How much should wallflower cats be accommodated or “babied?”

[catlover1717]

I feel so conflicted about this. I watched a video the other day from Jackson Galaxy about wallflower cats and how they should be (gently and eventually) pushed out of their comfort zone. In short, babying them too much was a bad idea that could ultimately backfire and stunt the growth they need to thrive.

I have a cat who has gotten more shy with age and with the introduction of two kittens (now teenagers!). These kittens helped her equally shy brother blossom - he’s a whole new cat. Meanwhile, she regressed, which surprised me greatly. She basically prefers to live in the spare bedroom now. It’s a nice room, really, furnished and cozy. Her favorite chair is in there, there’s a day bed, some toys, blankets, and a window that I often open. I also placed a food dish in the room, but have NOT brought in a litter box.

I am torn on how much to accommodate her here! I was terrified if I didn’t put a food bowl in her room, she wouldn’t eat properly. That in turn could lead to deadly hepatic lipidosis which I NEVER want to encounter again. And I’m also nervous not having a litter box near her means she’s holding it for long periods of time, which could result in UTIs. She is a very stubborn cat - simultaneously shy, anxious, and a diva, which is a uniquely difficult combination. Anything she doesn’t like, no matter how innocent/harmless, is the end of the world in her mind. End. Of. The. World. Things like nail clipping, for example, are out of the question.

I did try Feliway diffusers in the house and Zylkene supplements without much difference.

I’m at a loss here on the best approach. I’m particularly stressed about the litter situation. Anyone who has gone through something similar have any advice?

 

[susanm9006]

I personally do not believe in pushing a cat out of their comfort levels or that we can change their innate personalities. If she is happy having her own space then I would leave her be. And as long as she is okay leaving to use the litterbox, no need to put one in there.

 

[vampiric_conure]

I'm of the opinion of going at the cat's pace. If she's comfortable where she is, I wouldn't bother changing things.

 

[Margot Lane]

…also -and this is just me- I’ve never ever clipped a cat’s nails in all my years of cat owning. And they all seemed just fine, as long as they had something to rip into. You didn’t say how old she is? I had a cat who, as she got older, spent a good deal of time on the top of an old armchair. It was just her perch and her spot, and we all knew she felt comfy up there. She came down when she wanted, but on her terms. And that felt right.

 

[Kris107]

The only problem is now that one room is her territory and that can cause some conflicts too. Four cat personalities can be hard to combine. I'd go slow for sure, but maybe try to move some of the comforts out of there. You've really made it a great place to STAY. You didn't say that she was getting picked on by the other 3 or anything, just that she prefers to be alone perhaps? She'll always have that room she can go to if the other cats are up to too much tomfoolery, but if they all get along, hopefully you can get her to come out from time to time to join the family. What's her motivation? What does she love the most? How long has it been since you brought in the new kittens?

 

[Alldara]

C catlover1717 I never push a cat out of their comfort zone with food (treats yes, but not meals). Or litter.
JG's advice on YouTube is heavily generalized. It has to be as its put on a global platform for everyone to watch. If he was in your home, he'd be more talking to you about your specific situation.

Play with her with a closed door (so other cats can't acccess) to build her confidence. Do try to encourage her to come out of the room but not by removing her basic needs. (In the cats from Hell you can see JG often says put litter where needed etc. Though he does still push with food. Doesn't work for all cats.)

You can coax her with things like putting treats at the hall, giving her puzzles for any dry food allotments, and encouraging her out for family time. Sometimes it takes us just carrying them out and setting them on the couch with us while we watch TV. They know they are wanted there and then will begin to come. First few times they might run back to their comfort zone first.

 

[neely]

You didn’t say how old she is?

That was my first thought too.

You said she has gotten shy with age which leads me to believe she's a senior, is that correct? If so, in that respect cats are not that much different than people as they age, i.e. set in their ways. I think it's probably best to keep her routine consistent so she feels comfortable. You know her best, her likes and preferences so I wouldn't suggest rocking the boat.

 

[FeebysOwner]

- all of the above. On the assumption she is older, some cats just don't do well with changes in their lives, especially new kittens/cats. If proper introductions were done, moving as slow as her pace would allow (can only move from step to step as fast as the slowest adapting cat), then she has decided she would prefer to live in solitude rather than to have to deal with the 'new' cats. If she is a cuddly cat, you can always bring her to another room to spend time on your lap, but only if she responds positively. She might buck at first a bit, but if not badly see if more similar ventures turn out to be to her liking. As mentioned above, spending time with her in her room is the right thing to do as well.

