on her kids when they were small. One of the kids wouldn't stay where they were placed while they were in time out. My friend asked for professional advice and was told she had to sit down on the floor and actually hold on to the child during time out. Each time she did this her child was biting, hitting, scratching, and kicking at her. Would you say the time out method didn't work in this case?

    BTW my friend's kids are in their late teens now so this is no longer an issue.
     

  12. lorie d.

    lorie d. TCS Member Top Cat

    7,102
    96
    Sep 2, 2001
    Upper Midwest (SE MN)
    When my son was really small I used the time out method. When he got older I reinforced his good behavior by paying attention to it in really positive ways and I also set goals for him to work toward.
     

  13. dtolle

    dtolle TCS Member Veteran

    4,101
    3
    Aug 1, 2001
    MA
    Lorie, no I've never heard of "holding" the child. Normally, what they've taught me in my child care classes, is that no matter how many times the child gets up, you just pick them up and put them back in the chair. Even if its 20 times. Once they finally realize they have to sit, then the timeout starts ( 3 min or whatever). A child who is kicking or biting is not learning anything about discipline. So therefor holding them there for a set amount of time is probably useless.

    I have heard of children who just don't respond to a time out. In this case, normally removal from the situation, and a loss of a privelege does the trick.
     

  14. angelzoo

    angelzoo TCS Member Top Cat

    1,537
    1
    Apr 17, 2002
    Maryland, USA
    I tried putting my daughter in the corner and standing infront of her so that she couldn't just walk away, tried that for a minute when needed... didn't work, she thought it was play time.

    So now, I put her in another room and close the door when she's done something really bad.. such as breaking my room mates $300+ stereo today ( I dont even want to think about dealing with that until I have to). So that gets her really mad, kicking, screaming, I let her out when she as become quiet, normally in 2-5 minutes.

    I don't have any clue on how to diciple a 2 year old! When she was younger she was fine, my mother totally spoiled her and let her get away with a lot of stuff.

    I do the get really excited bit when she does something good.
     

  15. dtolle

    dtolle TCS Member Veteran

    4,101
    3
    Aug 1, 2001
    MA
    Angelzoo, feel free to pm me if you want.....I have a lot of literature on this subject I can send you.
     

  16. krazy kat2

    krazy kat2 TCS Member Top Cat

    8,103
    31
    Sep 14, 2001
    Somewhere in Georgia
    I never used time out because it never seemed to work for anyone I knew. I spanked my daughter, but only had to do it twice her whole life. My parents spanked us, but never with anything but a hand, and never hard enough to leave marks. I did it the same way. I only remember being spanked 3 times. It had to be a very serious offense. For minor offenses, we were made to do extra chores or deprived of tv or a favorite toy. When we got older, it was restriction or loss of phone priveleges. This worked with me and my 3 sibs and with my daughter. Now that I think back on it, the spankings were made such a big fuss about, it was more scary and embarrassing than actually painful. It was a huge deal to get a spanking.[​IMG]
     

  17. falling_rain21

    falling_rain21 TCS Member Alpha Cat

    375
    1
    Mar 13, 2002
    Brantford, Canada
    I think spanking is an okay method of controlling your children. However, I think it should only be used when everything else, like time-outs, no dessert, etc. isn't working, or if they did something really bad, like breaking your stereo....and spanking should not include using "the spoon", or the belt. Only your hand, and I don't believe you need to really hit hard either. They'll get the message. I was spanked as a child, and I turned out fine. I know hitting people is wrong. Spanking me didn't make me think that hitting another person was okay.

    It's really up to the parent's perrogative utimately.[​IMG]
     

  18. studio224

    studio224 TCS Member Alpha Cat

    344
    1
    Aug 7, 2001
    Portugal
    Hi Nena, I know I don't post much but I wanted to participate in your thread. I have 2 boys, 8 and 9 years old. My advice to you is try to never yell... When my boys start going wild, I try to get their attention by speaking very softly so they have to quiet if they want to know what I am saying... Yelling to kids is very bad, it teaches them that yelling is a form of communication: it shouldn't!

    Oh and another thing, your kids are very small so their attention span is very short! You will never be able to occupy them one afternoon with only one activity... Believe me... I have tried [​IMG]

    Several activites is better... And like Daniela said, 2 hours activities, then lunch or snack or a walk somewhere... Activities like painting (with brushes of fingers....), clay modelling... Here, let me give you 2 recipies (very cheap and safe for kids!)

    OVEN FLOUR CLAY RECIPE
    2 cups flour, 1 cup salt, 2 Tbsp vegetable oil, 3/4 - 1 cup of water

    Mix together flour and salt. SLowly add the water and stir until you get a nice clay consistancy. Once completely mixed, make into the desired shapes. Bake in a 250 degree oven for aproximately 1 hour (sometimes a bit more). This vary depending on how thick their creations will be. Don't make the shapes too thick or they will crack while baking.
    Once cold and dry, they can paint them with gouache.

    COOKED PLAY DOH RECIPE
    1 cup flour, 1/2 cup salt, 2 Tbsp oil, 2 Tbsp cream of tartar, 1 cup water, food coloring

    Heat the oil in a por. Remove from heat and stir in all other ingredients (use food coloring if desired... and make them decide wich colors to use so they feel involved!). Continue to cook over low heat until mixture is firm, always stirring. It takes about 4 to 5 minutes. Remove from heat, set clay on wax paper, let cool. This clay can be conserved 2 to 3 months without problem. It's very soft and very easy to be manipulated by littll hands.

    Nena, these 2 recipes have been tried and approved [​IMG] by my boys...

    I hope this helps... Let me know if you need more ideas for entertaining your kids...

    Anne-Claire
     

  19. studio224

    studio224 TCS Member Alpha Cat

    344
    1
    Aug 7, 2001
    Portugal
    well just remembered another one very easy:

    Paper Binoculars:

    2 empty toilet paper rolls for each child
    2 rubber bands for each child
    Colored plastic wrap cut into squares about 4 x 4 inches (adjust as needed)

    Take an empty roll and place a colored square evenly over one end of the roll.
    While holding it in place, put a rubber band over it to secure it.
    Repeat with the other roll and square
    Watch in delight as the kid's explore their world in blue, pink, etc.
    That's it! Pretty simple, huh? To dress up the "binoculars", you can decorate them with markers before adding the wrap.

    Cheap, easy and safe!

    Anne-Claire
     

  20. nena10

    nena10 Thread Starter TCS Member Top Cat

    1,459
    1
    Apr 5, 2001
    Salt Lake City
    Thanks everyone! I am a single mom and don't have any help when my kids are with me. I have five nieces and nephews who were very uncontrolable. The mother would yell at them and spank them, but they paid no head to her. But the dad comes around with the belt and they are all good as angels. I am trying to be a good mother and want my children to grow up to be good people. Any advice would be great. I never had the problem of my children throwing a temper tantrum at the stores if I don't buy them anything. Sometimes, the two of them would fight over a toy and I have after telling them that each can have a turn and they still fight, I just take away the toy.

    Daniela, you have a day care. Can you give me any ideas for entertaining my children? My daughter is five and son is four. I don't have a car or else, I'd take them to parks. I limit their tv watching to an a couple of hours in the morning and at night before going to bed.

    Thanks
     

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