Helping scaredy cat gain confidence

GreenIvy

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Hi guys I need some advice.
I have two 3 and 1/2 year old cats. I adopted them from a woman who rescued their pregnant mom. I don't think they were very well socialized as kittens (I got them at a little over 4 months) because they don't do well with other people.

But what gets me the most is how fidgety and scared they can get when we are alone, without any strangers in the house. They react to any noise and the male even gets scared if I enter a room too fast!

What can I do to help them feel more confident in their own space? They are healthy, sterilized and I play with them daily.
I slowly started teaching them tricks (we're currently learning to sit on command). What else can I do?
 

verna davies

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Its a long slow process to gain their confidence. Try not to make sudden movements, no loud noises. Just sit on the floor or chair and talk quietly to them or even read a book out loud. Play with a toy and let them come to you. The trust will build gradually. You could also try a plug in such as Feliway, that often helps calm them. Rub some catnip on your hands, that might encourage them to interact with you, all part of the trust building.
 

di and bob

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Some cats are just naturally nervous. My three react strongly to sudden noises, a knock on the door, etc. with immediately heading for under the bed. As long as we have company, even for a couple of days, you never see them. They are all confident, loving cats with my husband and I, but no one else at all, even relatives that come over regularly. Cats with siamese heritage are the only ones that we have had that are curious and come out to meet guests and interact. 4 months isn't long at all in a cat's world, yours are still trying to get used to you and a new environment. Cats have an instinctive fear of the unknown and new situations. They sense a dislike for tehm from many people, and that is why they have survived, even when humans actively try to get rid of them.
I think after a year yours will settle down to you, but don't get your hopes up for them liking strangers. Personally I would rather have it that way, i don't want anyone, especially an intruder, to be able to pick up my cat!
 
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GreenIvy

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Thank you all for your suggestions!

My shy cat has definitely taught me patience. I respect his personal space and have worked at getting him to feel comfortable with petting and attention. That - we have down :) He is a healthy, affectionate boy, at least with me. I never punish or yell at him.

When it comes to playing - there's a snag. His sister is clearly the dominant cat in my home. They don't exactly love each other, I would say they are mostly tolerant. I make sure they get equal treatment - food, water, clean litter box (so there's no need to wait their turn for basic needs) and attention. But here's the problem: she loves playing and demands it. When I play with her, he does not engage. In fact, I have a hard time getting him to play at all. When he does, he's very intense about it - he plays and then suddenly bolts - like it gets too much for him. And he gets randomly scared of toys.

I'm a first time owner so I'm still learning about cat behavior and have A LOT of questions :)

Treats don't work either because she will try and take them from his mouth if necessary. And he lets her. So I can only work with her (I started teaching them simple tricks as enrichment technique), while he observes from the side.
I don't want him to feel left out. Should I maybe separate them and work with him while she's in the other room? I don't close any doors inside my house so closing them now would only scare them, I think. But when she's there, he just moves to the side and let's her take over.

How do I make sure he gets enough playtime?
 

verna davies

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It's difficult with two cats when one is dominant. I had the same issue. I wouldnt seperate them in your position, they need to get used to each other playing and if seperated, they wont. A trick that worked for me was half a dozen boxes. I cut holes in them, joined 2 or 3 together to make a long tunnel . Put two or three together in one place and two or three in another place. I sit between where I can reach each set of boxes and throw a toy in one set and scratch the box at the back of the tunnel with a stick. The dominant one goes into the tunnel and when she is out of sight, I repeat with the second set of boxes for the quieter cat. Both have their own space. Keep tapping or scrapping the sides of the boxes to keep them occupied. After a time, mine started to respect each other and often play together. Just like children, you have to teach them to play nice. I hope this trick works for you.
 

rubysmama

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All cats have specific quirks and personalities, including the way they like to play. Some get bored with toys quickly, so putting them away after a bit, and bringing them out another time helps.

I've read so many people who say cats love the "Da Bird" but my Ruby is most "meh" on it. But give her a balled up Hershey Kisses wrapper and she'll bat it around the room. :rolleyes: So try different types of toys with your boy, including things around the home, like balled up aluminum foil, a pop bottle cap, rings cut from a paper towel roll.

Here's a TCS article on Playing With Your Cat: 10 Things You Need To Know – Cat Articles that might have some tips.

As well as
How To Choose The Best Toy For Your Cat – Cat Articles
17 Best Toys For Lazy Cats – Cat Articles
 

di and bob

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Females are usually dominant over the males, they are the manners teachers, the disciplinarians. Your boy bolts because he wants to play, is in fact having a good time, but the little girl's presence makes him nervous until it builds up to the point he bolts, afraid she is coming to take over. He is being entertained watching her, they provide each other companionship and are a family unit, with all it's quirks. Over time he may gain enough confidence to hold his ground, or he may not. They are cats after all, not pack driven or having any desire to please a leader, but over time they will settle down and she will be less domineering, and he will be less nervous. 3 1/2 years old is still a youngster really, time is on your side. I would never count on them accepting strangers, their first 4 months were filled learning to fear and avoid people it sounds like. It will take many years to overcome most of that, and gain the confidence and curiousity they were born with. Bless you for giving them that chance!
 
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GreenIvy

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I probably wasn't very clear: they were 4 month OLD when I adopted them, now they are 3 1/2 years old.

But these are all good advices, thank you! Will definitely give the boxes thing a try!

I must confess I get a little bit demoralized when I get no reaction from him, but I guess I'll have to try harder to see what he likes. Ear plugs and Q-tips were a big hit for a while (always under supervision), I'll try and get more of those :) The boy is all about the ears :D
 

verna davies

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Mine love small balls made of rolled up kitchen foil, about the size of a large marble. I have dozens of them. I throw one to one cat and another in the opposite direction for the other cat. I've spent a fortune on toys that they wont look at but give them an empty cotton reel and look out.
 
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GreenIvy

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I am pleased to report that Q tips are working like a charm :) Also, I've noticed that my boy likes to play on his own. Which is fine, because his sister is a handful :D He also has no interest in learning tricks but maybe he'll change his mind with time.

I also have a question regarding nail trimming, not sure if I can post it here or look for/start up another thread?
 

rubysmama

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Hmmm... I've never tried Q-tips with Ruby. Bet she'd like them though. :winkcat:

About nail trimming, you can certainly ask your question here. However, posting a new subject specific thread in the Grooming & General Cat Care forum will likely get different people reading and replying than this thread.

TCS also has this article that might be helpful: How To Best Take Care Of Cat Claws – Cat Articles
 
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