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- Aug 24, 2019
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Hi all.
I adopted two male kittens Bukowski (5.5 months old) and Hans (3.5 months old). I have been diagnosed with chronic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and PTSD. I've been thinking about adopting a kitten for a few months now, thinking it would help with my mental health issues. I saved up quite a bit of money, and am working part time right now, so it seemed like the perfect time. I have cat scratchers, different kind of wands, beds, cat toys, I give them both nutrisource wet food and pellets, have some treats they really like. They only seem to be entertained when I'm playing with them with the wands though. I've witnessed them playfully chase eachother around a few times. I've been overwhelmed with anxiety since adopting them. I originally only wanted to adopt one kitty, as I live by myself in a studio, but ended up coming home with two (I fell in love with both, they played really well together, I told the adoption agency about my situation, and they were saying I should adopt both, they'd help keep eachother entertained, be better socialized, etc.). Bukowski had been neutered the day before I brought them home, and he had diarhea the first night, but was very cuddly and purry. I took both to the vet the following day, especially after finding a tape worm on Bukowski, and they gave them a dewormer and flea medications. Bukowski vomited the next day, which worried me. They both have a lot of energy, and it seems like Hans was seperated from his mama too early because he keeps trying to suckle on Bukowski, and doesn't respect Bukowski's space, and gets aggressive when I play together with them (growling, hissing, tale lashing, etc). Since I adopted them (they can be together again after tonight) I've had to lock Hans in the lock in closet when I sleep (he has a litter box, food and water, toys, a bed, a blanket, but it's still very small) which I feel horrible about, it almost would bring me to tears with Hans crying in the closet, and Bukowski supper happy and purry and climbing all over me. because of this I only sleep maybe five hours during the night, and try to keep Hans in the closet for no longer than 6 or 7 hours. Bukowski is less friendly, and seems a little annoyed by Hans, when Hans is out (during the day). When I'm with them I always put my hand in between Hans's mouth, and where he's trying to suckle on Bukowski. from what I've read about cat behavior (body language, tail, eyes, ears, whiskers, vocalization) they both now seem very comfortable in my studio (today is day 4). they don't hide in the closet and they nap out in my living area right next to eachother, or on the bed. Bukowski is very bonded with me from what I've read, I get the slow blinks from him, the trilling greeting, and his general body language seems pretty comfortable. Hans is a bit frustrated (cuz of the closet thing), but now he only cries for 10 minutes after putting him in, and tonight will be the last night of that. Hans has given me a few slow blinks and a few cuddles, but is not nearly as bonded with me as Bukowski is. Bukowski is a super cuddly kitty and gets jealous whenever I'm petting Hans, he wants all of the attention, and if he doesn't get it, after a little while he will just lay down. I try to play with them multiple times throughout the day, in the morning, right before I leave for work, right when I get home. I feed them 3 times a day. They seem to be getting more comfortable with eachother and better at playing, though Bukowski always dominates the play, but they've gotten a bit better at taking turns, but I can tell Hans is frustrated and needs to be played with more. I can't play with them seperately, if I start playing with one, one starts to join in. I've had some of the utmost wonderful moments with them, cuddling in bed, them being purry and climby and sleepy and goofy, and then terrifying moments too. Such as when Bukowski was sick. And then today, Bukowski was drooling and panting a bit after heavy play, he also has a bit of wheezing going on (for about 10 breathes) and at one point it sounded like he was trying to cough up a hairball (nothing came up). He's sleeping now. Whenever anything like that happens, diarrhea, change of behavior, not eating much, not playing much, I get terrifying crippling anxiety, feel like I'm going to fail them. Honestly I'm terrified of them dying. They're so small and delicate. And they both have different needs. And I live by myself. My studio is small, I have a full size bed in it, and between the main room, closets, and bathroom, it can probably fit a total of 4.5 full sized beds. I feel like it's too small for the kitties, like I won't be giving them the best life. The adoption agency and vet said otherwise, said to give it time, but I don't know. my windows are big though, and my multilevel cat tree should be arriving in a couple days (I'm getting rid of my table and chairs, and that's where it will go, right next to the window. I feel like I can't trust myself. For example, does a little bit of drooling, and a few seconds of panting mean Bukowski is super sick? Or is he fine? Is my anxiety just rearing its giant head? Part of me wants to try to adopt the younger kitten out to someone, but part of me feels terrible for that too because Bukowski and him seem to have bonded (even though there is a bit of aggression and annoyance. Plus I wonder if Bukowski will be less happy without him?) They use both their litterboxes though, zero accidents outside of the litterbox, and the very first night (before I figured out Hans was trying to suckle on Bukowski's surgery spot) they both fell asleep with me in bed, and did not cry at all.
On top of this, in about 3 weeks, I will be working full time again. I don't know what to do!!
any advice will be appreciated. I love animals, and my kitties are complex emotional intelligent sentient beings, and they deserve the best, they deserve to be happy. I haven't been sleeping much, or eating much, or drinking water regularly. Thoughts?
