Grief and adoption

sylorna

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
1,342
Purraise
162
Location
North York, Ontario
I have had a long long history of caregiving to my cat Chester. He had a heart murmur at the age of 2 that was so bad that the cardiologist gave him a year to live with daily medication, maximum. When he was 10 he had Hyperthoridism and I had to treat with radiation because he was allergic to the medication. When he was 13 he started fainting randomly because his blood pressure had dropped. We had to say goodbye to Chester at the age of 14, shortly after our wedding in 2019. He had a disease that was making him bleed internally and there was nothing to be done. It was a very traumatic death despite the vet's best efforts. Chester didn't want to die and howled for 2 hours while they tried in vain to sedate him. Eventually he was able to leave peacefully while I was with him. I've gone through a couple of years of PTSD around it now, and am mostly handling it ok.

This past December, Dynah, his adopted sister who I hand rasied from about a week old, suddenly developed asthma. I fought really hard for her, but in March the steroids weren't working and she began hiding again, and I knew we needed to say goodbye. She left quickly and peacefully almost exactly 2 years after Chester died.

I've always had cats, longest I've been without them was 8 months between my first cat and adopting Chester. We have a cat in the house, but she is my husbands through and through and aside from getting me to feed her wants nothing to do with me. She also is lonely (only coming out when he's at home and we had a problem with her stopping eating for awhile after Dynah passed) and has always had other animals around.

I am still grieving my loss, but I know for sure I made the right decision in both of these cases now. I miss having a cat to hug and snuggle with, especially right now with my parents developing dementia and kidney failure during covid and my not being able to get to them, because covid. How does one know when it's right? Vet bills are so expensive now, and not having to constantly worry about my cats is nice...I did 14 years of it between the 2 cats and their chronic illnesses. I have caregiver burnout, and am so scared that a new cat will be sick immediately, or have litterbox behaviours or something. I miss the snuggles...Dynah wasn't a lap cat and I've been missing Chester's cuddles for 2.5 years now.

My friend has a no kill shelter that he has opened. He has a 2ish year old black cat with crossed eyes that only wants to love on people. He snuggles and loves him any chance he gets. He is fully vaxed, chipped and fixed, and loves other cats as well and seems like he -could- be perfect. I'm nervous to have my heart broken again though.

How do you know? I got Chester because I couldn't stand the pain of the loss of Natasha, my first cat, and Dynah fell into my arms. This new cat is about a 2.5hour drive from here, so going to meet him is more like going to get him. I kinda feel like we need each other, but also am scared.

Thanks
 

Furballsmom

Cat Fan especially Black Cats
Veteran
Joined
Jan 9, 2018
Messages
28,663
Purraise
39,001
Location
Colorado USA
Hi!
She also is lonely (only coming out when he's at home and we had a problem with her stopping eating for awhile after Dynah passed) and has always had other animals around.
Try music for her - another cat may or may not be the answer for her. Classical harp music can be amazing, try spotify, RelaxMyCat or MusicForCats.

Try getting pet insurance, and see if the shelter has any background info beyond what they've told you. Some members may say to wait but from what I'm reading, you want to give this darling a home. :redheartpump:
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #3

sylorna

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
1,342
Purraise
162
Location
North York, Ontario
Thanks for the suggestions for radio stations. Shes never home alone, but only comes out now when he is home. I know a new cat may be a problem, but also she just likes other animals it seems. She was raised with a dog and her brother before we rescued her and then immediately integrated in with my 2 pre existing cats.

He came from a house down the street from my friend where cats and kittens got out of control. The owner has been slowly surrendering his cats/kittens to the shelters and giving what he can to help with feeding. I'm expecting some inbreeding was the cause of his crossed eyes. The kittens coming from the house are semi feral, but he is super social with both cats and humans.

I am strongly considering insurance for my next pet, if for no other reason than for my peace of mind. Chester cost me 10-15k in his lifetime in vet bills, and dynah was more like 5k, but it was all at the same time so it felt overwhelming at times. I dont want to feel that way again. I earn good enough money, but having the protection might be good for my anxiety.


Hi!

Try music for her - another cat may or may not be the answer for her. Classical harp music can be amazing, try spotify, RelaxMyCat or MusicForCats.

