Help/Advice for introductions

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
I did forget to mention, that at night I've been putting feeder mice downstairs with a few treats in each for Sapphire. They are small mice shaped feeders that are supposed to help cats "hunt" and I got them when Sapphire was younger so she could hunt for them for food at night instead of waking me up all night when she was hungry. Do you think this may help with boosting her territory?

I have no new updates. For the second night in a row Sapphire was sleeping when I brought Fluffy downstairs so there was no face to face time. From what I could tell she stayed sleeping or at least relaxing in her room until after I had gone to sleep.

I left her door open this morning when fluffy was out for breakfast. She was relaxing in her bed, but eventually I had to close the door for a few minutes just because it was becoming much too stressful to keep Fluffy occupied downstairs.

She came down shortly after he was back in his room downstairs and I took another short video of her downstairs.


Afree the video was taken she went to look out the back window that they both like to look out of. I went to give Fluffy a treat before I left for work and because he was meowing quite a bit and when I came out, she was still by the back window on the cat tree there but hunched over looking a bit unsure.
"I did forget to mention, that at night I've been putting feeder mice downstairs with a few treats in each for Sapphire. They are small mice shaped feeders that are supposed to help cats "hunt" and I got them when Sapphire was younger so she could hunt for them for food at night instead of waking me up all night when she was hungry. Do you think this may help with boosting her territory?" - That is great. I think it is perfect. Yes, it should help her. Though from what I can tell she is secure in that territory already. BUT maybe part of it is because of that.

"I have no new updates. For the second night in a row Sapphire was sleeping when I brought Fluffy downstairs so there was no face to face time. From what I could tell she stayed sleeping or at least relaxing in her room until after I had gone to sleep." - Ok, that is fine. If she is comfortable and happy that is what we want.

"I left her door open this morning when fluffy was out for breakfast. She was relaxing in her bed, but eventually I had to close the door for a few minutes just because it was becoming much too stressful to keep Fluffy occupied downstairs." - Ok, great. And she was doing well?

"She came down shortly after he was back in his room downstairs and I took another short video of her downstairs. " - Great

Video - At first is the looking at the door that Fluffy is behind? Overall, she looks fantastic. Comfortable, confident. She plays, has a treat. Perfect. She looks like a happy, confident cat. At the end she goes to a door with windows. What is behind that door? Overall, perfect. She looks great!!

"Afree the video was taken she went to look out the back window that they both like to look out of." - Ok, is that the door I mention with windows?

" I went to give Fluffy a treat before I left for work and because he was meowing quite a bit and when I came out, she was still by the back window on the cat tree there but hunched over looking a bit unsure." - Ok, that is fine. Great she was still by the back window. Ok, maybe she was a bit unsure but nothing bad happened I am guessing so it is a positive.

I am totally fine with this update. I think it is great and don't read anything negative. Do you agree or if you disagree where do we disagree?

Great job!!! Keep it up.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #562

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
"I did forget to mention, that at night I've been putting feeder mice downstairs with a few treats in each for Sapphire. They are small mice shaped feeders that are supposed to help cats "hunt" and I got them when Sapphire was younger so she could hunt for them for food at night instead of waking me up all night when she was hungry. Do you think this may help with boosting her territory?" - That is great. I think it is perfect. Yes, it should help her. Though from what I can tell she is secure in that territory already. BUT maybe part of it is because of that.

"I have no new updates. For the second night in a row Sapphire was sleeping when I brought Fluffy downstairs so there was no face to face time. From what I could tell she stayed sleeping or at least relaxing in her room until after I had gone to sleep." - Ok, that is fine. If she is comfortable and happy that is what we want.

"I left her door open this morning when fluffy was out for breakfast. She was relaxing in her bed, but eventually I had to close the door for a few minutes just because it was becoming much too stressful to keep Fluffy occupied downstairs." - Ok, great. And she was doing well?

"She came down shortly after he was back in his room downstairs and I took another short video of her downstairs. " - Great

Video - At first is the looking at the door that Fluffy is behind? Overall, she looks fantastic. Comfortable, confident. She plays, has a treat. Perfect. She looks like a happy, confident cat. At the end she goes to a door with windows. What is behind that door? Overall, perfect. She looks great!!

"Afree the video was taken she went to look out the back window that they both like to look out of." - Ok, is that the door I mention with windows?

" I went to give Fluffy a treat before I left for work and because he was meowing quite a bit and when I came out, she was still by the back window on the cat tree there but hunched over looking a bit unsure." - Ok, that is fine. Great she was still by the back window. Ok, maybe she was a bit unsure but nothing bad happened I am guessing so it is a positive.

I am totally fine with this update. I think it is great and don't read anything negative. Do you agree or if you disagree where do we disagree?

