Hester's Journey across the Bridge

wkothlow

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Kitten
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[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:punctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/> <w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument></xml><![endif]After Hester Ann crossed the Rainbow Bridge, I wrote her final chapter, sending the story out in e-mails to family members. This is what they received ...

[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:punctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/> <w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument></xml><![endif][if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves/> <w:TrackFormatting/> <w:punctuationKerning/> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/> <w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:DoNotPromoteQF/> <w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:Compatibility> <w:BreakWrappedTables/> <w:SnapToGridInCell/> <w:WrapTextWithPunct/> <w:UseAsianBreakRules/> <w:DontGrowAutofit/> <w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/> <w:EnableOpenTypeKerning/> <w:DontFlipMirrorIndents/> <w:OverrideTableStyleHps/> </w:Compatibility> <w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> <m:mathPr> <m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/> <m:brkBin m:val="before"/> <m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/> <m:smallFrac m:val="off"/> <m:dispDef/> <m:lMargin m:val="0"/> <m:rMargin m:val="0"/> <m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/> <m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/> <m:intLim m:val="subSup"/> <m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/> </m:mathPr></w:WordDocument></xml><![endif]Friday, NOVEMBER 14, 2014 [if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="false" DefSemiHidden="false" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99" LatentStyleCount="371"> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" 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Prayers please.

My Hester is not well and I took her back to the vet today. They will run tests.

On October 20, 2014  I noticed red in Hester's urine, along with straining and little production. Took her in same day and had to leave her overnight so they could get a sample. Her white blood cells were slightly elevated (bladder infection) and her pH was higher than normal. They gave her a long acting antibiotic shot and we came home. She seemed to be on the mend and getting back to her "normal" self.

On Halloween, there was blood in her urine again. She seemed fine until earlier in the week when she went on the mat instead of in the litter box. So on Halloween I followed her around and she piddled in the shower, small spot, maybe quarter size, and yellow-red. Took pictures to show vet, found an eye-dropper and collected what I could.

Took her in same day. Dr said when the antibiotics don't work her first thought is rat poison. We live in a fourth floor apartment, both girls are indoor only (don't even get into the hallway), and we allow just five people to visit (this is my safe haven so I control who is allowed in to my sanctuary). I told her my first thought was a stone. That was her second thought. If there is a stone, surgery is needed for removal, and that runs $550 and up. Now to find out if there is a stone.

The options then are x-rays or ultrasound. X-rays are maybe 75% productive; not all stones will show up depending on the cat and the size and location of the stone; ultrasounds are 100% effective and give a view of all organs in the abdomen. X-rays are done in-house and cost $60 to $80 or so; ultrasounds are done elsewhere (means a new appointment to that location and more transportation for the cat) and run $600 on up. What did I want to do?

I went with the X-rays. My reason was the x-rays can be done now and developed right away. If nothing shows up, I’m out just $60 and we have to schedule an ultrasound. However, if a stone is apparent, then I just “saved” $600+ and the stress on Hester of more transportation and prodding to get the ultrasound. Dr was definitely skeptical, since in her experience x-rays are seldom productive re: stones.

Well, it didn’t even take an hour, and she called me into the room again to show me images (she emailed the x-rays to me as well). She was surprised to see such clear results from the x-rays. First view showed the organs and a clearly visible stone in her bladder. Of course an image from the other side is necessary to make sure it wasn’t a blip. Second image, there it is again, same location, same size.

So Hester had a stone and needed surgery. Dr said I made a good call. Hester stayed at the vet all weekend so they could give her the pain meds she needed to be comfortable and watch for any other developments. Surgery was November 3 early and all went well. Turned out the bladder stone was grains held together by a blood clot. They sent the grains for composition analysis to see if we need to change her diet; should have results next week. She has a 5" incision which will need to be monitored.

Brought her home on Wednesday November 5 before lunch. She walked around checking smells and rubbing to get her scent in again. Hannah is hissing and growling, even with Feliway in the air. Hester did eat a little, which is what the vet wanted. They had given her subcutaneous fluids so both of her front legs were swollen; that went back to normal next day.