Try getting pet insurance, and see if the shelter has any background info beyond what they've told you. Some members may say to wait but from what I'm reading, you want to give this darling a home. :redheartpump:
 

KK300

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Jul 3, 2021
Messages
61
Purraise
79
"I am strongly considering insurance for my next pet, if for no other reason than for my peace of mind".

We had insurance for our Sammy, which meant that we didn't hesitate to get him the best care (although I would have gone into debt without question to provide for him). It was definitely worth the premiums.
 

fionasmom

TCS Member
Staff Member
Forum Helper
Joined
Jun 21, 2014
Messages
4,987
Purraise
7,302
Location
Los Angeles
I am sorry for the loss of your cats and hope that this new boy might help to ease the pain and bring comfort to you.

After some catastrophic vet bills for the dog, I began to insure my cats. Yes, there are premiums, but it has been a big help and allowed me to proceed with diagnostics and care that would have been difficult otherwise.
 

di and bob

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 12, 2012
Messages
13,459
Purraise
16,925
Location
Nebraska, USA
Go with your heart. Having another little one to fill your arms and to begin the long journey to filling that empty hole in your heart, is enough reason to take the doubts away. You would be giving him a life and he would begin saving yours. You will always have Chester and Dynah's love. There is NOTHING that can take that away, it is spiritual, so eternal. Any new loves will reside beside theirs, not in place of, building on theirs, and making theirs even more special. None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow. We must live our lives to the fullest every single day and loving another and having them share our life's journey is a real part of living. Grieving is what it is, you never get over it, you learn to live with it. Life will not allow us to grieve forever in the intense, soul-shattering way we start out with. we cannot truly live like that. Think how you would want Dynah and Chester to go forward if you were the first to go. Not in perpetual suffering, but moving forward and finding love and happiness once more. They want no less for you, because that is love. Yes, you may be hurt again, but again you may not. The years of happiness and love in between is what counts. Concentrate on that, not dwell on the pain when they go.
Of course, you are leary of being hurt again, it is only human. But you cannot predict the future any more than you can change the past. Live in today. Grab as much love and living as you can before your own end comes and you look back and regret all the time spent on sorrow when life has so much happiness there to take if you let it into your heart. Celebrate knowing and loving each and every little one that comes into your life, knowing you made such a difference in theirs too. Yes, there will be pain, but know pain makes loving another even more important and meaningful. You can't know how much love means to you, and how much happiness it can bring, without knowing the depths of sorrow of losing someone you love too. You gain strength from living through the unimaginable, you gain knowledge on how important love really is. Especially to a broken heart.
Take care of yourself, be gentle to your heart. I will pray for you and your little ones, that life will bring love once more into your heart. You have a good heart, and you will be blessed for loving so much. You cannot know the beauty of a rainbow without first having the storm......
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #7

sylorna

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
1,342
Purraise
162
Location
North York, Ontario
That was lovely. Thanks!
My mom was trying to talk me out of it last night. Said to wait till I move and that there are lots of other cats out there. I a) have been wanting to move for 10 years but haven't and b) don't think she understands just how hard it is to adopt out a black, cross-eyed adult cat. He can live with my friend forever but he deserves a home.
 

CindyH66

Peanuts Mom
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 31, 2021
Messages
101
Purraise
189
I have had a long long history of caregiving to my cat Chester. He had a heart murmur at the age of 2 that was so bad that the cardiologist gave him a year to live with daily medication, maximum. When he was 10 he had Hyperthoridism and I had to treat with radiation because he was allergic to the medication. When he was 13 he started fainting randomly because his blood pressure had dropped. We had to say goodbye to Chester at the age of 14, shortly after our wedding in 2019. He had a disease that was making him bleed internally and there was nothing to be done. It was a very traumatic death despite the vet's best efforts. Chester didn't want to die and howled for 2 hours while they tried in vain to sedate him. Eventually he was able to leave peacefully while I was with him. I've gone through a couple of years of PTSD around it now, and am mostly handling it ok.

This past December, Dynah, his adopted sister who I hand rasied from about a week old, suddenly developed asthma. I fought really hard for her, but in March the steroids weren't working and she began hiding again, and I knew we needed to say goodbye. She left quickly and peacefully almost exactly 2 years after Chester died.

