Grieving a family member...(and a request)

oyster

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...for that's what Biscuit was. I can't even seem to write the past tense without tears.
He disappeared from our lives suddenly last week. We had spent years treating him with gentle and loving care as he had been diagnosed with lung cancer three years ago. And after much research and help from this site, I thought we had side-stepped it, perhaps, conquered the cancer. Meanwhile, an insidious tumor began growing elsewhere in his body and I didn't even notice. Suddenly, he was diagnosed on a Saturday and euthanized on Monday. He was in incredible pain and I couldn't see my beloved boy in agony.
I knew that his passing would be a terrible and everlasting sentence of grief for me. I cried at the very thought of his death even while he was alive. I cried at other people writing about their loss of a pet. So, I knew I would be devastated. But I am here for another reason today. It is for my other boy--Biscuit's friend and companion for the last twelve years. He is mourning him deeply. Oyster has withdrawn from all of us and no matter how much I try, he is not responding. He is eating but exhibits no joy in it. He has stopped visiting all his favorite spots and just lays in his bed all the time.I try to play with him, cuddle him, talk to him but to no avail. I have read resources online and have tried everything except medicating him.
So, if you can share your helpful experiences and suggestions on how to lift my surviving cat out of his deep grief, I would be thankful.
 

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Furballsmom

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My heart goes out to you-all!!

Try a purr toy, a heartbeat toy and a marshmallow/anti-anxiety bed, and possibly try classical harp music, it's been shown to help kittens be more calm and your baby is vulnerable, like a kitten, right now ❤


RIP sweet baby boy 💙
 

daftcat75

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I'm so sorry to hear about Biscuit. I lost my Krista a couple of months ago. The best piece of advice I received here is not to let his death take on more meaning than his life. His passing is awful no matter how it happened and how long you may have been expecting it. But it was just a moment in a hopefully long and happy life. The pain you're feeling will ease with time. The love and memories you shared with him will last forever. When you're ready, I hope you'll post a tribute to that life you shared with him. And also more pictures.

For your grieving cat, I think he probably just needs time. Cats are creatures of routine and losing his buddy has been a serious disruption to that routine. Try to keep everything else he knows the same. Just be there for him. It's only been a week. He needs time to process this loss and get used to not having Biscuit around. I don't think medication is necessary.
 

fionasmom

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I am so sorry for your loss. He clearly had a wonderful life with you and I hope that those memories will come back to comfort you.

Oyster needs time. At first it is heartbreaking to watch, but he will come around once he processes what has happened. I have lost several pets who were tightly bonded to an another companion animal and it can take time. In all those cases, the survivor bonded more closely to me, including a cat who I was sure would never survive without her companion.
 

will2002

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So many members of this forum have been exactly where you are today. To have to put a sick pet down is something that no human should ever have to do. Of all the decisions I have had to make in my long life, euthanizing a pet is without a doubt one of the most difficult things ever. It breaks my heart just to think of it! I am so very sorry this had to happen at this time. It is a fact of life, there is a time to be born, and a time to pass. This was Biscuits time.

The kind folks on this forum can offer many ideas that may help Oyster cope with the loss of his friend Biscuit. I have found over time the thing that helps the most is...the passing of time. There seems to be no shortcut to ease the grief of loss one suffers, be it human or pet.

When the passing of time allows, and your pain eases, try not to shed tears over the loss of your handsome old gentleman cat Biscuit, but smile because he was a part of your life for so many years. He was loved, and he knew it, he was happy to be with you, and he will always be as close to you as a thought or a prayer.

God bless you.
 
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wily1

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So sorry for your loss.....he looked like a very handsome boy. When you meet at the Bridge I'm sure he will thank you for the love and wonderful life you have given him. I know right now its little comfort, but the fact that he lived another 3 years is a testament to the care and love you gave him. He must have also loved you very much to fight to give you those extra years. I've only had to put one pet to sleep, the family dog when I was younger, my dad just couldn't do it. It was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, I was in my early twenties and at that point thought I was a pretty tough guy. I remember driving my truck around the back of the strip mall, holding her collar in my hands and bawling my head off. Eventually as always the heart heals, fond memories now of the joy she brought to the family and how much she was loved in turn. I also tear up reading these posts and know when the time comes to send my cat Tim to the Bridge I will be a mess. He is only 7 but I include him in my prayers every night to have a long kitty life. I hope your other kitty gets over the loss of his friend. This proves to me that our pets are capable of love, and as I always say God knows we love our pets and he will make sure they are there for us when its time for us to make the final journey. The dog won't be at the bridge though as my dad picked her up 3 years ago this December when he passed, hope her and Tim will be friends when we show up years from now.