Great job!!! Keep it up.
I agree haha it wasn't much of an update but at least not negative. Now to just get her to stay downstairs even for a bit with him.

As for that door in the video, it just leads into a tiny little front door entrance way. We don't ever use the front door and I keep that door closed as the front room isn't isolated so it gets VERY cold in there haha
 

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
I agree haha it wasn't much of an update but at least not negative. Now to just get her to stay downstairs even for a bit with him.

As for that door in the video, it just leads into a tiny little front door entrance way. We don't ever use the front door and I keep that door closed as the front room isn't isolated so it gets VERY cold in there haha
"I agree haha it wasn't much of an update but at least not negative." - If it is not negative it is positive. ;)

" Now to just get her to stay downstairs even for a bit with him." - Well, as long as she is doing what she wants to do that is fine. She will eventually get confident to come down and spend more time. As long as she is doing it on her terms that is fine.

"As for that door in the video, it just leads into a tiny little front door entrance way. We don't ever use the front door and I keep that door closed as the front room isn't isolated so it gets VERY cold in there haha" - Ok. That is fine. Not an issue.

At the beginning of the video was she looking at Fluffy's room?
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #564

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
"I agree haha it wasn't much of an update but at least not negative." - If it is not negative it is positive. ;)

" Now to just get her to stay downstairs even for a bit with him." - Well, as long as she is doing what she wants to do that is fine. She will eventually get confident to come down and spend more time. As long as she is doing it on her terms that is fine.

"As for that door in the video, it just leads into a tiny little front door entrance way. We don't ever use the front door and I keep that door closed as the front room isn't isolated so it gets VERY cold in there haha" - Ok. That is fine. Not an issue.

At the beginning of the video was she looking at Fluffy's room?
Yes she was. He was meowing and pawing at the door to come out because he heard me outside the room or sensed she was there.
 

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
Yes she was. He was meowing and pawing at the door to come out because he heard me outside the room or sensed she was there.
"Yes she was. He was meowing and pawing at the door to come out because he heard me outside the room or sensed she was there." - I figured but makes it even better that she was totally confident knowing he was in his room. She looked great an acted great while out.

She is fine, they are going to be fine. We have that last hurdle to get over but she will. :) I am not at all worried and I don't think you should be either. Just try to take a step back and enjoy them. They will be together hopefully soon.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #566

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
I am sorry for the late update. I was stuck at work quite late on Wednesday night. My mom came over to feed the cats dinner and she said Sapphire seemed quite relaxed and content on her cat tree. Fluffy was brought out of my bedroom at his normal time, but my mom had him on his harness as she's not very experienced with distracting, etc. She said that he hung out on the couch with her and Sapphire actually stayed downstairs for a bit. She said that there were a few hisses and growls from Sapphire and at one point Fluffy actually hissed back (I'm guessing it was is "playful" hiss that he does when he's playing or gets excited).

When I came home, Fluffy was being held and Sapphire came running to the door to see me. She had a few hisses at fluffy but let me give her some pets and kisses before going back upstairs.

Tonight went generally the same. Sapphire sat a few feet from my bedroom while I was inside playing with Fluffy and looked fine. Once downstairs they both ate, Fluffy on the floor and Sapphire on top of the tree. She seemed pretty calm. As I threw a treat for fluffy into the kitchen, Sapphire quietly jumped down and ran upstairs again. I went up a few minutes later and she was curled up in her bed and just made a few little grunt/cooing noises then went back to sleep.

Nothing too exciting. Still working on trying to get her to stay downstairs so I can try and resume face to face time.

I've also noticed her not eating as much, particularly her wet food. I'm finding that she won't even touch it until hours after I've given it to her and she's only eating about half of it.

I will try and get more videos tomorrow and this weekend.
 

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
I am sorry for the late update. I was stuck at work quite late on Wednesday night. My mom came over to feed the cats dinner and she said Sapphire seemed quite relaxed and content on her cat tree. Fluffy was brought out of my bedroom at his normal time, but my mom had him on his harness as she's not very experienced with distracting, etc. She said that he hung out on the couch with her and Sapphire actually stayed downstairs for a bit. She said that there were a few hisses and growls from Sapphire and at one point Fluffy actually hissed back (I'm guessing it was is "playful" hiss that he does when he's playing or gets excited).

When I came home, Fluffy was being held and Sapphire came running to the door to see me. She had a few hisses at fluffy but let me give her some pets and kisses before going back upstairs.

Tonight went generally the same. Sapphire sat a few feet from my bedroom while I was inside playing with Fluffy and looked fine. Once downstairs they both ate, Fluffy on the floor and Sapphire on top of the tree. She seemed pretty calm. As I threw a treat for fluffy into the kitchen, Sapphire quietly jumped down and ran upstairs again. I went up a few minutes later and she was curled up in her bed and just made a few little grunt/cooing noises then went back to sleep.