I've always had cats, longest I've been without them was 8 months between my first cat and adopting Chester. We have a cat in the house, but she is my husbands through and through and aside from getting me to feed her wants nothing to do with me. She also is lonely (only coming out when he's at home and we had a problem with her stopping eating for awhile after Dynah passed) and has always had other animals around.

I am still grieving my loss, but I know for sure I made the right decision in both of these cases now. I miss having a cat to hug and snuggle with, especially right now with my parents developing dementia and kidney failure during covid and my not being able to get to them, because covid. How does one know when it's right? Vet bills are so expensive now, and not having to constantly worry about my cats is nice...I did 14 years of it between the 2 cats and their chronic illnesses. I have caregiver burnout, and am so scared that a new cat will be sick immediately, or have litterbox behaviours or something. I miss the snuggles...Dynah wasn't a lap cat and I've been missing Chester's cuddles for 2.5 years now.

My friend has a no kill shelter that he has opened. He has a 2ish year old black cat with crossed eyes that only wants to love on people. He snuggles and loves him any chance he gets. He is fully vaxed, chipped and fixed, and loves other cats as well and seems like he -could- be perfect. I'm nervous to have my heart broken again though.

How do you know? I got Chester because I couldn't stand the pain of the loss of Natasha, my first cat, and Dynah fell into my arms. This new cat is about a 2.5hour drive from here, so going to meet him is more like going to get him. I kinda feel like we need each other, but also am scared.

Thanks
I am so sorry for you loss !! I am not sure I am the best one to answer here, but I am going to throw my story in here too, as I have the same sort of situation ! My kitty, Bella .. my furbaby ..died less than a week ago. She had suffered various health issues over her lifetime , and I was her nurse as well as her mom . everything from chronic eye issue, bowel issues, dental issues , respiratory , ear .. name it ! I cant remember a time she has NOT been on medication since we got her 13 years ago. She was the sweetest, love bug. I think she knew all I was doing to help her. She was worth every bit of it , and I have NO regrets. My husband had a stroke 3 years ago and is now disabled/retired .home 24 hrs./day. I work full time. Bella was his constant companion since I am working (nurse ). Esp. in pandemic when they were shut in and I was in demand ! Last week Bella suffered a medical emergency ( saddle thrombus) which is basically a blood clot that lodges in a bad place .. I knew what it was ... rushed her to vet , and she did not survive. it came on without warning, and took her so suddenly. It was traumatic for my husband and me both. Life without her is hollow. I know everyone grieves at their own pace , and grief is a very personal thing. We have had much loss in life. Parents , siblings, even the death of a grandchild! and I think we have cried more over Bella than anyone. That being said here is my current worry : my husband is now spiraling down the pits of depression. He sits home , alone , while I go to work. He is feeling the loss as he rattles around an empty house and I am busy with daily routines. I find it painful to be home without Bella , and I am not home nearly at much as he is , so I can only imagine how much worse it is for him. Some may think I am heartless for even THINKING of getting another kitty already... a week ?? really ?? BUT I am concerned about my spouses mental health. I know Bella is not coming home. I was with her when she died; I am having her cremated and her ashes will be with us; I know having a new kitty will not erase the love I have for her and always will. Only time will help ease that pain. That doesn't mean we cant give all this love we still have to a new kitty who needs us ! and turn our house into a home once again. we had a cat .. Snowball .. for 17 years; she died of cancer ; We got Bella soon after ; We never forgot snowball. our love for her is still there , as well as Bella. I am sure it will be that way again.as for health issues .. all I can say is : we did it before. hopefully , it wont be the case next time. But give yourself credit. You did it before, and should the need arise, you will again. that's what love does! I wish you .. and us , too.. peace in this journey !!
 

