How do you teach a toddler to respect or leave the cats alone?

[terestrife]

My nephew is going to be 2 years old in September. We spend all day yelling No! at him when he chases the cats, or goes after them with his toy cars. its frustrating, he has been spoiled by his parents, and doesnt listen. I tried to stop him from throwing a box on himself and he keeps screeching and trying to get back to the box.

Its frustrating. Me and his mom watch him around the animals, but he just doesnt listen. What did you moms do to help your toddlers leave the animals alone?

 

[maggie101]

When my nephew was 2 he kept swatting at my cat with a wand toy so I picked her up, put her in my bedroom,closed the door, then told him she was taking nap. That solved it. Good luck. I know it's hard. Toddlers dont understand that they are hurting the cat so I told a white lie

 

[KittyFriday]

A couple of years ago I lived with one of my best friends, who had a two year old nephew. He was a cute kid, but had never been around dogs before. Thankfully, he was otherwise good at doing what he was told (though spoiled and a bit of a stinker at times, I guess all kids are). Anyway, one time Sophie (my dog) was following him around while he had food and he reached out and hit her in the face. Which was a big problem for me, but especially as Sophie can be quite snarky and I knew she'd snap at him.

So, I made him apologize to her. And he did! And then I told him we could play a game. I showed him a couple of her tricks - he thought her "touch" where she hits something with her paw was hilarious. Then I showed him how to play fetch with her, which he loved and she loved too.

Kids are impulsive but it might help if you can make it a game and show him the right way to play with your cats. Even if for now it's just you playing with the kitties while he watches. He could maybe even help you fill food and/or water dishes - that can be a game too. If he can't comply, I'd say remove him or the cats for awhile and try again.

 

[neely]

My nephew is going to be 2 years old in September. We spend all day yelling No! at him when he chases the cats, or goes after them with his toy cars. its frustrating, he has been spoiled by his parents, and doesnt listen.

By repeatedly yelling NO you are reinforcing negative attention. It's not uncommon for children to do something they know you don't like because it gets your attention. Another example would be when you're on an important phone call and they act out. It sounds like the primary problem are his parents for not disciplining him/setting boundaries. As a parent and a teacher I see this all the time. Fortunately my husband and I taught our children from a very early age to respect our cats. We showed them how to pet the cat and when it's ok to pet them, e.g. if they're eating leave them alone. We reinforced the good behavior which is key. KittyFriday had a great idea about playing a game.

I share your frustration and I know how dearly you love your cats. Perhaps you could try having a sit down with your sister and explain the importance of being consistent on the rules when your nephew is chasing the cats. Instead of distracting the cats maybe try to distract him. Good luck!

 

[MoochNNoodles]

Toddlers learn by repetition. They test boundaries. It took years for my cats to accept my kids. Now I'm not saying they weren't given boundaries; just that it took time. I still have to tell DS sometimes to leave Mooch alone; that she doesn't want to be pet at the moment. It's always been unacceptable to treat them wrong. I gave the cats safe spaces via gated off areas, cat trees and supervision when they were in the same room. "Nice hands!" in a gentle voice and "Quiet voice!" in a stage whisper were common phrases. You have to demonstrate for him. "Kitty is scared!" in a scared voice helps. You use your words, tone and vocal animation to help them understand. Keep it simple though.

I read a book by Harvey Karp that some people love and some hate; but he has good points that work... He was basically saying when a kid is having a tantrum they are essentially unreachable; so YOU use "caveman talk" too. I think it was something like "Tommy is MAD!" in a louder "mad" voice. That helps get their attention and they feel validated; you understand. So then you can switch to calm "But rough hands hurt!" So for a cat you might try something like "Tommy loves the kitty!" with some excitement; then "But kitty is scared!" "Gentle hands with kitty" in a gentle, calm voice. Something along those lines. Uses his hands to show him what a gentle touch is. Either on you or the cat. If he gets rough; show him again. If hes still rough; stop. He'll get the point.

It really does help for them to feel understood. So you show him you understand that he's excited and likes the kitty and wants to play; but you are showing him that kitty doesn't like it in a way he can relate to. It's hard to be 2. Most don't have the vocabulary to express themselves but they still have BIG feelings. They don't have impulse control. They don't have the ability to reason. Someone taught me to say "You are acting like a __ year old!" and it really did help. Actually it still does even though mine are older. I need the reminder that they are only ___ age too.