On November 6 she'd had a rough morning coughing up a fur ball. After being subdued for an hour or so she took a looong nap on my lap. At one point she stretched and I was the recipient of whatever was in her bladder. So I changed my pants, got out several towels, spread those across my lap and let her take more naps. That lasted until bedtime, with no more leaks or accidents.

She kept improving all weekend, seeming to become more and more like Hester each day. Then yesterday November 13 I called the vet. Hester seemed off. She was subdued, less energetic, took longer to go from one place to the next. She did urinate on the mat and it looked normal in size and color. I saw her at the food dish and heard crunching. I wanted all of that on record, even though no red flags were being raised. That changed into the evening and overnight.

Closer to bedtime last night Hester jumped off my lap. She seemed to stumble on landing, and just stayed in that spot a while. She walked over to the counter and wanted to jump on the chair for the water dish but just stayed at the foot of the chair in a lump. When I went in to the bathroom, same thing. She did jump up on my lap, but did not go to the counter for the water dish. Instead she curled up to take a nap. I put her on the hamper and she stayed in that exact spot making herself small in a lump. Odd, since she was near the edge and prefers to be closer to the wall. Took her in to bed and she put herself up against the pillows at my right shoulder and stayed there, again making herself small and actually facing the headboard instead of the doorway.

Overnight I realized a few other things that were off and not normal for Hester.

On any given typical normal day when I get up in the morning Hester escorts me to the living room where she would pluck down and do a full-body stretch on the floor and wait for me to scritch her belly. I check the food dishes and add food as appropriate. I freshen the water dishes. I go to the bathroom for my usual routine, most often with a feline audience. Hester comes in and scratches at the hamper (it has been thoroughly destroyed on one corner, even though she is front-declawed!). She would then jump directly to the counter and find the water dish in the sink, or she would jump up on top the hamper and meow for attention. When I am on my computer at least once during the morning and then again in the afternoon she demands attention, usually by vocalizing and not leaving me alone until I give her what she wants (scritches, attention). In the evenings she will sometimes curl up on my lap or at the other end of the sofa. Come bedtime she watches me to see when I turn out the kitchen light and usually I find her in the bathroom before I get there. She repeats her morning routine of scratching the hamper, purrtle-ing before jumping up to the counter to get her drink from the dish in the sink, then jumps from the counter to the hamper top. When we go to bed, she jumps up, sees when I will sleep, then chooses her spot. When I toll over she leaves, gets a drink or does whatever cats do, I hear her scratching at the hamper again, and then she's back for the night curled up against one of my legs or my hip.

She's a touchy-feely cat. Whenever I scritch her she leans in to the rub; if she's napping she purrtles to acknowledge my touch. When on her cat tree or on the bureau she's head height and initiates head bonks. She rubs my leg every chance she gets. She frequently makes eye contact and speaks. She begs for attention by plopping on the floor belly up. 

Until this week. I know for certain none of that happened on Thursday November 13. I do not remember it happening Wednesday November 12. This morning I noticed she had urinated along the edge of the litter box on to the mat. Seemed a good amount and good color. Did not see or hear her eat. Called the vet and took her in first thing. She stayed in the same spot in her carrier and made absolutely no vocalizations.

They are keeping her for tests. I am waiting for the phone call. Had a bit of a cry when I got home. I'm wondering what could be going on. And of course the questions: did I miss something I was supposed to notice? Did I not call soon enough?

Anxious mama here. Asking for prayers and understanding.

Hug your loved ones, including those fur babies (and feathered).

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NOVEMBER 14, 11:50 AM

Vet called. Will likely keep her overnight and maybe into the weekend, depending on the results of some consultations and an optimal course of action.

Hester's incision looks good and is healing well. She did pee for them so they can run tests on the urine.

I was correct in stating Hester is in pain. Dr identified the area as her abdomen near her kidneys. The blood work they've done today shows elevated kidney enzymes. Dr is doing some research and will make calls to some specialists at the University. She and the supervising vet at the clinic will meet later today as well to discuss next course of action.

