Heartbroke over Bella

KittyLadyMzLisa

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Bella-.jpg


Hi everyone!
I am not new to the site here but haven't been here for a very long time and forgot my old username.
I didn't post much if anything back then. I started following the site in 2016 when I took in an abandoned
siamese cat who came to my door in the pouring rain. I asked around my neighborhood if anyone lost
their kitty and nobody came forward so we adopted her into our family. Well she was a bit skinny and
started putting on weight right away. We thought she was just getting really healthy but her tummy kept
growing and took her to the vet and she was pregnant. I came to this site and checked on the threads
about cat pregnancy and what to do when the birth happened. I was scared but everyone here made me feel
good that everything was going to be alright. Long story short, Chloe had 8 kittens, one sadly didn't make it. We
kept mom and 3 of her babies (CaptainJack, PrincessBella, and PrincessTiana...all disney names lol).
We spayed and found homes for the rest by having 2 families adopt them in
pairs since we didn't want a kitten to go home alone. They all would be 5 this June.
Last Thursday night we were sitting home and Bella who was always the talker and had the most energy of all
came out from under a blanket crying, which normally she talked allot but this time it was a help me sort of cry
and then she collapsed on the carpet. My husband ran to her and talked to her and she sat up and seemed to
be okay. He put her on the couch next to me and she was panting. We thought she might have gotten overheated
for some reason and tried to give her water from her dish but she refused. I tried to feed her Fancy Feast broth but
she didn't want that either. I petted her and she seemed to look allot better so figuring she is so young I wasn't too
worried and thought she would be okay. Looking back now I regret not running her to the vet right away. I feel so
bad about that. We monitored her overnight taking turns and she was sitting up on the couch and would meow a bit
when talked to..a normal meow not the help me cries she was doing. The next day (Friday) I came and sat by her and she looked
better, but tired. Our Bella was our Nightowl and would stay up all night playing, running through our house so her being tired
wasn't out of the ordinary. Normally in the morning she would say good morning to us and let me rub her tummy on the couch
and then she would go and sleep somewhere till evening time when she would get all her energy and pretty much
be up most of the night playing. When on Friday she was still not better by afternoon my hubby rushed her to the vet knowing
the weekend was coming and we wanted to get her in and not wait all weekend. We lost another much older kitty several years ago when they got sick late on a Friday and we had to wait all weekend and that was so hard. He turned out had kidney disease.
I still wasn't too worried because Bella was so young and full of life but I was worried about her maybe not getting any water
or food since her collapse. I didn't know if she had gotten off the couch in the middle of the night to eat or drink.
We took her in and with covid now they came and got her in the parking lot while we waited. They said she was dehydrated
and they would be giving her an IV and run some tests. She came back with a positive for FeLV or feline leukemia virus.
We had taken in Chloe to the vet last summer. She sat in a very sunny window one day and the skin
on her ears was very red and hot like a sunburn had occurred. She was lethargic and we were worried. At
the time they suspected FeLV and did a test and it came back negative. We were relieved but all our cats
are completely indoors. The kittens and Chloe were all vaccinated and spayed after she gave birth.
We have a male cat here we adopted from a shelter 10 years ago. He was neutered
and vaccinated before the shelter allowed us to adopt him. He bonded with Chloe and the babies like a father
to them. He bonded with Bella the most and is crying at night looking for her. When she would play all night
he would sometimes play with her and they talked or kind of had this chirping language together that was really
cute.
Anyways the vet on duty at the time looked at Bella's blood under the microscope and said her white cells were
extremely high (the highest she said she had ever seen) and her red blood cells were too low. What worried
her she said was the shape of them and the number. For her it confirmed cancer. She said she was severely
dehudrated and they would keep her on the IV and also give her antibiotics. Saturday morning the vet on duty called and said her blood cell levels improved dramatically almost going back to normal levels but Bella wasn't eating or drinking and he was concerned. He said they would try some gravy type of foods to get her to eat. On Sunday morning the vet on duty called and said Bella still wasn't eating or drinking and they were still trying to get her to eat. That night she said she had a low grade fever and
was uncomfortable and that she was going to give her an opioid med to help. Monday morning they called
and the vet on duty which is the one who saw the cells back at close to normal said Bella had unfortunately had
some swelling on her tummy area indicating what he thought was pancreatitis. We decided right then to say goodbye
rather than let her suffer. He said that probably would be the right decision. I have since looked up pancreatitis and she had most of the symptoms of it. It could have been what caused her dehydration.
Looking back I regret not running one last blood panel to see how her cell numbers were before making the
decision to let her go. I regret not taking her to the vet sooner and I should know better. I am EMT
trained and she collapsed and that should have been an emergency. Knowing that every second counts I can't help but
wonder if that time would have made a difference. Our house is so quiet now without her. Sleeping is so hard without hearing
her at night playing. Chloe and her siblings Tiana and Jack are walking around crying and looking for her. And our male
stepdad kitty (Mickey) is devastated and hasn't done his normal playing and chirping noises except on the first night when
she was in the hospital. I didn't realize how quiet our house would be without her. Her energy being missing here is
very hard. She was always talking to us telling us about her night. She was the only one who had the siamese voice
that loves to tell us about every bird she sees or what she was up to. I feel so lost without her and devastated that we
lost her so young in life. When we kept these kittens I mistakenly thought how nice it would be to raise a cat
from birth and have them all of their 15 to 20 years. I keep all my cats indoors because I the best for them and for
them to have a long life. Most I have adopted have been adults and when let go it was in their senior years where they
had a very full life with me. Bella was just a baby still in my eyes. She was even smaller than the other 2. The others
are more traditional cat size and Bella was built like Chloe and was smaller boned like the siamese. I was happy that she
would always be the baby in the family because of her size even though she was the first one born from Chloe.
I am also wondering how could she have had cancer or even FeLV when all our kitties are housecats and have never
been allowed outside. I wonder if that could have been a false positive. No second test was ran, just the one there
at the vet, I think called an ELISA test. I am now in the process of scheduling the rest of them in for an FeLV test to
see if any of the others test positive.
 