At the end of the day; he's just going to need time: patience and consistency and a lot of supervision for the foreseeable future. It took me SO long to get used to how much attention my kids needed. I am introverted and it really felt contrary to me. But it's normal. His brain is growing and he'll get there. But that's why it's important for your cat to have a safe place to escape to. Even if it means gating of a bedroom or the kitchen so the cat can go in and out as they wish. It took buying 3 gates for us to be able to do that. But it was worth it for the cats to have peace too.

I hope that helps. Toddlers are SO adorable but a lot of work!

 

[Talien]

Let the Cats teach him. Eventually he'll bother them enough for one of them to scratch him, then he'll learn.

 

[Caspers Human]

Let the Cats teach him. Eventually he'll bother them enough for one of them to scratch him, then he'll learn.

That's how I was taught.

My father said, "Stop chasing the cat or else it's going to scratch you!"
I got one warning. When I eventually did get nailed by the cat he said, "See! I told you so!"

Afterward, I got hauled to the kitchen to wash with soap and hot water (and I mean HOT) followed by a liberal dousing of Mercurochrome.

The good news is that it only took one lesson.

 

[molly92]

I am in no way close to a parenting expert, but one small thing I find helps with kids is to teach them a way to interact with the cat that the cat still likes. Wand toys are my favorite because it automatically puts a couple of feet in between the cat and the toddler, little kids think it's hilarious to watch a cat jump after the toy at the end, and the excited little kid jumping around energy is transferred to the toy at the end jumping around, which is perfect for cat play time.

That only works if the cat likes wand toys. Also maybe you can come up with games about the cat that conveniently involve giving the cat space. How about a game where we put a kitty treat on the floor, and then we have to run as fast as we can to the other side of the room so the cat will come out and eat it while we watch from the corner? And then once the cat eats it, we do it again! Or we could play pretend cat and do everything the cat does. Can we curl up in a ball like the cat? Can we pretend to lick our paws like the cat?

Also I try to show children how to pet with 1 finger. When only 1 finger is involved, the kid has a bit more control and it's easier to be gentler, and also the cat isn't as freaked out.

 

[minish]

I don't know much about human development but cats are clever enough to protect themselves. my cat scoots away faster than lightning and hides in impossible places whenever she spots a toddler
For being together with cats, molly92 has given great suggestions. My observation is both toddlers and cats naturally enjoy hide and seek or tag. If your cats like such games, you can play together so your niece can pick up from there

 

[gilmargl]

We're talking here about a very young child - not yet 2 years old. Is he only a visitor or permanently living with cats? I never had to "teach" my girls, how to treat cats. But then, we all lived together. The cat learned about children (and disappeared when things got too loud) and the children learned not to annoy the cat. The problem is when a toddler only comes to visit. He is excited, inquisitive and cannot learn very much in such a short time and will have forgotten it by the next visit. Unless of course a cat attacks him and everyone makes a huge fuss about the naughty cat and it remains in his head for the rest of his life. Bad cat! Hit him with the wand!

I can only agree with what has already been said. Keep the cats away in another room while he is excited and in a playful mood. Allow them to come back as soon as he is tired and ready to either go home or back to sleep. Children grow up quickly and it won't be long before the cats lose their fascination for a little boy.

 

[terestrife]

A couple of years ago I lived with one of my best friends, who had a two year old nephew. He was a cute kid, but had never been around dogs before. Thankfully, he was otherwise good at doing what he was told (though spoiled and a bit of a stinker at times, I guess all kids are). Anyway, one time Sophie (my dog) was following him around while he had food and he reached out and hit her in the face. Which was a big problem for me, but especially as Sophie can be quite snarky and I knew she'd snap at him.

So, I made him apologize to her. And he did! And then I told him we could play a game. I showed him a couple of her tricks - he thought her "touch" where she hits something with her paw was hilarious. Then I showed him how to play fetch with her, which he loved and she loved too.

Kids are impulsive but it might help if you can make it a game and show him the right way to play with your cats. Even if for now it's just you playing with the kitties while he watches. He could maybe even help you fill food and/or water dishes - that can be a game too. If he can't comply, I'd say remove him or the cats for awhile and try again.

