Help with kitten introductions :(

[Mewbril]

My resident cat is a female tabby. She was a stray rescue at 6/8 weeks of age. She has been very sweet and compliant and her only downside is that she sometimes bites when you cuddle her. She went into heat at about 6 months of age and we got her spayed a week later, so 11 days ago. She had been living in the living room mostly, but since of her spay we moved her litterbox, food, and some toys to our bedroom. She was extremely sweet since she got home and good and sleeping a lot, but mostly being calm and cuddly.
New cat is 4 month old Russian Blue mix. He was adopted from a shelter, and his story is that he was bottle-fed by humans since he was found abandoned in a building at 1 week of age. He is extremely sweet and playful, and purrs as soon as you pick him up, and is a shoulder kitty that fetches. The lady at the shelter hand picked him for us based on the personality description of resident cat, since we expressed how we wanted mostly a partner for her. He was already neutered. So new cat came to the house 7 days ago, on day 5 post-spay of resident cat. We set him up in the living room and placed a towel under the door so they would not be able to see each other. The first day went very smoothly, and she was extremely indifferent to the new prescence. He was very curious about hers, sniffing under the door at any given chance.
Fast forward to day 2. Logistical errors happened. The towel moved out of place and new cat made eye contact with resident cat. She hissed 3 times. Began hiding and sulking. Stopped eating. Pooped outside her box. He was unaffected. Gave her some space, but still to this day, tries to dash into the room as soon as he sees the chance. (He is VERY slippery.)
I was trying to get Feliway when my friend stopped me and gave me these natural calming drops (opti-balance) which I slipped in resident kitty's food. Immediate change. More relaxed demeanor. Less defensiveness. Eliminating in box again. Eating again. Leaving the corner she was hiding at. I only gave her 2 drops since her stools got a little runny.

2 days ago we began switching their rooms for a few hours during the day. She is uncomfortable and I have to heavily coax her with treats and play time, but it is very time consuming since I have to go above and beyond to keep her engaged. The boy is fine wherever we put him.
I have also tried the sock thing and she just attacks the sock at the first hint of his scent. Like, kicking and everything. Obviously, that makes if very difficult. She is just not taking it well, and I think maybe the hormonal imbalance from the spay may be affecting her.

Is there any way to speed up this process? Temperatures are getting chilly and the bedroom has no heat. Also, I need to go back to work next week. Husband and I have been taking turns sleeping with each cat in a different room at night. I just want all of us to be together. My heart breaks every time I have to leave one of them alone to spend time with the other.
He is also a very sweet boy and I would absolutely hate to have to rehome of him.

 

[She's a witch]

Nothing bad is happening and there’s no reason to mention rehoming him at all - everything what’s happening is to be expected and everything will be ok and most likely, they will get on great when they get accustomed to each other. Your girl is simply a bit stressed as she doesn’t really understand what’s happening, she forgot how to be around other cats, but as soon she she will be remembered, she will be thrilled to have a play buddy. But right now, she’s a little afraid. Do you feed them both by the door? One on one side, the other in the other side, possibly even without the towel, so that they associate good thing about each other’s presence.
Try not to stress around them as these little creatures know exactly when humans stress and can pick it up thinking there’s a reason to be stressed, whereas in reality there isn’t at this point.
Technically, you could speed the process up by letting them be together now. Few people would recommend it at this point, but in my opinion it can be risked as they are kittens after all. There will be lots of hissing, growling, lots of questions if they fight or play but eventually, the more they are with each other, the faster they get to know each other and be buddies.

 

[jefferd18]

I think you are perhaps trying too hard and it will just take more time. He is a playful teen right now and she is an adult who wants to cuddle and relax. She may never particularly care for him and that's alright. I wouldn't push her right now to change rooms, too much change at one time can contribute to her already existing anxiety. She also could still be in pain from the surgery so an active kitten is the last thing she wants around her.


When I introduced my female feral this summer to my already established feline family there was enough hissing going around to fill three houses. In fact the newcomer had to sock a few just to let them know who was top cat. It has all calmed down since then and everyone has adapted.