Furballsmom

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Hello - I'm so sorry this happened.

For your furry babies, you need to play cat music, there's Cat In My Arms on Spotify and elsewhere, there is also RelaxMyCat and MusicForCats. Although time will eventually help, if that's the right word for it, but this will make things a little easier for them.

For yourselves, this may be of help, it was written by a TCS member;
Grieving
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Bella, dream you deep. Your pawprints are on someone's heart forever.

I am so very sorry. But I believe that you made the right, the ONLY, decision with the information you had. It is so human to second-guess ourselves, but for Bella, all she knew was that she was in pain, and then the pain ended. She passed through the Gate between this Adventure and her Next Great Adventure with your love beside her, as it had been every moment since she came to your door. Your love guided her steps to That Place Where All Things Are Known. And from that Place, she sends her love, translated and purified into Love, back again to you, to remain beside you down through all of your days. For Love abides, always, forever, Love abides.
 

Tik cat's mum

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I'm so sorry for your loss. I can tell from your post how much you loved Bella. I can't answer your questions because I don't know. But what I can say is that I've been in that situation and let my Tik go to the bridge. That's how I know it's normal to second guess your decision and think about the if onlys. But believe me you can only go on what information you have at that time and it sounds like you made the right decision. You stopped Bellas suffering and broke your own heart doing so. You put her before yourself it's all any of us can do for them. RIP sweet Bella :rbheart:
 

di and bob

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My heart goes out to you, I know how painful this is.....I first wanted to say that if your other cats test positive for FeLV, especially at their age, it is NOT necessarily a death sentence. My cats have tested positive, and one was so sick we had dug his grave, the vet said "anytime now'. That was 16 months ago and still counting. They are nearing 8 years old. First of all, I keep them strictly indoors now, as you are doing to keep kitty bourne illness at bay. If you pet another cat make sure you wash your hands. I give them DMG (for building up their immunity systems), and LifeGold,(for feline cancer) both at Amazon. Your Bella most likely contracted her disease when she was deeply bitten as a stray. Some cats can fight it off, and they do rebuild blood cells every 30 days. There is also a site for healing animals that is really wonderful, called HomeoAnimal.com, you might check it out. I wish you all well....
Vets see and know a lot. If they suspected Pancreatitis and/or cancer, it most likely was. You were not wrong in ending an almost sure long and horrible struggle for Bella, she was in pain then and there was much more to come.
All those could haves, should haves are all perfectly normal when you are grieving, they always pop up and make us miserable. Try to concentrate on Bella's life, and what she meant to you. Do not make her death more important than her life, that can never be. Her death is but a moment in that beautiful life, she shared your life's journey for a while, and she will always be as near as your thought and prayers. She carried your love in her heart and she is at peace right now because of it. That beautiful bond of love you built over the years can NEVER be taken from you, it will always reside in your soul. Your love for that little girl is unique, only you and your family love her as much as you do. The pain you feel is yours too, and it will try to take over your life. Remember, life is for the living, and just as you would want for Bella if you were the first to go, so she wants for you. To embrace life and seek its happiness.
It takes a long time to heal that hole in your home and your heart. And time is the only thing that really helps. Just get through the next hour, the next day, one day at a time.......RIP beautiful Bella. You will always be remembered, you will always have a secure place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

movinintime

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I am very deeply sorry to hear this! :( These threads are THE hardest on here. I do know God's Plan is bigger than ours. Your baby Bella is now pain free always and is in Heaven across Rainbow Bridge. In the Afterlife you WILL see her again and til then she is happy surrounded by other kitty friends departed too soon, but wil leap to you in joy when she sees you again. May Sweet Bella Angel RIP til you meet again.
 