The more we show the cat to him and how to pet her, the more he wants to visit her. So we've gotten to the point that we just reinforce him being gentle when he goes by to visit her.

I might try doing a play time to see if that helps.

I just remembered when i was teaching Elsa to like my niece that she scratched, i would have my niece give her snacks. The thing is that my niece was older at that time 6 years old. So i could explain things to her.

By repeatedly yelling NO you are reinforcing negative attention. It's not uncommon for children to do something they know you don't like because it gets your attention. Another example would be when you're on an important phone call and they act out. It sounds like the primary problem are his parents for not disciplining him/setting boundaries. As a parent and a teacher I see this all the time. Fortunately my husband and I taught our children from a very early age to respect our cats. We showed them how to pet the cat and when it's ok to pet them, e.g. if they're eating leave them alone. We reinforced the good behavior which is key. KittyFriday had a great idea about playing a game.

I share your frustration and I know how dearly you love your cats. Perhaps you could try having a sit down with your sister and explain the importance of being consistent on the rules when your nephew is chasing the cats. Instead of distracting the cats maybe try to distract him. Good luck!

So its bad to say no? it does stop him in the act when we do it, most of the time. lol I do praise him when he listens. But he still loves chasing the dog with his cars.
My niece and i were talking and she wants him to learn not to hit people. We tell him to be gentle. We have tried teaching him to pet my cat Kitty. So far he gets too excited and starts smacking.

Elsa is still petrified of him. lol She comes out but she wont go near him.

Let the Cats teach him. Eventually he'll bother them enough for one of them to scratch him, then he'll learn.

I read once about a cat that blinded a dog by scratching at his eyes. I just dont want my nephew to have a serious injury. My niece keeps telling her baby if the dog bites him to not cry about it. lol But it'll be a different story of the baby is seriously hurt.

Theres a dog and two cats in the house btw. lol

That's how I was taught.

My father said, "Stop chasing the cat or else it's going to scratch you!"
I got one warning. When I eventually did get nailed by the cat he said, "See! I told you so!"

Afterward, I got hauled to the kitchen to wash with soap and hot water (and I mean HOT) followed by a liberal dousing of Mercurochrome.

The good news is that it only took one lesson.

Elsa (the cat that concerns me) once waited for my niece that i used to live with, to walk by, and then she scratched her arm. I always watched my niece and she wouldnt bother Elsa. She scratched her just randomly. Thats what worries me.

We're talking here about a very young child - not yet 2 years old. Is he only a visitor or permanently living with cats? I never had to "teach" my girls, how to treat cats. But then, we all lived together. The cat learned about children (and disappeared when things got too loud) and the children learned not to annoy the cat. The problem is when a toddler only comes to visit. He is excited, inquisitive and cannot learn very much in such a short time and will have forgotten it by the next visit. Unless of course a cat attacks him and everyone makes a huge fuss about the naughty cat and it remains in his head for the rest of his life. Bad cat! Hit him with the wand!

I can only agree with what has already been said. Keep the cats away in another room while he is excited and in a playful mood. Allow them to come back as soon as he is tired and ready to either go home or back to sleep. Children grow up quickly and it won't be long before the cats lose their fascination for a little boy.

He lives here. The problem is that i dont have a room to take the cats to. I live in someone elses house and only have my room. I only take them to my room for emergencies. I am allergic to the cats. I take medication to control things, but just touching them gives me rashes that take forever to heal. Thankfully my niece watches him and keeps him away from the cats.

I dont think my niece would be angry with the cats, unless they seriously hurt him. She keeps telling her baby not to complain if the dog scratches him. Since he keeps bothering the dog. lol.

We're trying, but i guess it just takes time.

 

[neely]

So its bad to say no?

You said, "We spend all day yelling No!" So I replied repeatedly yelling No reinforces negative attention. It's ok to say No but in a firm voice, i.e. not yelling. If you repeat it over and over he starts to tune it out. If you catch him in the act of chasing the cats or going after them with his toy cars that's the time to say No in a firm voice. And you're right, it definitely takes time. He's young and probably thinks he's playing with the cats, albeit his type of play. I'm glad you're addressing the issue now and can teach him how to be gentle with your cats.