Nothing too exciting. Still working on trying to get her to stay downstairs so I can try and resume face to face time.

I've also noticed her not eating as much, particularly her wet food. I'm finding that she won't even touch it until hours after I've given it to her and she's only eating about half of it.

I will try and get more videos tomorrow and this weekend.
"I am sorry for the late update. I was stuck at work quite late on Wednesday night." - No reason to apologize however I do apologize for my late response.

" My mom came over to feed the cats dinner and she said Sapphire seemed quite relaxed and content on her cat tree. Fluffy was brought out of my bedroom at his normal time, but my mom had him on his harness as she's not very experienced with distracting, etc. She said that he hung out on the couch with her and Sapphire actually stayed downstairs for a bit." Wow. that is REALLY GOOD!!! I would have expected Sapphire to be more anxious, cautious etc since she doesn't know your mom as well.

"She said that there were a few hisses and growls from Sapphire" - Ok that is fine.

" and at one point Fluffy actually hissed back (I'm guessing it was is "playful" hiss that he does when he's playing or gets excited)." - Awwwwwww. I would love to know how Sapphire responded.

"When I came home, Fluffy was being held" - By your mom? With the harness?

" and Sapphire came running to the door to see me. She had a few hisses at fluffy but let me give her some pets and kisses before going back upstairs." - Awwwwwwwwwww

"Tonight went generally the same. Sapphire sat a few feet from my bedroom while I was inside playing with Fluffy and looked fine. Once downstairs they both ate, Fluffy on the floor and Sapphire on top of the tree. She seemed pretty calm." - GREAT!!!!

" As I threw a treat for fluffy into the kitchen, Sapphire quietly jumped down and ran upstairs again. I went up a few minutes later and she was curled up in her bed and just made a few little grunt/cooing noises then went back to sleep." - Sounds fine. Do you think she was wanting to go upstairs before and that was her opening? Him being distracted by a treat?

"Nothing too exciting." - I think it was great.

" Still working on trying to get her to stay downstairs so I can try and resume face to face time." - I wouldn't worry too much about it for now. Let her do it on her time.

"I've also noticed her not eating as much, particularly her wet food." - Hmmmmmm, ok, let's watch this.

" I'm finding that she won't even touch it until hours after I've given it to her and she's only eating about half of it." - Ok, well if it sits out for a while it dries out so not surprising she doesn't eat all of it. Maybe try a smaller portion. If she is hungry she will eat.

"I will try and get more videos tomorrow and this weekend. " - Great.

Well, that sounds like a great update. Keep up the great work!!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #568

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
"I am sorry for the late update. I was stuck at work quite late on Wednesday night." - No reason to apologize however I do apologize for my late response.

" My mom came over to feed the cats dinner and she said Sapphire seemed quite relaxed and content on her cat tree. Fluffy was brought out of my bedroom at his normal time, but my mom had him on his harness as she's not very experienced with distracting, etc. She said that he hung out on the couch with her and Sapphire actually stayed downstairs for a bit." Wow. that is REALLY GOOD!!! I would have expected Sapphire to be more anxious, cautious etc since she doesn't know your mom as well.

"She said that there were a few hisses and growls from Sapphire" - Ok that is fine.

" and at one point Fluffy actually hissed back (I'm guessing it was is "playful" hiss that he does when he's playing or gets excited)." - Awwwwwww. I would love to know how Sapphire responded.

"When I came home, Fluffy was being held" - By your mom? With the harness?

" and Sapphire came running to the door to see me. She had a few hisses at fluffy but let me give her some pets and kisses before going back upstairs." - Awwwwwwwwwww

"Tonight went generally the same. Sapphire sat a few feet from my bedroom while I was inside playing with Fluffy and looked fine. Once downstairs they both ate, Fluffy on the floor and Sapphire on top of the tree. She seemed pretty calm." - GREAT!!!!

" As I threw a treat for fluffy into the kitchen, Sapphire quietly jumped down and ran upstairs again. I went up a few minutes later and she was curled up in her bed and just made a few little grunt/cooing noises then went back to sleep." - Sounds fine. Do you think she was wanting to go upstairs before and that was her opening? Him being distracted by a treat?

"Nothing too exciting." - I think it was great.

" Still working on trying to get her to stay downstairs so I can try and resume face to face time." - I wouldn't worry too much about it for now. Let her do it on her time.

"I've also noticed her not eating as much, particularly her wet food." - Hmmmmmm, ok, let's watch this.

" I'm finding that she won't even touch it until hours after I've given it to her and she's only eating about half of it." - Ok, well if it sits out for a while it dries out so not surprising she doesn't eat all of it. Maybe try a smaller portion. If she is hungry she will eat.

"I will try and get more videos tomorrow and this weekend. " - Great.

