Help/Advice for introductions

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Graham18

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I did my best to keep things positive tonight but possibly failed a bit at that, or at least hopefully ended things positive.

The face to face time started as usual with Fluffy eating and Sapphire eating slower up on her cat tree. After Fluffy was done he laid on the ground a few feet from the cat tree and watched Sapphire eat and if he started to look like he wanted to go to her I would throw a treat and he would either come back and lay down or just lay down in the dining room. When she was done, sapphire came down to the ground so I gave them some treats together, keeping them a few feet apart. When Sapphire would hiss or growl, I would throw a treat for Fluffy.

Now the next part is a bit foggy and I'm not exactly sure how it initiated. Fluffy was walking back towards me (and the treat bag) and suddenly there was hissing, growling, and the sound of little claws trying to run on the flooring. Sapphire ran towards the stairs and slid into the wall before running upstairs while hissing and growling. Fluffy was also trying to chase after her but I grabbed him so he couldn't and then redirected him to the kitchen. I don't know who started it as the whole thing happened in less than five seconds. I don't recall seeing Fluffy lunge at her first, which makes me think that Sapphire got scared, hissed, growled and tried to run away which got Fluffy excited and made him try and chase her.

Upstairs, sapphire was peaking out from behind her door when I went to check on her. I stayed with Fluffy downstairs for a few minutes and a few minutes later Sapphire was in her bed on top of the dresser. I allowed Fluffy to come sit beside me in the hall upstairs so Sapphire could see he was being good. I also threw a few treats into her room and she happily came down and ate them and came for one that was only a few feet from the door way where I was with Fluffy and sat there. Once she started to growl I threw another treat down the stairs to direct Fluffy and that was it.

Not as positive as I would have hoped but I hope it at least ended on a slightly positive note.

I apologize if I do sound a bit frantic at times, even when things seem to be going well. I sometimes just start to feel hopeless with the introduction. I get so worried every day that after ten months if Sapphire still isn't accepting, will she ever be okay with him or will they ever be able to coexist in peace. I do apologize.
 
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calicosrspecial

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I did my best to keep things positive tonight but possibly failed a bit at that, or at least hopefully ended things positive.

The face to face time started as usual with Fluffy eating and Sapphire eating slower up on her cat tree. After Fluffy was done he laid on the ground a few feet from the cat tree and watched Sapphire eat and if he started to look like he wanted to go to her I would throw a treat and he would either come back and lay down or just lay down in the dining room. When she was done, sapphire came down to the ground so I gave them some treats together, keeping them a few feet apart. When Sapphire would hiss or growl, I would throw a treat for Fluffy.

Now the next part is a bit foggy and I'm not exactly sure how it initiated. Fluffy was walking back towards me (and the treat bag) and suddenly there was hissing, growling, and the sound of little claws trying to run on the flooring. Sapphire ran towards the stairs and slid into the wall before running upstairs while hissing and growling. Fluffy was also trying to chase after her but I grabbed him so he couldn't and then redirected him to the kitchen. I don't know who started it as the whole thing happened in less than five seconds. I don't recall seeing Fluffy lunge at her first, which makes me think that Sapphire got scared, hissed, growled and tried to run away which got Fluffy excited and made him try and chase her.

Upstairs, sapphire was peaking out from behind her door when I went to check on her. I stayed with Fluffy downstairs for a few minutes and a few minutes later Sapphire was in her bed on top of the dresser. I allowed Fluffy to come sit beside me in the hall upstairs so Sapphire could see he was being good. I also threw a few treats into her room and she happily came down and ate them and came for one that was only a few feet from the door way where I was with Fluffy and sat there. Once she started to growl I threw another treat down the stairs to direct Fluffy and that was it.

Not as positive as I would have hoped but I hope it at least ended on a slightly positive note.

I apologize if I do sound a bit frantic at times, even when things seem to be going well. I sometimes just start to feel hopeless with the introduction. I get so worried every day that after ten months if Sapphire still isn't accepting, will she ever be okay with him or will they ever be able to coexist in peace. I do apologize.
"I did my best to keep things positive tonight but possibly failed a bit at that, or at least hopefully ended things positive." - Ok, let's see

"The face to face time started as usual with Fluffy eating and Sapphire eating slower up on her cat tree. After Fluffy was done he laid on the ground a few feet from the cat tree and watched Sapphire eat' - GREAT

" and if he started to look like he wanted to go to her I would throw a treat and he would either come back and lay down or just lay down in the dining room. " - Ok. I am thinking maybe we want to try to keep him a bit more quiet so instead of throwing a treat, just give it to him next to you. Keep him calm, not moving. Part of me wants Sapphire to see him moving and realize he is not a threat BUT part of me worries that that energy might cause her energy and might encourage her to bolt upstairs.

"When she was done, sapphire came down to the ground so I gave them some treats together, keeping them a few feet apart. When Sapphire would hiss or growl, I would throw a treat for Fluffy." - GREAT!!!! How did she do when you threw the treat for him? Her body language?

"Now the next part is a bit foggy and I'm not exactly sure how it initiated." - Ok

" Fluffy was walking back towards me (and the treat bag) and suddenly there was hissing, growling, and the sound of little claws trying to run on the flooring. Sapphire ran towards the stairs and slid into the wall before running upstairs while hissing and growling. " - Hmmmmm, ok. Any noise outside or anything?

"Fluffy was also trying to chase after her but I grabbed him so he couldn't and then redirected him to the kitchen." - Ok, good job stopping him . Just make sure you are safe.

" I don't know who started it as the whole thing happened in less than five seconds. I don't recall seeing Fluffy lunge at her first, which makes me think that Sapphire got scared, hissed, growled and tried to run away which got Fluffy excited and made him try and chase her." - Ok, yes, hard to know. Hmmmmmm, I would guess she just got nervous but maybe he did something (play). And of course, when an animal acts like prey it will cause a chase (or attempt). Doesn't sound bad though at least at this point. How she acts after is important.

"Upstairs, sapphire was peaking out from behind her door when I went to check on her." - Ok not surprising but if the fear isn't realized then it could actually be a positive.

