Grief and adoption

tarasgirl06

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It may take some time for her to come to trust you and bond with you, but once she does, she will be absolutely essential! When I've had a harsh day (and most of them are, for me and for just about everyone I know) the love and loyalty of my sweet cats takes the sting out and makes every evening something I look forward to. I work at/from home, so I get visits throughout the day, but the evening and the night are the best times, with them. I take my dinner tray in to the bedroom and watch TV with them before we all curl up for the night. I have insomnia so it's really hard to sleep sometimes, but knowing they are here with me just makes me feel better.
 

CindyH66

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ah, Karma .. I am so sorry to hear you are really struggling with the new kitty ! Your situation is unique ,and I think it bears taking a look at for both the sake of you and the kitty. Emotional support animals are like service animals , and it is not a " job" suited for every animal. certain kitties have the temperament for it ..others do not. expecting this kitty to fulfill this need isn't going to help EITHER of you . Our kitty , Peanut is an emotional support pet for my husband Tom. he suffers depression since being disabled by his stroke. Bella was his full time companion since he became home bound, and I am still working. Her death hit him hard. Peanut has been a great fit, but I know full well NOT every kitty would be. My friend adopted a sweet little kitty .. and orange tabby . She got the kitty because she has a disabled daughter who NEEDS the joy / interaction of pets. The kitty turned out to be a " spirit cat" heard of those ? Those are kitties that " vanish like a spirit " around people. they are more comfortable around other animals , not around people. This woman TOLD THE RESUCE she needed the kitty for interaction with her disabled daughter ! she kept the kitty for a few weeks and gave it a chance . all it wanted to do was interact with the family dog ! wanted NOTHING to do with any people in the house !! My friend made the painful decision thru much tears to bring the kitty back to the rescue. Realized , he was not a good fit. He was unhappy , and not at ALL what that family needed. The daughter is in a wheelchair , non verbal , handicapped and the kitty ignored her !! they brought home a second kitty .. Anthony .. a little tuxedo boy ... sweet boy , and people friendly. he would jump up on the bed and sleep with her. very people friendly ,and got along with the dog as well !! a perfect fit !! They had him for 16 years. He just died last year . I am sad to think they would have missed out on him if they had kept the first kitty, when he clearly did NOT belong in that home. I am sure the rescue group rehomed him to a better fit for him. I dont know how rescue groups work where you are, but here in the US , they want the pets returned to them if the situation is not working out. Would it be a possibility to talk with them ? Maybe they have a kitty better suited as an emotional support animal , and if they are made aware of this kitty' nature to be stand offish .. they may find a home better suited to him as well. The reason I made out so well with Peanut is .. she had been a pregnant stray and had been at the shelter for 3 months. They had to get her thru the kittens birth, weaning, then spay her before she could be adopted. During all that time , the staff there got to know her well. When I told them what I was looking for in a pet.. they knew exactly WHICH cat I should take. In fact the cat I wanted at first I didn't get .. they said she was " always hiding and trying to escape " and " a handful" .. this was the kitty I should get ! So glad I listened . She is all they said she is. they care for these animals all day , and get to know their personalities. I have learned ..it pays to tell them what I want , and listen to them. .. I know it has complicated matters now that you have this kitty and maybe you want to try to make it work..if so, great ! than patience and love can work wonders over time. Kitties need time to adjust, and you are still grieving. That said, you should not need to apologize if you feel overwhelmed, and feel the situation is one that needs fixing. Whatever you decide to do, I pray the best outcome for you and the kitty too !! thank you for checking in with us. I have been thinking of you and wondering how you are. It has been a tough time for you . Sending you hug from the US ! :heartshape:
 
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sylorna

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Just as a complicated tag onto my own post, we have decided to say goodbye to our current oldest cat next Tuesday. She has extensive breast cancer and isn't doing ok.
Having coal here has been hard on her. It has helped my hubby and daughter with this next transition. With loosing dynah in March, yuki next week and dealing with the possible FIV for Coal it has been a tough year cat wise.
 

tarasgirl06

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Just as a complicated tag onto my own post, we have decided to say goodbye to our current oldest cat next Tuesday. She has extensive breast cancer and isn't doing ok.
Having coal here has been hard on her. It has helped my hubby and daughter with this next transition. With loosing dynah in March, yuki next week and dealing with the possible FIV for Coal it has been a tough year cat wise.
*Prayers* from the heart for an easy transition for Yuki. My thoughts and Prayers are and will be with you and your family.
 
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sylorna

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Thoughts and prayers are with Sylorna and her family today. I hope you are holding up ok. Peace on your journey, Yuki . 💕
Thank you
She made it quickly over the rainbow around 10:30 this morning. We are sad but coping.
The vet gave me some hope for coal. I hope he's right.
 