Well, that sounds like a great update. Keep up the great work!!
No need to apologize :)

I will try and remember to ask what Sapphires reaction to his hiss was. I believe she ran upstairs at that point but I do not remember. And yes my mom was holding him with his harness on since he likes to try and run outside if the door opens.

I think she definitely took the opening she had to go upstairs, but they were both eating and she seemed fine.

She did also eat all her food over the night last night. I think she just doesn't eat right away if she's a bit on the anxious side.

I took two videos last night. The first one is June how Sapphire typically acta downstairs if Fluffy isn't there. The second video is Sapphire laying on the cat tree by the backdoor, but Fluffy was downstairs, just meowing and crying behind baby gates waiting for supper. You can see and hear she is tense in this video.

As for last night, nothing much happened. Sapphire was on the floor of the living room eating a few treats and I let Fluffy out for dinner. He went to eat and Sapphire immediately hunched over on her side, ears back and started to hiss and growl while he ate for a few seconds before running upstairs. Fluffy did try and chase after her but I redirected him back to his food.

She came to the stairs after about ten minutes upstairs and just sat at the top of the stairs watching Fluffy

20211203_204720.jpg


No change this morning either. I left her door open while Fluffy was downstairs and she was either in her room behind the door peaking out, or in my room on the dresser. Fluffy went up at a point while she was on the dresser and she just hissed and growled at him from up there and after that went to her room and wanted to be left alone (she was making a high pitched meowing sound and somewhat pawing at me telling me to go away).

Here are the videos. The second is just a link.


Sapphire Dec3/21 2
 

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
No need to apologize :)

I will try and remember to ask what Sapphires reaction to his hiss was. I believe she ran upstairs at that point but I do not remember. And yes my mom was holding him with his harness on since he likes to try and run outside if the door opens.

I think she definitely took the opening she had to go upstairs, but they were both eating and she seemed fine.

She did also eat all her food over the night last night. I think she just doesn't eat right away if she's a bit on the anxious side.

I took two videos last night. The first one is June how Sapphire typically acta downstairs if Fluffy isn't there. The second video is Sapphire laying on the cat tree by the backdoor, but Fluffy was downstairs, just meowing and crying behind baby gates waiting for supper. You can see and hear she is tense in this video.

As for last night, nothing much happened. Sapphire was on the floor of the living room eating a few treats and I let Fluffy out for dinner. He went to eat and Sapphire immediately hunched over on her side, ears back and started to hiss and growl while he ate for a few seconds before running upstairs. Fluffy did try and chase after her but I redirected him back to his food.

She came to the stairs after about ten minutes upstairs and just sat at the top of the stairs watching Fluffy

View attachment 403322

No change this morning either. I left her door open while Fluffy was downstairs and she was either in her room behind the door peaking out, or in my room on the dresser. Fluffy went up at a point while she was on the dresser and she just hissed and growled at him from up there and after that went to her room and wanted to be left alone (she was making a high pitched meowing sound and somewhat pawing at me telling me to go away).

Here are the videos. The second is just a link.


Sapphire Dec3/21 2
"No need to apologize :)" - THank you but I do. It impacts you and the cats and I am sorry.

"I will try and remember to ask what Sapphires reaction to his hiss was." - Great, would be interesting.

" I believe she ran upstairs at that point but I do not remember. " - Ok

"And yes my mom was holding him with his harness on since he likes to try and run outside if the door opens." - Awwwwwwww, yep, they will do that if they go outside for walks, etc.

"I think she definitely took the opening she had to go upstairs, but they were both eating and she seemed fine." - That is fine. Great they were eating.

"She did also eat all her food over the night last night. I think she just doesn't eat right away if she's a bit on the anxious side." - Great. Yes, makes sense though she should learn that he is ok.

"I took two videos last night. The first one is June how Sapphire typically acta downstairs if Fluffy isn't there. The second video is Sapphire laying on the cat tree by the backdoor, but Fluffy was downstairs, just meowing and crying behind baby gates waiting for supper. You can see and hear she is tense in this video." - Ok, will take a look.

"As for last night, nothing much happened. Sapphire was on the floor of the living room eating a few treats and I let Fluffy out for dinner. He went to eat and Sapphire immediately hunched over on her side, ears back and started to hiss and growl while he ate for a few seconds before running upstairs. Fluffy did try and chase after her but I redirected him back to his food." - Ok, over on her side? Well, nothing negative happened (good job distracting him). She is just going to have to learn. :/

"She came to the stairs after about ten minutes upstairs and just sat at the top of the stairs watching Fluffy " - Well THAT is great!! Maybe she is!!! Fingers crossed. As long as there isn't anything negative she should.

She is cute!! She looks alert but fine in the pic.

