Heartbroken...please Help Me!!!

[Furballsmom]

The thing of it is, when you were gone for those 10 days, that timeperiod and whatever you were doing/involved in likely caused your familiar smell to be different and she didn't expect that - it was confusing for her.

I believe that for an animal to know that its person, or best animal buddy, has passed provides closure. It is upsetting, but there is no continued questioning or wondering. (That may sound a little anthropomorphic - I don't mean that).

 

[Karmakat2436]

The thing of it is, when you were gone for those 10 days, that timeperiod and whatever you were doing/involved in likely caused your familiar smell to be different and she didn't expect that - it was confusing for her.

I believe that for an animal to know that its person, or best animal buddy, has passed provides closure. It is upsetting, but there is no continued questioning or wondering. (That may sound a little anthropomorphic - I don't mean that).

Yes that makes sense otherwise I worry every time she hears someone coming home she will expect it to be me and then be sad...and wait for how long...I know when I am gone all day she sits in the window waiting or else is so depressed she sleeps all day...when I am home she follows me everywhere ..and runs around the house, rolls around she is so happy when I am not around mom says she seriously mopes....honestly I think she Is a dog in a cats body..she is not independent at all. This is why leaving her is making it so hard on me because I know will be so hard on her...we are so attached to each other it’s almost unhealthy I think. As bad as this sounds I worry about how she will grieve more then my family... cause she won’t know or understand....unless as you say she sees me ....

 

[Furballsmom]

There was a post earlier by FeebysOwner about having your brother begin to work with her more, feeding, treats, playtime if she is willing, that sort of thing that also may help the transition.

And don't forget the music - you could start using it already - it might help you both

 

[CatLover49]

Here is the video..hope it works..I can’t watch it even again.

Too much

 

[FeebysOwner]

There was a post earlier by FeebysOwner about having your brother begin to work with her more, feeding, treats, playtime if she is willing, that sort of thing that also may help the transition.

I really do think it is imperative that your brother start to slowly/gradually assume dual responsibility for your baby. She has to learn she can rely on him too. I don't know what physical issues might happen with your illness, but if it comes down to you being able to do less physically for her, she needs to have already started accepting that your brother will do those things for her. I think the transition will be a little less traumatizing for her.

 

[Talien]

Hi there, thank you. I had mentioned this to a few people what would be better and some people said it would stress her out more to see me dead? And to make sure I do not die in the house around her...I’m so confused with this. I remember when I went away for ten days and left her with my mom and brother, when I came home I thought she would be thrilled to see me. But instead she was scared of me and stared at me ..she actually ran to hide. I think she did think I died and was never coming back and it terrified her almost like I was a ghost. I have never experienced this was any other cats. Oh gosh this is so difficult, I just am at a loss...like you say I don’t want her to think I abandoned her and she will wonder where I am and am I ever coming back?.,, but maybe it would be better if she knew and saw my body??

Oh, for sure it will be stressful for her to see, but at least she will know and won't be wondering like those animals who run away from their next home to go back to the place they knew because they still think their person is coming back. Not having closure can be far more stressful especially with such a close bond.

 

[Maria Bayote]

Here is the video..hope it works..I can’t watch it even again.

Yes I saw this before and I think you are quite right.

There really is no sure way to ensure how your cat would react. I wish i could offer more ideas.

 

[JamesCalifornia]

~ The "cat crazy" people of this website continue to touch my heart with compassion and care for all living beings - including each other.
We are all on the same road - same journey . Some have finished, others soon to follow. We are never truly alone.
My best wishes to all , and especially you Karmakat2436 and your dear kitty.

​

 

[inkysmom]

I have had many cats and also dogs and horses and I work with people and behavior for a living.
I'm so sorry for your situation and wish there was a magical cure for you!
I've lost six cats and my beloved heart dog of twelve years since 2015. Plus I lost my first dog and first horse, and my four childhood cats prior. Not to mention my mom and most of my family.
Many studies have shown that dogs and horses have intelligence, long term memories and feel emotions like grief, happiness, joy, sadness, jealousy, anger, fairness, etc. Cats can too, they just don't care enough about pleasing the questioners enough to give good consistent answers.