" I stayed with Fluffy downstairs for a few minutes and a few minutes later Sapphire was in her bed on top of the dresser." - Ok, GREAT!!!!

" I allowed Fluffy to come sit beside me in the hall upstairs so Sapphire could see he was being good." - Good job since she seems to have gotten over it quickly.

" I also threw a few treats into her room and she happily came down and ate them and came for one that was only a few feet from the door way where I was with Fluffy and sat there.' - WOW!!! Yep, that turned out to be a positive. She is telling us she was fine with everything. It was not a big deal. GREAT you stopped him from chasing her.

"Once she started to growl I threw another treat down the stairs to direct Fluffy and that was it." - Perfect

"Not as positive as I would have hoped but I hope it at least ended on a slightly positive note." - Actually I would say that was positive. BECAUSE her fear was not realized AND she rebounded to normal quickly AND she then went close for treats and nothing bad happened. I think that is a trust building encounter so positive.

"I apologize if I do sound a bit frantic at times, even when things seem to be going well." - Well, I actually didn't sense you were "frantic". I thought you wrote it pretty neutral which I think is great. So no need to apologize either way.

" I sometimes just start to feel hopeless with the introduction. " - Understandable. This last bit is frustrating. :/

"I get so worried every day that after ten months if Sapphire still isn't accepting, will she ever be okay with him or will they ever be able to coexist in peace. " - Understandable. About 2 months ago I really thought they were going to be friends. I am less convinced of that now :/ BUT I am absolutely confident they will be able to live in peace and co-exist. He doesn't want to kill her, he just wants to play. She wants to be mostly left alone though I am not totally convinced of that (if that was the case she wouldn't be coming down, eating treats near him, etc). But let's see. Let's keep doing what we are doing and at some point give more leeway and see. Fluffy will at some point realize she isn't that interested in play and if he let's her be she will come around.

Hang in there.

"I do apologize. " - No need to apologize, I know how hard it is, frustrating. You want what is best for them, for them to be safe, happy, etc. And seeing some negatives (though nothing really material) is hard. But we are going to get there. I don't know when (it could be in 2 weeks it could be in 3 months. It all depends on Sapphire. I do think we need to give a bit more tough love, not baby her too much (protect her). She needs to stand up and that will be the turning point. So keep building her confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love and those positive associations and positive encounters.

We will get there.
 
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Graham18

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"I did my best to keep things positive tonight but possibly failed a bit at that, or at least hopefully ended things positive." - Ok, let's see

"The face to face time started as usual with Fluffy eating and Sapphire eating slower up on her cat tree. After Fluffy was done he laid on the ground a few feet from the cat tree and watched Sapphire eat' - GREAT

" and if he started to look like he wanted to go to her I would throw a treat and he would either come back and lay down or just lay down in the dining room. " - Ok. I am thinking maybe we want to try to keep him a bit more quiet so instead of throwing a treat, just give it to him next to you. Keep him calm, not moving. Part of me wants Sapphire to see him moving and realize he is not a threat BUT part of me worries that that energy might cause her energy and might encourage her to bolt upstairs.

"When she was done, sapphire came down to the ground so I gave them some treats together, keeping them a few feet apart. When Sapphire would hiss or growl, I would throw a treat for Fluffy." - GREAT!!!! How did she do when you threw the treat for him? Her body language?

"Now the next part is a bit foggy and I'm not exactly sure how it initiated." - Ok

" Fluffy was walking back towards me (and the treat bag) and suddenly there was hissing, growling, and the sound of little claws trying to run on the flooring. Sapphire ran towards the stairs and slid into the wall before running upstairs while hissing and growling. " - Hmmmmm, ok. Any noise outside or anything?

"Fluffy was also trying to chase after her but I grabbed him so he couldn't and then redirected him to the kitchen." - Ok, good job stopping him . Just make sure you are safe.

" I don't know who started it as the whole thing happened in less than five seconds. I don't recall seeing Fluffy lunge at her first, which makes me think that Sapphire got scared, hissed, growled and tried to run away which got Fluffy excited and made him try and chase her." - Ok, yes, hard to know. Hmmmmmm, I would guess she just got nervous but maybe he did something (play). And of course, when an animal acts like prey it will cause a chase (or attempt). Doesn't sound bad though at least at this point. How she acts after is important.

"Upstairs, sapphire was peaking out from behind her door when I went to check on her." - Ok not surprising but if the fear isn't realized then it could actually be a positive.

" I stayed with Fluffy downstairs for a few minutes and a few minutes later Sapphire was in her bed on top of the dresser." - Ok, GREAT!!!!

" I allowed Fluffy to come sit beside me in the hall upstairs so Sapphire could see he was being good." - Good job since she seems to have gotten over it quickly.

" I also threw a few treats into her room and she happily came down and ate them and came for one that was only a few feet from the door way where I was with Fluffy and sat there.' - WOW!!! Yep, that turned out to be a positive. She is telling us she was fine with everything. It was not a big deal. GREAT you stopped him from chasing her.

"Once she started to growl I threw another treat down the stairs to direct Fluffy and that was it." - Perfect

"Not as positive as I would have hoped but I hope it at least ended on a slightly positive note." - Actually I would say that was positive. BECAUSE her fear was not realized AND she rebounded to normal quickly AND she then went close for treats and nothing bad happened. I think that is a trust building encounter so positive.

"I apologize if I do sound a bit frantic at times, even when things seem to be going well." - Well, I actually didn't sense you were "frantic". I thought you wrote it pretty neutral which I think is great. So no need to apologize either way.

" I sometimes just start to feel hopeless with the introduction. " - Understandable. This last bit is frustrating. :/

"I get so worried every day that after ten months if Sapphire still isn't accepting, will she ever be okay with him or will they ever be able to coexist in peace. " - Understandable. About 2 months ago I really thought they were going to be friends. I am less convinced of that now :/ BUT I am absolutely confident they will be able to live in peace and co-exist. He doesn't want to kill her, he just wants to play. She wants to be mostly left alone though I am not totally convinced of that (if that was the case she wouldn't be coming down, eating treats near him, etc). But let's see. Let's keep doing what we are doing and at some point give more leeway and see. Fluffy will at some point realize she isn't that interested in play and if he let's her be she will come around.

