Guilt and regrets over lost soul cat

SA82

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My sweet boy Aslan (big orange tabby, 11 years old) started vomiting and having diarrhea in August 2024.
I had many tests done and the vet confirmed IBD with x-rays.
I put him on a novelty diet and gave him the antibiotics prescribed.
A few weeks later he stopped eating.
I couldn't afford a feeding tube, but knew he wouldn't mind me feeding him (he was my bottle baby), so I started syringe feeding him blended rabbit patè multiple times a day.
We tried every appetite stimulant but none worked.
After 11 weeks of syringe feeding him as much as I could get in him (about 10 oz pate a day), he continued to lose weight (from 22 pounds to 14 pounds) and I was becoming a mess.
I was so worried about Aslan that I started neglecting my own health and was desperate for him to eat on his own again.
I did research and came across many articles and people saying that Prednisolone helped cats with IBD.
So I asked the vet for prednisolone.
On the second day of prednisolone, Aslan stopped drinking water.
After the first week, he developed red, swollen eyes, and an extreme upper respiratory infection along with pneumonia.
We started lowering the doses, but by the 3rd week, it was too late.
Aslan developed heart failure.
He was suffering. He was in pain. He became emaciated, weak, and lethargic.
I had to put him down on 12/16/24
I feel like it is my fault. If I hadn't asked for the prednisolone, he wouldn't have suffered or had heart failure. He wouldn't have died.
And the messed up thing is, I knew that was a rare possibility, as I read that some cats died on it.
I just didn't think my boy would be in the tiny percentage of that happening.
All of his previous tests were good, and his x-rays showed he had a normal heart.
That's what absolutely devastates me.
Before the steroids he was a happy, active, playful loving cat. After it, he faded away and became a shell of himself. And he suffered!
My decision caused that suffering.
It's been over a month now since I put him to sleep and I feel guilt ridden. I cry constantly.
I feel by asking for that medication, I killed him.
I can't forgive myself for his death.
I failed him.
I miss my big sweet soul cat, Aslan.
 

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Gunther4ever

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You aren't a vet you depended on professionals diagnosis, you didn't let your cat down nor did you cause his passing. But missing him yes that I understand completely, it's hard and you are entitled to grieve but don't take on guilt as it's not yours. You loved and nutured him and vice versa and that's the memory to hold. I am very sorry you lost your beautiful boy.
 

DeesCats

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy Aslan, please accept my condolences.

I also don't think you did anything wrong, you did the best you could for him and know in your heart that he loved you for all your efforts to get him better.
 

silent meowlook

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Hi. I am sorry for your loss.

This is important for you to understand. If his underlying heart condition was so bad that the Prednisolone triggered congestive heart failure, his time was extremely limited anyway. You wouldn’t have known about an underlying heart issue unless you had an echocardiogram done, which is not routine testing in cats.

Heart disease is a silent killer in cats. With issues like you described prior to the Prednisolone, he really needed steroids, because he most likely had severe IBD and or cancer. Something had to be used to stop the inflammation. He would have died without it.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do or how hard you try, sometimes we just can’t save them. We don’t have control over this, sometimes. And, it is devastating and the grief is overwhelming and all consuming. Far too painful to bear. So, we turn that grief to anger and push it on ourselves, thinking we did something wrong or didn’t do the right things. It wouldn’t have mattered.

Nothing you did changed what the outcome was going to be. It’s horrible and so sad, but not your fault.
 

epona

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Please try not to feel that way about it, you did everything you could and you couldn't have known he would have a (rare!) bad experience with the prednisolone - there is no way you could have known that! Most do not have that sort of issue with it.

You did everything you could to help him.

He was a beautiful boy and I just know how much you miss him - my Jakey was put to sleep (late stage CKD with a cancer diagnosis on top of that) on the same day. I'm not really a spiritual person but maybe they are looking after one another now as they passed at the same time.