 

[susanm9006]

Don’t give up! It can unfortunately take longer than a week but you have two very young cats and usually they adapt quickly. I wouldn’t feel like you need to entertain her while doing the room swapping. In fact time for her to be in there alone to sniff all of his spaces might speed things along. I would also try putting the two together where they can safely see one another. Tall Baby gates on one room or if you have to the newcomer in his carrier.

And I would not get concerned about some hissing. That is a natural reaction and going to occur.

 

[Mewbril]

Do you feed them both by the door? One on one side, the other in the other side, possibly even without the towel, so that they associate good thing about each other’s presence.

I have tried this. She refuses to eat and will only do it after he is gone.
She is not a particularly food-motivated cat. Never has been. She is very picky, too.
She has always been more play-motivated, if that's even a thing. But ever since her spay she hasn't been much into that either.

 

[Mewbril]

She's been mOoDy. She threw a fit because her toy went under our roommate's door. She threw another fit after she came back from the room swap the first day. This morning, she threw another fit because her dry food ran out *gasp* two whole hours before her breakfast feeding time.
This has been very unlike her, which is why I am attributing it to the spay. Reminds me of a pmsing girlfriend. (It is quite hilarious, actually.)

 

[ArtNJ]

Two cats under a year almost always end up friends. Its not quite the guaranty of 2 true kittens, but its pretty close. A slow introduction process might just drag out the adjustment. It might make sense to just let them work it out on their own. However, since she is reacting with more stress than normal, I'd probably continue the process for 1-2 weeks provided you can stop the door darting. Try stomping your feet to get him to back off.

 

[She's a witch]

I have tried this. She refuses to eat and will only do it after he is gone.
She is not a particularly food-motivated cat. Never has been. She is very picky, too.
She has always been more play-motivated, if that's even a thing. But ever since her spay she hasn't been much into that either.

Then try to play with her by his door. If she doesn’t want to, play with him under the door, so that she can see his paws. Few kittens can resist other kitten’s paws so hopefully she’ll see he can be fun as well. Be as serene as possible so that she sees you’re in a good spirit.
My cat is play motivated, it’s certainly a thing. That can actually help once she’ll start considering new kitten as a greatest toy ever.

 

[Mewbril]

Update: I tired playing with them under the door, and what I got was a bunch of swatting and hissing from the resident cat towards the new cat. He takes it for a bit but then he gets over it and walks away. I also switched their locations because she is getting better from her spay and is going a bit crazy in the room. He is very playful but will sleep through the whole night, since he is used to being in a cage all day from his shelter days. Anyway, none of this helped the door dashing from either side (I even tried baby gates, they literally just jump or climb them.) So yesterday when new cat came out into the living room and made full visual contact I just let it happen. They stared at each other for a while and kind of stalked each other and she hissed every 5 minutes or so. Then, it escalated to swatting, mostly from her to him. Finally, she cornered him and began swatting more aggressively and that is when I broke it up. I took him back to the room. This went on for 2-3 hours.
Oh, she also snuck into the room at some point later in the night and continued the harassing and swatting for about 10 minutes until again she cornered him and I broke it up. Poor boy was so stressed he wouldn't even let me touch him until this morning.
He is so gentle because he thinks she is playing at first so he wants to play back but then she just escalates it and it's just really sad to watch. Also, they are both about the same size even though he is younger by 2 months, but he grows more and more every day. I am pretty sure he will be bigger than her not too long from now..

 

[She's a witch]

She probably wants to play at some level, but she’s also confused and a bit scared and simply doesn’t remember how to play. She needs to get accustomed to him more. If containing them is so difficult, you can have them both in the same room and each of you would occupy one kitten. If she wouldn’t want to play and just watch the other cat, that’s ok. The more they know each other and each other’s smells, the quicker they start to cohabitate and play.
Swatting, hissing, growling is not that bad, really. I nicknamed my most recent kitten “a terrorist” when I was introducing another kitten to her.. They were play buddies after few days. So it’s still ok even if for us humans it looks dramatic.
Next time when they interact, maybe you can make a video and post it here? It will help to see their body language.