"No change this morning either. I left her door open while Fluffy was downstairs and she was either in her room behind the door peaking out, or in my room on the dresser." - Ok, that is fine. Just leave her and let her get the courage to do what she wants, go where she wants.

" Fluffy went up at a point while she was on the dresser and she just hissed and growled at him from up there and after that went to her room and wanted to be left alone (she was making a high pitched meowing sound and somewhat pawing at me telling me to go away)." - :/ Ok, good he didn't do anything. Just let her be. Maybe we need to do a bit of "tough love" with her. :/ We just have to keep at it. And try to have him be as good as he has been.

Video 1 - She looks good. When she jumped down she was looking at something it seems but overall looked great.

Video 2 - He tail is going but she actually looks pretty good, alert but fine. She made that sound but it was really nothing. I think I would be more like "whatever" rather than try to ease her. Let's try a bit of a "tough love" or "I don't know what you are worried about there is nothing to worry about" type attitude. Let's see if she maybe stands up a bit more.

Hmmmmmmmm. Let's keep at it. She is getting better but she just has this fear that seems irrational. :/

Really try to play with Fluffy and drain as much energy as possible.

Also since Sapphire likes to go high it seems, would you consider cat shelving (if you own the house) so she can move about but above the ground watching him? Instead of the cat tree only.

We'll get there. Hang in there. And keep up the great work. It is not you, it is her. She has some history I suspect. :/
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #570

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
I have looked at shelving and I'll take another look and see if there is something that could work :)

Should I still be leaving the gate up at my room during the day when Fluffy is in there or should I be closing the door?

Also, should I continue to try and see if she'll stay downstairs with Fluffy out, or should I temporarily start giving him dinner in his room and see if that helps?
 

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
I have looked at shelving and I'll take another look and see if there is something that could work :)

Should I still be leaving the gate up at my room during the day when Fluffy is in there or should I be closing the door?

Also, should I continue to try and see if she'll stay downstairs with Fluffy out, or should I temporarily start giving him dinner in his room and see if that helps?
"I have looked at shelving and I'll take another look and see if there is something that could work :) " - Great. It can actually look really good. Not sure how handy or "arty" you are but they can look really cool. AND give her places to observe him safely, move around off the floor, etc.

"Should I still be leaving the gate up at my room during the day when Fluffy is in there or should I be closing the door?" - I would leave the gate up. I don't think that is the issue.

"Also, should I continue to try and see if she'll stay downstairs with Fluffy out," - For now just let her chose but I would like you to try to feed her down with him all the time. Distracting him as needed. If she choses to go upstairs then let her go, don't follow her, etc. Let's see if we can make her chose something good (you downstairs) over upstairs. And Fluffy behaving will help her choose.

"or should I temporarily start giving him dinner in his room and see if that helps? " - Continue feeding him the same place as now. She needs to see him not doing anything negative and then in time enjoying something positive with him (meals, treats, play, etc).

Let's see how she responds. She is doing fine for everything but the fear of him in those moments. She will get over it. Hopefully this helps.

Hang in there. :)
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #572

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
"I have looked at shelving and I'll take another look and see if there is something that could work :) " - Great. It can actually look really good. Not sure how handy or "arty" you are but they can look really cool. AND give her places to observe him safely, move around off the floor, etc.

"Should I still be leaving the gate up at my room during the day when Fluffy is in there or should I be closing the door?" - I would leave the gate up. I don't think that is the issue.

"Also, should I continue to try and see if she'll stay downstairs with Fluffy out," - For now just let her chose but I would like you to try to feed her down with him all the time. Distracting him as needed. If she choses to go upstairs then let her go, don't follow her, etc. Let's see if we can make her chose something good (you downstairs) over upstairs. And Fluffy behaving will help her choose.

"or should I temporarily start giving him dinner in his room and see if that helps? " - Continue feeding him the same place as now. She needs to see him not doing anything negative and then in time enjoying something positive with him (meals, treats, play, etc).

Let's see how she responds. She is doing fine for everything but the fear of him in those moments. She will get over it. Hopefully this helps.

Hang in there. :)
Thank you it does definitely help.
I'm the type of person that sees a problem and needs to see what is causing the problem and then find solutions. Not being able to know exactly why Sapphire is scared and therefore not being able to find a solution is extremely stressful for me. All signs seem to show they are fine and then seeing her constantly running away bis extremely upsetting. Thank you for all the help.

I don't have an update as I went to a friend's birthday last night and I haven't seen almost any of my friends in over a year.

My partner fed them and said that Sapphire was still scared and ran away as soon as Fluffy was out.

I will try again tonight.
 

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
Thank you it does definitely help.
I'm the type of person that sees a problem and needs to see what is causing the problem and then find solutions. Not being able to know exactly why Sapphire is scared and therefore not being able to find a solution is extremely stressful for me. All signs seem to show they are fine and then seeing her constantly running away bis extremely upsetting. Thank you for all the help.