 

[terestrife]

You said, "We spend all day yelling No!" So I replied repeatedly yelling No reinforces negative attention. It's ok to say No but in a firm voice, i.e. not yelling. If you repeat it over and over he starts to tune it out. If you catch him in the act of chasing the cats or going after them with his toy cars that's the time to say No in a firm voice. And you're right, it definitely takes time. He's young and probably thinks he's playing with the cats, albeit his type of play. I'm glad you're addressing the issue now and can teach him how to be gentle with your cats.

We use the strong No! for really bad things. I am firm but dont yell, since he is not my child. I only use a loud no if its to stop him from something dangerous. Otherwise we use other sentences to correct him so we dont overuse the word no. lol We use the word gentle and try to show him what it means.

I used the word "all day" because he was so obsessed with the animals last week, wouldnt leave them be. lol I do feel like his hitting has improved a bit. But today, his mom went outside for a moment. He immediately smiled with glee and chased after the dog with his cart. Not laughing at the dog being chased, just at how smart and mischievous he is.

When he behaves well, or is acting nice we praise them.

Its baby steps i guess. I went through this with my last niece and my cats, and it eventually worked out. Just dont want my nephew getting hurt. Elsa is a reformed street cat. LOL She has only loved two people in her life. Her previous owner (my mother who passed away) and then she had to learn to love me, since i became her food source. lol She is only kind to me.

 

[Silver Crazy]

My nephew used to ram his toy cars into the cat I had at the time.
Spook was a large cat of his breed weighing 20 pounds plus and pure muscle, built like a bull terrier but gentle as a lamb and endless patience.
He would stand up, flop against my nephew and push him over then walk off.
My nephew got the hint after a while and a couple of years later they were great friends.
Things will work out in the end hopefully with no injuries to either.

 

[Harborlily]

My nephew is going to be 2 years old in September. We spend all day yelling No! at him when he chases the cats, or goes after them with his toy cars. its frustrating, he has been spoiled by his parents, and doesnt listen. I tried to stop him from throwing a box on himself and he keeps screeching and trying to get back to the box.

Its frustrating. Me and his mom watch him around the animals, but he just doesnt listen. What did you moms do to help your toddlers leave the animals alone?

I have 2 kids and had 3 cats (now 2).

child number 1- as soon as he was less than gentle I scooped up the cat and made a huge fuss about “are you ok? I’m so sorry, that’s no way to treat a kitty”, then carried the cat to a different room still cooing and petting. I would ignore child during this. Then return and say something like “I can’t let you hurt an animal, I would like to help you pet him though, can we try again later?”
Most of this was done with no response, as my son is autistic and was non verbal until 3.5. But if I did it every single time it did work. I also would constantly pet the cats and talk out loud about how much they liked the gentle pets.

child 2. Daughter. Honestly I did all that above and it only got us about halfway to being kind to the cats. Then I let the cat bite her (he would never do more than a nip and has never broken skin- but he was abused so he will absolutely bite when scared) And when he did I consoled her but we also had to check on the cat because of how frightened he must have been to bite her. She needed to learn respect for them on top of kindness. And I wasn’t like standing to the side watching without saying anything- I gave a warning, and then a “stop”, she was bitten after those.

 

[terestrife]

My nephew used to ram his toy cars into the cat I had at the time.
Spook was a large cat of his breed weighing 20 pounds plus and pure muscle, built like a bull terrier but gentle as a lamb and endless patience.
He would stand up, flop against my nephew and push him over then walk off.
My nephew got the hint after a while and a couple of years later they were great friends.
Things will work out in the end hopefully with no injuries to either.

i hope so. so far the kids in my family have learned how to deal with the animals in the family. I just to be patient. I am glad Elsa seems a lot less fearful. Shes walking around more.

I have 2 kids and had 3 cats (now 2).

child number 1- as soon as he was less than gentle I scooped up the cat and made a huge fuss about “are you ok? I’m so sorry, that’s no way to treat a kitty”, then carried the cat to a different room still cooing and petting. I would ignore child during this. Then return and say something like “I can’t let you hurt an animal, I would like to help you pet him though, can we try again later?”
Most of this was done with no response, as my son is autistic and was non verbal until 3.5. But if I did it every single time it did work. I also would constantly pet the cats and talk out loud about how much they liked the gentle pets.

child 2. Daughter. Honestly I did all that above and it only got us about halfway to being kind to the cats. Then I let the cat bite her (he would never do more than a nip and has never broken skin- but he was abused so he will absolutely bite when scared) And when he did I consoled her but we also had to check on the cat because of how frightened he must have been to bite her. She needed to learn respect for them on top of kindness. And I wasn’t like standing to the side watching without saying anything- I gave a warning, and then a “stop”, she was bitten after those.