There is no such thing, particularly with older cats, in simply pushing them out of their comfort zone and expecting success. The only time they need to be pushed out of their comfort zone, temporarily, is when they are due for annual vet exam/blood work visits (or semi-annual when they are seniors), and that is for their own welfare/health. Check her nails to make sure they aren't getting overgrown, and at a minimum, they can be clipped during the vet visits. They will tell you then if you are letting them get too long.

Also, give her a litter box of her own, as mentioned above. Holding urine is not good, and as she ages it could lead to 'accidents'.

 

[amethyst]

Sometimes, just like people, certain cats just simply don't get along with each other, personalities clash, and as they age they become less tolerant of those they don't like. I have an elderly cat (turned 16 back in May) that lives in my bedroom now, she does not get along with most of the other cats and has become less tolerant in the last couple years. In the past few years the other older cats have all passed away, so she no longer really has any cats she is bonded with. She does get along with the two youngest, sort of, so they do come into the room at night but I see no reason to push her out of her comfort zone at this point, and just make it as comfortable for her as I can in there, and spend time with her in there. The room is the bedroom with a walk-in closet/hallway that leads to a bathroom, so she has space. In addition to a couch and our bed, she also has a heated cat bed (which she loves), scratching posts, toys, her own food, and a litter box.

I've always had a litter box in the master bathroom though since we have certain cats that sleep with us (she does tolerate a couple of the other cats, lol) and have the door closed. I prefer there to be a litter box accessible in any room that they are going to be "stuck" in, even if they aren't living full time in that room. For example I even have a litter box (along with food and water) in my home office, I try to get all the cats out when I go to bed but they sometimes hide and are stuck in there until my husband or I get up in the morning. It's better to have a litter box available and not need it then for them to need it and be forced to have to hold it, have an accident, or simply find somewhere else to go in the room.

 

[walli]

I agree with giving her a litter box and put it where she can get to it comfortably
My Walli use to jump out of the letterbox whenever I would go in the cat room.
She is just starting to get comfortable with me!

 

[Cat McCannon]

I suggest playing with your wallflower by herself. Put all the other cats in another room and spend time playing, cuddling, spoiling her with treats etc. without the other cats around. Let her have time to run the main part of the house on her own.

Do the same with each of the cats.

 

[Kwik]

Your question about how much should a wallflower cat be accommodated and babied is a simple answer imo " as much as you possible can " Some cats prefer the company of their humans more than with other felines where there is territory issues or any type of competition,they are the more chilled " avoiders" that do not want any type of confrontation- there is none with their person,so 9 times out of 10 they are not choosing to be alone,they'd likely choose to be with you if there was no competition- so why not accommodate them as much as possible

Providing more resources ( food,water,litter boxes,vertical space,scratch poles or boxes) throughout the house always decreases competitiveness so I always have those in every room ( 5 cats)..... I'd certainly provide a litter box in her safe room....

Wallflower cats need confidence- encouraging playtime together is often counter productive because it creates a competitive environment mimicking " hunt"..... cats hunt alone,problems arise when cats must compete for prey ..... it's best to give each cat solo play time with wands or interactive toys...building the wallflowers confidence to hunt and play without the stress of others stealing the prey and not getting any satisfaction

Her desire to be in your company can help her to come out of her seclusion after awhile if she's babied and you spend the time with her --- is she cuddly & affectionate? Or perhaps just feels safe and secure in your presence....

My Graycie prefers being in whatever room I'm in but in her own space not interacting with the others- she'll always be nearby on a high shelf or cat tree- she doesn't choose to be alone ,just wants her own space.... like most wallflower kitties- they are social creatures,some are very content to just watch.

Maybe adding some vertical space might help her to not have to recluse to have her space

 

[IzzysfureverMom]

Wallflower cats always seem to lack confidence. Our Valentino was fine around us but would take off under the bed when other people were in the house including our adult kids.He was fine with our two other cats in part because he was very young when we got the other two and he just adored Izzy. I agree with all the poster above in allowing her a space of her own , not pushing, her adding height, and playing with her separate . Also as mentioned above bringing her to sit on your lap and insuring that the other cats don't bother her. A lot of things can gently be done to make her more comfortable and maybe even more confident.

 

[maggie101]

C catlover1717 i rescued a cat years ago. First 3 months she stayed under my couch and moved across wherever my cats showed up so the litter box back and for.she did pee on the floor once because I forgot to move the litter box once.. then she moved to my bedroom for a year. I had brought in another litter box,played with her and left chew toys. I left the door open. She ate in my bedroom then I slowly moved the bowl out. So she eventually ate with them then back to my bedroom. One day she came out on her own. I also gave her Jackson Galaxy Scardy Cat

 

[catlover1717]

If she is happy having her own space then I would leave her be.