Every time I chose to bring a terminally ill cat home and give it hospice care, and eventually have it euthanized at home in comfort in my arms with its bonded other pets, it's been the most beautiful peaceful death. And my remaining pets got to sniff and say a goodbye to the beloved animal and did much better afterwards.
When I've let pets stay in the hospital and euthanized them there, my remaining pets struggled much more

I will never forget my beautiful Inky racing hopefully to the door looking for his soulmate cat Mandy when I brought her sadly empty carrier home. She'd been in the hospital for five days before I had to euthanize her.
I will never forget his eager dash to the door and his little chortles and purrs. Then his abrupt stop, look of absolute devastation, and horrible cry of pain while collapsing to the floor as if I'd kicked him in the head with all my strength.
You can't tell me cats don't know and understand things. He saw me put her in the cartier and take her away days before. She had an awful infection and smelled horrible so he knew she was sick. He loved that cat immeasurably for ten years like a soulmate, followed her everywhere and just cuddled with her. If she got annoyed and cuffed him, he just back up and then tried to cuddle again. I never saw such devotion from one being to another ever.
He gave up the second he saw the empty carrier. He never got to say goodbye or be with her at the end.
I'm sorry this is long. I had to euthanize my beloved cat Lovey two weeks ago. He and my youngest cat Ruby were completely devoted to each other. For the whole six months Lovey had cancer, Ruby followed him everywhere, groomed him, checked on him, helped him. If Lovey was in the hospital, Ruby would curl up and sleep and not eat or interact at all. He'd cuddle with Lovey non-stop grooming him and follow him like a mother.
My dog also followed lovey and cuddled with him and went to every vet visit and hospital trip. He'd flip out every time anyone tried to take lovey in a back room for blood work or tests , frantic until we got Lovey back in the car going home.
Lovey was worse with no hope for cures or treatment. I took him home to be with me and his pet brothers. He hated the hospital, they didn't feed him right or coddle him or spoil him and his brothers needed him too. We spent every second together for days. Then the hospice vet came out and things were worse.
The other cat and dog were with him til the last second with me holding him the whole time. They sniffed him after and stayed for a few minutes.
They have been calmer and eating and drinking better than with the loss of any other pets who just disappeared in the hospital with an empty carrier showing up later.
One stable I worked at had a herd of horses out all the time. When a horse passed away naturally, one horse wouldn't let any tractors in to remove the body for a day or two until the horses had all had closure. If people tried to force the issue, the horse would violently attack.
You've had some great advice for your awful sad situation. If there's no hope to change it to give you a miracle and you believe your brother is the most loving devoted person for your cat, incorporate him into her care now so she associates him with you.

Leave things with your scent on them for her to help her. A video so she can see and hear you would be comforting not sad. Yes sad for you, but it will be all she has. I cherish my mom's voicemails that I never told her I saved, nine years later. Your brother might too.
This post is way too long but from one who has had many animals and one who has lost many family members and animals, just some thoughts that have and would have helped me, and have helped my animals.

Getting to sniff and say goodbye and have closure seems crucial to the animals I have had

I wish you peace and the easiest possible journey through all of this. I have no idea if you have religious beliefs or not, or what they are if you do, and I don't want at all to offend you or cause you any stress at all. I just want to say God bless you and I honestly hope that doesn't cause you any negative feelings to read that. From me it's a sincere heartfelt wish of peace and best possible wishes. As well as the best possible wishes for your cat, and admiration that you care so deeply for her.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

but maybe it would be better if she knew and saw my body??

Yes, Darlin', it will be better for her to know. And they DO know. They recognize that state very well, and she will realize that YOU no long inhabit that heavy coat of flesh, but are dancing free on sunlight, no longer sick, no longer there. And she will mourn, and move on in the loving hands of your brother until she, too, dances on sunlight with you again.

 

[catsknowme]