Hester had been on a prescription diet to help prevent struvite crystals from forming, which are the most common in cats with urinary tract issues. However, if the stone had come from Hester's kidney and gotten stuck in her bladder, it was likely calcium oxide and that is apparently more painful. Hester's blood work on October 20 did not show elevated kidney enzymes; today November 14 the enzymes were elevated.

I sent them the same message/e-mail I sent here so they would have a more detailed record of what I observed yesterday evening into this morning before taking her in. I expect to hear from Dr again after the meeting between the two vets.

NOVEMBER 14

New Update as of 3:30 PM CST.

Vet called. Did an abdominal x-ray to focus on kidneys. One kidney shows normal, the other does not. This may be due to inflammation, or it may be that she's only had one functional kidney and we never knew that. The blood work had already shown higher kidney enzymes, which is an indication of distress of some sort. The urinalysis also showed abnormal cells not present in testing done on October 20. If the kidneys are inflamed from possible stones then it is also possible to produce abnormal cells. The other possibility for the abnormalities is cancer.

Dr called this an urgent care situation. We could do ultrasound in the Twin Cities, which would require transport and would take time. The other option is exploratory surgery on the kidneys. Both vets have done exploratory surgery. The supervising vet has done more complicated surgery, so depending on what is found. They are in surgery as I write this ...

I can honestly say I am worried. Hester is 8.5 years old, so this is just too soon ...

This here fur mama is crying again ...

NOVEMBER 14 at 6:38 PM

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Hester had cancer.

Dr called just after 5 PM CST to tell me surgery found her right kidney was small, about the size of a quarter and had likely been that way for years. Cats, like humans, can survive quite well on one kidney. The surgery revealed that her remaining kidney was soft and the wrong color; the cells taken for examination were cancerous. Were she human, she would have little time left and would likely be in pain.

Drs stayed so I could go say goodbye.

At 6 PM CST Hester Ann crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

She will be cremated, and then come home to join Cammy Jo and Vincent James on my shelf.

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Tuesday NOVEMBER 18 2014 11:30 AM

I had a message in to the clinic to have Dr. Jen or Dr. Tim call to answer some questions and reassure me. Dr. Tim called back.

I went through the sequence of events as I remember them leading up to taking Hester in on November 14 as soon as I knew she was in pain. Dr. Tim agreed with my recollections.

My brother had asked why Hester's kidney issues were not noticed during her bladder surgery. Dr. Tim explained. When Hester was brought in on October 20 we knew she had been on CD for four years due to struvite crystals in her urine. The CD formula keeps pH lower hindering the development of struvite stones. They kept her overnight and when I got her October 21 to bring her home, Dr. Tim met with me showing me the lab results: her pH was higher, there were crystals and her white blood cell count was elevated indicating an infection. Nothing indicated an issue with her kidneys. She was given the long-acting antibiotic shot and sent home. She came out of that infection and was soon her normal Hester.

On Halloween there was blood in her urine (the shower piddle) and I took her in again. X-rays were done revealing her bladder "stone" so she was kept for surgery. Over the weekend nothing gave any indication that something else was going on with her. Surgery went well, grains were removed and sent for analysis, and Hester came home November 5. She was happy to be home, checking things out, watching me, sleeping on my lap all day Thursday and most of Friday while she healed, and was getting back to her normal Hester through Tuesday. Thursday I knew things were not right with her. I called to put it on record; later Thursday it was clear she was in pain so I got her in Friday first thing. For them to do tests I had to leave her there. Dr. Jen did the bloodwork and the urinalysis again. This time the bloodwork showed elevated kidney enzymes and abnormal cells were present in her urine. The physical exam revealed pain in the area of her kidneys. Exploratory surgery confirmed advanced kidney cancer, lymphoma.

