Handling nosy previous owners

[Xraystyle]

So I've had Puar for about a month now. When his previous owner dropped him off, I gave him my card with my phone number and instagram account (I'm an artist, so that's what my business card has on it ha) and told him that if he wanted to see pics of Puar, I'd probably post them from time to time. He seemed kind of "yeah ok whatever" about it, so I wasn't worried about him constantly asking to see Puar. However, it's his (ex?)girlfriend who might become an issue. She has followed me on instagram, which I'm fine with. She's posted one comment on a video of Puar asking about him, and I'm kinda on the fence about responding. This woman saved Puar from the street and spent a lot of money nursing him back to health--however, both she and the guy took jobs in other countries knowing they couldn't take Puar with them. They gave him up. I'm fine with them looking at pics, but actually interacting with them is not something a particularly want to do. Especially because the guy mentioned that she will come back to Korea next year (and if it didn't work out with Puar, she' would take him back--AS IF.) I'm just afraid if I engage, she'll start asking for more and more. Puar's my little dude, I'll post or not post about him when I feel like it! (also I know I could just block her if it becomes a serious issue, but like...)

Have you guys dealt with nosy ex-owners? What was the experience like and what did you do about it? I'm sure others have had more serious issues, but I'd love to hear your stories and any advice you might have!

 

[Caspers Human]

So, technically, it was the GUY's cat. Right?
The woman is his EX-girlfriend. Yes?
If it was his cat and if she's no longer his girlfriend then she no longer has any interest in his property.
Therefore, she has no rights to this cat, at all.

You were polite in offering to send a picture so that they would know that the cat has a good home.

But, beyond that, there should be a line in the sand.

The girlfriend has gone beyond her rights and has stepped over the line.

You have the right to cut her off.
I know that people in other countries have different traditions as to what is "polite" and I know that you are struggling with that issue. Being the "Rude American" ( Take that as a figure of speech ) I would not hesitate to cut her off.

If she doesn't take the hint at being blocked and cut off, I would call a lawyer and have a letter sent to the girlfriend to the effect that you do not want any contact from her.

If she doesn't get the message, after that, it would be a matter for the police.

 

[Xraystyle]

I believe they rescued Puar together, but I think she left first and so he kept the cat until he was leaving as well (speculation, but their break up could've just been logistical as they obviously still speak since he gave her my info). She was the one doing the vet care as she is Korean and he is American, so I think she probably feels like she has a bigger stake in the cat's well-being. (Although in my mind she has zero stake now)

Hopefully it will never get far enough for serious stuff. Being a foreigner in Korea makes it hard to do anything legal-wise anyway. There was no contract between us, but I've taken Puar to the vet so I do have record that I've been caring for him. I also have all of the emails from the guy regarding the rehoming process, just in case!

I'm sort of just going to go by not posting cat things that often (not my brand anyway) and hoping she loses interest over time. If not, she'll be blocked!

Thanks for the response and the reassurance that it's okay to be rude!

 

[Caspers Human]

When she broke up with him and left the cat behind, she gave it up.

If a man gives an engagement ring to a woman but they break up before getting married, she can keep the ring.
Yes, there are other factors that play into that but, according to tradition, she keeps the ring if she wants to.

The same thing goes, here. The tables are turned but it's the same idea.
If she gave him the cat and then broke up and didn't ask for it back, that's the end of it.

If she is Korean, you can serve papers on her. She's the one who's the problem. Right?

 

[Xraystyle]

Yeah, totally understand. That's a good way of putting it.

She's currently not in the country, so it's not a legal issue at this point, just a worst case scenario. I'm not Korean, which is where the engaging a lawyer/talking to the cops stuff would be tedious for me to navigate but I really don't think it will come to that (but anxious minds always jump to the worst thing)

Right now it's just a "eehhhhhh go awayy" feeling I have. And like, I'm grateful that she rescued my little guy from the street, so if she "likes" the occasional pic I post on Instagram, that's totally fine, but her time with him has finished and I don't want to interact with her or talk about him with her. She will hopefully move on with her life and when/if she comes back to Korea, she'll concentrate on the future, not on the cat she left behind.

 

[Krienze]

Is she giving you any indication that she wants to see Puar? If she's just asking about how he is, I sort of understand. She rescued him, so she may feel like she has an invested interest in making sure her ex found him a good home. She gave him up, but I'm sure she still wants the best for him. It might not have been an easy choice for her, so I guess I'm trying to put myself in her shoes. It might not hurt to do a basic post just showing how well Puar is doing, kind of like a subtle message to her that he's in good hands and good shape. This way it covers her asking without directly responding to her message.

If it goes past that? And she actually asks to SEE Puar? I'd just say you aren't comfortable with that.

Legally she has no rights to him.

But just because I'm a 'file it' sort of person, I'd suggest (if you aren't already) saving every message you have or have had with her or her ex, this way if anything malicious does happen on their end, you have text documents to prove your side of things (I doubt it will come to that but, better safe than sorry.)

 

[Norachan]

I've never been in your position, but as someone who re-homes lots of rescued kittens I can understand why she wants to know if Puar is OK.

I never forget the kittens that I re-homed and I told all of the new adopters that if things didn't work out I'd take the cat back, no questions asked. That doesn't mean I want them back, it just means I don't want to risk the cat ever being taken to a shelter or dumped somewhere.

The last time I re-homed kittens I did it through a cat cafe and it was wonderful. The cafe posted pictures and updates on their site so I could "stalk" the kittens online and see how they were doing. All four eventually went to new homes. I don't know who those people were, of course, but I know the cat cafe has a very rigorous screening process and a no-questions-asked returns policy. So I'm happy to think that the kittens all went to great homes.

Is Puar micro-chipped? If he is make sure the data is updated to show you are his person now. If not, get him chipped in your name. Keep a record of every single vet visit, with receipts. This goes a long way to proving legal guardianship of the cat.

I think you should let her see pictures of Puar on instagram to show that he is safe and happy, but you really don't need to do anymore than that.

As a foreigner living in Japan I can understand why you're anxious about not being able to understand every thing if cops or lawyers were involved, but remember Asia is a lot less litigious than the US is. I really don't think she'd ever bother getting a lawyer involved, especially as you can prove how well cared for and loved Puar is now.

 

[Xraystyle]

He's not microchipped and the district I live in doesn't microchip cats so I'd have to take him to a different district to get it done. I know I should...

thanks for the insight from the perspective of the one wanting to check in. I do understand her feeling there. Honestly, the guy is super lucky he chose me, because he definitely didn't do a rigorous background check.

I like what you and Krienze said, posting occasional pictures to show Puar's good, but not if/because she asks, just because I want to show people my cool little guy. If she starts DM'ing me, then I'll move to block her.

 

[KittyFriday]

I wouldn't personally mind a quick response to her letting her know he's doing well. She's probably just hoping he found a good home.

My parents took in two Aussies from a woman who absolutely was giving them away (for a "rehoming fee") - she was moving and flat out told them that she was going to go purchase a different dog for her toddler son to grow up with. She did message me asking how they were and I told her; she's never contacted me again.