Karmakat2436

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Apr 8, 2019
Messages
24
Purraise
89
I am so sorry for you loss !! I am not sure I am the best one to answer here, but I am going to throw my story in here too, as I have the same sort of situation ! My kitty, Bella .. my furbaby ..died less than a week ago. She had suffered various health issues over her lifetime , and I was her nurse as well as her mom . everything from chronic eye issue, bowel issues, dental issues , respiratory , ear .. name it ! I cant remember a time she has NOT been on medication since we got her 13 years ago. She was the sweetest, love bug. I think she knew all I was doing to help her. She was worth every bit of it , and I have NO regrets. My husband had a stroke 3 years ago and is now disabled/retired .home 24 hrs./day. I work full time. Bella was his constant companion since I am working (nurse ). Esp. in pandemic when they were shut in and I was in demand ! Last week Bella suffered a medical emergency ( saddle thrombus) which is basically a blood clot that lodges in a bad place .. I knew what it was ... rushed her to vet , and she did not survive. it came on without warning, and took her so suddenly. It was traumatic for my husband and me both. Life without her is hollow. I know everyone grieves at their own pace , and grief is a very personal thing. We have had much loss in life. Parents , siblings, even the death of a grandchild! and I think we have cried more over Bella than anyone. That being said here is my current worry : my husband is now spiraling down the pits of depression. He sits home , alone , while I go to work. He is feeling the loss as he rattles around an empty house and I am busy with daily routines. I find it painful to be home without Bella , and I am not home nearly at much as he is , so I can only imagine how much worse it is for him. Some may think I am heartless for even THINKING of getting another kitty already... a week ?? really ?? BUT I am concerned about my spouses mental health. I know Bella is not coming home. I was with her when she died; I am having her cremated and her ashes will be with us; I know having a new kitty will not erase the love I have for her and always will. Only time will help ease that pain. That doesn't mean we cant give all this love we still have to a new kitty who needs us ! and turn our house into a home once again. we had a cat .. Snowball .. for 17 years; she died of cancer ; We got Bella soon after ; We never forgot snowball. our love for her is still there , as well as Bella. I am sure it will be that way again.as for health issues .. all I can say is : we did it before. hopefully , it wont be the case next time. But give yourself credit. You did it before, and should the need arise, you will again. that's what love does! I wish you .. and us , too.. peace in this journey !!
I am sorry for your loss. I am going through something similar. I got my cat karma 7 years ago …she was 8 after my other cat died…I was a mess…but within three days I adopted karma and for some reason it was love at first site…I got over my first kitty fast. And I bonded with Karma like nobody would believe…I was living with my senior mom for 13 years and looking after her and then I had Karma too. I just lit up when I came home to see my lil Karma. Well about a month and half ago my mom died…I was a mess…house so quiet but the love I had for Karma helped me …it was very hard but it was managenable…she was helping me grieve loss of mom. She had hyperthyroidism for about a year and a half I was treating…when mom was in hospital she was sleeping in funny places so I knew something was off…took her to the vet and she was severely constipated…so that cleared up and she acted fine…but in mean time they said she had a UTI. They gave me meds which she got diarrhea from…and most meds she got sick from…so I researched and everyone said they always use Apple cider vinegar…so I started giving her that. But with being in hospital for 7 weeks watching mom die and me being so tired ….it got super hot here…and Karma started sleeping in odd spots again….until one day just sat under my bed and wouldnt come out…took her to the vet…did blood work…gave her a shot of Convenia an antibiotic…sent her home….well within 5 hours she went even more downhill and couldnt hold her head up…she looked so sick…I rushed her to emergency vet at 1 am….she spent two full days on fluids and antibiotics and pain meds etc…cost me 5 grand and in the end I had to put her down….she had a bad kidney infection and then got swelling in her body…wasn’t peeing….she got really anemic ….and they called said they thought I should put her down….I was too grief stricken to drive the far drive with my mom just having passed two weeks ago and now my beloved kitty.

Sorry this is so long…..anyways, my brother lives with me, as he was helping me with mom, but he goes to work with long hours and like your husband I am here alone and my depression which my mom and cat helped me with were now both gone….I adopted another kitty hoping like Karma helped me with the other kitty dying…but she is t…she doesn’t lay with me….and she is more attached to my brother…think she senses my grief and depression, won’t sleep with me…and I am developing an allergy to her! She is a sweet cat but she just isn’t anyway like karma with the affection and yet the foster mom from the shelter said she was really affectionate…she is sweet and likes to be around us…mostly my brother but I’m not bonding with her and I don’t think I will. I am in such deep grief from missing Karma…her loss was the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with….and am still dealing with. I have another cat …but it is just a cat…I loved Karma like a child…so anyways I just wanted to say I’m sorry and I understand. Sorry this is so long…I didn’t mean it to be but all I do is focus on Karma and all my regrets …last time she was sick she laid in weird spots….but this time I thought …well all her blood tests came back okay two months ago except for her UTi and I blamed her sleeping all over the house due to the heat….I’m sooooo angry and upset with myself…if I had taken her in sooner she would be here still as all her bloodwork came back perfect two months ago…I blame myself for untreated UTi but vets said that may not be the reason….she had something called Pyelonephritis…and everything I read leads up to the UTi …like how stupid of me…I never knew a UTi could kill a cat! I wish when I called the vet they would have said this could turn into something really serious…my other cat had lots of Uti’s and some didn’t get properly treated either because she couldnt tolerate the antibiotics. I don’t know if I’ll ever get past this. Karma was such a special cat and I thought my first one was…but this one was like my soulmate of cats…..
 