I don't have an update as I went to a friend's birthday last night and I haven't seen almost any of my friends in over a year.

My partner fed them and said that Sapphire was still scared and ran away as soon as Fluffy was out.

I will try again tonight.
"Thank you it does definitely help." - You are welcome. Great and we'll adjust as needed.

"I'm the type of person that sees a problem and needs to see what is causing the problem and then find solutions." - Absolutely and that is why you are a success and risen in your profession. It is great to be that way both in business and life in general.

"Not being able to know exactly why Sapphire is scared and therefore not being able to find a solution is extremely stressful for me." - Yes, totally understandable. And I think this something we should work on. We need to balance the known and what we have control of vs the unknown and things outside of our control. To find the balance between accepting some things while working on improving what we have control or more control over. I KNOW it is stressful but stress for the most part doesn't make things better (sometimes it motivates but when animals feed off our emotions as well it can be a hinderance). We just need to find that happy balance. I am thinking about how Sapphire acted when your mom was there. She did pretty well on its own but given your schedule changed (and cats do not like change) she did even better than I would have expected. Was there a reason? Was it a fluke? Something I think is interesting to try to figure out.

"All signs seem to show they are fine" - Agreed

" and then seeing her constantly running away bis extremely upsetting." - Exactly. It is for me as well. And I am totally committed to finding out a solution. My key is as long as she is happy (and all indications are that she is) then this temporary uncertainty is not the end of the world. So we accept where we are and move forward. We will figure it out. Just be as normal as you can around her, love her, make those positive associations, positive encounters, stay calm and confident. Act and really feel like al is fine so maybe she will feel those emotions and feel the same.

" Thank you for all the help." - Of course, you are welcome. Thank you for giving them such a great, loving home.

"I don't have an update as I went to a friend's birthday last night and I haven't seen almost any of my friends in over a year." - Ok, that is fine. Just try not to put too much pressure on yourself. It is ok to enjoy yourself, if they don't have an encounter, etc. I want you to get more enjoyment out of them rather than get stress from them.

"My partner fed them and said that Sapphire was still scared and ran away as soon as Fluffy was out." - Ok but she ate it sounds and nothing went negative so that is positive. We have to go at her speed while helping her but not enabling her. We can do it.

"I will try again tonight. " - Sounds good. Even if it is the same as last night it is positive.

Hang in there, they will live together happily. :)
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #574

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
"Thank you it does definitely help." - You are welcome. Great and we'll adjust as needed.

"I'm the type of person that sees a problem and needs to see what is causing the problem and then find solutions." - Absolutely and that is why you are a success and risen in your profession. It is great to be that way both in business and life in general.

"Not being able to know exactly why Sapphire is scared and therefore not being able to find a solution is extremely stressful for me." - Yes, totally understandable. And I think this something we should work on. We need to balance the known and what we have control of vs the unknown and things outside of our control. To find the balance between accepting some things while working on improving what we have control or more control over. I KNOW it is stressful but stress for the most part doesn't make things better (sometimes it motivates but when animals feed off our emotions as well it can be a hinderance). We just need to find that happy balance. I am thinking about how Sapphire acted when your mom was there. She did pretty well on its own but given your schedule changed (and cats do not like change) she did even better than I would have expected. Was there a reason? Was it a fluke? Something I think is interesting to try to figure out.

"All signs seem to show they are fine" - Agreed

" and then seeing her constantly running away bis extremely upsetting." - Exactly. It is for me as well. And I am totally committed to finding out a solution. My key is as long as she is happy (and all indications are that she is) then this temporary uncertainty is not the end of the world. So we accept where we are and move forward. We will figure it out. Just be as normal as you can around her, love her, make those positive associations, positive encounters, stay calm and confident. Act and really feel like al is fine so maybe she will feel those emotions and feel the same.

" Thank you for all the help." - Of course, you are welcome. Thank you for giving them such a great, loving home.

"I don't have an update as I went to a friend's birthday last night and I haven't seen almost any of my friends in over a year." - Ok, that is fine. Just try not to put too much pressure on yourself. It is ok to enjoy yourself, if they don't have an encounter, etc. I want you to get more enjoyment out of them rather than get stress from them.

"My partner fed them and said that Sapphire was still scared and ran away as soon as Fluffy was out." - Ok but she ate it sounds and nothing went negative so that is positive. We have to go at her speed while helping her but not enabling her. We can do it.

"I will try again tonight. " - Sounds good. Even if it is the same as last night it is positive.