Thats a good idea, thank you for sharing! It really shows how differently each child can react/learn. lol I'm glad both your cat and daughter were okay.

 

[danteshuman]

I would keep the cat in part of the house he is never allowed in.

For the kid? Your house, your rules. Keep the rules simple, consistent/ firm & non-negotiable. Because he is 2 keeping them separate should be easier then trying to train him. Little kids are like puppies, sometimes you need to kick them outside

My nephew terrorized my mom’s cats at 4 years old. We kept telling him to not hit the cat! One day the whole family got together and he chased and kicked the cat! My stepdad bent over and gave his but a smack and said “don’t kick the cat” then ignored him. I remember it because his mom was very over protective.

I don’t think that will work with a 2 year old (& I don’t like spanking kids.) in your case I would put the 2 year old on a leash & the cat in a safe room until he is napping. Very high cat shelves would not be the answer because your sweet nephew may climb after the kitty! You can also use a cat stuffed animal to train him how/where to pet the cat & teach him cat body language. It is never to early to teach kids soft pet. I might look for a stuffed animal that looks like your cat so he can play & carry the toy kitty.

 

[eva adams]

Children have to be taught to be empathetic towards cats or any other animal. It can be done by showing them the natural environment of animals rather than taking them to theme parks or circus where animals are found playing tricks, which allows them to think that the sole purpose of animals is to please humans. Try to give your nephew the responsibility of refilling the kitty's water bowl or teaching him how to pet a cat properly, this will help create a bond between the cat and the toddler. I would suggest don't punish the kid because punishment is harsh, and it teaches nothing.

 

[danteshuman]

I said leash the toddler or baby gate him out of the hallway not punish the boy. His brain (at 2 years) isn’t developed enough to really get him to follow a lot of rules. Which is why my first instinct is to find a way to keep cat & toddler apart. It only takes a few seconds for the toddler to run to the cat and yank it’s tail ..... which by the way is part of it’s spine! The cat could be seriously injured & the cat may respond by attacking the toddler .... which could injure the kid (cat bites need medical treatment.) If need be you give the cat a safe room by installing a sliding lock at the very top of the door to keep the kid out. I vote only let him interact with the cat when he is calm & an adult is willing to supervise the toddler every second. Little kids move so fast, you turn your back for a second and they into something they shouldn’t be!

Good luck! This victory shot of my 5 year old niece took a lot of work on my part. I had to explain cat body language, where to pet & how yo ‘be the furniture.’ Plus a lot of explaining that if Cami was in her cave or tunnel she was in her room & not to be disturbed. It may take a year or three but you will get there!

 

[Kieka]

My niece and i were talking and she wants him to learn not to hit people

Sounds like there is more at play then just the cats if he needs to learn not to hit people too. I don't have children myself but have taken classes in child care, child behavior and anthropology of child rearing practices. I also was a camp counselor for 10 years along with the same amount of experience in childcare. All that said, it sounds like firm and consistent boundaries need to be applied in all areas for the toddler in question.

My niece lived with me (along with her parents) from birth until she was 6 years old. I never tolerated any sort of physical outbursts. Hitting even a pillow resulted in immediate conversations about what was wrong and that hitting things was not a way to show anger or frustration. We had a very strict two finger petting with anything living even at petting zoos from the beginning. We did have a cat and after getting scratched for pulling his tail once she never did again (which is common, anything that won't result in serious harm I warn her and tell her if she gets hurt she has to deal with the consequences). I also would immediately stop any hard petting (he was a tough cat and okay with more aggressive petting) reminding her to two finger pet and gently. Its something you have to do every single time, tolerate it once and the child will push the limit. She listened (and still does at 12 years old) more to me then her parents. We do have fun, we laugh and have silly moments. But she very well knows the boundaries on acceptable behavior around me. Every now and then she tests it or brings a bad behavior from her mom (right now we are working through the misconception that being on her period means she doesn't have to do anything). But firm and consistent boundaries and expectations are really everything.