Hang in there.

"I do apologize. " - No need to apologize, I know how hard it is, frustrating. You want what is best for them, for them to be safe, happy, etc. And seeing some negatives (though nothing really material) is hard. But we are going to get there. I don't know when (it could be in 2 weeks it could be in 3 months. It all depends on Sapphire. I do think we need to give a bit more tough love, not baby her too much (protect her). She needs to stand up and that will be the turning point. So keep building her confidence through Play, Food, Height and Love and those positive associations and positive encounters.

We will get there.
I really wish I had actually seen whether she ran first or Fluffy tried to pounce on her. I'm still leaning towards her running first since Fluffy was coming to me and there was no indication he was at all interested in anything but treats (plus the fact that it seemed like sapphire got a head start as Fluffy was still trying to get a grip on the floor as she ran away). My guess is she just thought he was going to pounce on her. I will try and keep him a bit further away from her for the time being.

If peace is the best I can hope for I will take it haha. Although with how interested Sapphire does seem when Fluffy is behind a gate, I'm still hoping that peace will lead to somewhat of a friendship. Keeping my fingers crossed.
 

calicosrspecial

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I really wish I had actually seen whether she ran first or Fluffy tried to pounce on her. I'm still leaning towards her running first since Fluffy was coming to me and there was no indication he was at all interested in anything but treats (plus the fact that it seemed like sapphire got a head start as Fluffy was still trying to get a grip on the floor as she ran away). My guess is she just thought he was going to pounce on her. I will try and keep him a bit further away from her for the time being.

If peace is the best I can hope for I will take it haha. Although with how interested Sapphire does seem when Fluffy is behind a gate, I'm still hoping that peace will lead to somewhat of a friendship. Keeping my fingers crossed.
"I really wish I had actually seen whether she ran first or Fluffy tried to pounce on her." - Well, yes but I am not sure it is that important. IF Fluffy was going to pounce it would have been play BUT I suspect she got spooked and ran. No evidence but a feeling (I guess because she rebounded so quickly).

"I'm still leaning towards her running first since Fluffy was coming to me and there was no indication he was at all interested in anything but treats (plus the fact that it seemed like sapphire got a head start as Fluffy was still trying to get a grip on the floor as she ran away)." - Yes. makes sense

" My guess is she just thought he was going to pounce on her." - Yes, a bit of PTSD

" I will try and keep him a bit further away from her for the time being." - I don't think you have to. Just keep it positive at whatever distance.

"If peace is the best I can hope for I will take it haha. " - AGREED!! I think you are closer than you realize

"Although with how interested Sapphire does seem when Fluffy is behind a gate, I'm still hoping that peace will lead to somewhat of a friendship. " - That among other things is what is so confusing. It is like she kinda wants to but just can't get there (yet).

"Keeping my fingers crossed. " - Yes but as long as they are safe and happy that is what really matters. I am sure they will be fine (Fluffy is really terrific), I just don't know when. :/

You are really doing great. Just keep it up and get a bit more aloof if possible.
 
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Graham18

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"I really wish I had actually seen whether she ran first or Fluffy tried to pounce on her." - Well, yes but I am not sure it is that important. IF Fluffy was going to pounce it would have been play BUT I suspect she got spooked and ran. No evidence but a feeling (I guess because she rebounded so quickly).

"I'm still leaning towards her running first since Fluffy was coming to me and there was no indication he was at all interested in anything but treats (plus the fact that it seemed like sapphire got a head start as Fluffy was still trying to get a grip on the floor as she ran away)." - Yes. makes sense

" My guess is she just thought he was going to pounce on her." - Yes, a bit of PTSD

" I will try and keep him a bit further away from her for the time being." - I don't think you have to. Just keep it positive at whatever distance.

"If peace is the best I can hope for I will take it haha. " - AGREED!! I think you are closer than you realize

"Although with how interested Sapphire does seem when Fluffy is behind a gate, I'm still hoping that peace will lead to somewhat of a friendship. " - That among other things is what is so confusing. It is like she kinda wants to but just can't get there (yet).

"Keeping my fingers crossed. " - Yes but as long as they are safe and happy that is what really matters. I am sure they will be fine (Fluffy is really terrific), I just don't know when. :/

You are really doing great. Just keep it up and get a bit more aloof if possible.
They did much better tonight I think. Dinner time as normal and then Sapphire jumped down and sat at the base of the stairs. I gave them both some treats, but I didn't let Fluffy get too close since I didn't want a repeat of last night or of course the chase. Sapphire slowly moved up the stairs but didn't go all the way up, but rather sat a few stairs up watching Fluffy through the bannister. Fluffy was kind of all over the place, either laying down beside me, or trying to sneak passed me, but eventually I got him to lay down and just relax and let them watch eachother (Fluffy might be learning what "lay down" means or he just knows he'll get a small treat if he's good). If Fluffy started to get too excited I would either block his sight or distract him. Overall the Sapphire sat on the stairs watching for over five minutes. She finally ran upstairs when Fluffy jumped into the empty Christmas tree box and it made a loud sound.

I do really struggle with giving leeway and acting aloof, mainly because I'm a little unsure how to.

Here are pictures of Fluffy relaxing and of sapphire sitting on the stairs watching him.
20211213_204220.jpg


20211213_204224.jpg


20211213_204448.jpg
 
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calicosrspecial

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They did much better tonight I think. Dinner time as normal and then Sapphire jumped down and sat at the base of the stairs. I gave them both some treats, but I didn't let Fluffy get too close since I didn't want a repeat of last night or of course the chase. Sapphire slowly moved up the stairs but didn't go all the way up, but rather sat a few stairs up watching Fluffy through the bannister. Fluffy was kind of all over the place, either laying down beside me, or trying to sneak passed me, but eventually I got him to lay down and just relax and let them watch eachother (Fluffy might be learning what "lay down" means or he just knows he'll get a small treat if he's good). If Fluffy started to get too excited I would either block his sight or distract him. Overall the Sapphire sat on the stairs watching for over five minutes. She finally ran upstairs when Fluffy jumped into the empty Christmas tree box and it made a loud sound.

I do really struggle with giving leeway and acting aloof, mainly because I'm a little unsure how to.

Here are pictures of Fluffy relaxing and of sapphire sitting on the stairs watching him.
View attachment 404266

View attachment 404267

View attachment 404269
"They did much better tonight I think." - Great

" Dinner time as normal and then Sapphire jumped down and sat at the base of the stairs." - Perfect

" I gave them both some treats, but I didn't let Fluffy get too close since I didn't want a repeat of last night or of course the chase." - Great

" Sapphire slowly moved up the stairs but didn't go all the way up, but rather sat a few stairs up watching Fluffy through the bannister." - Perfect.

" Fluffy was kind of all over the place, either laying down beside me, or trying to sneak passed me, but eventually I got him to lay down and just relax and let them watch eachother" - GREAT!!!

" (Fluffy might be learning what "lay down" means or he just knows he'll get a small treat if he's good). " - PERFECT!!! They do learn.

"If Fluffy started to get too excited I would either block his sight or distract him. " - Good job

"Overall the Sapphire sat on the stairs watching for over five minutes. She finally ran upstairs when Fluffy jumped into the empty Christmas tree box and it made a loud sound." - Ok, that is fine. Not followed by anything negative so it will build trust.

"I do really struggle with giving leeway and acting aloof, mainly because I'm a little unsure how to." - Ok. Well, it is more art than science. So not to think negatively, not to panic. To act like all is ok even when a cat is walking (watching the body language). A "whatever" kind of attitude. If the human doesn't act like what ever action is a big deal the cat might just feel the same. Does that kinda make sense?

"Here are pictures of Fluffy relaxing and of sapphire sitting on the stairs watching him."" - He is so adorable and good. She is so CUTE!!! She looks like she wants to be a part of the action. If we just let her make the choice between that golden ticket rather than being away we might just make a breakthrough. She as to figure out the reward is greater than the risk. just keep doing what you are doing and hopefully she responds soon.

Great update!!
 
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Graham18

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"They did much better tonight I think." - Great

" Dinner time as normal and then Sapphire jumped down and sat at the base of the stairs." - Perfect

" I gave them both some treats, but I didn't let Fluffy get too close since I didn't want a repeat of last night or of course the chase." - Great

" Sapphire slowly moved up the stairs but didn't go all the way up, but rather sat a few stairs up watching Fluffy through the bannister." - Perfect.

" Fluffy was kind of all over the place, either laying down beside me, or trying to sneak passed me, but eventually I got him to lay down and just relax and let them watch eachother" - GREAT!!!

" (Fluffy might be learning what "lay down" means or he just knows he'll get a small treat if he's good). " - PERFECT!!! They do learn.

"If Fluffy started to get too excited I would either block his sight or distract him. " - Good job

"Overall the Sapphire sat on the stairs watching for over five minutes. She finally ran upstairs when Fluffy jumped into the empty Christmas tree box and it made a loud sound." - Ok, that is fine. Not followed by anything negative so it will build trust.

"I do really struggle with giving leeway and acting aloof, mainly because I'm a little unsure how to." - Ok. Well, it is more art than science. So not to think negatively, not to panic. To act like all is ok even when a cat is walking (watching the body language). A "whatever" kind of attitude. If the human doesn't act like what ever action is a big deal the cat might just feel the same. Does that kinda make sense?

"Here are pictures of Fluffy relaxing and of sapphire sitting on the stairs watching him."" - He is so adorable and good. She is so CUTE!!! She looks like she wants to be a part of the action. If we just let her make the choice between that golden ticket rather than being away we might just make a breakthrough. She as to figure out the reward is greater than the risk. just keep doing what you are doing and hopefully she responds soon.

Great update!!
I'm sorry for not responding earlier. I've been having some medical issues possibly related to stress today so I was super busy with work, doctors, x-rays, etc.

Tonight's face to face time was very similar to last night. I was planning on keeping it shorter but there weren't any issues really so I just let it play out while trying to at least act more natural.

Fluffy only needed a little bit of redirecting, but he would mostly just lay down in the middle of the living room and him and Sapphire would just watch eachother. Sapphire stayed up on the cat tree the whole time watching him which ended up being about 15 minutes. Like I said, there were only a few times where I had to redirect Fluffy.

I got Fluffy's feeder ball ready and he didn't want to go to bed so he just laid in the kitchen watching Sapphire for a bit from across the house, but at that point, I noticed her demeanor switch from sitting up and alert, to hunched over and looking a bit anxious (it possible she wanted to come down from the cat tree but was scared to do so). Fluffy came back towards the living room and laid down and was rolling around just outside of it. When he got up again, Sapphire started to growl from the cat tree which got Fluffy a bit worked up so I directed him to his room/hallway. As soon as I put the baby gates up, Sapphire jumped down and came right up to the gates where they pawed at eachother for a few seconds before she hissed and then turned and scuttled away and went upstairs.

Here is Sapphire for the first part of the face to face time.
20211214_202211.jpg


Here's Fluffy during that time.
20211214_202215.jpg


Sapphire when she changed her demeanor prior to her growling.
20211214_203447.jpg


Fluffy right before Sapphire started to growl at him.
20211214_203441.jpg
 

calicosrspecial

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I'm sorry for not responding earlier. I've been having some medical issues possibly related to stress today so I was super busy with work, doctors, x-rays, etc.

Tonight's face to face time was very similar to last night. I was planning on keeping it shorter but there weren't any issues really so I just let it play out while trying to at least act more natural.

Fluffy only needed a little bit of redirecting, but he would mostly just lay down in the middle of the living room and him and Sapphire would just watch eachother. Sapphire stayed up on the cat tree the whole time watching him which ended up being about 15 minutes. Like I said, there were only a few times where I had to redirect Fluffy.