Hang in there, they will live together happily. :)
Sapphire was pretty playful and happy this afternoon so we brought Fluffy out of the bedroom upstairs and while my partner held fluffy in the hallway I sat with Sapphire in her room. She seemed pretty scared. She was hunched down with her side facing him, growling, hissing, and her ears were down but to the side rather than back. Fluffy was being held a few feet away so he was getting excited but couldn't do anything. Sapphire did sneak and hide under the bed. As soon Fluffy was back in the bedroom, she came out and looked completely fine and happy and they were eating treats right side by side with the gate between them with absolutely zero issues.
 

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
Sapphire was pretty playful and happy this afternoon so we brought Fluffy out of the bedroom upstairs and while my partner held fluffy in the hallway I sat with Sapphire in her room. She seemed pretty scared. She was hunched down with her side facing him, growling, hissing, and her ears were down but to the side rather than back. Fluffy was being held a few feet away so he was getting excited but couldn't do anything. Sapphire did sneak and hide under the bed. As soon Fluffy was back in the bedroom, she came out and looked completely fine and happy and they were eating treats right side by side with the gate between them with absolutely zero issues.
"Sapphire was pretty playful and happy this afternoon so we brought Fluffy out of the bedroom upstairs and while my partner held fluffy in the hallway I sat with Sapphire in her room." - Great

" She seemed pretty scared." - :( OK

"She was hunched down with her side facing him, growling, hissing, and her ears were down but to the side rather than back. Fluffy was being held a few feet away so he was getting excited but couldn't do anything. " - :( Ok but at least he couldn't do anything negative

"Sapphire did sneak and hide under the bed. " - Ok

"As soon Fluffy was back in the bedroom, she came out and looked completely fine and happy and they were eating treats right side by side with the gate between them with absolutely zero issues." - So she ate treats with Fluffy side by side with Fluffy in his room with the gate. So she has confidence knowing the gate is there. GREAT.

Ok, we need to keep letting her she him with no gate (and do gate treats, maybe meals as well BUT we need to do no gate as well and keep Fluffy from chasing. She needs to get her confidence up with no gate on the same level (she tends to have some when high already). We just have to show her and for her to believe he is not a threat when there is no barrier. We have it with a barrier so we just need to get it without a barrier (and on the same level). She has it to a large degree with her on her cat tree and no barrier.

Ok, this is actually really good to know. We are going to get there!!!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #576

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
"Sapphire was pretty playful and happy this afternoon so we brought Fluffy out of the bedroom upstairs and while my partner held fluffy in the hallway I sat with Sapphire in her room." - Great

" She seemed pretty scared." - :( OK

"She was hunched down with her side facing him, growling, hissing, and her ears were down but to the side rather than back. Fluffy was being held a few feet away so he was getting excited but couldn't do anything. " - :( Ok but at least he couldn't do anything negative

"Sapphire did sneak and hide under the bed. " - Ok

"As soon Fluffy was back in the bedroom, she came out and looked completely fine and happy and they were eating treats right side by side with the gate between them with absolutely zero issues." - So she ate treats with Fluffy side by side with Fluffy in his room with the gate. So she has confidence knowing the gate is there. GREAT.

Ok, we need to keep letting her she him with no gate (and do gate treats, maybe meals as well BUT we need to do no gate as well and keep Fluffy from chasing. She needs to get her confidence up with no gate on the same level (she tends to have some when high already). We just have to show her and for her to believe he is not a threat when there is no barrier. We have it with a barrier so we just need to get it without a barrier (and on the same level). She has it to a large degree with her on her cat tree and no barrier.

Ok, this is actually really good to know. We are going to get there!!!
There was a slight negative and a slight positive at tonight's attempt.

First, the negative. Sapphire was on her cat tree looking relaxed when I brought Fluffy to his room downstairs. I hoped she'd stay, but in the 3 seconds it took me to turn and let Fluffy out for his dinner and turn back, she was already gone upstairs (I didn't even hear her jump down and go so it must have been fast).

Now the positive. I put some treats on the stairs and after about 15 minutes, Sapphire very slowly came down and ate them one by one. She did make it to the bottom and by keeping Fluffy distracted, she stayed for about 30 seconds until they made eye contact and she started back up. She stopped about 2/3 of the way up and Fluffy had laid down so she watched him for about another 30 seconds, hissed at him and then ran away.

Within a minute of putting Fluffy to bed, she was back downstairs happy as can be.
 

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
There was a slight negative and a slight positive at tonight's attempt.

First, the negative. Sapphire was on her cat tree looking relaxed when I brought Fluffy to his room downstairs. I hoped she'd stay, but in the 3 seconds it took me to turn and let Fluffy out for his dinner and turn back, she was already gone upstairs (I didn't even hear her jump down and go so it must have been fast).

Now the positive. I put some treats on the stairs and after about 15 minutes, Sapphire very slowly came down and ate them one by one. She did make it to the bottom and by keeping Fluffy distracted, she stayed for about 30 seconds until they made eye contact and she started back up. She stopped about 2/3 of the way up and Fluffy had laid down so she watched him for about another 30 seconds, hissed at him and then ran away.