tarasgirl06

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
18,387
Purraise
47,434
Location
Glendale, CATifornia
Karmakat2436 Karmakat2436 CindyH66 CindyH66 and sylorna sylorna *Prayers* from the heart for your beloveds who have gone on, and for you and your families. I could say so much, but words do not really take away the pain of loss. I hope you know that you will meet your loved ones again and that they now watch over you, free of pain and wanting the love that you have shared with them to continue. The soul is eternal, and love never ends.
SO many sweet cats are in desperate need of safe haven and love, right now more than ever. I won't write long sad stories, but I work in cat advocacy 365 days a year and I will just say that anyone who can and will open their heart and home to another cat or cats is sure to be repaid in love a thousandfold. We do not "get over" our losses and we never "replace" them. We go on sharing the love and the comfort we can with more sweet, deserving loved ones. People lose kids; some choose not to have more, but others do choose to try again. Another child does not replace the one lost. Another family member, of any species, receives the love, caring, protection and sharing we have to give. I have always known that my loved ones up there watching, feline, human and other, are VERY glad of this. They would never want all of those good experiences to end when they go on to the much better place we will join them in some day.

So sylorna, I would run, not walk to adopt that sweet house panther!
 

CindyH66

Peanuts Mom
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 31, 2021
Messages
101
Purraise
189
I am sorry for your loss. I am going through something similar. I got my cat karma 7 years ago …she was 8 after my other cat died…I was a mess…but within three days I adopted karma and for some reason it was love at first site…I got over my first kitty fast. And I bonded with Karma like nobody would believe…I was living with my senior mom for 13 years and looking after her and then I had Karma too. I just lit up when I came home to see my lil Karma. Well about a month and half ago my mom died…I was a mess…house so quiet but the love I had for Karma helped me …it was very hard but it was managenable…she was helping me grieve loss of mom. She had hyperthyroidism for about a year and a half I was treating…when mom was in hospital she was sleeping in funny places so I knew something was off…took her to the vet and she was severely constipated…so that cleared up and she acted fine…but in mean time they said she had a UTI. They gave me meds which she got diarrhea from…and most meds she got sick from…so I researched and everyone said they always use Apple cider vinegar…so I started giving her that. But with being in hospital for 7 weeks watching mom die and me being so tired ….it got super hot here…and Karma started sleeping in odd spots again….until one day just sat under my bed and wouldnt come out…took her to the vet…did blood work…gave her a shot of Convenia an antibiotic…sent her home….well within 5 hours she went even more downhill and couldnt hold her head up…she looked so sick…I rushed her to emergency vet at 1 am….she spent two full days on fluids and antibiotics and pain meds etc…cost me 5 grand and in the end I had to put her down….she had a bad kidney infection and then got swelling in her body…wasn’t peeing….she got really anemic ….and they called said they thought I should put her down….I was too grief stricken to drive the far drive with my mom just having passed two weeks ago and now my beloved kitty.