I adopted two male kittens Bukowski (5.5 months old) and Hans (3.5 months old). I have been diagnosed with chronic depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and PTSD. I've been thinking about adopting a kitten for a few months now, thinking it would help with my mental health issues. I saved up quite a bit of money, and am working part time right now, so it seemed like the perfect time. I have cat scratchers, different kind of wands, beds, cat toys, I give them both nutrisource wet food and pellets, have some treats they really like. They only seem to be entertained when I'm playing with them with the wands though. I've witnessed them playfully chase eachother around a few times. I've been overwhelmed with anxiety since adopting them. I originally only wanted to adopt one kitty, as I live by myself in a studio, but ended up coming home with two (I fell in love with both, they played really well together, I told the adoption agency about my situation, and they were saying I should adopt both, they'd help keep eachother entertained, be better socialized, etc.). Bukowski had been neutered the day before I brought them home, and he had diarhea the first night, but was very cuddly and purry. I took both to the vet the following day, especially after finding a tape worm on Bukowski, and they gave them a dewormer and flea medications. Bukowski vomited the next day, which worried me. They both have a lot of energy, and it seems like Hans was seperated from his mama too early because he keeps trying to suckle on Bukowski, and doesn't respect Bukowski's space, and gets aggressive when I play together with them (growling, hissing, tale lashing, etc). Since I adopted them (they can be together again after tonight) I've had to lock Hans in the lock in closet when I sleep (he has a litter box, food and water, toys, a bed, a blanket, but it's still very small) which I feel horrible about, it almost would bring me to tears with Hans crying in the closet, and Bukowski supper happy and purry and climbing all over me. because of this I only sleep maybe five hours during the night, and try to keep Hans in the closet for no longer than 6 or 7 hours. Bukowski is less friendly, and seems a little annoyed by Hans, when Hans is out (during the day). When I'm with them I always put my hand in between Hans's mouth, and where he's trying to suckle on Bukowski. from what I've read about cat behavior (body language, tail, eyes, ears, whiskers, vocalization) they both now seem very comfortable in my studio (today is day 4). they don't hide in the closet and they nap out in my living area right next to eachother, or on the bed. Bukowski is very bonded with me from what I've read, I get the slow blinks from him, the trilling greeting, and his general body language seems pretty comfortable. Hans is a bit frustrated (cuz of the closet thing), but now he only cries for 10 minutes after putting him in, and tonight will be the last night of that. Hans has given me a few slow blinks and a few cuddles, but is not nearly as bonded with me as Bukowski is. Bukowski is a super cuddly kitty and gets jealous whenever I'm petting Hans, he wants all of the attention, and if he doesn't get it, after a little while he will just lay down. I try to play with them multiple times throughout the day, in the morning, right before I leave for work, right when I get home. I feed them 3 times a day. They seem to be getting more comfortable with eachother and better at playing, though Bukowski always dominates the play, but they've gotten a bit better at taking turns, but I can tell Hans is frustrated and needs to be played with more. I can't play with them seperately, if I start playing with one, one starts to join in. I've had some of the utmost wonderful moments with them, cuddling in bed, them being purry and climby and sleepy and goofy, and then terrifying moments too. Such as when Bukowski was sick. And then today, Bukowski was drooling and panting a bit after heavy play, he also has a bit of wheezing going on (for about 10 breathes) and at one point it sounded like he was trying to cough up a hairball (nothing came up). He's sleeping now. Whenever anything like that happens, diarrhea, change of behavior, not eating much, not playing much, I get terrifying crippling anxiety, feel like I'm going to fail them. Honestly I'm terrified of them dying. They're so small and delicate. And they both have different needs. And I live by myself. My studio is small, I have a full size bed in it, and between the main room, closets, and bathroom, it can probably fit a total of 4.5 full sized beds. I feel like it's too small for the kitties, like I won't be giving them the best life. The adoption agency and vet said otherwise, said to give it time, but I don't know. my windows are big though, and my multilevel cat tree should be arriving in a couple days (I'm getting rid of my table and chairs, and that's where it will go, right next to the window. I feel like I can't trust myself. For example, does a little bit of drooling, and a few seconds of panting mean Bukowski is super sick? Or is he fine? Is my anxiety just rearing its giant head? Part of me wants to try to adopt the younger kitten out to someone, but part of me feels terrible for that too because Bukowski and him seem to have bonded (even though there is a bit of aggression and annoyance. Plus I wonder if Bukowski will be less happy without him?) They use both their litterboxes though, zero accidents outside of the litterbox, and the very first night (before I figured out Hans was trying to suckle on Bukowski's surgery spot) they both fell asleep with me in bed, and did not cry at all.
On top of this, in about 3 weeks, I will be working full time again. I don't know what to do!!
any advice will be appreciated. I love animals, and my kitties are complex emotional intelligent sentient beings, and they deserve the best, they deserve to be happy. I haven't been sleeping much, or eating much, or drinking water regularly. Thoughts?
!!
Try to hold on the those moments when the kitties make you laugh. We are not anxious when we laugh. 
Hi, I agree with everything Sonatine said! 
I will add these few things:
