Guilt ridden about giving up on a new cat.

[terestrife]

I have a cat that i adopted on march she is my first pet that i got on my own. She is an amazing cat. i started feeling like my cat would be happier if she had the company of another cat, a younger one to keep her company.

I saw a cat in a petsupermarket (one that came from a humane society) i thought she would be good, she was sharing her cage with 3 other cats. She was really sweet and liked it when i touched her. As we were leaving my mom said that the cat suddenly hissed at some random woman for no reason.

i ignored this, since i had seen how sweet this cat is. anyway, when i got home i did the same thing i did with my first cat. with my first cat Kitty i held her in her box at first, let them sniff her, and then took her out and held her, and let the dogs (2 dogs my brother has) sniff her, so they would know she belonged in the house now. She was nervous but let them sniff her.

By the end of the day she didnt mind walking around the house, she never once hissed at them. they would follow her and we would tell them "NO!" if they bugged her too much. She has only ever scratched someone purposely once, and that was the bigger dog. He had cornered her and was too excited and sniffing her, and she panicked and scratched him. this was when she first got here, and it never happened again.

She has never scratched us purposely, only when she play fights, and she doesnt draw blood. Now she and the dogs love each other, they lick at each other, and the dogs protect her. anyway, i told my sister to hold Kitty, while i brought in the new cat, i had her in the travel box that they put them in. I let kitty sniff near the box, and Kitty seemed excited and not upset at all. Until the cat inside gave this growl that i had never heard from a cat before, she calmed down. I took her out, and all of the sudden, she goes NUTS!

She scratched up my arms and my hands. Why the heck the humane society doesnt clip the nails of cats they adopt out, i do not know. My cat had never scratched me to the point of bleeding. My poor cat Kitty is in my sister arms starring as this cat attacks me, with this look of fear in her eyes. She would look at the cat, and then at me. As if wondering, why i brought this cat to our home. I told my sister to put the pets away, and the cat seemed to calm down.

All i could think about was my cat, what if this cat loses it and scratches her? what if she scratches the dogs? or worse what if she scratches my 2 year old niece? i had never seen a cat act this way. I was devastated, but i took her back, all i could think about at that moment was the safety of the others in my family.

I know i probably overreacted, she might have been fine after awhile, but i couldnt take that risk. My sister called me as i was returning the cat, and she told me that when she let Kitty out of the room they locked her in, she came out slowly looking around to make sure the cat wasnt there, she would even run back the room out of fear.

i am feeling so guilty and sad at the thought that i abandoned this cat, and just gave up on her so quickly. I know there is nothing that can be done now, i just needed to tell someone how i was feeling. i know i will probably get a lot of negative comments, but i just needed to talk to someone.

 

[peachesxo]

She was just scared and that's an normal reaction, definitely not a "vicious" cat at all for doing that... the problem is you introduced them improperly and she freaked out which is to be expected. Sad that you took her back so quickly but I guess you had no idea what to expect. Also, the people at the store/rescue should have asked you if you had other animals and let you know the  basics of proper introduction, so you aren't the only one at fault... but yeah =( No cats will EVER like each other right away, it is unheard of, chances are properly 1 in million.

Generally, when you get a new animal, mostly a cat, they need to be separated from your others and in a room of their own for at least a few days, sometimes a few weeks, where they have their own food/litter/bed and whatnot. They cannot come into contact with the other animals at all. After a day or so, you are supposed to get them used to each others scent by swapping blankets and stuff. Once they are comfortable with that and there are no adverse reactions to eachothers smell you move on to letting them take a peek at each other through the door. If there is any hissing or growling, you shut it, and move back to the scent swapping. Before they ever meet face to face they should be chortling and interacting under/through the door happily, rolling around at either side, playing with each others paws underneath it... they should seem like they generally want to be together before you ever let it happen. It can takes days, weeks, sometimes months before they get a long, and sometimes they never do, but just putting them together right away when the cat is brand new is always a recipe for disaster. Both are confused, and the new one is especially scared because it doesn't even know you or your home, let alone that there is another cat around yet, and will become defensive right away.

If you search introducing new cats on here there are a lot more details.. but yeah. The fact that there was no proper introduction and you tried to put them together right away is why you got that reaction, she was just very scared.

 

[terestrife]

She was just scared and that's an normal reaction, definitely not a "vicious" cat at all for doing that... the problem is you introduced them improperly and she freaked out which is to be expected. Sad that you took her back so quickly but I guess you had no idea what to expect. Also, the people at the store/rescue should have asked you if you had other animals and let you know the  basics of proper introduction, so you aren't the only one at fault... but yeah =( No cats will EVER like each other right away, it is unheard of, chances are properly 1 in million.

Generally, when you get a new animal, mostly a cat, they need to be separated from your others and in a room of their own for at least a few days, sometimes a few weeks, where they have their own food/litter/bed and whatnot. They cannot come into contact with the other animals at all. After a day or so, you are supposed to get them used to each others scent by swapping blankets and stuff. Once they are comfortable with that and there are no adverse reactions to eachothers smell you move on to letting them take a peek at each other through the door. If there is any hissing or growling, you shut it, and move back to the scent swapping. Before they ever meet face to face they should be chortling and interacting under/through the door happily, rolling around at either side, playing with each others paws underneath it... they should seem like they generally want to be together before you ever let it happen. It can takes days, weeks, sometimes months before they get a long, and sometimes they never do, but just putting them together right away when the cat is brand new is always a recipe for disaster. Both are confused, and the new one is especially scared because it doesn't even know you or your home, let alone that there is another cat around yet, and will become defensive right away.

If you search introducing new cats on here there are a lot more details.. but yeah. The fact that there was no proper introduction and you tried to put them together right away is why you got that reaction, she was just very scared.

thanks for the info, i found it very helpful. The clerk did not ask me if i had a cat, but i told her myself. She said she used to separate animals for a week, but she now just lets animals figure it out themselves. what upset me, is that this cat scratched me to the point of drawing blood. the clerk told me this should not happen. i was worried she would do this to my cat as well.

anyway, thanks for the response, i will be more careful with introductions from now on.

 

[peachesxo]

Well, cats who are scared like in your case will scratch or bite whatever or whoever is closest in an attempt to get away. It is their defensive reaction and if they are in a situation where they feel threatened it will happen despite how sweet and loving the cat is otherwise. Even a normally calm and happy cat who does not feel threatened will sometimes scratch or bite and draw blood while playing if your hand gets too close or when it's had too much petting, or when they are just too excited... it's just something that comes with having one.

 

[terestrife]

Well, cats who are scared like in your case will scratch or bite whatever or whoever is closest in an attempt to get away. It is their defensive reaction and if they are in a situation where they feel threatened it will happen despite how sweet and loving the cat is otherwise. Even a normally calm and happy cat who does not feel threatened will sometimes scratch or bite and draw blood while playing if your hand gets too close or when it's had too much petting, or when they are just too excited... it's just something that comes with having one.

i see. thats strange because my cat Kitty has never scratched to the point of drawing blood, or bitten me. even when i introduced her that first day to the dogs in the house, even when i bathed her, and clipped her nails. She has never purposely scratched me no matter how nervous or scared she is.

i remember when i first bathed her she just scared, and even though she was trying to climb onto me and used her claws, she never sunk in her claws to the point of puncturig. Which is why it shocked me to see a cat act to violently. I'm glad to know what to expect now when two cats get together, thanks!

 

[peachesxo]

Well, if a proper introduction is done you shouldn't have to expect any bloodshed between cats ever, but because he was so scared that's definitely why you got the clawing.

Your other cat is one of the "miracle few" then to have never scratched or bitten, but yeah, all of them are different to some extent and most will react with hissing/claws/bites/growling when they are afraid or upset.

 

[catwoman707]

Great advice from peachesxo, and I want to add a little something here.

In the future, if you consider getting another cat for companionship for Kitty, if I were you I would try to get a male kitten, females tend to be the boss cat of the home, and males naturally submit to this, but sometimes a second female kitten grows up and wants to be the boss cat too, then you have a battle of the wills, and that can be a problem! Not always, but often times.

All cats when they live with other cats have an instinct of a ranking system like a ladder in a way, they each have a position in the home, and they establish this without most people even realizing it.

Your best bet is a male kitten if you think about getting another one. Of course younger is better but any male has better odds than bringing another female. Just an FYI

 

[otto]

Well, but you didn't really abandon the new cat, you brought her back to the adoption center, right? You only had her home for a few minutes, it's not like you kept her, let her get settled and attached and then dumped her.

You didn't know, is all, how to do introductions. If you ever decide to try again, now you know there is much more to it than just showing two cats to one another. You'll do the research on how to do slow introductions, you'll know that this kind of thing can take a lot of time, weeks or even months sometimes, before cats adjust.

Most cats just don't handle change well. It takes time for them to adapt to any new situation. Hopefully the kitty found another home, maybe she got to stay with her cage mates, if they were already bonded.

 

[terestrife]

Great advice from peachesxo, and I want to add a little something here.

In the future, if you consider getting another cat for companionship for Kitty, if I were you I would try to get a male kitten, females tend to be the boss cat of the home, and males naturally submit to this, but sometimes a second female kitten grows up and wants to be the boss cat too, then you have a battle of the wills, and that can be a problem! Not always, but often times.