I believe she feels safe/content in her room. I am not at all convinced she’s truly happy there.

She is around 3.5 years old now, for those who asked. Possibly 4, I need to double check. And she does get solo playtime, although she’s the kind of cat who prefers to play by herself with a favored mouse or ball. Still, she likes wand toys a bit and anything that has lights. Even my iPhone flashlight is fun for her.

I’ll bring a litter box up either into the room or right outside.

 

[Kieka]

How long have you had the kittens?

When we added Rocket to the household, Fury would sulk on his favorite space and ignore Rocket when he did come out. It took a good 6 months for him to really warm up to her presence in the home.

In your case, I'd definitely feed her where she comfortable and make sure she has her litter box. Beyond that, it's time to let her adapt to the changes. She may still surprise you, especially if it's only been a few months.

 

[catlover1717]

How long have you had the kittens?

When we added Rocket to the household, Fury would sulk on his favorite space and ignore Rocket when he did come out. It took a good 6 months for him to really warm up to her presence in the home.

In your case, I'd definitely feed her where she comfortable and make sure she has her litter box. Beyond that, it's time to let her adapt to the changes. She may still surprise you, especially if it's only been a few months.

Alas, we’ve had them since Christmas 2022.

She came from an overcrowded barn situation - farmer had waaay too many cats. She then went into a foster home with four cats total, only one related to her. The adoption ad said she had never met a cat she didn’t like… Granted, not all cats will be besties, but I never would have guessed we’d be in this situation now.

 

[Meowmee]

I believe she feels safe/content in her room. I am not at all convinced she’s truly happy there.

She is around 3.5 years old now, for those who asked. Possibly 4, I need to double check. And she does get solo playtime, although she’s the kind of cat who prefers to play by herself with a favored mouse or ball. Still, she likes wand toys a bit and anything that has lights. Even my iPhone flashlight is fun for her.

I’ll bring a litter box up either into the room or right outside.

I definitely would not push her to do anything honestly. You don’t know why she’s doing this she could be not really getting along well with the kittens and the other cat is and she feels left out. She could be having some conflicts with them that you haven’t witnessed, etc. whatever happens it should be at her own pace so give her what she needs food, litter box, etc. water and so on. Let her know that you are her ally no matter what and there for her.

Shower her with as much love and attention as you can. If she doesn’t like to play with the other cats play alone with her. But you could try to get them sometimes to all play together. And then maybe you can observe their behavior together better if you haven’t.

Another possibility when a cat isolates themselves is that they could be not feeling well, so you might want to take her to Dvm for a check up to make sure nothing’s wrong if you haven’t already. Stress alone of new cats in the household can cause health issues for some cats too.

She is not a senior yet, but she could still be upset by the situation with the new cats and she’s the odd one out. I don’t think pushing her to do anything is going to help at all. It’s just going to cause more stress… over time she may change and she’ll maybe spend time again with your other cats, but she needs a place where she feels safe / peaceful too.

Give her plenty of tlc She likes things her way, so let her have it her way If she’s not averse to it, you could try what someone above suggested carrying her into your bedroom or wherever and see if you put her on the bed with soft blankets etc. if she feels happy, give her some treats, etc. but if she doesn’t, then I would just let her off on that.

I have one cat who is from my former outdoor cats colony, Cinn, he’s not a touchable cat and I’ve taken care of him for 10 years now mostly outside and now inside for almost 2 years. He has made a lot of progress. I don’t think he’s ever going to be touchable. And he will come into the room with the other cats quite close to me, but if I move or look like I’m gonna get up, he runs away. He’s still very scared on a basic instinctual level. Even though I guess he must realize after 10 years that I’m not going to kill him, etc. lol.

I don’t push anything because there would be no point. I think sometimes a cat is just not going to change beyond a certain point. And I think he’s probably not going to be touchable. I don’t mind that, however it’s a problem when it comes to getting him to Dvm, etc. or if there is an emergency.

In this situation where you have four cats, you don’t wanna start to have inappropriate elimination starting, etc. so make sure she has her own litter box in the place she feels safe. I would put it inside the room she feels safe in, not outside where the other cats could be more likely to bother her. People think it is a good idea to have one more box than you have cats also. So maybe an extra box somewhere if needed in addition to one in her room.