I got Fluffy's feeder ball ready and he didn't want to go to bed so he just laid in the kitchen watching Sapphire for a bit from across the house, but at that point, I noticed her demeanor switch from sitting up and alert, to hunched over and looking a bit anxious (it possible she wanted to come down from the cat tree but was scared to do so). Fluffy came back towards the living room and laid down and was rolling around just outside of it. When he got up again, Sapphire started to growl from the cat tree which got Fluffy a bit worked up so I directed him to his room/hallway. As soon as I put the baby gates up, Sapphire jumped down and came right up to the gates where they pawed at eachother for a few seconds before she hissed and then turned and scuttled away and went upstairs.

Here is Sapphire for the first part of the face to face time.
View attachment 404383

Here's Fluffy during that time.
View attachment 404384

Sapphire when she changed her demeanor prior to her growling.
View attachment 404385

Fluffy right before Sapphire started to growl at him.
View attachment 404386
Sorry, I am having a lot of trouble with my computer and the site.

"I'm sorry for not responding earlier. I've been having some medical issues possibly related to stress today so I was super busy with work, doctors, x-rays, etc." - I am so sorry to hear that. If it is the cats don't stress, they will be fine and find the love and de-stress from them. If it is work, prioritize, accept what you can't control, get to right away, etc, do your best, focus, get a task done and move on, etc. Hang in there. stress only holds us back, slows us down, make us less productive.

"Tonight's face to face time was very similar to last night. I was planning on keeping it shorter but there weren't any issues really so I just let it play out while trying to at least act more natural." - GREAT

"Fluffy only needed a little bit of redirecting, but he would mostly just lay down in the middle of the living room and him and Sapphire would just watch eachother. " - Wow, GREAT

"Sapphire stayed up on the cat tree the whole time watching him which ended up being about 15 minutes. Like I said, there were only a few times where I had to redirect Fluffy." - Fantastic!!

"I got Fluffy's feeder ball ready and he didn't want to go to bed so he just laid in the kitchen watching Sapphire for a bit from across the house, but at that point, I noticed her demeanor switch from sitting up and alert, to hunched over and looking a bit anxious (it possible she wanted to come down from the cat tree but was scared to do so)." - Ok

" Fluffy came back towards the living room and laid down and was rolling around just outside of it. When he got up again, Sapphire started to growl from the cat tree which got Fluffy a bit worked up so I directed him to his room/hallway." - Ok, good job

" As soon as I put the baby gates up, Sapphire jumped down and came right up to the gates where they pawed at eachother for a few seconds before she hissed and then turned and scuttled away and went upstairs." - Wow, great that she didn't just rush upstairs. That is a good sign.

Pics look great. Sapphire looks great in the 1st. She is SO CUTE!!! Pic 2 - Awwww, he looks great. Pic 3 - She looks alert but fine. Pic 4 - He is so submissive there. He looks fine. Not sure why she would chose to growl at that. :/

But overall, GREAT update!!

Here is Sapphire for the first part of the face to face time.
 
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Sorry, I am having a lot of trouble with my computer and the site.

"I'm sorry for not responding earlier. I've been having some medical issues possibly related to stress today so I was super busy with work, doctors, x-rays, etc." - I am so sorry to hear that. If it is the cats don't stress, they will be fine and find the love and de-stress from them. If it is work, prioritize, accept what you can't control, get to right away, etc, do your best, focus, get a task done and move on, etc. Hang in there. stress only holds us back, slows us down, make us less productive.

"Tonight's face to face time was very similar to last night. I was planning on keeping it shorter but there weren't any issues really so I just let it play out while trying to at least act more natural." - GREAT

"Fluffy only needed a little bit of redirecting, but he would mostly just lay down in the middle of the living room and him and Sapphire would just watch eachother. " - Wow, GREAT

"Sapphire stayed up on the cat tree the whole time watching him which ended up being about 15 minutes. Like I said, there were only a few times where I had to redirect Fluffy." - Fantastic!!

"I got Fluffy's feeder ball ready and he didn't want to go to bed so he just laid in the kitchen watching Sapphire for a bit from across the house, but at that point, I noticed her demeanor switch from sitting up and alert, to hunched over and looking a bit anxious (it possible she wanted to come down from the cat tree but was scared to do so)." - Ok

" Fluffy came back towards the living room and laid down and was rolling around just outside of it. When he got up again, Sapphire started to growl from the cat tree which got Fluffy a bit worked up so I directed him to his room/hallway." - Ok, good job

" As soon as I put the baby gates up, Sapphire jumped down and came right up to the gates where they pawed at eachother for a few seconds before she hissed and then turned and scuttled away and went upstairs." - Wow, great that she didn't just rush upstairs. That is a good sign.

Pics look great. Sapphire looks great in the 1st. She is SO CUTE!!! Pic 2 - Awwww, he looks great. Pic 3 - She looks alert but fine. Pic 4 - He is so submissive there. He looks fine. Not sure why she would chose to growl at that. :/

But overall, GREAT update!!

Here is Sapphire for the first part of the face to face time.
Thank you for your concern. My doctor should have all my tests by the week's end so I should know if by then if it's health issues or stress. I'd say that the stress is a mixture of work and the cats introduction, mainly due to not having any relaxation time after work plus the general stress of introductions. I'm sure I will be fine in a few days :)

I just wanted to clarify, that with the pictures, sapphire didn't start to growl until Fluffy got up and started to move towards me and her.

Tonight's time was about the same length, but sapphire seemed to be in a bit of a mood. She was growling quite a bit up on the cat tree, and while Fluffy was off in the kitchen looking for a treat, she came down and went and sat on the stairs. Any time Fluffy came into the living room, even if he was just laying down, Sapphire would just stare at him and growl the whole time. Fluffy did start to get into position to run at her once (he was going for the bannister so he wouldn't have been able to get through anyways but I redirected him. Other than the growling getting Fluffy a bit worked up, the rest of the face to face time was uneventful. Sapphire eventually ran upstairs to her bed (she looked playful when she ran).

After Fluffy went to bed (which he absolutely did not want to do), Sapphire came back downstairs and wanted to play for the next twenty minutes or so.

That's it for today. Just have to get Sapphire over this moody phase she's in.
 

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Just popping in to say I hope everything is OK and if you're feeling too stressed it's absolutely fine to carve out some time for relaxing even if that means changing their schedule, shortening their face to face time, or taking a day or more off of face to face time. Or as much as possible delegating the face to face time off your plate temporarily.