Once again I am so sorry!
 
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oyster

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I'm so sorry to hear about Biscuit. I lost my Krista a couple of months ago. The best piece of advice I received here is not to let his death take on more meaning than his life. His passing is awful no matter how it happened and how long you may have been expecting it. But it was just a moment in a hopefully long and happy life. The pain you're feeling will ease with time. The love and memories you shared with him will last forever. When you're ready, I hope you'll post a tribute to that life you shared with him. And also more pictures.

For your grieving cat, I think he probably just needs time. Cats are creatures of routine and losing his buddy has been a serious disruption to that routine. Try to keep everything else he knows the same. Just be there for him. It's only been a week. He needs time to process this loss and get used to not having Biscuit around. I don't think medication is necessary.
Thank you. That was very wise and I hope I can get to that point soon.

I have a marshmallow bed for Oyster and that is where he is spending most of his time. I hope he goes back to being his old self in time.
 
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oyster

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Thank you everyone. It is very comforting to hear everyone's kind words and experiences. Oyster and Biscuit were my first pets as an adult so it has hit me harder. All my other pets died when I was a kid and therefore, I was not solely responsible for them.
I also feel very alone in my grief as the rest of my family want to seem to move on and while I understand that logically, I also resent it.
So thank you again. I appreciate all the wonderful advice and condolences.
 

di and bob

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Your family does not have that connection, that bond of love you shared with Biscuit. While we, and your family, can empathize, share your pain, your loss is personal, your pain. It is the same with Oyster. Keep that DMG and LifeGold, it wouldn't hurt to start Oyster on it when he feels a little better.
Like said above, cats live for routine. The loss of a companion, and your own grieving has turned his world upside down. Shower him with attention, think of what helps you the most with your grief and give it to him. A gentle hug, tears and talks of your life with Biscuit, just being near and there when he needs you. Cats take at least two weeks to get their life pulled back together, but they live in the present and don't dwell on the past. He will miss Biscuit terribly, just as you do, but life will slowly pull him back into it, because life is so precious and fleeting and they understand that instinctively and follow that pull sooner then we do.
Biscuit is at peace because he has your love. He will always be as close as your thoughts and prayers. When you are ready come back to our site and tell us about his beautiful life, a tribute to him and what he means to you and Oyster. In the meantime, grieve his passing, That is something that can never be hurried. You will never get over it, you will learn to live despite what it did to your life. You will gain strength in your pain, and one day you will smile because he shared your life's journey, not cry because he follows a new path........
 

les26

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I am sorry for your loss, please know that you did the right albeit hardest thing for him and he is fine now, just fine, and one day will see you again and will thank you for taking such good care of him here on Earth.

Like others have said it takes time, time for us as humans and also time for other cats and animals to adjust. BUT years ago when we only had two cats, Smoke and Sassy, when Smoke died suddenly of a heart attack Sassy really missed her and was not happy being alone, we could sense that, so in that case we got Serenity, and Sassy was happy again. But with her, we could just tell that in this situation it was the right thing to do. And now that we have 9 cats :runaround: :help: ha ha we don't have that issue anymore. But I would think long and hard about getting another one right now, you know your cat better than me, if you think it would be a mistake don't do it, but at least think about it, it may be just what Oyster and you need-or maybe not.

"Their last breath on Earth is their first breath in Heaven" :rbheart:

I am sorry for your loss, I hope that your hearts heal a bit more each day, God Bless......:alright: :grouphug2: :rbheart:
 

betsygee

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I agree with others that it takes time. We had three bonded cats--the ones in my avatar--two of them siblings, who we called the Three Amigos. We lost one of them to lymphoma earlier this year and it really threw the other two for a loop. They were clingy with us humans and started fighting each other.

It took time. We kept their routine as stable as possible and gave them lots of attention. Six months later, they're doing much better. Like with us humans, it takes time to adjust to a new normal.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Biscuit. :hugs:
 

Mamanyt1953

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Rest you gentle, Biscuit, dream you deep. You walk in your family's hearts forever.

Poor Oscar. It hasn't been but a moment, as such things are measured, since Biscuit left you all. You are still grieving, Oscar is still grieving. Give him lots of love, and time. He probably won't respond to distractions for a while, even as nothing can distract you right now. The grief is too new, too raw. Time and love are the answer here. There is no shortcut for grief. I so wish that there was.
 
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