Loads of love to you. I think it's normal to feel guilt when we are so responsible for their wellbeing. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong though - that feeling of guilt is just part of a normal reaction to grief for an animal companion.
 

rubysmama

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I'm so sorry for your loss. As for you suggesting the prednisolone, you're not a vet, so if the vet prescribed it, it would be because they felt it was the right decision. So don't blame yourself for that. As for guilt, I totally understand you having those thoughts, and it's possible that no matter what you'd done to try to make him well again, you may have felt like you should have done something different. At least that's how I felt after I lost my Ruby girl last May to kidney disease. Loving them, makes us want to make them well again, even when sometimes it's impossible.

Asian was a gorgeous tabby boy. RIP sweetie. :angel:
 

di and bob

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I have had many cats on prednisolone and they have all done much better on it. I, too, believe that his health was so compromised, that trying the pred was a last ditch effort to help him. i truly believe he would have passed anyway. I am so very sorry.
Guilt ALWAYS accompanies death, because not one of us is perfect. if you could have looked into the future you would not have done this, but unfortunately, no one can. you had so much strength caring for him, you will need to call on that strength once more to heal your own heart. You most likely feel you have nothing left, but you do,you have your love for that precious boy, and his love for you and for you trying so hard to make his life better. Love is spiritual, whatever path that sweet boy now follows, it will always parallel your own. Love never dies, it dwells in your heart and soul, just as it dwells in his. "Death cannot take that which never dies."
Please go forward into the future and live it as you would want for him to go on if you were the first to go. Not in perpetual sadness and tears, but knowing there will always be the promise of tomorrow being a better day. Seek life's beauty and happiness. That is what he wants for you because that is love and he wants no less. i know your own world has stopped, and the rest of the world keeps going on. It deosn't seem possible. Don't let sadness take over your life. It can very easily. But your soul cannot live like that forever, it longs for happiness and love. It hurts. It hurts enough to take your breathe away. Mourn losing a little one that is important to you in this world, but know his love will never leave you. You will always haev what you two shared.
My heart goes out to you. I feel your sadness. I know that sadness and guilt, too many times. You will survive, because you have to, to keep his memory alive and pass on what he left you as his precious memory, a Cat's Love.......RIP Aslan. ypou will never be forgotten, you will always have a secure place in a loving heart. May the good Lord bless and keep you, until you meet again!
 

FeralHearts

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First, I want to say how sorry I am for the loss of your sweet Aslan. Losing a beloved companion is heart-wrenching, and the love you have for him is so clear in everything you’ve written. He was a handsome boy for sure.

Please know that you didn't fail him. Everything you did - from seeking a diagnosis, syringe-feeding him tirelessly at the risk of yourself - even the pred. You advocated for him as best as you could. It was out of love, and a desire to give him the best chance. You couldn't have predicted his reaction to the medication - if it was the medication, which, to be honest, it may not have been. The pred probably helped in ways you couldn't see as well.

All of your decisions came from a place of hope and determination to ease his suffering and give him a chance to recover.

I've lost two over the last year to the evils of invisible foes called illness. Some of what myself and the Vets did in terms of treatment I'm sure caused lost time with them. It is the worst kind of catch 22 in the world and it kicks you in the gut. Sometimes the cures / treatments are as bad as the illnesses. Sometimes choices for treatment are impossible choices. You are dealing with a feather on a set of scales that can unbalance quickly. You made these choices out of love and no doubt much better choices than you know or think. Take that from someone still struggling like you are. XOXO

The guilt you’re feeling is something so many of us face when we make difficult decisions for our pets, but Aslan’s decline was not your fault. You fought for him every step of the way. The care you gave show how much you loved him.

It’s obvious he was a happy, cherished cat who felt your love every day. Even in his final weeks, he knew you were there for him and in the end, you made the hardest but most loving choice to let him go and free him from his pain. That was not failure - that was bravery and compassion. Everything you did was that..

Grieving takes time, and it’s okay to feel everything you're feeling. Please try to be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend in your shoes. Aslan wouldn’t want you to carry this burden of guilt. He would want you to remember the love you shared and the beautiful life you gave him.

My heart goes out to you.