It sounds like Sapphire is feeling spicy right now but also sounds like she's not getting harassed so that should put her at ease before long. I try to remind myself that growling isn't always a bad thing it's just communicating and they need that chance to keep feeling each other out.
 

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Thank you for your concern. My doctor should have all my tests by the week's end so I should know if by then if it's health issues or stress. I'd say that the stress is a mixture of work and the cats introduction, mainly due to not having any relaxation time after work plus the general stress of introductions. I'm sure I will be fine in a few days :)

I just wanted to clarify, that with the pictures, sapphire didn't start to growl until Fluffy got up and started to move towards me and her.

Tonight's time was about the same length, but sapphire seemed to be in a bit of a mood. She was growling quite a bit up on the cat tree, and while Fluffy was off in the kitchen looking for a treat, she came down and went and sat on the stairs. Any time Fluffy came into the living room, even if he was just laying down, Sapphire would just stare at him and growl the whole time. Fluffy did start to get into position to run at her once (he was going for the bannister so he wouldn't have been able to get through anyways but I redirected him. Other than the growling getting Fluffy a bit worked up, the rest of the face to face time was uneventful. Sapphire eventually ran upstairs to her bed (she looked playful when she ran).

After Fluffy went to bed (which he absolutely did not want to do), Sapphire came back downstairs and wanted to play for the next twenty minutes or so.

That's it for today. Just have to get Sapphire over this moody phase she's in.
"Thank you for your concern." - You are welcome. I wish I could do something to help.

" My doctor should have all my tests by the week's end so I should know if by then if it's health issues or stress. I'd say that the stress is a mixture of work and the cats introduction, mainly due to not having any relaxation time after work plus the general stress of introductions. I'm sure I will be fine in a few days :)" - Well, take some time off from the intros. They will be fine. Just spend some time loving them and relaxing. It is amazing how sometimes just having them in your lap, hearing them purr, etc can really help.

"I just wanted to clarify, that with the pictures, sapphire didn't start to growl until Fluffy got up and started to move towards me and her." - Great, that is fine.

"Tonight's time was about the same length, but sapphire seemed to be in a bit of a mood. " - ok

"She was growling quite a bit up on the cat tree," - Ok, just ignore it, act like it is no big deal. That is the part of the "aloof" and "whatever" and "tough love" idea.

" and while Fluffy was off in the kitchen looking for a treat, she came down and went and sat on the stairs." - That is great.

" Any time Fluffy came into the living room, even if he was just laying down, Sapphire would just stare at him and growl the whole time." - Ok, that is actually good. I like that she is willing to stand up and tell him the rules.

" Fluffy did start to get into position to run at her once (he was going for the bannister so he wouldn't have been able to get through anyways but I redirected him. " - Good job

"Other than the growling getting Fluffy a bit worked up, the rest of the face to face time was uneventful." - Great. I actually do not see any issue with what happened. In fact, I view it as positive as she held her own, stayed down there.

"Sapphire eventually ran upstairs to her bed (she looked playful when she ran)." - Really? GREAT!!

"After Fluffy went to bed (which he absolutely did not want to do), Sapphire came back downstairs and wanted to play for the next twenty minutes or so." - Perfect.

"That's it for today. " - I actually think that is a great update for the reasons mentioned previously.

"Just have to get Sapphire over this moody phase she's in. " - Don't worry about it and in fact it might actually be positive and let Fluffy know the rules.

I am really happy with this update. I really like she held her own. A sign of more trust and confidence.
 
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I managed to do a quick face to face time last night, but it didn't last long. Right as soon as I had Fluffy out, I received a phone call and was on the phone the whole time dealing with some personal problems, but I had treats in my other hand and was able to keep Fluffy occupied and from getting too close to his sister the whole time. Sapphire stayed up on her cat tree the whole time until I got Fluffy to bed and I don't believe that there was any growling or hissing, but being on the phone I could have missed something. Once Fluffy was in his room, she jumped down and really wanted to play. I felt really bad as I was only briefly able to play with her before I had to rush out of the house to drive across the city.

I think positive overall, just very short.
 

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I managed to do a quick face to face time last night, but it didn't last long. Right as soon as I had Fluffy out, I received a phone call and was on the phone the whole time dealing with some personal problems, but I had treats in my other hand and was able to keep Fluffy occupied and from getting too close to his sister the whole time. Sapphire stayed up on her cat tree the whole time until I got Fluffy to bed and I don't believe that there was any growling or hissing, but being on the phone I could have missed something. Once Fluffy was in his room, she jumped down and really wanted to play. I felt really bad as I was only briefly able to play with her before I had to rush out of the house to drive across the city.

I think positive overall, just very short.
"I managed to do a quick face to face time last night, but it didn't last long. " - Ok

"Right as soon as I had Fluffy out, I received a phone call and was on the phone the whole time dealing with some personal problems," - Ok, I am sorry to hear that. I hope all gets resolved in a positive way.

" but I had treats in my other hand and was able to keep Fluffy occupied and from getting too close to his sister the whole time." - Wow, that is great

" Sapphire stayed up on her cat tree the whole time until I got Fluffy to bed and I don't believe that there was any growling or hissing," - Wow, great.

" but being on the phone I could have missed something." - But nothing major happened. Maybe there is a lesson here?

"Once Fluffy was in his room, she jumped down and really wanted to play." - Awwww, great

" I felt really bad as I was only briefly able to play with her before I had to rush out of the house to drive across the city." - PLEASE DO NOT FEEL BAD!!! Life happens. She will be fine.

"I think positive overall, just very short. " - ABSOLUTELY!!! TERRIFIC actually!!! Great job!!

Hang in there, I hope all gets better soon.
 
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Good morning!
Everything is still just moving along here and last night's face to face was still the same. Sapphire ended up staying up on her cat tree again for the most part just watching Fluffy as they do. At one point while Fluffy was off in the kitchen chasing a treat, I dropped a treat by accident and Sapphire jumped down to get it and then went and sat on the stairs to watch from there. A little while later while Fluffy was busy, she even came back down as there were a few treats in a feeder toy that she wanted to get. She remained cautious, peaking around the edge of the bannister to make sure that the "big bad kitty who chases her" wasn't coming, but he just remained laying down in the dining room and didn't come over until she was back on the stairs. She then decided to go upstairs to eat the rest of her wet food.