All cats when they live with other cats have an instinct of a ranking system like a ladder in a way, they each have a position in the home, and they establish this without most people even realizing it.

Your best bet is a male kitten if you think about getting another one. Of course younger is better but any male has better odds than bringing another female. Just an FYI

I always thought male cats were more dominant? or is this only when they are neutered? i have heard that male cats tend to be sweeter. My cat Kitty is sweet, but she doesnt like being carried much, and she doesnt like it when you touch her for too long. lol She usually showers right after we pet her,

thanks for the advice though!

Well, but you didn't really abandon the new cat, you brought her back to the adoption center, right? You only had her home for a few minutes, it's not like you kept her, let her get settled and attached and then dumped her.
You didn't know, is all, how to do introductions. If you ever decide to try again, now you know there is much more to it than just showing two cats to one another. You'll do the research on how to do slow introductions, you'll know that this kind of thing can take a lot of time, weeks or even months sometimes, before cats adjust.
Most cats just don't handle change well. It takes time for them to adapt to any new situation. Hopefully the kitty found another home, maybe she got to stay with her cage mates, if they were already bonded.

Thanks for the kind response, i really appreciate it. And yes i took her back to the adoption place, to petsupermarket. They show animals there that are from a humane society. And you're right if i ever decide to get another cat, i will be very cautious, and do research beforehand. I feel bad though and have been watching her listing on the website, i hope she gets adopted.

 

[catwoman707]

Correct. Neutered males and younger males not sexual mature yet are submissive to females.

It gets more complicated with unfixed males, but we won't even go there. (they are still actually not dominant over female's status but much more powerful in a group, etc)

In general speaking, I suppose overall males can be considered a bit more easy-going, they seem to lack the 'bitchy' streak females in a multicat home have, but I believe this is her way of maintaining her status. Females are sweet and loving too!

I have 2 females in my home that I personally own. (worded that way because I have a separate building behind my house called my 'cat room', where all of my temps are held)

Krissy, pictured next to my name here I got at about 6 hours old. She is my baby! and the reason for starting in rescue, opened my eyes to the whole cat world.

Then I have Simone, who was homeless and in one of my colonies from time to time on an island where I would see her when I fed there, from the start of caring for that colony until I snatched her up and took her home was about 3 yrs. She is this gorgeous snow white long haired, blue eyed beauty, just didnt seem quite right, she must at some point have been owned.

Anyway, they are both 10 yrs old (approx age for Simone) and I have had her for 6 yrs now, and what a battle I had on my hands, Krissy was top cat, and Simone wanted her spot, so it was a constant battle, let me tell you.....even though Simone, having survived outdoors on an island with every predator imaginable so she had her strength and survival mode very active, could absolutely kick Krissy's a**, no doubt at all about that, Krissy refused to give up her position in my home, and even now after 6 years together, they are NOT friends, they simply tolerate each other. I still have to intercept now and then as Simone will try to do little things, like take over Krissy's spot where she sleeps, etc. It's been an adventure to say the least.

All this can be avoided if you match opposite sex cats. Or 2 males, neutered.

This isn't always the case with 2 females, just depends on their personalities, but you won't know for sure until they are adults, so I would avoid the possibility at all costs, it's a real pain...

 

[luvzmykatz]

Well you just tried to force things too fast which you can never do with cats.  I don't know about dogs but cats require time.  It's not your fault the clerk who told you to let the animals just figure it out was an idiot and let their manager know what bad advice the clerk was giving because it could keep the animal from good adoptive homes.   That aside if you try again get a kitten or younger cat under a year.  They are usually easier to integrate into a household.  Keep them in separate rooms for a few days.  Switchout rooms so they get used to the others scent then slowly introduce them a few minutes at at time.   Pay more attention to the old cat so he/she knows the new cats isn't taking their place but also pay attention to the new cat so the old one knows that you value this newcomer and picks on on that.   They will circle each other a bit and you'll hear some growlling and hissing for awhile.   Make sure you watch but don't get involved unless fur files or one or the other is hurting or attacking.   They'll most likely keep their distance from each other.   Slowly expand on the time they are together and when you feel secure with it leave them alone for short periods...not too long.   Then after another while you can leave them alone for longer and longer periods.  Make sure the both kitties have places to retreat to it they feel threatened.   I can usually get them to get alone in a week or more.   With my present cats it only too a week and then in 3 weeks they were best friends but one is a kitten and the kitten was all gunho to be friend but my older cat who is 7 year old was leary of the newcomer and held off.   She still groans at the kitten when he annoys her then he takes the clue and leaves her alone but they groom each other an sometimes sleep together and play all the time so they're happy.   I've had cats take a month to get along but by two weeks they can usually be alone together.   It really depends on the individual cats and they are all different.  Good luck.