Within a minute of putting Fluffy to bed, she was back downstairs happy as can be.
"There was a slight negative and a slight positive at tonight's attempt." - Ok, let's see

"First, the negative. Sapphire was on her cat tree looking relaxed when I brought Fluffy to his room downstairs. I hoped she'd stay, but in the 3 seconds it took me to turn and let Fluffy out for his dinner and turn back, she was already gone upstairs (I didn't even hear her jump down and go so it must have been fast)." - Ok. Well, I am not sure I would call that "negative". Disappointing but really neutral. At some point she will want to chose being downstairs with you over a perceived fear that may not be realized.

"Now the positive. I put some treats on the stairs and after about 15 minutes, Sapphire very slowly came down and ate them one by one. She did make it to the bottom and by keeping Fluffy distracted, she stayed for about 30 seconds until they made eye contact and she started back up. She stopped about 2/3 of the way up and Fluffy had laid down so she watched him for about another 30 seconds, hissed at him and then ran away." - Ok, that is great. Progress. Again, the more she realizes he isn't really a threat the more she will chose to b down there (if that is what she wants).

"Within a minute of putting Fluffy to bed, she was back downstairs happy as can be." - GREAT!!!

So I would call that progress, so positive. It is like putting a shelf together in a store for display. You put an item on it, got it to where you think it looks good and now you need to move to the next item to build the display.

Keep doing what you are doing. We are seeing progress albeit more slowly than either of us would like BUT it is at Sapphire's speed and that is all we can ask for.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #578

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
"There was a slight negative and a slight positive at tonight's attempt." - Ok, let's see

"First, the negative. Sapphire was on her cat tree looking relaxed when I brought Fluffy to his room downstairs. I hoped she'd stay, but in the 3 seconds it took me to turn and let Fluffy out for his dinner and turn back, she was already gone upstairs (I didn't even hear her jump down and go so it must have been fast)." - Ok. Well, I am not sure I would call that "negative". Disappointing but really neutral. At some point she will want to chose being downstairs with you over a perceived fear that may not be realized.

"Now the positive. I put some treats on the stairs and after about 15 minutes, Sapphire very slowly came down and ate them one by one. She did make it to the bottom and by keeping Fluffy distracted, she stayed for about 30 seconds until they made eye contact and she started back up. She stopped about 2/3 of the way up and Fluffy had laid down so she watched him for about another 30 seconds, hissed at him and then ran away." - Ok, that is great. Progress. Again, the more she realizes he isn't really a threat the more she will chose to b down there (if that is what she wants).

"Within a minute of putting Fluffy to bed, she was back downstairs happy as can be." - GREAT!!!

So I would call that progress, so positive. It is like putting a shelf together in a store for display. You put an item on it, got it to where you think it looks good and now you need to move to the next item to build the display.

Keep doing what you are doing. We are seeing progress albeit more slowly than either of us would like BUT it is at Sapphire's speed and that is all we can ask for.
I did forget to post the video I took of them downstairs this morning so here it is :)

 

calicosrspecial

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 14, 2016
Messages
4,206
Purraise
2,398
I did forget to post the video I took of them downstairs this morning so here it is :)

She looks great. Alert but not scared. Near the end when you looked over the gate I thought Fluffy was going to jump it. But she looks really good there and Fluffy looks great, seems to really like, accept her. Overall, that is a great video. Perfect? No but doesn't cause me any concern. If she can be like that with a gate she can without a gate.

My goodness, are they ADORABLY GORGEOUS or what?!??!?!?!?!?!
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #580

Graham18

TCS Member
Thread starter
Alpha Cat
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
365
Purraise
209
She looks great. Alert but not scared. Near the end when you looked over the gate I thought Fluffy was going to jump it. But she looks really good there and Fluffy looks great, seems to really like, accept her. Overall, that is a great video. Perfect? No but doesn't cause me any concern. If she can be like that with a gate she can without a gate.

My goodness, are they ADORABLY GORGEOUS or what?!??!?!?!?!?!
He likes to jump up on the gates for pets like a dog haha. He eventually would try and jump over if I left him for long enough but he's good for short periods of time.

Small progress last night. Sapphire didn't immediately run upstairs. She laid on the cat tree for a few minutes and then had a few bites of kibble before she jumped down, hissed at Fluffy and then ran upstairs and went to sleep. Still no where close to where we were prior to the dustup but getting better slowly.

I also let Fluffy come upstairs this morning and see her from the hallway outside of her room. She was laying down relaxing and I wouldn't let him go passed her doorway. After a few minutes he actually just went and laid down in my bedroom. It seems as long as he doesn't go passed her doorway she's fine not hissing or growling at him.

That's all for today so far :)
 
Top