Help! Our Recently Adopted Cat Is Aggressive

[k0shka]

Hello,

This is my first posting here. I adopted a 7 1/2 year old cat named Boris approximately three weeks ago. He lives in an apartment with my husband and I at the university that we attend. He was aggressive the first day we got him (understandably) but now three weeks later he is still a “mean” cat.

Here is a quick overview of the troubling behaviors: Boris hates to be picked up or petted for too long. He will bite and scratch and go ballistic if he is not in a quiet room where he is secluded. He won’t play with any toys with the exception of a piece of yarn once in a blue moon. He acts like the world is out to get him and is a VERY anxious cat. He is deathly afraid of any TV, any loud noise, and anything that creates a moving shadow at night. He will not sit directly in any persons’ lap, with the exception of my husband, sometimes.

Some things that we have learned that Boris likes: He has a favorite spot to sit on the corner of our bed, he LOVES the car, he loves milk flavored treats, he will only purr when my husband and I go to sleep at night and he lays next to us. Also, we recently got him a pheromone collar that seems to help a little.

Boris is an only cat except for when we take him to our family’s house where two other cats live. However, we keep him separated because he is a ball of anxiety unless he is in a quiet room by himself. We adopted him from a humane society that had him in a “cat sanctuary” and foster homes. We are unsure of what to do for him and we would love for him to become a cuddlier, more trusting cat instead of the aggressive, untouchable cat that he is acting like. My family has been pressuring me to take him back because of his bad behavior. I love Boris so much and I hate the thought of taking him back even in-spite of the difficulties.

Any advice as to what we can do to make Boris more at peace is greatly appreciated! Thank you to anyone who has input on our situation.

 

[neely]

Welcome to TCS! Thank you for adopting a cat from the Humane Society and giving him a new home. Since you have only had Boris for three weeks and he has been in various foster homes it may take awhile for him to come out of his shell. I would not recommend taking him out of the house so soon to your family's house especially considering they have two other cats regardless if he is in a separate room. He needs to slowly become acclimated to your house.

There are several Articles that may be helpful to you and answer some of your concerns about Boris. The first discusses getting a cat to like you:
14 Cat Experts Reveal: How To Get A Cat To Like Me
Next is about petting a cat - when to stop petting a cat and what if the cat does not like to be petted:
Do Cats Like To Be Petted?
And the last discusses some of the things you do that your cat may dislike particularly being picked up:
Your Cat Probably Hates It When You...

I can't stress enough trying to be patient and give Boris time. He has probably been through a lot in the past 7 1/2 years of his life. You have taken the right step in adopting him and he will interact with you more when he knows he can trust you and feels comfortable. I am thankful you love him and already feel attached to him. I have a good feeling things will work out well for both of you. Best of luck!

 

[FeebysOwner]

Hi. I agree with neely . 3 Weeks is a very short period of time for Boris to truly adapt. There is no way to know what his past has been like, so that may affect how long it will take him to realize you and your husband are there for him all the way. Actually, it sounds like is adapting fairly well for the short time frame!!

Ditto about NOT taking him to another location at this time. Let him get used to where he at and the two of you first. I would imagine eventually you could take him to your family's place with the two cats, but it would seem to me to be quite a long way down the road for him.

 

[Kflowers]

Its wonderful that he's letting you hold him after just three weeks.

I know you're hurt that he struggles and tries to get away after a very short cuddle, but consider it from his previous experiences. No one knows what happened to him when he was picked up before, except that he ended up in the shelter.

I'm afraid that the amount of anxiety he showed means he had some rather frightening and unpleasant experiences, probably with people. Letting you hold and pet him at all means he REALLY likes you. He's doing his best, but is still on high alert from his past. He's been fighting for enough to eat and perhaps for his life. That's why it will take time, weeks maybe a couple of months. Just remember, he really really likes you.

Be sure he has a few places to hide in the apartment. Let his socialization be with the two of you for awhile. Once he clearly feels very secure invite one person at a time to visit you. Hold off on animals for awhile after that. (Remember he may have had to fight for food. The sensations are different when you know you will die if you don't succeed in getting the food. It takes longer to over come than just not like the cats/people around you.)

 

[BlueJay]

I know, 3 weeks feels like a long time. You have had enough time to know you love the cat, so your cat should love you by now too, right? apparently not. Hang in there!

 

[Willowy]

Have you ever lived with a cat before?

Don't take him visiting. Cats hate that (oh, I'm sure there's one cat out there who enjoys it but it's not something cats enjoy in general).

Does he outright attack people, or does he bite and scratch to get away when someone tries to hold him down? Those are very different things so the advice will be different for each situation.

What's involved with him "going ballistic"?

I don't think he sounds badly behaved or aggressive at all. Poor guy seems terrified.

