Welcome to The Cat Site
your cat community
Interact with our community

Help And Advice, Please

Vicky1977

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Sep 26, 2019
Messages
4
Reaction score
4
Hello, I'm new here! Here is my situation.
I have a 14 year old female cat, spayed, her name is Gracie. I've had her since she was about 10 months old.
I have a 3 year old male cat, neutered, named Milo. I've had him since he was weaned from mom.
Gracie is an indoor/outdoor cat. Milo is entirely indoor (with monitored time outdoors).
Milo has been tormenting Gracie from the beginning. Chasing her, jumping on her, stalking her, pinning her to the ground, you name it. Gracie is a tough cookie and she growls, hisses, yowls, swats him, and runs when she can.
We have never been able to make these two get along. Very, very rarely, they will be in the same area and not fight. We've spent three years trying everything we can think of.
Gracie's health has started to decline in her old age. She's still a very tough girl and loves being outside and roaming the backyard, even still catches occasional mice. However, anytime she comes in the house, Milo is a constant thorn in her side, and she is constantly on edge, grumpy, and stressed. There is no feasible way to keep them separated all the time with the way our home is set up.
I cannot rehome Gracie because no one will take her. She's too old, and she's very shy with strange people, and doesn't like other cats (as we can tell). She's gotten to a point where she's refusing to use her litter box because Milo will invade it and poop/pee in it. So sometimes she'll poop on the floor, which of course is a problem.
I don't know what to do at this point. Beyond dropping her at a shelter, which seems as good as a death sentence due to her age, which I do not want to do!! My only other idea is to make as comfortable a space on our back porch for her, and keep her outside. Again, I don't want to do this, with winter coming, and she deserves better for her golden years. I've contacted some local no-kill shelters to see if there's room for her. I just don't know what else to do.
Milo is my son's cat, so we can't get rid of him, as that would break my son's heart.

Any advice is appreciated.
 

GoldyCat

Moderator
Staff Member
Moderator
Joined
Jul 31, 2008
Messages
12,547
Reaction score
1,775
Location
Arizona
Do you have a friend who could take Milo as a foster, and your son could visit him frequently?

Can your son's room be closed off so Milo could be kept in there--with food, water, and litter box--whenever Gracie is in the house?
 

ArchyCat

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Nov 22, 2017
Messages
1,012
Reaction score
1,446
Location
Texas
Use two, if not three litter boxes. That might help Gracie.
If they are cleaned at the same time, Milo won't be able to get first shot at all three boxes. More work, but it might make life a little easier for Gracie. Good luck!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #4

Vicky1977

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Sep 26, 2019
Messages
4
Reaction score
4
Do you have a friend who could take Milo as a foster, and your son could visit him frequently?

Can your son's room be closed off so Milo could be kept in there--with food, water, and litter box--whenever Gracie is in the house?
Hi Goldy, thanks for your reply!

No, sadly, we don't have any friends or relatives who could take Milo.

We tried that before, and though Milo's food and litter box are already in my son's bedroom, the rest of the people in the house never remember to keep the right doors open/shut so we still have Milo chasing Gracie and then people scrambling to break up their spats or try to "herd" them back to their places. Like I said, we tried everything we could think of for the past 3 years, including every manner of trying to keep them apart, in separate areas of the house, etc. There's always someone who forgets to shut a door and then we hear yowling and hissing and someone has to get up and run to the fray lol. It's tiring on all of us, including the poor cats.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5

Vicky1977

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Sep 26, 2019
Messages
4
Reaction score
4
Use two, if not three litter boxes. That might help Gracie.
If they are cleaned at the same time, Milo won't be able to get first shot at all three boxes. More work, but it might make life a little easier for Gracie. Good luck!
Hi Archy, thanks for your reply!
We had three litter boxes at one point (1 for Milo, 2 for Gracie in 2 areas of the house. Milo immediately commandeered the one that wasn't closed off and started using it. He is also a master of DASHING whenever a door is left open or even if you don't close it fast enough, and he found a way to get to her other box and use it and she refused to touch it after that and started going on the floor :(
 

FeebysOwner

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jun 13, 2018
Messages
7,271
Reaction score
9,068
Location
Central FL (Born in OH)
After 3 years, Milo has pretty much established a pattern that is going to be hard to break. But, sending Gracie to a shelter is almost a guaranteed death sentence. You could try to reach out through sites like Next Door Neighbor/Facebook, etc. to see if you could find a home for Gracie where someone would like to dedicate time to her in her twilight years.

First of all, they should not be allowed to be in the same room whenever no one is home.
Secondly, you need to impress upon the others in the house how important it is to abide to rules about doors and whatnot, to enable Gracie to have some space and not be attacked all the time. Why not close every door, and then it has to be opened for someone to go there? That ought to set their brains in motion - oh, yeah, I found it closed, so maybe it needs to be/stay closed. Or, put signs up by the doors to remind them of what you've already told them to do? Same thing with door dashing, if the house members actually want to avoid that, they can learn to do so.
Thirdly, Milo should be picked up EACH AND EVERY TIME he attacks Gracie and given a hiss or a firm no and then put in a room by himself for a few minutes. This would have to repeated each and every time he attacks in order for him to start learning you mean business about him stopping the attacks on Gracie. It also lets Gracie know that someone 'has her back'.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8

Vicky1977

TCS Member
Thread starter
Kitten
Joined
Sep 26, 2019
Messages
4
Reaction score
4

Meowmee

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
May 2, 2018
Messages
196
Reaction score
197
You need to separate them completely, just find a way to do it. Gracie is your first cat and should never be abandoned or dumped at a shelter. I had a somewhat similar issue with my beloved Sybil and Quinn jumping on her. I kept them separated when we were not home and most of the time when we were the last year or so. he stayed in my bedroom. Nothing worked so separation was the only way to keep Sybil’s stress at a minimum when when she became ill. It is one of my biggest regrets that I caused her so much distress.

I wish I had picked a different kitten or asked for an exchange when it started because I feel terrible for the stress it caused my girl. I kept thinking he would stop because he was a kitten, but it never did. I love Quinn of course but there is no way ever I would have picked him had I known what the situation would be. I prolly would have let her be an only cat, but my health was failing at the time after my Wizarduni’s passing.

I want to add here that Sybil had a peeing problem her entire life and yes it was hard but I would NEVER have abandoned her, even when the woman who ran the rescue I adopted her from offered to take her back when I asked for help with the peeing situation, it was part territorial, part behavioral / nerves I said NO, because she was our cat and with us a year already. Really she was my father’s special cat, he was her person, she slept with him and gave him so much love. But she was my cat also, I was the one who fed and cared for her, played with her, took her for bike rides, and drove her to a gazillion dvm with her numerous health issues throughout her life. And she gave me so much love. I cherish every moment she was here, running around in the snow, playing outside and loving me and my family, and I miss her terribly.

Other options are, medications for him, a companion for him, spray bottle and firm training for him including scruffing and pulling him off her etc. but really total separation is necessary for her sake. I mention spray bottle because that works for stopping Quinn biting me most of the time now, but it did not work as well for him jumping on poor Sybil. Another companion may be the best, but I would still separate.
 
Last edited:
Top