Here is a video I took early on, but nothing too interesting happens.

 

calicosrspecial

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Good morning!
Everything is still just moving along here and last night's face to face was still the same. Sapphire ended up staying up on her cat tree again for the most part just watching Fluffy as they do. At one point while Fluffy was off in the kitchen chasing a treat, I dropped a treat by accident and Sapphire jumped down to get it and then went and sat on the stairs to watch from there. A little while later while Fluffy was busy, she even came back down as there were a few treats in a feeder toy that she wanted to get. She remained cautious, peaking around the edge of the bannister to make sure that the "big bad kitty who chases her" wasn't coming, but he just remained laying down in the dining room and didn't come over until she was back on the stairs. She then decided to go upstairs to eat the rest of her wet food.

Here is a video I took early on, but nothing too interesting happens.

"Good morning!" - Good morning

"Everything is still just moving along here and last night's face to face was still the same." - Ok, great in my opinion. How do you feel about that?

" Sapphire ended up staying up on her cat tree again for the most part just watching Fluffy as they do." - Perfect. Do you like that or not?

" At one point while Fluffy was off in the kitchen chasing a treat, I dropped a treat by accident and Sapphire jumped down to get it and then went and sat on the stairs to watch from there. " - Perfect. Do you think that is positive?

"A little while later while Fluffy was busy, she even came back down as there were a few treats in a feeder toy that she wanted to get." - Wow, terrific!! Could she see him?

"She remained cautious, peaking around the edge of the bannister to make sure that the "big bad kitty who chases her" wasn't coming, " - Ok, that is fine. Part of the process. Hahahaha, Fluffy as a "big bad kitty". Too funny!!!

"but he just remained laying down in the dining room and didn't come over until she was back on the stairs." - Fantastic!!

" She then decided to go upstairs to eat the rest of her wet food." - How did she move upstairs? Scared, fast, cautious, normal?

"Here is a video I took early on, but nothing too interesting happens. " - Ok. Is the fact in your view "nothing too interesting happens" a good thing or not a good thing?

Video - PERFECT!!! Oh my goodness are they ADORABLE or what?!?!?!?!? Fluffy is SO SWEET!! Sapphire looks great. You are definitely making progress!!

Keep up the great work. Just keep reinforcing those encounters. She is responding!!! GREAT JOB!!!
 

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The "nothing to interesting" in that video is great though! At the beginning she looks nice and relaxed. He doesn't seem to be paying her much attention and though she seems a bit more watchful of him towards the end she doesn't look scared at all which is great!

I also love that she was comfortable enough to come down for the feeder toy. Her nerves aren't winning out over something she really wants and it went well for her so that will reinforce that confidence.
 
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"Good morning!" - Good morning

"Everything is still just moving along here and last night's face to face was still the same." - Ok, great in my opinion. How do you feel about that?

" Sapphire ended up staying up on her cat tree again for the most part just watching Fluffy as they do." - Perfect. Do you like that or not?

" At one point while Fluffy was off in the kitchen chasing a treat, I dropped a treat by accident and Sapphire jumped down to get it and then went and sat on the stairs to watch from there. " - Perfect. Do you think that is positive?

"A little while later while Fluffy was busy, she even came back down as there were a few treats in a feeder toy that she wanted to get." - Wow, terrific!! Could she see him?

"She remained cautious, peaking around the edge of the bannister to make sure that the "big bad kitty who chases her" wasn't coming, " - Ok, that is fine. Part of the process. Hahahaha, Fluffy as a "big bad kitty". Too funny!!!

"but he just remained laying down in the dining room and didn't come over until she was back on the stairs." - Fantastic!!

" She then decided to go upstairs to eat the rest of her wet food." - How did she move upstairs? Scared, fast, cautious, normal?

"Here is a video I took early on, but nothing too interesting happens. " - Ok. Is the fact in your view "nothing too interesting happens" a good thing or not a good thing?

Video - PERFECT!!! Oh my goodness are they ADORABLE or what?!?!?!?!? Fluffy is SO SWEET!! Sapphire looks great. You are definitely making progress!!

Keep up the great work. Just keep reinforcing those encounters. She is responding!!! GREAT JOB!!!
I think things are definitely going positive and she definitely knows he's downstairs when she comes back down, even if she's trying to be sneaky and not draw attention. Every day has its ups and downs so it's definitely still progressing slowly. Some days everything seems fine and others, she's acting really scared of Fluffy again. It really just depends on the day.

I apologize for responding really late. There was no face to face time on Saturday. It was my birthday and I had dinner at my parents house. To try and get Fluffy used to their house for Christmas, he's been going there once it twice a week for a few hours and he was there Saturday afternoon, all the way until just before his bedtime (he's found three napping spots there already so I'd say he's comfortable). When I brought him home and brought him into his room with the baby gates up, Sapphire immediately ran right to the baby gates and they pawed for a few seconds and she hissed then walked away and he jumped into his bed to go to sleep (he's been a very tired boy for about a week).

Last night, not much changed overall. Sapphire was back to her hissing and growling from a top of the cat tree. Normally it wouldn't bother me except for the fact that is what seems to get fluffy really worked up. While I was in the kitchen with Fluffy, sapphire snuck upstairs to her bed, but she made her way about half way down the stairs a few minutes later. From this point, I just sat at the bottom of the stairs while Fluffy and Sapphire watched eachother and Sapphire growled.

Here is a video.

That's all for today :)

The "nothing to interesting" in that video is great though! At the beginning she looks nice and relaxed. He doesn't seem to be paying her much attention and though she seems a bit more watchful of him towards the end she doesn't look scared at all which is great!

I also love that she was comfortable enough to come down for the feeder toy. Her nerves aren't winning out over something she really wants and it went well for her so that will reinforce that confidence.
We definitely have some things to work on :) namely Sapphires fear and Fluffy's need to be near her all the time haha.
 

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I think things are definitely going positive and she definitely knows he's downstairs when she comes back down, even if she's trying to be sneaky and not draw attention. Every day has its ups and downs so it's definitely still progressing slowly. Some days everything seems fine and others, she's acting really scared of Fluffy again. It really just depends on the day.

I apologize for responding really late. There was no face to face time on Saturday. It was my birthday and I had dinner at my parents house. To try and get Fluffy used to their house for Christmas, he's been going there once it twice a week for a few hours and he was there Saturday afternoon, all the way until just before his bedtime (he's found three napping spots there already so I'd say he's comfortable). When I brought him home and brought him into his room with the baby gates up, Sapphire immediately ran right to the baby gates and they pawed for a few seconds and she hissed then walked away and he jumped into his bed to go to sleep (he's been a very tired boy for about a week).

Last night, not much changed overall. Sapphire was back to her hissing and growling from a top of the cat tree. Normally it wouldn't bother me except for the fact that is what seems to get fluffy really worked up. While I was in the kitchen with Fluffy, sapphire snuck upstairs to her bed, but she made her way about half way down the stairs a few minutes later. From this point, I just sat at the bottom of the stairs while Fluffy and Sapphire watched eachother and Sapphire growled.

Here is a video.

That's all for today :)


We definitely have some things to work on :) namely Sapphires fear and Fluffy's need to be near her all the time haha.
"I think things are definitely going positive" - Great

" and she definitely knows he's downstairs when she comes back down, even if she's trying to be sneaky and not draw attention." - That is fine. She is figuring it out. And if it stays positive and he behaves it will build her trust.

" Every day has its ups and downs so it's definitely still progressing slowly." - Every day in life, with cats, etc has it ups and downs so try not to get hung up on that.

" Some days everything seems fine and others, she's acting really scared of Fluffy again. It really just depends on the day." - Yes, jsut part of the process.

"I apologize for responding really late." - no need to

" There was no face to face time on Saturday. It was my birthday and I had dinner at my parents house." - Ok, Happy Birthday. I hope you had a great time.

" To try and get Fluffy used to their house for Christmas, he's been going there once it twice a week for a few hours and he was there Saturday afternoon, all the way until just before his bedtime (he's found three napping spots there already so I'd say he's comfortable). " - Great!!

"When I brought him home and brought him into his room with the baby gates up, Sapphire immediately ran right to the baby gates and they pawed for a few seconds and she hissed then walked away and he jumped into his bed to go to sleep (he's been a very tired boy for about a week)." - Awwwww, her way of saying "welcome back!!" Hahahahahaha :)

"Last night, not much changed overall. Sapphire was back to her hissing and growling from a top of the cat tree. Normally it wouldn't bother me except for the fact that is what seems to get fluffy really worked up." - Ok. I had a feral I would feed and she growled and hissed etc every time I went to feed her. I was like "whatever" and just fed her by hand. My point is, if you don't acknowledge it they feel it has less of an impact. Just call Fluffy's name, etc to try to get him to act like I do. "Whatever".

"While I was in the kitchen with Fluffy, sapphire snuck upstairs to her bed, but she made her way about half way down the stairs a few minutes later. From this point, I just sat at the bottom of the stairs while Fluffy and Sapphire watched eachother and Sapphire growled. " - Great. If the growl results in nothing it is positive.

Video - There is energy there but they look great. Sapphire looks really good. Just feel free to talk lovingly, confidently, calmly to them. Get the to focus on you. Just hang out, sit on the floor, etc. But overall, great.

Looks great. Keep up the great work!!!
 
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I think Sapphire is slowly getting back to being more cautious and tense that actually afraid of fluffy so we are getting there. Nothing really that new to report. She was gone upstairs before I even let Fluffy out last night. I brought her food upstairs for her to eat and within a few minutes she was sitting/laying down at the top of the stairs. Fluffy would lay down at the foot of the stairs (after he figured out I wouldn't let him pass me), and when he would start to get excited I would distract him with a treat. This cycle just stayed on repeat for about ten minutes of them watching eachother before giving them treats. I even managed to get Sapphire to come a bit closer to me half way down the stairs (so it was easier to give her treats).

Nothing negative, just them watching eachother and trying to make it as positive as possible. I also talked to them both the whole time though it didn't seem like they noticed.
 

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I think Sapphire is slowly getting back to being more cautious and tense that actually afraid of fluffy so we are getting there. Nothing really that new to report. She was gone upstairs before I even let Fluffy out last night. I brought her food upstairs for her to eat and within a few minutes she was sitting/laying down at the top of the stairs. Fluffy would lay down at the foot of the stairs (after he figured out I wouldn't let him pass me), and when he would start to get excited I would distract him with a treat. This cycle just stayed on repeat for about ten minutes of them watching eachother before giving them treats. I even managed to get Sapphire to come a bit closer to me half way down the stairs (so it was easier to give her treats).

Nothing negative, just them watching eachother and trying to make it as positive as possible. I also talked to them both the whole time though it didn't seem like they noticed.
"I think Sapphire is slowly getting back to being more cautious and tense that actually afraid of fluffy so we are getting there." - Good

" Nothing really that new to report." - Ok

" She was gone upstairs before I even let Fluffy out last night. I brought her food upstairs for her to eat and within a few minutes she was sitting/laying down at the top of the stairs. Fluffy would lay down at the foot of the stairs (after he figured out I wouldn't let him pass me), and when he would start to get excited I would distract him with a treat. This cycle just stayed on repeat for about ten minutes of them watching eachother before giving them treats. I even managed to get Sapphire to come a bit closer to me half way down the stairs (so it was easier to give her treats)." - Great

"Nothing negative, just them watching eachother and trying to make it as positive as possible. I also talked to them both the whole time though it didn't seem like they noticed." - Ok. Just relax near Fluffy. Just hang out on the floor or something. Or get hi to floor you into the kitchen or somewhere else.

Just try to make it as "normal" and "nothing to see" as much as possible.

But overall, sounds great. We need to just break this stalemate. Keep up the great work. She is getting there.
 
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