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sylorna

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The hardest part of letting them go is the second guessing afterwards for me. Even when there's no other options I still wonder if I did the right thing.
Yuki was still eating and the vet said a few times that that's how most people know it's time...but she was still loosing weight even with the constant wet, and she stopped playing with socks at night which she had done her whole life, and she was shaking trying to get around, and she was clearly in pain from the tooth infection that we couldn't operate for because of her breast (and probable lung) cancer.
If we had waited till she stopped eating it might have given her a few more weeks, maybe even a month, but what kind of quality of life is that?
She had a few good days at the end and I had started convincing myself that she was looking better, but my hubby and daughter both said her back end looked skinnier and her chest was getting bigger and bigger (and her breathing quickened this week).

These decisions are so tough. I hope we did the right thing. She left in my husband's arms. He held her forever, in her favouite position, being rocked like a baby.

The sadness and doubt of grief sucks.
 

CindyH66

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aw, Sylorna .. we always wonder if it was the right thing .. but it was. deep down we know they are not getting better , only sicker. I went thru that with snowball. skinny, cancer , renal failure ...had not eaten anything in 2 weeks .. except tuna juice.. then she would have one good day and I start to wonder ..hmm ?? is she doing better ?? nah ..just an OK day ... it was the kind thing to do for them, and the hard thing to do for us. Hugs to you ! 💕 :alright:
 
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sylorna

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aw, Sylorna .. we always wonder if it was the right thing .. but it was. deep down we know they are not getting better , only sicker. I went thru that with snowball. skinny, cancer , renal failure ...had not eaten anything in 2 weeks .. except tuna juice.. then she would have one good day and I start to wonder ..hmm ?? is she doing better ?? nah ..just an OK day ... it was the kind thing to do for them, and the hard thing to do for us. Hugs to you ! 💕 :alright:
Thanks.
I'm sure my doubts will disperse with time. It also wasn't my call to make, she was my husband's cat (although I'm the one who initiated the process). I checked with him a number of times over the last few days and he said he was sure and that he felt it was inhumane to keep her alive.
Guess I'm just missing the old gal. I also have a hard time accepting that I am not able to help any longer, or if I tried to help it wouldn't be kind.
 

tarasgirl06

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Our beloved angel Tarifa ate well on her last day with us. She had been playful right up to the last. It was only when I noticed things that morning that made a vet visit necessary that I knew it was time, very suddenly and unexpectedly.
One thing that is certainly comforting to me to remember is that we grieve for US, not for them. Depending you your beliefs, they are either sleeping and unconscious -- never a bad thing! -- or in a far, far better place (my Faith teaches this). They are released from pain and disability. I believe they watch over us and that we will be reunited in due time. So none of that is "bad" at all. Only our missing of them is almost unendurable. But we do endure.
 
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sylorna

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Our beloved angel Tarifa ate well on her last day with us. She had been playful right up to the last. It was only when I noticed things that morning that made a vet visit necessary that I knew it was time, very suddenly and unexpectedly.
One thing that is certainly comforting to me to remember is that we grieve for US, not for them. Depending you your beliefs, they are either sleeping and unconscious -- never a bad thing! -- or in a far, far better place (my Faith teaches this). They are released from pain and disability. I believe they watch over us and that we will be reunited in due time. So none of that is "bad" at all. Only our missing of them is almost unendurable. But we do endure.
This is how my late cat chester was. When I got home he was so happy to see me and begging for food, despite an abcess in his mouth and he his organs were bleeding (which I found out by taking him in regards to his mouth). He fought hard to stay alive that night and I have a lot of PTSD from the experience.
You're right though, not every cat stops eating and that is not necessarily how far we want to wait.
My late cats chester and dynah haunt us. They jump on the bed when you are alone in it (you actually feel a thud and a cat walking on the empty bed at night) and run by in the corners of our eyes. I'm sure they were there to help her over the rainbow yesterday, or at least welcome her to the haunting party.
 

tarasgirl06

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This is how my late cat chester was. When I got home he was so happy to see me and begging for food, despite an abcess in his mouth and he his organs were bleeding (which I found out by taking him in regards to his mouth). He fought hard to stay alive that night and I have a lot of PTSD from the experience.
You're right though, not every cat stops eating and that is not necessarily how far we want to wait.
My late cats chester and dynah haunt us. They jump on the bed when you are alone in it (you actually feel a thud and a cat walking on the empty bed at night) and run by in the corners of our eyes. I'm sure they were there to help her over the rainbow yesterday, or at least welcome her to the haunting party.
ABSOLUTELY. The soul is eternal. I was kneeling above our beloved angel Marley when she passed, and I FELT something pass into me. I can't describe it. And I wasn't imagining it. It was a physical impact.
 

CindyH66

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HI KarmaKat .. any update on how you're doing ? hope things are going in the right direction for you !! Take care ..hug for ya ! :alright: :heartshape:
 
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