How can I teach my cat not to be so scared?

[suurkii]

Hello everybody!
 

I have a question about a real scaredy cat (pun intended). Me and my boyfriend bought a new apartment about a year ago and a few months later, in May, we got two kittens, Spooky and Scully. They are sisters, black as the night and gorgeous, and they were 8 weeks old when we got them. We were quite careful with them in the beginning and kept them in one part of the apartment so they'd get used to their new surroundings, and eased them into our home and company. Also, they are indoor kitties so they've never been outside.

We saw, basically from day one, that one of the kitties, Scully, was more reserved and more cautious than her sister, Spooky, and with time, we have noticed her getting "worse". It goes a bit up and down, but within a few months after we got them, she started getting really scared of my boyfriend. I could/can pet her, and she'll come lay with me on the couch and so on, but sometimes it's enough that she just hears my boyfriend walking around, and she'll run away... In the beginning, they'd both sleep with us in bed, and they'd lay beside him on the couch and such, but that has basically stopped completely. Lately Scully has been more and more reclusive, and she'll barely even let me pet her and when you approach her to fast (i.e. normal walking speed) she'll jump up and run away. We had electricians working here the other day, and of course she disappeared, and the following days she hid and I was almost scared something had happened to her 'cause I couldn't find her at first.

To our knowledge, noting "bad" has ever happened to her. And my boyfriend certainly has never done anything to her, worse than "yelling" a bit at her when she does something bad. 

We're getting a bit desperate... She's so scared of everything! Her sister is absolutely fine and is anything BUT scared.

Is there an good way of changing this behavior? We just want her to be happy and have a nice life, our beautiful girl! <3

Thank you so much in advance!

Jenny, Scully and Spooky

 

[allenkm]

Ok I know I always say this but try felinway. It is a cat pheromone that has:nod: had great success relaxing cats. It works like a glade plug in, but humans can't smell it. My vet swears by it.

:nod:

 

[drbobcat]

Good news and bad news.  First the good news:  She's likely to change her behavior over time.  Patience with cat behavior is under appreciated.  I suggest not doing anything and just giving the cat some space to work things out.  The bad:  In my experience, some cats don't like men.  While I have met cats who like the man in a house better than the woman, I haven't really found any who feel the same way about women.  One thing I read suggested that cats might prefer women because women's higher voices are more like cats' voices.  She may never like your boyfriend. 

 

[jeier214]

My boyfriend and I adopted a female Siamese Mix (named Skully too!) when she was about 12 weeks old. She had the same issue - really took to me, his deep voice and his loud movements on our wood floors terrified her. She would hide under the bed and only come out after he was gone and I sweet talked her. Skully is almost 11 months old now and actually prefers my boyfriend over me (funny how that works out). She will seek him out and jump on his lap and snuggle, I get the cold shoulder besides our "conversations" when I'm feeding her or before I go to bed. I wouldn't worry too much just yet, she may grow out of it as she gets more familiar with his sounds and her new surroundings.

 

[jeier214]

I should also note it took our girl until she was about 6 or 7 months old to fully become comfortable with my boyfriend. When we first got her, she was limited to only being in our spare bedroom for about the first 3 weeks. She was so tiny,fearful and she and our existing kitty had to slowly get acquainted so she had her own room with toys, food, litter box, etc.. When we finally let her have full reign of the house I noticed she would run upstairs and hide under the spareroom bed whenever something startled her, so I started following her up and quietly shutting the door behind me so it was just the 2 of us. I'd sit on the floor and talk softly and sweetly to her and she would come out slowly.. I'd keep a couple toys in there too so once she was out we could play together or I'd just pet her - whatever she responded to - just for a few minutes to calm her down - then I'd open the door and go back downstairs and she would cautiously follow behind me. Over time she became less spooked and her trips under the bed became less frequent. I don't know if your Scully has a particular spot she frequents for hiding, or if its possible to isolate the 2 of you, but perhaps if you try coaxing her out, alone, with your boyfriend in another room, she may respond.

 

[marc999]

How about bribery with food? Like your boyfriend waving a fresh sardine in front of her, saying hello, dropping it then walk away.  

Maybe keep at it for awhile, eventually coaxing her out of her hiding spot. 

 

[lamiatron]

wow I can relate to the this thread SO MUCH. not just with OP's post, but the others that have replied. My girl Jet (4 months old) is also afraid or hides from my boyfriend. 

in my case when we first got her, she was actually very drawn to my boyfriend. Although she would hide from me, she was very close with my cat Charlie and my boyfriend. She would go to him in the middle of the night and fall asleep on his chest. 

But then for a month to almost 2 months my boyfriend stopped coming over so frequently. And when he finally started to come around a lot again...her behavior towards him changed. She'll hide until he leaves the room, she wont let him approach her. even though i'm the only one that can approach her and carry her or do anything with her, she is still skittish with me, so she's just a skittish and scared kitty. and i really feel it has to do with his deeper voice. because at night when we're sleeping, she'll sneak into bed again, and sleep on his chest and head butt him for pets, which will wake me up...but once he says anything to her...like "hey pretty" she'll back off kinda...i've been making him talk to her in a low baby voice. Its kinda helping. she'll actually sit still long enough for him to pet her and show her love...before bolting under the bed like a bat outta hell.

i'm hoping that time will solve this issue...we've only had her 2 months. and she used to be a former stray, which could just mean she will take a while to acclimate properly to humans and living in a home because very early on in her life she was in the streets. 

I have bought some calming treats and trying it with Jet, to see if that helps with her stress and her being scared...and also bought a calming spray from natures miracle, which have helped, but only very minimally. 

patience is key i guess. to @Suurkii  , I would suggest you buy some calming treats for your girl. although it will not make her a brave confident kitty after the first chew, i think it helps with keeping their behavior balanced, so that she is not constantly stressed. Being scared and hiding all the time just equates to kitty being stressed., which can lead to health issues for kitty.  You can also try feliway and see if that works for you. I have never personally tried it.

 

[satsumasryummy]

I used the Sentry Pheromone Collar for my anxious kitty. It seems to work better than Feliway because it always stays with the cat. I also incorporated Rescue Remedy, Herbal Calmer for Pets, clicker training, and daily play therapy. The pheromone collar made the biggest difference, but I think playtime is also a necessary aspect of soothing an anxious cat. It may just be trapped energy from not enough activity.

Also, yelling at her doesn't help, even if no harm is meant. Cats don't have a concept of doing "bad" in their minds. There are other ways of changing unsatisfactory behaviour.

 

[lola1962]

I wouldn't be able to put it on my scared kitty, Ruby.  I finally got her to let me pat her during meals.  I bought every spray out there and have had no luck.

 

[drbobcat]

The best way to change unsatisfactory behavior is to encourage behavior you want to see (preferably behavior that's good for the cat).  Set up situations in which the cat can demonstrate "good behavior" and bribe the daylights out of him.  For example, set up scratching surfaces near places you don't want scratched and then give him treats when he scratches in the right places.