Sorry this is so long…..anyways, my brother lives with me, as he was helping me with mom, but he goes to work with long hours and like your husband I am here alone and my depression which my mom and cat helped me with were now both gone….I adopted another kitty hoping like Karma helped me with the other kitty dying…but she is t…she doesn’t lay with me….and she is more attached to my brother…think she senses my grief and depression, won’t sleep with me…and I am developing an allergy to her! She is a sweet cat but she just isn’t anyway like karma with the affection and yet the foster mom from the shelter said she was really affectionate…she is sweet and likes to be around us…mostly my brother but I’m not bonding with her and I don’t think I will. I am in such deep grief from missing Karma…her loss was the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with….and am still dealing with. I have another cat …but it is just a cat…I loved Karma like a child…so anyways I just wanted to say I’m sorry and I understand. Sorry this is so long…I didn’t mean it to be but all I do is focus on Karma and all my regrets …last time she was sick she laid in weird spots….but this time I thought …well all her blood tests came back okay two months ago except for her UTi and I blamed her sleeping all over the house due to the heat….I’m sooooo angry and upset with myself…if I had taken her in sooner she would be here still as all her bloodwork came back perfect two months ago…I blame myself for untreated UTi but vets said that may not be the reason….she had something called Pyelonephritis…and everything I read leads up to the UTi …like how stupid of me…I never knew a UTi could kill a cat! I wish when I called the vet they would have said this could turn into something really serious…my other cat had lots of Uti’s and some didn’t get properly treated either because she couldnt tolerate the antibiotics. I don’t know if I’ll ever get past this. Karma was such a special cat and I thought my first one was…but this one was like my soulmate of cats…..
KarmaKat2436 Please ! no apologies for long posts...the getting things off our chest is helpful ! your story is a hard one, and I pray for healing for you, as I sympathize with where you are at ! My father died last year , and Bella was my best comfort. Losing her .. well, you know how I feel probably better than anyone. I do want to say one thing ... PLEASE do not blame yourself for not picking up on symptoms , or knowing more.. or somehow thinking that your could have / should have known more or done more to help Karma, and she would still be here. One thing I know for sure : hind site is always 20/20 !! I am sure with all the love and expense you put forth the very best you could for her. Kitties are tough. they dont " tell" us what is wrong, and there is a lot of guess work to it. they are masters of hiding pain / illness. Its their nature ! alot of time , by the time we figure out something is amiss..it is really wacko already! I am a NURSE and can spot symptoms in PEOPLE pretty quick, but struggle to pick up stuff in my kitty. The reason I knew so quickly what was happening to Bella , was only because my brothers kitty tragically died of that a year earlier ! Maybe you beating yourself up over what happened to your baby, and feeling mad yourself (which I can understand , really !) is somehow intimidating the new kitty, so she goes to your brother. Calmer energy there. You said you dont know if you will ever get past this .oh, I really pray you will .. because it is not your fault. You followed the advice of veterinarians .. which is all MOST of us would reasonably do ! My friend sent me a picture of Bella with words on it.. and I think they apply to you and Karma as well >> " to live on in the heart of others is to never die" Karma will never really leave you , as she is so loved and in your heart. Like me and Bella . and I think we best honor that by learning from our experiences and making sure the next furbaby benefits from what we now know ! I know Bella had it better than my first kitty, Snowball; and I'm sure my next kitty .. will benefit from all I have learned from being Bellas mom. Bella never replaced the love I had for snowball, and no kitty will replace the love I have Bella. That doenst mean I cant love another Kitty. I think the same will happen for you in time. we have to let go , forgive (ourselves if anything!) and love again. We are worth that ! thank you for sharing your story with me ! CindyH66
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #13

sylorna

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 20, 2005
Messages
1,342
Purraise
162
Location
North York, Ontario
Karmakat2436 Karmakat2436 and CindyH66 CindyH66
I'd like to agree with Cindy. Even though Chester had been hiding a disease that caused massive internal bleeding for awhile it seems, he fought sedation and howled for 2 hours. As a result I often wonder if I did the right thing. He was bleeding internally because his cells had stopped working right! The vet told me I did the right thing, but I think sometimes we get into these fighting modes and get stuck in them and then blame inevitable failure on ourselves. You're probably also combining your mom's passing with hers, all in one big ball of grief.
I'm sorry you're not bonding. That's the way I feel towards my husband's cat completely.
I'm sure you'll find a new love out there. How does your brother feel about having his own cat?
 