Hugs for you both! This is a very touching situation. Have you asked your brother directly about his opinion on this situation? The reason that I ask is that my adult disabled daughter's cat was adopted from a wonderful lady who was entering hospice. This cat is amazing: she knows when my daughter is going to have a seizure and she knows if I am going to have a migraine. When I had a kidney problem, she was pestering me to lie down, as if I was going to get a migraine and it wasn't until my symptoms struck hard later that night that I realized what the cat wanted to tell me. Kelly wound up being pregnant and had babies before she could get spayed - they are all my daughter's constant companions and virtually her only social life.
I am a huge believer in allowing the animals to see the mortal remains after the spirit has flown. When I was a teenager, I lost my horse to colic. We had taken my sister's horse to our backyard, away from the pasture. It shattered my heart to hear the surviving horse's long, drawn out heights, hour after hour, calling & calling...
in reverse, my father died unexpectedly & very quickly, in our back yard, with his cats and his wolf dog keeping vigil. Although 2 of his cats peed on his things and the dog refused to eat or drink for days, they knew and it was easier. I bring my cats home from the vets and allow the other cats to examine them prior to burial - it prevents the survivors from wandering around, calling & calling.
I love, love, love that you rescued your cat and discovered the medical reasons why she was having box issues. You are a true cat guardian. And when your spirit has walked the Milky Way trail to be with the ancestors and those yet to be born, you will get the privilege of being with your brother's future kittens and can give them the rundown on how to be your brother's perfect cats. And we have a TCS family over on the other side of Rainbow Bridge, too.

 

[vyger]

If you wanted to provide a little extra incentive to the person who becomes the new caretaker you could set up a small trust that would pay out a monthly allowance to cover the cats expenses. Receiving that would serve as both a reminder and a thank you. Sometimes people (and I am speaking in general) will develop a resentment for being stuck with the responsibility of caring for something that isn't theirs. An allowance helps negate those feelings. They are getting paid to do it and there is no burden other than their time since the costs are being covered. They didn't get "stuck with the problem cat" but rather were entrusted with it's care and compensated for the privilege. In time others might actually feel a little jealous that they were not chosen instead. And as I mentioned every time that payment shows up its like a special thank you card from you. That will help to always keep things on a positive track and let them know how much you appreciate what they are doing, even if they would do it for nothing, like most of us would, it is still positive encouragement.

 

[Karmakat2436]

~ The "cat crazy" people of this website continue to touch my heart with compassion and care for all living beings - including each other.
We are all on the same road - same journey . Some have finished, others soon to follow. We are never truly alone.
My best wishes to all , and especially you Karmakat2436 and your dear kitty.

​

Thank you so very much...

 

[Karmakat2436]

I have had many cats and also dogs and horses and I work with people and behavior for a living.
I'm so sorry for your situation and wish there was a magical cure for you!
I've lost six cats and my beloved heart dog of twelve years since 2015. Plus I lost my first dog and first horse, and my four childhood cats prior. Not to mention my mom and most of my family.
Many studies have shown that dogs and horses have intelligence, long term memories and feel emotions like grief, happiness, joy, sadness, jealousy, anger, fairness, etc. Cats can too, they just don't care enough about pleasing the questioners enough to give good consistent answers.

Every time I chose to bring a terminally ill cat home and give it hospice care, and eventually have it euthanized at home in comfort in my arms with its bonded other pets, it's been the most beautiful peaceful death. And my remaining pets got to sniff and say a goodbye to the beloved animal and did much better afterwards.
When I've let pets stay in the hospital and euthanized them there, my remaining pets struggled much more

I will never forget my beautiful Inky racing hopefully to the door looking for his soulmate cat Mandy when I brought her sadly empty carrier home. She'd been in the hospital for five days before I had to euthanize her.
I will never forget his eager dash to the door and his little chortles and purrs. Then his abrupt stop, look of absolute devastation, and horrible cry of pain while collapsing to the floor as if I'd kicked him in the head with all my strength.
You can't tell me cats don't know and understand things. He saw me put her in the cartier and take her away days before. She had an awful infection and smelled horrible so he knew she was sick. He loved that cat immeasurably for ten years like a soulmate, followed her everywhere and just cuddled with her. If she got annoyed and cuffed him, he just back up and then tried to cuddle again. I never saw such devotion from one being to another ever.
He gave up the second he saw the empty carrier. He never got to say goodbye or be with her at the end.
I'm sorry this is long. I had to euthanize my beloved cat Lovey two weeks ago. He and my youngest cat Ruby were completely devoted to each other. For the whole six months Lovey had cancer, Ruby followed him everywhere, groomed him, checked on him, helped him. If Lovey was in the hospital, Ruby would curl up and sleep and not eat or interact at all. He'd cuddle with Lovey non-stop grooming him and follow him like a mother.
My dog also followed lovey and cuddled with him and went to every vet visit and hospital trip. He'd flip out every time anyone tried to take lovey in a back room for blood work or tests , frantic until we got Lovey back in the car going home.
Lovey was worse with no hope for cures or treatment. I took him home to be with me and his pet brothers. He hated the hospital, they didn't feed him right or coddle him or spoil him and his brothers needed him too. We spent every second together for days. Then the hospice vet came out and things were worse.
The other cat and dog were with him til the last second with me holding him the whole time. They sniffed him after and stayed for a few minutes.
They have been calmer and eating and drinking better than with the loss of any other pets who just disappeared in the hospital with an empty carrier showing up later.
One stable I worked at had a herd of horses out all the time. When a horse passed away naturally, one horse wouldn't let any tractors in to remove the body for a day or two until the horses had all had closure. If people tried to force the issue, the horse would violently attack.
You've had some great advice for your awful sad situation. If there's no hope to change it to give you a miracle and you believe your brother is the most loving devoted person for your cat, incorporate him into her care now so she associates him with you.