To answer my brother's question, at the point of the bladder surgery there were no indications that they should check any other organs, including the kidneys. While part of the kidney was visible, it appeared mostly normal in color; aspirating cells would present a risk, since the kidney would be punctured. Protocol is to go in, take care of the reason for the surgery, and get out efficiently so that the pet is put into recovery  as soon as possible; being on anesthesia for prolonged periods is potentially more harmful.

In hindsight, Dr. Tim thinks Hester was likely born with only one functional kidney. Cats can get on in life and thrive with just one good kidney, much like humans. Cats have remarkable coping mechanisms, part of their survival evolution. When the bladder surgery was performed, it is likely her kidney resources were already two-thirds compromised; she still had enough to survive though she was close to becoming symptomatic. Just two weeks later, her kidney resources became compromised and her bloodwork revealed elevated kidney enzymes, usually thought to present with less than 25% of kidney function remaining.

Cancers as a rule spreads slowly over a period of months or years. Lymphoma begins internally, meaning it grows from the inside out. Until the cancer had spread to the point of being symptomatic and noticeable, there would have been no indications of the cancer being present. The "sudden" elevation of Hester's kidney enzymes just two weeks after successful bladder surgery makes what happened here feel like an "event" in her life, rather than the progression it actually was.

Additionally, Dr. Tim informed me that the composition analysis of Hester's "stone" revealed calcium, not struvite. This type of crystal requires higher pH to hinder development of stones, not lower as for the struvite crystals. This means Hester had two types of urinary conditions, each requiring contradictory courses of treatment. Trying to find a balance between the two so as to give her optimal life quality would have been challenging at best.

The combination of two differing types of urinary crystals and the lymphoma is always fatal. There was nothing missed in tests, and what was revealed was addressed as competently and compassionately as possible. Hester's coping abilities hid her health issues well. Thankfully this fur mama was keenly tuned in to her behavior and picked up on Hester's pain at the end. I took her in as quickly as I could. Dr. Tim assures me that one loving act alone compassionately spared Hester prolonged pain. I needed to hear those words.

As difficult as it is to say goodbye, our fur babies never ever deserve to suffer just so we can have more time with them. In my case, I would have been suffering with Hester. I cried the day I had to say farewell, and most of the next day. The following day Hannah got through to me telling me with her behavior she misses her twin sister. She is grieving, which will likely last for two weeks. She sniffs places Hester frequented; any little noise she perks her ears expecting to see Hester. In bed she often looks at the bedroom doorway watching for Hester to jump up on the bed. Hannah has curled up on my lap each night before going to bed, just to be close. My heart aches for Hannah; I miss Hester, too.

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Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Normal Indent"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="footnote text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="annotation text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="header"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="footer"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="index heading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="table of figures"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="envelope address"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="envelope return"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="footnote reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="annotation reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="line number"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="page number"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="endnote reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="endnote text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="table of authorities"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="macro"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toa heading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Bullet"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Number"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Bullet 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Bullet 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Bullet 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Bullet 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Number 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Number 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Number 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Number 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Closing"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Signature"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text Indent"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Continue"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Continue 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Continue 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Continue 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="List Continue 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Message Header"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Salutation"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Date"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text First Indent"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Note Heading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text Indent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Body Text Indent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Block Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Hyperlink"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="FollowedHyperlink"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Document Map"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Plain Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="E-mail Signature"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Top of Form"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Normal (Web)"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Acronym"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Address"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Cite"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Code"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Definition"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Keyboard"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Preformatted"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Sample"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Typewriter"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="HTML Variable"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Normal Table"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="annotation subject"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="No List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Outline List 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Outline List 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Outline List 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Simple 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Simple 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Simple 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Classic 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Classic 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Classic 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Classic 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Colorful 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Colorful 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Colorful 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Columns 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 7"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Grid 8"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table List 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table List 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table List 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table List 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table List 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table List 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table List 7"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table List 8"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table 3D effects 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table 3D effects 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table 3D effects 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Contemporary"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Elegant"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Professional"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Subtle 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Subtle 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Web 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Web 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Web 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Balloon Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Table Theme"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid 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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/> </w:LatentStyles></xml><![endif][if gte mso 10]><style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable{mso-style-name:"Table 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mnm

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Hester Ann is beautiful ...I'm so so sorry for all the events you have had to go through with her...and her passing. It's so difficult and emotions are everywhere! I had to put my Min down a few months ago and although it is getting better, I know your sadness.
 

yoohoora

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So sorry for your loss.  Hester was a beautiful kitty.  She was lucky that she found her way into such a loving family.  Be gentle with yourself as you mourn her passing.  *hug* 
 

di and bob

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I'm so very sorry for your and Hannah's loss, the hole it leaves in you life and your heart is overwhelming at times. You have a wonderful compassionate vet, he gave an explanation for all and gave you comfort too, what a wonderful man!

You gave both your babies the greatest gift of all, your love and devotion, and you will surely be blessed for loving so much to hurt so bad. My heart goes out to you, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, please know you are not alone in your grief and that we all know the pain is best shared so the burden does not become too great to handle. Give sweet Hannah a kiss for me, and take care of yourself.........RIP beautiful Hester Ann! 
 
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  • #6

wkothlow

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Thank you, all.

@MnM: Yes, Hester was beautiful. Emotions do run the gamut; thankfully there are sites such as this on which to share our grief. I am also grateful for other fur parents (near me and on FB) who completely understand the pain felt when such a bond is altered. May you find peace remembering your Min.

@jcat: Thank you for your kind words. I know Hester is pain free and whole. I also know she is not alone as three of my previous fur babies are with her, along with Dad's cat (Topaz, crossed in December 2010). Dad entered eternal life on June 14, 2014, five months before Hester crossed. One of the things that brought him comfort was looking at the photo book I put together of Topaz.

@YoohooRa: Thank you. Yes, I am doing what I can to be gentle with myself and with Hannah. I talk with her, sometimes "in her language" though I have no clue what I may or may not be saying. We share eye contact several times every day. Lots of scritches and rubs. And play time. Every evening we are together on the sofa before we get ready for bed. I am always amazed at how important it is for fur babies (at least mine) to actually touch a human body, even through the covers. She always has to be touching some part of me ... She may not realize it, but I find that immensely comforting ...

@Di and Bob: Thank you. I have complete trust in my vet. He also aided my previous two fur babies across the bridge, and Dad's cat Topaz. One of the things he said to me was that our goal (mine and his) was the same, to actually ease and minimize the suffering of our companions, even though our pain will increase when we must make that decision. He has always been incredibly compassionate with fur parents and most patient whenever asked for explanations and clarification. He truly loves animals, which makes him an exceptional vet. I agree, too; joy shared is always joy doubled while grief shared is certainly grief halved. I will share a scritch and hug with Hannah for you, and genuinely appreciate the prayers.

After posting Hester's chapter, I found the article by Gareth most comforting ("When the Moment Comes ..." in this forum). I admit it brought tears to my eyes, most likely because I knew what he was saying. Having shared virtually my entire life with cats, I've known "that look" countless times and been blessed by the love it always expresses. Please take a moment to read it again, and encourage others to read it as well ... it truly is comforting.
 
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  • #8

wkothlow

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Thank you, Snugglecat.

It's been six weeks now; one the one hand it seems so long ago, yet on the other hand it still feels so fresh.

Hannah is definitely settling in to a routine, which I am choosing to believe is a good sign. And thankfully her behaviors are "normal" for her so I am not hearing any alarm bells or seeing red flags. I would like to start 2015 with as little drama as possible ...

Purrtles!

 

riley1

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I am so sorry for your lost.  Just lost my fur baby as well & the pain is very fresh.  You,  did everything you could for your Hester. Before I looked on this site I thought I was the only one who loved my cat intensely & thought I was abnormal.  Isn't it wonderful to find so many people who understand?  Cancer in pets & people can go on for a long time undetected.  Looking back, my Rizzo had it for about 3 years before he died.  Still feeling guilty that I did not know what the signs meant and they came on so slowly.  In some ways I wish I would have documented everything like you did.

Good for Hannah & RIP beautiful Hester!
 
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