CindyH66

Peanuts Mom
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 31, 2021
Messages
101
Purraise
189
Sylorna thank you for sharing ! I am sure you did the best you could as well. My vet told me if Bella was his cat, he would have done the same thing. I know he meant well, but I found that not so comforting. I had brought Bella to him only a couple weeks before and he never picked up on anything so serious that would cause her death so soon. So, how could I expect to , really ? Other pet parents sharing their stories is far more supportive. as sad as it is, we all really DID do the best we could. we LOVED them ! Thank you !
 

wookie130

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
May 5, 2006
Messages
2,307
Purraise
95
Location
an ice cube in Iowa...
Karmakat2436 Karmakat2436 CindyH66 CindyH66 and sylorna sylorna *Prayers* from the heart for your beloveds who have gone on, and for you and your families. I could say so much, but words do not really take away the pain of loss. I hope you know that you will meet your loved ones again and that they now watch over you, free of pain and wanting the love that you have shared with them to continue. The soul is eternal, and love never ends.
SO many sweet cats are in desperate need of safe haven and love, right now more than ever. I won't write long sad stories, but I work in cat advocacy 365 days a year and I will just say that anyone who can and will open their heart and home to another cat or cats is sure to be repaid in love a thousandfold. We do not "get over" our losses and we never "replace" them. We go on sharing the love and the comfort we can with more sweet, deserving loved ones. People lose kids; some choose not to have more, but others do choose to try again. Another child does not replace the one lost. Another family member, of any species, receives the love, caring, protection and sharing we have to give. I have always known that my loved ones up there watching, feline, human and other, are VERY glad of this. They would never want all of those good experiences to end when they go on to the much better place we will join them in some day.

So sylorna, I would run, not walk to adopt that sweet house panther!
Tarasgirl06, I could have written this myself, and could not agree with you more.

I am so sorry for everyone’s losses in life, whether it be human, feline, or otherwise. Grief is such an individual journey. It sounds like each of you in this thread has been on your own path with grief recently. Praying for all of you to walk through it and grow from it, and to not allow that pain to override your capacity to love again.

I think you should give a homeless cat in need a chance now, without delay. In my mind, need is need, your hearts are big, and there are too many cats wasting away in shelters who deserve love. Take a chance on yourself and a cat who needs you!
 

Lillyenn

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Dec 16, 2019
Messages
72
Purraise
154
In December I lost my first cat that I raised myself from since he was very little. And after that for months it was like living in a void. Especially since his mom has this weird obscure sickness and I'm afraid of losing her too. So even though I still had 3 cats which would be more than enough responsibility, they just didn't feel enough. Then a couple months ago I got this little devil girl and I feel much better now that she's around even if my other cats mostly just tolerate her. She's the baddest most annoying most destructive kitten I have ever seen and I love her so much. I know that this isn't the best advice in this situation but sometimes you just have to do things selfishly. Not for other animals or humans just follow your own heart if you feel like you are ready to open it to another cat.
 

Attachments

tarasgirl06

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 19, 2006
Messages
18,387
Purraise
47,434
Location
Glendale, CATifornia
In December I lost my first cat that I raised myself from since he was very little. And after that for months it was like living in a void. Especially since his mom has this weird obscure sickness and I'm afraid of losing her too. So even though I still had 3 cats which would be more than enough responsibility, they just didn't feel enough. Then a couple months ago I got this little devil girl and I feel much better now that she's around even if my other cats mostly just tolerate her. She's the baddest most annoying most destructive kitten I have ever seen and I love her so much. I know that this isn't the best advice in this situation but sometimes you just have to do things selfishly. Not for other animals or humans just follow your own heart if you feel like you are ready to open it to another cat.
She's SO adorable! Can we know more about her?
 

CindyH66

Peanuts Mom
Adult Cat
Joined
Jul 31, 2021
Messages
101
Purraise
189
Tarasgirl06, I could have written this myself, and could not agree with you more.

I am so sorry for everyone’s losses in life, whether it be human, feline, or otherwise. Grief is such an individual journey. It sounds like each of you in this thread has been on your own path with grief recently. Praying for all of you to walk through it and grow from it, and to not allow that pain to override your capacity to love again.

I think you should give a homeless cat in need a chance now, without delay. In my mind, need is need, your hearts are big, and there are too many cats wasting away in shelters who deserve love. Take a chance on yourself and a cat who needs you!
I have really been thinking this over and taking it all to heart. I think you are right ! I am heading to my local shelter tomorrow ! thank you for all the wisdom born of experience I am seeing on here !! CindyH66
 
Top