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KittyLadyMzLisa

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Thank you all so much for your kind replies. It's still very hard for me at the moment. I feel so lost
without her :(
I have made a vet appointment for her mother Chloe and having her retested for
feline leukemia. I am now not convinced when she was tested
last year that the negative test result was correct. I am reading that
false negatives or positives can happen.
Since Bella never has been outside before and she was born here in my house
I suspect if the test was not a false positive on her and she had
leukemia, then either my male cat Mickey or Bella's
mother Chloe must be positive for feline leukemia. It scares me so much to think that but if
Bella had it then someone else here gave it to her.
I can't tell you how much your emotional and informational support means to me.
I don't feel so alone after reading all your posts. Your kindness is so appreciated
and I thank you all so much.:redheartpump:
 
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KittyLadyMzLisa

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My heart goes out to you, I know how painful this is.....I first wanted to say that if your other cats test positive for FeLV, especially at their age, it is NOT necessarily a death sentence. My cats have tested positive, and one was so sick we had dug his grave, the vet said "anytime now'. That was 16 months ago and still counting. They are nearing 8 years old. First of all, I keep them strictly indoors now, as you are doing to keep kitty bourne illness at bay. If you pet another cat make sure you wash your hands. I give them DMG (for building up their immunity systems), and LifeGold,(for feline cancer) both at Amazon. Your Bella most likely contracted her disease when she was deeply bitten as a stray. Some cats can fight it off, and they do rebuild blood cells every 30 days. There is also a site for healing animals that is really wonderful, called HomeoAnimal.com, you might check it out. I wish you all well....
Vets see and know a lot. If they suspected Pancreatitis and/or cancer, it most likely was. You were not wrong in ending an almost sure long and horrible struggle for Bella, she was in pain then and there was much more to come.
All those could haves, should haves are all perfectly normal when you are grieving, they always pop up and make us miserable. Try to concentrate on Bella's life, and what she meant to you. Do not make her death more important than her life, that can never be. Her death is but a moment in that beautiful life, she shared your life's journey for a while, and she will always be as near as your thought and prayers. She carried your love in her heart and she is at peace right now because of it. That beautiful bond of love you built over the years can NEVER be taken from you, it will always reside in your soul. Your love for that little girl is unique, only you and your family love her as much as you do. The pain you feel is yours too, and it will try to take over your life. Remember, life is for the living, and just as you would want for Bella if you were the first to go, so she wants for you. To embrace life and seek its happiness.
It takes a long time to heal that hole in your home and your heart. And time is the only thing that really helps. Just get through the next hour, the next day, one day at a time.......RIP beautiful Bella. You will always be remembered, you will always have a secure place in loving hearts. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!

Thank you so much di and bob for your kind and thoughtful post and information on FeLV. :heartshape:
I am so glad reading about your cats living happy lives with FeLV. It makes me feel better because I am really worried about my other kitties in my household. I am so worried now that something will happen
to them like what happened with Bella and watching them
really closely. I am going to take each one to the vet to be tested for FeLV.
I went to Amazon and ordered the DMG and also
the LifeGold. There is a product on there with lysine in it combined with
DMG that I saw called VetriScience Lysine Plus. Have you ever used lysine before?
 

di and bob

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Yes, I did until I researched it and they said that it really wasn't conclusive on helping anything. But you know what? It may help THEM, I would try it, why not? Maybe give one dose of DMG and LifeGold in the AM and Lysine plus in the evening. Bella could have died from complications of FeLV which causes all kinds of cancers. I'm sorry I misunderstood above, it was the mama Chloe That may have contracted FeLV when she was a stray. She may have passed it on to her kittens, though maybe only to Bella, you never know. I pray the others don't have it. If Chloe has it she is one of the lucky few that can fight it off and only be a carrier. There has been a lot of research done on this and many have concluded that it does not necessarily be passed on to other cats in the household if they do not fight and bite. Many researchers have said it does NOT get passed on casually like in the litterbox or through eating out of the same dish. If they have made it to 5 years old there is a very good chance of them living longer. Before mine were diagnosed, the one that almost died had unexplainable illnesses before, he would quit eating, hide, get very congested, and have a hard time breathing. He would literally waste away. I then found Hartz Delectables Lickabels, a cat treat that is mostly gel with bits of meat. in the STEW, they didn't like the bisque. That is what I give their DMG and LifeGold in every day, I split a pack amongst three cats. it is also the ONLY thing that Yammy eats when he is so terribly sick. I make sure I keep it around. It seems to be out of stock a lot on Amazon and Target, I know Walmart and even Dollar General sell it in-store. Since their diagnosis, I keep them strictly inside now, and I think that has helped. 16 months and counting, I am so grateful for every day. They are all slightly overweight where I want to keep them and zoom around the house every day!
 
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