 

[GreyLady]

Hello

Well, I definately second everyone's advice not to go visiting with your cat. Cats just aren't like dogs and do not like to go visiting, in general. Especially since he's new to you, he needs time to feel secure and like when he leaves the house he knows he will probably come back.

Also, not every cat is a lap cat and every cat has a different amount that they like to be pet. Some cats like it a lot and have no limit, some will eventually walk or turn away, others will scratch you if you don't notice they are done by their body language. Usually they start looking annoyed and flicking their tails before they lash out.

I would try to give him space, give him a few hidey-hole type spots, let him get used to your place without taking him anywhere. Let him approach you while you are building your relationship, unless he looks sleepy (cats usually like being pet in a sleepy mood) or you just gave him treats. Dont pick him up. I know it's hard but if you don't he will trust you a lot more, worry less when you come near him with your hands. Later, you can slowly work on desensitizing him to it if you need to so you can get him in a carrier or pick him up in an emergency or if he's getting into something. Giving him time and space and respecting his wish to not be picked up will get you far, I think.

Also, it's normal for a cat to "go ballistic" when he is exposed to strange cats in a strange place. Cats aren't like dogs they need careful introductions to "bond" to other cats and not freak out when they see them

 

[Jeffsmith]

I applaud you for adopting your Cat

I can imagine how frustrating it can be but don't worry because there are better days ahead!

You just gotta be patient and show your little furball love and affection because that's what he needs at the moment

It will take time for him to reciprocate because it seems like he's gone through a lot!

Keep showing him love and affection but don't go overboard if that makes sense

I would recommend checking out this guide called The language Bible

You can find out more here >> What Is Cat Language Bible? - Does It Really Work?

Hope this helps!

All the best

PS - Patience is key here as everyone has mentioned

 

[Saber_Wing]

Some cats take longer than others to adjust, so he probably just needs time and patience. I adopted a cat who was very aggressive and distrustful - he was partially feral, and lived on the street most of his life. He took months to truly warm up, but once he understood this was his life now, and that I wasn't going to hurt him, he was fine. He's still not fond of being touched certain places, and he loves me best, but he's a sweetheart. I couldn't imagine life without him. Once you learn all his quirks, I'm sure that'll help too.

Also, definitely don't take him on frequent trips outside the house. It causes cats a lot of anxiety, and it'll pretty much take you back to square one every time you do it, particularly since he hasn't had time to adjust.

 

[ArtNJ]

This sounds like either your first cat, or your first adoption of an adult cat, since your expectations were a little off. Understandable, and absolutely no harm done. In fact, fortunately, it sounds quite possible you actually got lucky with a cat that is on the way to bonding with you deeply.

There are some things you should understand:

(1) as you have been told, stop taking the cat on trips. That causes even adjusted cats stress;

(2) let the cat be the boss of the relationship at first. Don't pick up, put in a lap, restrain or even pet the cat if it doesn't want it. Do what the cat likes/wants. Often one can initially only pet a cat when sleepy or in a certain spot. You can generally use toys to play right away; and

(3) be patient. If you need to spend a few weeks using your phone near the cat so that he gets used to you, so what?

This is going to go well for you. Just be patient.

If you implement these tips and you are being spontaneously attacked, come back to us and tell us about it. There *are* aggressive cats that need special care to socialize. From your post though, it doesn't especially sound like that is the issue.

 

[Elphaba09]

Thank you for adopting an older cat! They so often get looked over. We have nine cats in total and have fostered a lot. Two of our current cats were over the age of 8 when we found them.

Do you know your cat's history prior to being at the Humane Society? That could have a lot to do with it. Did you know that cats can suffer PTSD? Some of the behaviors you are describing sound normal for a new, stressed out cat; however, at least to me, it sounds like there was something in Boris's life before he came to you that has scarred him deeply. It may also be that he began life as a feral and never really adjusted. To me, that does not seem like the case, given the information. (There is something about his behavior that makes me feel as if he was a neglected "basement cat" or from a hoarding situation. That is just my opinion, though.)

Why is your family pressuring you to give up Boris? If you love him and there is no danger, you should try to win his love and trust. The collar is a good start. You can also get some spray. (I keep a few different kinds on hand since my cats react differently to them.)

What does the vet say? What toys have you given him?

Slowly get him used to sound so that he knows he is safe. Also, as everyone else has stated, stop taking him places, especially where there are cats he does not know. Cats do not normally instantly like other cats, and considering Boris's behavior at home, he is too stressed to be around other cats, unfamiliar people, and unfamiliar places. He needs to know his own space is safe and permanent.

Also, as others have said, do not pick him up. Some cats do not like it. Of my nine, one likes to be picked up and held. Two others do not mind it, but they do not tolerate it for long. The rest get upset, so I only do it when I have to.

I know it may not seem like it, but there are some great things going on and, with the right approach, Boris will be a happy cat.

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