 

[Mewbril]

Thank you! Today there has been very little to nearly no hissing. Just lots of chasing! They are taking turns and ears are forward which seems to me like a good sign. Sometimes there will be a hiss or two but nothing nearly as crazy or stressful as before. They are still very wary of each other, though. They wont let each other nap in peace near each other's proximity, for example. I am hoping this will change within the next few days, as the progress seems to be moving fast, in my opinion.
Here is another question:
New cat is a climber. A shoulder cat. He just loves to be up high. Resident cat enjoys climbing too, but she is more of a medium height to floor person. She doesnt really enjoy being picked up or put on shoulders and has never tried to get on the highest counters. But she does enjoy sitting in the highest perch of the cat tree. That said, new cat seems to be fighting her off of the higher perches in the house. All of them, really. (Theres plenty of spots.) Should I intervene here? Is this a dominance thing? Resident cat doesnt seem to like it at all, and we did want her to keep her position as the alpha. Should I just let them work it out?

Also, I took many videos but it wont let me attach them. I will post them as soon as I figure out how.

 

[susanm9006]

I would not intervene. I don’t think it is about dominance, just usual playful kitten behavior. At this point just let them work it out. And be aware that kitten play can include screams, hisses and yells and at times they may look like they are trying to kill one another. It’s all fun to them but if it gets too loud or scary for you, you can distract them with food or toys.

 

[She's a witch]

All sounds good and normal. If you’re still keeping them separated, I’d stop that, the more they are around each other, the quicker they learn how to relax in each other’s company. And another vote for not intervening, im a strong believer that cats, especially kittens, are better at managing their relationship issues than when people start to do this for them. And I agree It’s unlikely it’s a dominance thing at this point, but you need to be aware that you’ll have little say on which cat (if any) would be dominant. And If I were you, I’d get another high cat tower so that both kittens have a high space to lounge.

 

[Mewbril]

Thank you so much everyone that replied! It took a lot of breathing through it and distracting myself with other things but I finally let them just work it out and finally last night we were all able to sleep in the same room! And this morning they were grooming each other! (Kind of..)

 

[Mewbril]

Since I cant figure out how to attach the video still, here are some pictures of them being adorable. Bonny, the resident cat, is the striped one. Lestat is the all-grey new cat. They still chase each other and sometimes bicker, but I do feel like these past few days of just letting them be has greatly helped. Here are a few things I have noticed within the past 24 hours:
- Bonny would rarely drink water. When she did, it was strictly from her glass bowl. (Or our human water cups. ) We tried teaching her with all the tricks possible, and clearly it did not work. Anyway, she watched Lestat drink from his ceramic bowl once (he drinks A LOT of water) and now she is also doing it all the time! Just a few hours ago I sneaked a peek into the room and they were adorably taking turns.
- They are now eating each other's food? Bonny has tried nearly every flavor of kitten food available, but she would only actually eat the diced kind. Lestat has a weaker stomach, and I was feeding him chicken pate that he was used to from the shelter. Well, now, they won't eat their own food and will only eat each other's, specifically when the other one is not watching. Go figure.
- Bonny was grooming Lestat this morning. She started licking his ear, then his face, then his paws, until he got upset and bit her and it all devolved into a fight. (Or play time in cat terms?)
- Lestat is now chirping. Bonny very rarely meows and is just not a very vocal cat. The complete opposite of Lestat, who will meow as soon as you leave the room and for any reason really. Bonny has been very vocal with her chases, with her signature chirp ("prrrroooo" or "prrrreaow"). Lestat woke me up yesterday morning with the same chirp and is now using it ocassionally.

 

[susanm9006]

Thank you so much everyone that replied! It took a lot of breathing through it and distracting myself with other things but I finally let them just work it out and finally last night we were all able to sleep in the same room! And this morning they were grooming each other! (Kind of..)

Wonderful. Yes, with kittens grooming usually turns into wrestling. Or lick, lick, bite neck. But it’s all in fun and nobody gets hurt. And, when you name a kitten named after a vampire, there may be lots of neck biting.

 

[Mewbril]

(Sorry for the separate posts, I keep pressing post reply without meaning to!)
Overall, I'd say this introduction has been a success! Now the biggest challenge of all would be to leave them alone on their own. I'll probably start with a few short trips to do laundry or something and then decide from there if they can handle a full workday.

 

[Mewbril]

Here are some more pictures of them together. They are definitely 100% friends now!