Leave things with your scent on them for her to help her. A video so she can see and hear you would be comforting not sad. Yes sad for you, but it will be all she has. I cherish my mom's voicemails that I never told her I saved, nine years later. Your brother might too.
This post is way too long but from one who has had many animals and one who has lost many family members and animals, just some thoughts that have and would have helped me, and have helped my animals.

Getting to sniff and say goodbye and have closure seems crucial to the animals I have had

I wish you peace and the easiest possible journey through all of this. I have no idea if you have religious beliefs or not, or what they are if you do, and I don't want at all to offend you or cause you any stress at all. I just want to say God bless you and I honestly hope that doesn't cause you any negative feelings to read that. From me it's a sincere heartfelt wish of peace and best possible wishes. As well as the best possible wishes for your cat, and admiration that you care so deeply for her.

Oh gosh you have not offended me in the least bit...you are such a wonderful kind loving soul I am so thankful God has put people like you on this earth to look after all the animals. I want to thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for being so giving and compassionate...you truly are so special. I thank you for your advice too, coming from someone who does have so much experience in death with animals...your stories are heartbreaking but again I’m glad you were there for them all and I thank you again...I am also so very sorry for all the grief and heart ache you have endured through the years...your obviously a very strong soul and very gifted to handle all that. I so many times wanted to help animals more other then through petitions, letter writing, donations etc...I tried but it broke my heart so bad i would cry for days! I’m so weak and sensitive I couldn’t believe how bad I got through the years. I wish I was strong like you and could have done some big miracles for all the animals...honestly that is one thing in life I hate about life is hearing and seeing all the animals abuse..it’s just too much for me and I feel like I’m dying of a broken heart for all the animals in the world..I have always wished and prayed, seriously, no joke but before I go to bed I pray for all the animal suffering to be stopped somehow...so having someone like yourself write to me and me knowing you were there for me is such a special gift...as it is from all the people on this site who have helped me. Everyone on here is so kind and if any of you read this please know how much I appreciate you all! You are all so special. thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

[Karmakat2436]

If you wanted to provide a little extra incentive to the person who becomes the new caretaker you could set up a small trust that would pay out a monthly allowance to cover the cats expenses. Receiving that would serve as both a reminder and a thank you. Sometimes people (and I am speaking in general) will develop a resentment for being stuck with the responsibility of caring for something that isn't theirs. An allowance helps negate those feelings. They are getting paid to do it and there is no burden other than their time since the costs are being covered. They didn't get "stuck with the problem cat" but rather were entrusted with it's care and compensated for the privilege. In time others might actually feel a little jealous that they were not chosen instead. And as I mentioned every time that payment shows up its like a special thank you card from you. That will help to always keep things on a positive track and let them know how much you appreciate what they are doing, even if they would do it for nothing, like most of us would, it is still positive encouragement.

Thank you so much for your reply...I so appreciate it. Actually yes I am leaving ALL my future pension money which I haven’t collected yet, as I’m not old enough, to my brother who will get it all in a lump sum...whom I said is actually the cats money for her care lol...as her food is quite expensive and I have never skimped on vet care etc...yes, she is one spoiled kitty....but even if I didn’t, my brother and I are super close and he honestly loves my kitty already as if it was his...we grew up on a farm together and have both always loved animals especially cats...So I trust him completely as he already is very close with her and she know she him very well...so I thank God for him. Again thank you for mentioning that.

 

[Karmakat2436]

Yes, Darlin', it will be better for her to know. And they DO know. They recognize that state very well, and she will realize that YOU no long inhabit that heavy coat of flesh, but are dancing free on sunlight, no longer sick, no longer there. And she will mourn, and move on in the loving hands of your brother until she, too, dances on sunlight with you again.