XOXOXOX
 
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iPappy

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I am so sorry for your loss of Aslan. He was such a beautiful and handsome cat, and obviously so loved by you.
I agree that if the prednisolone triggered something in his heart, that something underlying was wrong. I've lost cats to sudden cardiac death that showed no symptoms. It's horrible.
I lost a cat 10 days before you lost Aslan to kidney disease. She was doing so well, and had an excellent check up at the vet less than a month before she passed. Her kidney levels were improving, and she was eating like crazy and was still playing and catching mice. One day, her kidneys just stopped working. Like you, I syringe fed her. She also stopped drinking water, and after that I knew there was nothing left to try.
One of the hardest things I've learned to accept is that some things can't be fixed. We do all we can to help them, give them quality of life, and keep them happy. Unfortunately, sometimes that isn't enough. Sometimes, something takes them far too soon that we didn't cause, but we couldn't fix, we couldn't help, and we can't understand.
Please accept my condolences for the loss of your friend. I know how badly it hurts. :hugs:
 
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SA82

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I thank every single one of you, from the bottom of my heart, for your kind words.
And I give you my heartfelt condolences for your losses as well.

Everything each one of you has said has resonated with me.
On some level I understand Aslan was in decline, and his passing was eventual.
But I still regret any amount of suffering he endured in the end.
The picture I posted was before he was sick, that's how I want to remember him.
The ones I took while he was sick and the day before I had him put down are of him looking completely different and they hurt to look at.

Again, I thank all of you, for helping me grieve.
I am so glad this community of beautiful, cat loving people are here for those of us feeling lost and alone.
Much love, healing, and happiness to each of you.
 

iPappy

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The factor of suffering is problematic. On one hand, we don't want them to suffer for even a moment. But on the other hand, we don't want to act too quickly and take away any time they may have had left.
I lost my soul dog to cutaneous T-cell lymphosarcoma. It's a type of lymphoma, but it attacks the skin and mucous membranes. I have so many pictures of him looking happy and healthy through the years. When he first started becoming sick (with very vague symptoms), I noticed in some photos he looked bright and happy and in others, he didn't. The last year or two, those photos show a dog who was slowly getting sicker and weaker. After I lost him, I was so tempted to go through and delete those photos so I would never have to look at them again. But I didn't.
My dog had to be euthanized, and it was one of the most painful things I have ever done in my life. I was borderline hysterical over it. Whenever I doubt that I made a bad decision, I look at those photos of him that show the decline. The last few photos and videos I have of him show me that it was definitely time.
The cat I mentioned that I lost was similar, but her progression was much faster. I look at her last photos and cringe because I can see how sick she really was, and how quickly it came on. She didn't suffer long, but like Aslan, I know it was her time.
Sending that love, healing, and happiness right back at you. And hugs as well. :hugs:
 

Margot Lane

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The amount of heartfelt replies here goes to show you we all struggle with this with kitties. They are so good at hiding what’s going on, and of course can’t always tell us. You did nothing wrong. You tried everything, were responsible to the fullest. Silent Meowlook is right about the echocardiogram. Please know we have all been here, at trying to figure out what’s best for the cat— and trying our best is really all we ever can do!
 

epona

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I just want to say that I have photos of all mine that I took in the hours before that final vet visit.
No they are not nice memories, or great photos, and I agree that is not the way to remember them.
BUT it can serve a purpose - if you ever at some point down the line think "did I do the right thing?" you can look at the photos of them frail and unwell and unhappy, and it reassures you that you did indeed do the right thing by your beloved animal friends.

At least I find it helpful to have those last photos for that reason. The ones I print out and frame for display are ones from happier times in their life :)
 

iPappy

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I just want to say that I have photos of all mine that I took in the hours before that final vet visit.
No they are not nice memories, or great photos, and I agree that is not the way to remember them.
BUT it can serve a purpose - if you ever at some point down the line think "did I do the right thing?" you can look at the photos of them frail and unwell and unhappy, and it reassures you that you did indeed do the right thing by your beloved animal friends.

At least I find it helpful to have those last photos for that reason. The ones I print out and frame for display are ones from happier times in their life :)
So true. Every single time I second guess my decision, I look at those photos. It still hurts, but it helps me understand that I did the right thing and was only going to be able to prolong suffering for them, if that.
 
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