Thankyou for saying that..I appreciate it and will have to make sure someone arranges this for my poor kitty..I don’t want her to think I abandoned her and I don’t love her etc anymore...this has always been a concern of mine so I appreciate the advice..

 

[Karmakat2436]

Hugs for you both! This is a very touching situation. Have you asked your brother directly about his opinion on this situation? The reason that I ask is that my adult disabled daughter's cat was adopted from a wonderful lady who was entering hospice. This cat is amazing: she knows when my daughter is going to have a seizure and she knows if I am going to have a migraine. When I had a kidney problem, she was pestering me to lie down, as if I was going to get a migraine and it wasn't until my symptoms struck hard later that night that I realized what the cat wanted to tell me. Kelly wound up being pregnant and had babies before she could get spayed - they are all my daughter's constant companions and virtually her only social life.
I am a huge believer in allowing the animals to see the mortal remains after the spirit has flown. When I was a teenager, I lost my horse to colic. We had taken my sister's horse to our backyard, away from the pasture. It shattered my heart to hear the surviving horse's long, drawn out heights, hour after hour, calling & calling...
in reverse, my father died unexpectedly & very quickly, in our back yard, with his cats and his wolf dog keeping vigil. Although 2 of his cats peed on his things and the dog refused to eat or drink for days, they knew and it was easier. I bring my cats home from the vets and allow the other cats to examine them prior to burial - it prevents the survivors from wandering around, calling & calling.
I love, love, love that you rescued your cat and discovered the medical reasons why she was having box issues. You are a true cat guardian. And when your spirit has walked the Milky Way trail to be with the ancestors and those yet to be born, you will get the privilege of being with your brother's future kittens and can give them the rundown on how to be your brother's perfect cats. And we have a TCS family over on the other side of Rainbow Bridge, too.

Thank you so much for replying and sharing your story. I appreciate it so very much and yes when an animal companion dies it breaks my heart for the other animals...life is so cruel and people don’t think animals mourn or have much feeling...how wrong they are...I am so glad that your daughter has such a wonderful smart kitty and Im glad that sh adopted her that makes me so happy to hear such wonderful heartwarming stories like that with good endings. Hearing your story makes me think my kitty would be better off seeing me when I pass otherwise I don’t want her to wander the house and cry and also wonder where I am.I will never forget when my horse had a baby and we had to sell it and the trailer loaded up the baby, she was of age, and drove down the road the sounds the mother horse made and stared down the road and watched the trailer drive away still haunts me today...and that was so many years ago..I was a child then but it traumatized me...her baby didn’t die but got taken away and that was just as bad as if she had died. Sigh life is sad and hard but with good people like everyone on here and you I am so thankful for you all....

 

[inkysmom]

Thank you for your kind sweet words. I'm glad that I was helpful to you, that's all I wanted to do.
People tell me all the time how strong I am, but it's out of necessity. I have no other choice. I could never abandon my loved ones when they need me, human or animal. My biggest regrets is the times I didn't bring in a pet more or save them sooner.
But I don't feel string when I'm crying all the time missing my beautiful Lovey, or my last dog or my mom. Or when I have trouble functioning or don't bother to eat. Thank God for my dog, he's the only reason I go anywhere sometimes, he loves the dog park.

I'm able to work from home these days, but even that I should be doing more of. I usually feel better once I'm at the park as I have a lot of friends there and everyone loves my dog. I make myself play with him if no one's there.
But I miss all my beautiful animals that are in heaven now. It's awful watching them get sick and die. And getting in financial stress from it.
But I have learned a lot and it's helped my perspective on what's really important. And the best way to say goodbye. I really feel animals do better with closure and not wondering where their loved ones went.

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Your little cat is very lucky and blessed to have you.

 

[Mamanyt1953]

Remember...we are with you, holding you in our hearts as you make this Journey. When you get there, give my mom and dad my dearest love! Meanwhile, you ARE NOT ALONE, nor is your beloved kitty.

 

[Leomc123]

omg i shouldn't have watched that video again i thought i wouldn't cry, but now my eyes are tearing up again and i didn't even see the whole video i just rolled over to the part where he lays his head down on the phone and it got me started, seeing that poor cat and making me think about my two cats who recently gone, and the situation you are in with your health and your poor kitty. I hope you live longer to be with your kitty.